Chapter Text
Will Byers isn’t a music snob, far from it actually. He was practically a music geek thanks to his brother, but his sister always wondered why he was so against a certain band she enjoyed. Hellfire was a rising band that took the world by storm, fan girls and boys alike resonating and enjoying their music, including Jane herself, and it wasn’t just the music, the band members were conventionally attractive, especially their lead singer.
It’s a wonder why Will Byers always pulls a face of disdain whenever he passes by their poster or just hearing about them makes his eye twitch. One of the many pieces of advice Will Byers could give you is never to date a guy from a band, because trust they will make a song about you, and that very song can unironically make them famous.
Will could always feel something in the pit of his stomach when that particular song comes, or when he hears murmurs of it. It’s not any better when his own sister starts banging it in their shared dorm and starts singing it in the showers.
“William, I can’t do it”
Is one of the many songs by Hellfire, written and composed by their lead singer Mike Wheeler. Big deal! There are over 2.4 million people in the world that’s named William, but only one of them has dated the brooding Micheal Wheeler before. Way before Hellfire even went mainstream, Will made the biggest mistake of his life — dating an up and coming musician — dating and breaking up with one Mike Wheeler. Will became the inevitable Muse for their biggest song yet, everyone who has ever dated a musician says it’s a canon event.
William, I can’t do it, is a song that haunts Will’s waking moment. It differs from Hellfire’s covers and original songs because it felt personal, vulnerable, relatable and it resonated with the majority of people who listened to bands. The ones who wanted to get lost in the loudness of music, but the softest lyrics. The song yearns, loves and worst of all, it hopes. Critics even claim it as an art that represents queer love vividly.
Everyone and their families know that every single member of Hellfire is part of the LGBT community. Some people call them propaganda, but most people agree they were making art. Will didn’t really care, he didn’t care enough, even if it was blasting off his ear, even if it's been Jane’s preferred topic for weeks, or even if Jane had managed to convert Lucas and Dustin into listening to Hellfire.
He does appreciate this song, it was beautiful and most importantly it was made for him. He’s glad it became such a popular song for his community, but he's rather bitter that not only is his name in the title but it was released on his birthday! Mike Wheeler really knew how to haunt his narrative.
William, I can’t do it. Can’t let you go, I wish it was easy, God can’t save me.
Will feels he is genuinely tweaking, Dustin has been singing this damn song the entire time they’ve been hanging out and before that, the car ride to Lucas’s dorm was painful, cause Jane had graciously decided to blast William, I can’t do it, in the damn car.
“Aren’t you sick of this song already, Dustin?” His tone was exasperated, he could feel his stomach doing the thing when he was upset.
Dustin laughs him off and starts singing louder, and he should honestly be thankful Will doesn’t have anymore pillow beside him, or he would have smothered this bitch right then and there.
Jane chuckles at this, eyeing his brother curiously. “I’m honestly curious why you hate this song so much, Will” she asks softly.
Will looks back at her, “Is there a reason to hate a song, other than its annoying?” He says, tone firm and annoyed.
“Dude, I’ve never seen you this annoyed about anything.” Lucas quips, his head tilting back to look at them.
“Yeah, you don’t usually hate on something without a valid reason” Dustin remarks, he finally stopped singing, much more invested in finding out why Will hated this song.
Will rolls his eyes, “I just think it’s overrated” he huffs
“It’s overrated for a reason, it’s really good”’
“So you’re just hating because it’s popular, got it”
“An unlikely trait from a music geek. You're supposed to have constructive criticism, Will” Dustin can see through him, he’s known Will the longest and he knows for the fact that when it comes to music even if it did sound bad he tries to understand its relevance, because he’s that type of music geek.
“I just don’t like it okay!” He huffs, standing up and walking to the kitchen.
He could hear his friends calling back for him, he knows he’s being sensitive, and maybe a little bit over dramatic. Will admits to himself he does in fact not hate the song, he very much thinks the intended purpose of the song has reached him. He knows for a fact that Mike knows that he’s listening to the damn song, and he knows Mike knows that the desired reaction from him was to make his heart clench painfully.
