Work Text:
Ilya walks into the study and sees Shane deep in thought, deep in a book. Not wanting to startle him he carefully walks past the threshold a creek in the floorboards doesn't even jar Shane away from his book. Ilya finally gets his first look at the cover, it's definitely a new book.
“I know you're in here Ilya” Shane blurts out without pulling his gaze away
“What are you reading?” Ilya says as he sits down on the couch. “Its embarrassing” Shane says as he heads for the chair
“Sweetheart” Ilya begins “Whatever it is I won't judge you”
Shane pauses, then bookmarks his page and closes the book, then, as if Ilya just told him he wanted a divorce, sobs uncontrollably. Ilya walks over and tries to wrap Shane in a hug even though the chair makes matters difficult. He begins shushing Shane and saying an old Russian soothing song his mom used to sing when he was younger. When Shane finally calms down he takes a deep breath. “This fucking book” Shane mumbles “This fucking book”
“What's wrong Shane?”
“Arthur Pike has autism so Hayden and Jackie sent this book out and…” He trails off to collect himself “fuck Ilya it's me… I keep reading this book and all I see is me” Ilya says nothing he just rubs Shane's back. “The over thinking, the structure, the routines it's me Ilya…” Shane swallows hard before continuing “Fuck I'm autistic Ilya, and suddenly everything makes sense”
Ilya takes inventory of the situation before speaking “It is okay…overwhelming yes… but we will manage.” Ilya knows what it's like to suddenly have everything you thought was just part of life suddenly be able to be explained by a simple term. He doesn’t want to understate how life changing this is for Shane, but also doesn't want to overstate it either. “Do you want a doctor to confirm it?”
“I think” Shane pauses “I don't know…maybe” He sighs for another pause “Did you know?”
“I thought it was possible,” Ilya nodded.
“Yeah how”
“Just some things I've noticed. Things a couple different teammates with family members on the spectrum have said things that I see in you”
Shane goes a little, okay, more than a little too quiet for Ilya's liking.
“Sweetheart. This changes nothing between us”
“I know” Shane swallows hard
“Do you?” Ilya asks he knows Shane is overthinking, hard not to be
“Okay well it is kind of a big deal to me” Shane sighs
“That's okay.” Ilya gently runs his hand through Shane's hair “It is big deal, but I still love you the same as before you read this book. Maybe I love you more now because there's something else about you I can put a word to. I love you Shane. Quirks and all”
Shane hugs Ilya now muttering out “I love you too” before the tears begin flowing again from the emotional impact of his discovery, but also because Ilya still loves him, Ilya doesn’t care that Shane may be autistic, and maybe that's enough, maybe that's all he needs.