Chapter Text
Her world stopped as her eyes landed on the person whom she never thought she would ever see again. Her breath hitched and her heart started racing again, to a beat that it had forgotten for almost a decade. Every tiny memory and feeling that she had worked hard to suppress, hit her like a tidal wave. 8 years had changed many things. They were no longer young girls in school uniforms or pigtails. Yet, when she looked into those eyes, for a moment, it felt like nothing had really changed. It felt like they were back in the safety of that familiar room, barely doing their homework despite having many tests to cramp for. A time when they would lay in bed and watch terrible shows. A time when they would do friendship bracelets for each other. A time when they would openly dream about their future together. A time when jokes felt funnier and troubles felt less daunting, just cause they never had to experience any of those alone. Hot tears welled up in her eyes as she felt herself reaching out to the person in front of her. This cannot be another dream, can it? Even her own mind cannot be that cruel to her. Yet, just as she was about to touch the person whom she had thought about in every silent moment, she felt herself pause.
“Promise me that you won’t leave me!” a distant memory of her younger and more naïve self, flooded her mind. She had been so happy that day even though it was just a random day. They had been doing their homework on the bed when she had randomly stopped to ask for that promise. For some reason, that day, her friend had been very reluctant to grant her her wish. She had assumed that her friend was just playing around with her. If only she had known. Would that have changed anything? Would she have whined and stopped her from leaving? Or would she have supported her from far? It didn’t matter, as she was never given the choice. She had not been important enough to be privy to that choice. As if she had been burnt by the betrayal once more, she fell back. With each step that she took, she saw a myriad of emotions dance all over the face of the person before her.
“I cannot wait to explore the world with you!”
“I will be with you every step of the way. You never have to worry about facing the world alone!”
“We are going to have so much fun together!”
“Here is a sticker. So that you will know how much I care…”
Every tiny pinky promise. Every smile. Every playful shove. Every coconut ice cream that they shared together. Every time she had held herself back to avoid crossing that god-forbidden boundary. Every heartbreak she had witnessed and every time she had lovingly healed her. Every time she stayed behind, watching helplessly and yearningly as the one who held her heart looked for happiness everywhere else. Every time she felt like screaming out loud, “I am right here. I have always been here. Can I be the one to make you happy? I promise I will never hurt you…” Every time she had swallowed her words in fear of losing it all. Everything crashed over her as she felt herself moving out of the room. She could hear a familiar voice calling out to her, but she was not ready. No. She had to protect herself from the person who had so cold-heartedly left her behind with no explanation. Like she had never mattered. She gulped to hold back the tears that threatened to fall at any moment. Cause she knew that if she were to look at those beautiful brown eyes long enough, she would forget what she was even upset about. Her heart would go crawling back to what it considered as its home, without a second thought.
Just then, she felt a familiar hand on her arm, pulling her to a halt. “Jane…” the voice that she had been craving to hear for years whispered. “Why are you running away from me? Didn’t you miss me?” Jane stopped in her tracks. That question ignited something in her. Did I miss her? Is she for real right now? Jane thought as she turned to face the sweet, beautiful woman before her. If her friend had been cute and adorable before, she was now the embodiment of everything beautiful in the world. Her eyes wandered over her friend’s beautiful wavy hair that cascaded over her shoulders before moving on to her round and bright brown eyes. Her eyes then travelled down from her nose to her smooth cheeks. She felt her hands twitch at the sight of those soft cheeks, aching to caress them. Finally, her eyes stopped at the thin but soft and naturally pink lips. For a brief for seconds, she started to picture what it would feel like to…
“Jane? Why are you not saying anything to me? Are you really that angry with me? Come on! I am your best friend!” the voice thankfully pulled her back to reality, reminding her of the anger that she had felt just moments ago. Damn it! I was supposed to be angry! ARGH.
“Best friend? We have not spoken to each other in 8 years, Lin! Did you forget? You left me behind with no explanation. I had to hear from your mother that my best friend had decided to leave the country for years and with no plans to return home. What did you think would happen when you returned? Did you think that I would rush back into your arms like nothing had happened? We are no longer little naïve girls, Lin. I was not important enough for an explanation then. I stopped being your best friend the day you left me behind,” she scoffed, surprising herself with how harsh and angry her words had been. Years of pent-up frustration flowed out like a volcano that had erupted. The impact of her words was immediately visible on Lin’s face. Tears welled up in Lin’s eyes and instantly, Jane was wrecked with guilt.
Her hands itched to hold Lin’s face as an apology for the sharpness of her words. She wanted to wipe those tears away because she could not stand the sight of her dear Lin looking so defeated. But she knew that no matter how harsh her words had sounded, they were a real reflection of her pain. Pain that she had felt for so long. Pain that she had hidden from the world. Pain that she had experienced alone as she spent days, weeks and months sobbing in the confines of her room wondering why she had not been enough. Before her already weak determination could crack any further, Jane marched off into her house. A part of her hoping that Lin would follow, while another part of her was hoping that Lin would understand how hurt Jane was. As Jane entered the house and closed the door, she caught a glimpse of the defeated figure that stood outside her house. Her Lin stood in the middle of the road with her head hung low and her shoulders shaking. Jane’s heart ached as she saw Lin in that state. She felt her own eyes water as Lin slowly trudged back to her house. Maybe this is for the best… Maybe she will finally see me…