Will knows just how annoying Micheal Wheeler can be, he loved him for the longest time, he was his first love and the fact that Mike is trying to reach him through music makes him squirm. After all this time Mike still had that effect on him, it made him laugh bitterly.
Call it obsession, call it sin, I call it love crawling under my skin.
Mike has finally loved loudly, and Will can’t stop hearing him. His soft and warm voice that contrasts his brooding demeanor, his warm eyes that would speak so many things his mouth could not, his tall gangly figure that always gave the warmest hugs, and everything Will always dreamed about. The songs he sings makes Will think about him, goddamn musicians.
“I talked to Steve earlier and he said he got us the ticket!” Dustin’s voice wormed its way back to Will’s ear.
The cafeteria hall was loud with chatter, laughs and anything in between you could expect at a college institution. Will hasn’t been paying attention to the mutters of his friends since he got his hands on this greasy pizza. Jane had seemed to notice and snapped her fingers in front of his face, to get his attention.
“Earth to Will”
“Oh sorry what were we talking about” he says a little dazed.
Lucas raised his brows at him, suspicious. “You’ve been spacing out a lot man, you good?” He asked, reaching up to Will’s shoulder.
Will waves him off and gives him a small nod. “Yeah, just really tired from that essay Professor Dolly gave us”
Lucas gives him a nod, before slipping off his hand from his shoulder and focusing back on the conversation.
“As I was saying, Steve got us the ticket! Hellfire’s gonna be performing in the second act! And it gets better! We got VIP!” Dustin cheers, his voice excitable and face bursting with excitement.
Jane makes a shrill sound beside him, effectively making him cover his ears. Lucas wasn’t any better as he abruptly stood up, almost taking the table with him, and gave Dustin a big hug, cheering loudly with him that the people around them couldn't help but look at their rumbocious display.
Will could feel his heart speeding up, he could feel the heat in his stomach again at the mention of Hellfire and the ticket. He must still be dreaming, this was one of his most terrifying nightmares.
“When exactly is the concert?” He hears Lucas ask.
“Like a month from now”
“Oh! That's enough time to buy an outfit!” Jane seemed excited too, her face seemed flushed and sweating.
Lucas let out a laugh, “Make sure to capture Mr. Wheeler’s attention, Jane!”
Oh no, his sister had a damn crush on his ex boyfriend. Will could feel a pain forming in his head, he lets out a grumble, eyes shutting down and tries to find something to stabilize himself.
You’re in the air I’m scared to breathe, In who I am, in who I’ll be.
Will never fully tried to understand the song, he was much too preoccupied in trying to disassociate himself from the room whenever that damn song played. No matter how often that song reached his ear, he always tried to block it, never trying to sit down and fully listen to it. He’s heard his sister describe it as a song that was written with the intention of sending it as a letter to William, Dustin interpreted it as a song of calling, trying to rekindle something that was never really over and Lucas calls it “the song that yearns” whatever that meant.
But today was the day William Byers was going to sit and finally listen to this damn song after two weeks upon its release. His sister was thankfully out of the dorm for a couple of hours, and he had nothing else to do.
“This better be good” he murmurs to himself, pulling up his phone and searching up William, I can’t do it.
That title haunts his dreams, it reminds him of Mike’s teary eyes, his knees propped on the ground begging, his hands clutching to Will’s knuckles like he was praying to a god. He remembers the desperation in Mike’s voice, hoarse and hesitant, drowning in his own tears telling him “William, I can’t… I can’t do it” and he remembers choking on his own tears, his heart heavy and his world crushed.
Will frowned at this memory, clutching his hair frustrated before finally playing the song that soon echoed in the small dorm that Will and Jane shared.
The first tone was familiar, like the ones Mike would play around with when they were together. The ones Mike would let him hear first before anyone else. It sent a wave of familiarity to Will’s body, giving an involuntary shiver down his spine.
