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“Fuck me. Fuck everybody. From now on, stop caring about what anyone else thinks.”
It’s one of the most better-said-than-done things he’s even been told before, something he’d say was useless if it weren’t from this man’s mouth. His mouth set into such a slight smile, barely on the curve of his lips but soft and relaxed all the same. The kind of thing that makes the tension in Herman’s tight shoulders fall from exposure alone.
What did he do to deserve this, the way Robert's voice dips in a soothing rumble, the warm hand on his shoulder? His ass is planted on a spare bucket, air soaked with the strong traces of disinfectant, but it’s as though he doesn’t notice any of their surroundings. Or that he doesn’t mind sinking to Herman’s level.
“I don’t want to fuck– don’t want to say fuck you, Robert. You’re the nicest person I’ve ever met.”
The man lets out a huff of laughter. On his lap, Beef’s tiny tail wags. Herm focuses on the heavy weight pressing down on his legs, running his long, thin fingers through the dog's short plush fur. He's glad to have the distraction, because it's so embarrassingly easy for honesty to feel too exposing, like he has to cover himself and turn away. It shouldn't be, he knows. It just feels like somehow he's confessing to way more than intended.
“Give it time, I’m sure you’ll find a reason. There are a lot nicer people than me, kid.”
Kid. He’d thought at first that it was patronizing but no, he thinks it might be endearment. Hunched in the dimness of that stupid storage closet, Herman’s stomach twists and water drips down his face in larger droplets than before.
“S-so? You’re still a nice person. You’ve already done so mu- made such a difference for our whole team. I mean, you’re Mechaman, you’ve done so much for everybody. You shouldn’t talk that way- say that about yourself either. It’s only...only fair.”
Robert’s expression shifts like water while he speaks, a tired kindness that breaks, brows rising, into a heartfelt astonishment. His back straightens just the slightest, and he hesitates then, a fleck of a glint in his eye when he looks at Herm across the small distance. The hand still on his wetsuit, having never left, rubs his shoulder in a gentle back-and-forth.
“You’ve got a point. Deal.”
The dog on Herman’s lap has his chin draped so lazily and lovingly over his arm, and Robert’s chestnut eyes are so captivating, and he’d started off this night so badly – but now the comfort seems nearly overwhelming.
“It’s actually gonna be dangerous when you get a little more confident, ‘cause otherwise, I think you’ve got a way with words.”
The man feels his pale face get warmer, and undoubtedly, redder.
“Aha, uh, wow, you’re...I..I don’t know what to say.”
The other man stands. That hand rests on the top of his head.
“You don’t have to say anything. Have a good night, okay Waterboy?”
Beef in tow, Robert’s easy grin disappears beyond the closing closet door, leaving Herman wrapped up in a scene of shadowy silence, bathing in disbelief.
There is a complete sense of unreality in the way that never once had he envisioned an idol paying him even a sliver of attention. But now the man’s a new constant in his life, and every time that he flashes a smile, it tastes sweet, feels meaningful. Not placating. And not only does he know his name, but he says it without the undercurrent of a laugh, instead with a fondness saved usually for people who aren’t him.
Yeah, maybe he will get better. Herm slumps against the wall and heaves out a sigh – but it’s not an undreamy one. Sure, let’s try it. Fuck everybody but himself, they can stand by and laugh as he builds up his own chrysalis. He doesn’t know how, hasn’t got a clue really, but if he’s going by how frequently Robert calls him kid? He’s got time to figure it out, and y’know, nothing better to do. Fuck every person save for that one north star in the form of his favorite superhero, shining even outside of the suit, even as just a beautiful man trying his best just to be mundane. Herman’s grin tickles his face in the darkness.
To make that man feel pride? He’ll do anything.