Chapter Text
Lucas and Max’s wedding, something that Mike knew would happen for as long as he could remember. It was one of the only things he’d been certain of. He just couldn’t believe it was already here. That was how Mike found himself in California sitting on the couch in Max’s aunt's house, since she had offered it to Max and her close friends because they were staying in a hotel closer to the venue. Sitting there with the party, well most of the party, made Mike feel lighter. He felt at home. Which was strange because Hawkins, his actual home, was over a thousand miles away.
As he sat there reminiscing with his oldest friends in the world, he felt better than he had in years. They talked about 10-hour long dnd campaigns, trick-or-treating in 7th grade, the snow-ball, Steve helping them sneak into movies, and even some of their crawls. They all seemed to agree that even though the whole upside-down mess basically stripped them of any childhood they could’ve had ,and they would never choose to relive it, there were some memories that they couldn’t deny were fun to look back on.
Max and Lucas had performed a duet of “Never Ending Story” twice now, much to Dustin’s despair. “Come on guys let it go, it was forever ago and are we forgetting I had to do it to literally save the world!” Dustin groaned after the first time.
In response, Lucas and Max looked at each other and burst into song again. Watching it unfold only solidified what Mike already knew; Max and Lucas were perfect for each other. He would never forget how Lucas changed when Max was in her coma. It was like he was a shell of himself, and the second she woke up he was whole again.
Probably to spite Lucas, Dustin started telling the story of how nervous Lucas was to talk to Max for the first time on her first day of school. “We had been watching you all day and poor Lucas over here couldn't muster up the courage to actually say something to you,” Dustin explained around laughs.
Everyone was laughing as Lucas tried to defend himself when the doorbell rang. Lucas switched topics mid-sentence “Looks like Byers is finally here.”
Will.
Mike swore all the air had been sucked out of the room after he heard Lucas announce Will’s arrival. It was like the world had stopped spinning on its axis for a moment as he watched from his spot on the couch as the rest of the party got up to greet Will outside. “Mike, you coming?” he heard Lucas ask.
He shook his head and blinked hard “Uh yeah, coming.”
He forced himself to stand up and start walking slowly, trailing slightly behind the party. He noticed himself absentmindedly fidgeting with his fingers. He didn’t know why, he wasn’t sure he wanted to know. As he moved outside with everyone he tried to block out the ringing in his ears, along with the weird pain in his chest. So what if he hadn’t reached out to Will in months? It’s not like he’d been good at keeping up with the rest of the party since they left Hawkins for college.
But deep down he knew it was different, it was always different with Will. Even growing up he couldn’t talk to Will with the same harsh tone he used with the rest of the party, and he never felt the immediate need to apologize to anyone else after an argument like he did with Will. And it’s not like he hadn’t wanted to reach out, he thinks of the pile of unsent letters that all started with ‘Dear Will’ and ended in scribbles.
He could barely register the sound of Dustin, Will, Lucas, and Max laughing at an inside joke that he didn’t understand. He plastered on a smile as Will hugged and congratulated Max and Lucas. When Will reached him he returned his side hug. The movement felt forced and unnatural, nothing like them. When they separated Will gave Mike a close-mouthed smile and Mike returned it. He couldn’t remember when they’d gone from a team, best friends, to people who exchanged awkward side hugs and fake smiles.
“Well look at this, the whole party together again! Hope we don’t run into any inter-dimensional monsters, that would sure ruin the wedding!” Dustin said while patting both Mike and Will on the shoulder, it was a weak attempt at lifting the tension.
Nobody laughs.
They start walking back inside the house and Mike could hear Dustin and Will talking about a comic behind him. He wanted to slow down to join them, he normally would but he stopped himself for some reason. He keeps the same pace as he walks inside. He follows Lucas and Max into the living room and sits down on the couch. He tenses when he feels the couch sink beside him followed by the scent he’d could only describe as Will. It was the familiar scent his brain had known for as long as he could remember and it was attached to some of his favorite memories. Mike let his mind wander to the day they spent together in castle Byers in comfortable silence as Will drew and Mike wrote a story. It was a happy memory, but Mike felt hollow remembering it.
He forces himself back into the present and notices that his fists are clenched in his lap. He exhales shakily then commits himself to acting normal. It shouldn’t be this hard to be around someone you’ve known since you were five years old. This is the same boy you became friends with on the swings in kindergarten, he reminds himself. It’s stupid that he has to remind himself how to act normal around his best friend, it’s so stupid. He keeps his eyes glued to his hands, desperately avoiding eye contact with Will.
He tries to pay attention to the conversation around him but he just can’t, not when sitting next to his best friend makes him feel like… like what? He realizes he can’t name the awful feeling that’s been eating at him since the doorbell rang. If he couldn’t actually be normal then he would pretend, he could manage that. Right? He makes sure to laugh and smile when everyone else does, hoping that nobody notices that it’s just a second too late. He only lasts a few minutes before he decides he just can’t take another second of looking at his hands and pretending. He tries a different approach and looks at Will while he tells some story about when they first initiated Max into the party that Mike’s only half paying attention to.
It was a mistake.
He knew it was a mistake the second Will caught his eye, and Mike immediately looked away like holding Will’s gaze burned him.
He returned his gaze to his hands and wondered when everything had changed so much. He didn’t even pretend to listen to the conversation as he questioned why he couldn’t even look at his best friend. He wanted to act normal and laugh with Will like he had for years when they were younger. Why couldn’t he?
Every time he heard Will’s laugh echo in the background he felt his chest get tighter until he thought his heart would explode if he stayed in the room any longer.
He stood up abruptly and started walking toward the stairs “I need some rest, night.”
He heard a few mumbled goodnights, but couldn’t distinguish the voices as he practically ran upstairs.
Mike focused on the sound his feet made on the wooden floor as he walked into the bathroom then quietly shut the door behind him. He ran his hands through his hair as he sank to the floor feeling more distraught than he had… than he had since Will went missing. Except Will was downstairs, laughing with the rest of the party.
Mike sat on the bathroom floor with his knees pulled to his chest and his head down, the only noise being his uneven breaths for what felt like hours when suddenly he heard a knock followed by the quiet voice he would know anywhere, “Hey, Mike, are you ok? Sorry I don’t want to intrude. I just wanted to check on you, you seemed upset when you left earlier.”
Mike looked up and wiped the tears from his face (when had he started crying?) and replied, “Yeah I’m fine, I’m fine. You should go have fun with Lucas and Max, don’t let me ruin this for you guys.”
It was the first time he’d ever lied to Will.
“O-ok.. sure, whatever you say,” Will said hesitantly.
Mike held his breath as he listened to his footsteps as he walked away. He only let himself exhale when there was complete silence. He gave himself a few more minutes of peace on the floor before he forced himself to stand up. He walked over and used his hands to lean over the sink and looked at himself in the mirror, really looked.
He knew who he was, or who he used to be. Things hadn’t always been like this, but It didn’t matter anymore. He was lost, and he had no idea what to do or how to act normal. The one thing he did know is that he couldn’t let himself get close with Will again, he wasn’t sure he would survive the pain that came with it again.
He sighed as he pushed himself away from the sink and turned off the bathroom light. He walked down the hallway to the room he was staying in, feeling like he could fall asleep standing and wide awake all at the same time.
He absentmindedly grabbed an old band t-shirt and pajama pants from his suitcase and changed. He collapsed into the bed and pulled the covers up to his chin. He stared at the ceiling letting the warmth of the blanket consume him, making sure to keep his mind blank, until his eyelids were too heavy to keep open.