I taste your name in everything I eat, Salt on my tongue, it’s never sweet. I dress myself in colors you once liked,
Will remembers telling Mike he looked good in blue. He remembers laughing at the amount of blue clothes Mike had in his closet after he had said those words. He remembers kissing him stupid for being such a dork. God his heart hurt, like a squeeze of reminder of what he once had.
Like if I look right, you’ll come back tonight. Every street bends into your face, Every mirror lies, puts you in my place.
Mike would always call him during the night, asking him to go on a walk. He’d remember the street light flashing, but never feeling scared. Rather he felt at peace, with Mike holding his hand tightly, and the cold air against their face, the laughter they’d share, awful horror stories they’d tell each other that they’d end up just scaring each other or making out in an alleyway.
I breathe you in, I breathe you out, I don’t remember who I was without—
William, I can’t do it
It sounded like a confession, like a sin rolling off his tongue, his deepest darkest secret finally out to the world. Will could never forget the night it all broke, how he could hear his heart break to a million pieces as Mike stood there without meeting his eyes as he denied him of being his lover. He could still feel the heavy tug from his heart, the tears threatening to fall and the clench of his hands. It was ironic how Mike once feared to be shunned by the people he called family, so much so that he broke the person he claimed to love the most, and now he was being worshipped by the people he feared he would become.
Will felt wetness trickle from his cheek, as he continued to listen to the song made for him. The world was just a big elaborate joke and Will was the butt of it.
“I hate you so much, Mike Wheeler”
He didn’t mean that, never.
Mike Wheeler was love, his love. Maybe in another life he wouldn’t fall madly in love with a boy who feared himself, but in this life, he fears he’s in too deep.
“Dude! Did you read the interview about Hellfire’s song?” Was all the buzz that circulated on a busy Monday morning.
Apparently Hellfire finally agreed to be interviewed about their new single, you guessed it ‘William, I can’t do it’ . Will hoped this song would just be a fad, but unwillingly seeing it chart in the billboard has him ballistic. It didn’t help that Robin (one of his closest friend) was in part of the journalism and radio club in their school, she’s amazing, great even! But what does Hellfire have to do with the relevance of their school to have them broadcast during his supposed break time!
“Well folks you heard it here! It seems like our favorite singer Mike Wheeler (a part of the Hellfire band) finally agreed to an interview with Rolling Stones about their hit single William, I can’t do it. As the composer, and writer of this song, Mike Wheeler’s essentially first ever personal song he has shared for the world and a confirmation of the rumors that he is indeed bisexual. Welcome to the family bud!
Now enough chitchat, let’s hear it shall we?”
Will rolled his eyes, trying and failing to disassociate himself from the room again. His friends seem too curious, pausing at their work to lean back and listen, Will couldn’t help but grumble at this.
“Are you guys really that invested in this guys failed love life?” He mumbled irritatedly, barely audible if it weren’t for Dustin beside him having super hearing.
“Duh of course, they’re like the hottest band right now.” He remarks as the speaker crackles above them.
“And plus, Mike has never really talked much during interviews.” Jane gushed, waiting to hear Mike’s voice from the speaker.
Lucas gives her a small chuckle, giving her a fond look. “Is it a crush or are you in love?” He teases her, poking her side to which she slaps off and gives him a giggle.
Will sat beside them watching, his body automatically stiffening at the word ‘love’ associated with Mike Wheeler. He lets himself breathe, leaning back and giving up. He knows even if he tries to cover his ears or disappear, they’d just keep pestering him about the band gossip.
“Good day to you ladies and fellows. The world would like to ask the question “Who is William, from your latest single William, I can’t do it. Is he a muse? I hypothetical person? A concept? Or he just a name?” the voice was older and professional, you could hear the scoffs and laughter of some of the members in the background slightly muffled. “And what people are most excited for is How did this song come to be”
The mic cracked again and someone clears their throat, he could hear a chair shift and voices near it. “Hi, this is Mike Wheeler, composer and writer of that song.” He begins, Will feels himself shiver. His voice had always differed from the way he spoke and sang. Will remembers loving the tone of his speaking, soft and warm, like home that was made only for him.
