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You are going to be a big brother again...
Those words from Edalyn felt like cold mud against his back. If a moment ago he had been annoyed to listen to all that crying, then now, he wished he could go back in time, and clue shut his ears before he could become that wooden guard in front of the Owl Lady's cage. Maybe that would have saved him from all those thoughts...
Of course, he didn't have to let his mind go to all of those dark places it was trying to run the second Edalyn had spoken, but how could he stop his mind when he knew way too well there was no way this story had a happy and wholesome plot. He had been there...but until the really last moment, he wanted to believe that when Raine said that they were okay, they weren't lying or hiding anything under the robe they wore.
How had he been so blind?
The Coven was his dream; it was supposed to be his purpose and reason why he had been learning magic since the moment he was old enough to understand the concept...in the end, that dream ended up being the downfall of his morality and the reason why they didn't sleep well at night. He had known that something was wrong when his mentor suddenly went missing, but it took him way too many years to wash that golden gleam from his eyes and allow himself to think clearly for once. Years of looking past those blood red flags only to be too late to fix the mistakes he had made.
When Raine saw nightmares of the blood they had spilled, then Darius saw nightmares from all the times he had looked away. All those times he just stood there with a blank look, thanking the titan that it wasn't him and never taking a step to stop the insanity he saw every damn day. All those people became just another scream he heard and then buried at the back of his mind, thinking that he didn't care when actually he was just ignoring the way it was eating him from the inside. It wasn't him, so it didn't matter, right?
He wasn't a bad person; he never wanted to become a bad person! A Sarcastic asshole, yeah, but not somebody mean and ill-wishing. The ways of the Coven Heads a virus really easy to catch.
Until them...
Raine had always been the odd pea in the pod. Darius had never met anybody who was more against everything they were supposed to be than Raine was. A Bard with stage fright, a genius with emotions that often blinded them, a star who hated the shine cast upon them, an actor who hated the act, and a hero with bloodied hands and flaws. From the moment Darius first met them, Raine had that power over everyone they met, they were just so nice and likable that it was hard not become their friend. They just came and clued them all together, turning random schoolmates into a tight-knit group of teens who had nothing in common but somehow made Darius's school years the best ones he ever had. They were kind and always there to listen; they were anxious but always up for turning the school upside down with Edalyn. They...they were his best friend, even if he wasn't theirs. They were the most annoying person breathing down Darius's neck everywhere the group went, but they were also somebody he never thought he could let go. And when Alador left with Odalia, Raine was there for Darius until he himself left and never contacted them again, but even then, Raine wrote to him from time to time just to remind him that he wasn't alone.
And when he heard about the breakup and saw Raine on one of the coven parties after years of not talking to one another, he asked them for a dance. They didn't speak much in the coven, always just coworkers with some past behind them, but he always saw them as a friend, even when he told himself that there are no friends in the Coven.
Now...he was stuck with the feeling that he had failed his friend. Failed the person who played pranks on him when he needed the cheer-me-ups, and who signed up for the school plays that they hated just because he didn't want to do them alone.
Often, he still saw that bloodied and beaten face whenever he looked at Raine; he saw the limp the coven had given them and the trauma that was inflicted on them in the catacombs of the castle. He knew that it was his fault that they didn't sleep anymore, he was to blame for them not drinking tea anymore, and the wounds they were hiding like it was their second nature. And if that baby was...that too must be his fault...he hadn't protected them from her and all the others who hid behind the mask while they did the worst crimes a person could ever do. He was the one who captured them, and was too late to get them out on time. There was no world where he deserved their forgiveness, but somehow, Raine saw it as 'there is no world where I could blame that on you'.
From a kid who was a foot smaller than their peers, to a witch who was willing to do everything to fight against the wrong and do what their morals told them was right. They were the one who showed him that his real morals were worth the danger, that it was more worth to try and fail than to never do anything and then live with the knowing that you chose the selfish way.
He carried so much guilt, the constant need to earn his redemption was suffocating at times, but it felt worth it. It had helped him get his best friend back. Had helped him see the good again and feel like, for once, those relationships he made were not there to play, stab, and then leave.
Raine, the insufferable dork that they were, never wanted to hear his guilt-ridden voice. Even while bandaging up those nasty wounds that Darius had no idea who had given to them, but knew that in some ways it was his fault that they had been hurt, all Raine did was look at him with that 'shut the fuck up' kind of look and tell him how mistakes were what made one a person.
"How can you say that after all the messed-up stuff I let the coven do? Do you have any idea how many times I watched people get killed? I never did anything to stop them, I never..."
"You were scared," they said in a soft and knowing way, Darius taking a step back from the suddenness of it," We all are, all the damn time. We act like we are not, but in truth, we are just trying to survive. Sometimes, speaking out feels as good as a straight-up suicide. It's the bravery that you gain that shows the real you, the one who doesn't let fear take control but controls that fear. Changing is a sign of strength, and this is why I know you are never going back to be the man you think you are,"
"You don't know that,"
"I do. I can see that, Eber and Hunter both see that, and one day, you will too,"
Raine always knew what to say, and even when life was so cruel and hateful towards them, they never stopped being there for him, even if he often pushed them away and didn't say a word about what was going on behind that stoic face of his. They always tried to be the best witch they could, or at least that was how Darius saw it, Raine themself would never say it. They never let Darius be mean towards himself; only they and Eber had the right to call him whatever insult they came up with and kick him in the knee when he was being stupid. That Bard was a professional hypocrite as they loved to blame themself. Maybe that was why they always got along this well; they both hated some parts of themselves, but had more care towards others than they often could handle.
I will have your back when you have mine...
This rebellion will stand up and protect everyone, including each other...
He had failed to protect them...
There used to be a time when bad grades and horrific kissing scenes in school plays were their biggest worries. Right now, Darius wished that they could be back at school, even the memory of that forced kiss on that stage and how Raine threw up as soon as their lips touched, because, of course, kissing anyone who wasn't a redhead called Edalyn was disgusting enough to ruin his shoes and dignity, was better than the idea of his best friend getting used and hurt by people they could never even identify. They can never have justice...
Oh, Titan, please let that baby be Edalyn's...
Raine would have told him, right? They would have said something if Terra or anyone else had...
They hadn't told them about the pregnancy...they didn't trust him...so why would they tell him when...
Maybe they knew that deep down, he was no better than those who had hurt them. Why else would they have kept the baby a secret from him?
Had Eber known...oh...so many things suddenly made so much sense...
If only wood could cry, maybe then he would get some relief from that pain he was feeling. The physical pain was forgotten, his twisted leg and bruised ribs no longer visible amidst the guilt and regret he felt. And oh, how many months he has to agonize over it, maybe even forever...
Songbird...Could they ever really forgive him?