“William” he stops, his voice soft as if intentionally calling his name, hoping he would hear it. It makes Will’s breath hitch. “Is the name of a guy I have loved for the better part of my youth, the person I lost because of the stupid mistakes I made.”
The room seemed quieter as if it was just Will and Mike, as if Mike was addressing Will directly. Will could picture it, Mike sat in front of him, apologizing and confessing like the pathetic loser he was.
“I think that song came to be because I couldn’t get the guy out of my head” Mike lets out a quiet laugh. “It’s a song I made because every waking moment is consumed by the thought of him. I could see him in everything I ate, he used to nag me for being a picky eater. The clothes I wear, he liked blue on me, he said it brought out my catastrophic personality. The songs I listen to, he was a big music fan, would always talk about certain bands he liked, most of the songs we covered are from bands he liked.Its like the thought of him still influences the way I think, the choices I make. It’s kind of mind boggling how one person can make you feel and act so crazy.”
Mike always spoke like a poet, the world now knew that despite his closed off exterior, he felt so deeply. That was one of the many traits Will liked about Mike, how words just flow out of his mouth like it was poetry. The rest of the people surrounding him thought so too, the silence was evident, as if they were waiting for Mike to say more.
“That basically sums it up, when you yearn too much you just gotta let it out and maybe the hope that they could hear this too” He pauses. “The song I mean, I hope he hears the song”
’crazy together?’
’crazy together.’
Will does hear it everywhere, anytime and on any day. Like a never ending punishment by Aphrodite. He wishes Mike would just stop haunting him, his voice, his lyrics, his songs. He doesn’t deserve to love out loud now when Will had been fighting for their love that he denied. He didn’t get to, not when it hurt so much, not when the cut still bleeds.
Now the song that was made from a tragedy was an anthem.
William, a muse, the unwilling recipient laid quietly by his bed, body turned towards the wall full of his art. His body moved with his hollow heart, his swimming in tears and his head unintentionally occupied by the man he swore he would despise.
But oh William, hate is not the opposite of love.
Maybe as the days would progress he’d forget this all happened, he could bury it once again. But William this was never just a silly feeling, it is the epitome of love. You can never bury something that powerful, it will continue to haunt you, unwilling or willingly. So maybe Will Byers could just live life with the ghost of what was still hanging off his back.
“You don’t get to be brave now, Mike”
He whispered to no one but himself.
Are you really brave, Micheal?
And as if fate had heard, Will felt the familiar buzz from his phone. His teary eyes glancing at his discarded phone lying a few inches away from him. Still he could see it, the bold letters that completed the name of the ghost that keeps haunting him, in a nickname he forgot to erase (or did he)
from: my mike
im sorry.
its been three weeks since i released that song, it took years to write it, took months for me to even consider letting the world listen, took a day for max to convince me to stop being a pussy. but it’s been a long time coming, i know you know i have no right to be brave, not now of all times. i still might not be, it took me weeks to even consider sending this to you. i figured you wouldn’t listen, I didn’t expect it to get big, but im glad it did, I was hoping it would reach you.
did it, Will?
are you listening, if so i know it’s been hard. i know better than anyone, and I don’t know what else to say but i’m sorry. i could beg for your forgiveness for the rest of my life. i am not hoping you would receive this or more unlikely you would read this, but hope makes you do stupid things.
i dont know where i got the courage, or where it’s been. i just know i can’t follow a path without you at the end of it. if you wanted to talk to me, i’ll be waiting for your reply, something… anything… i don’t care if it takes days, weeks or months or even forever, i can wait more, forever.
i know it’s pathetic, i am.
very.
for you,
always.
i dont know what else to say, if it’s better for me to stay a memory. I’m okay with it Will, always.
im here
now.
im sorry i took so long,
i miss you.
Mike Wheeler is such an annoying ex boyfriend.