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Regina doesn’t look up from the file when Emma steps into her office.
“Please tell me you’re not here to complain about town business,” Regina says coolly. “Because if this is about zoning, curfews, or a cursed object you ‘found,’ my answer is no.”
Emma hovers near the door, hands shoved in her jacket pockets like she’s considering bolting.
“I need a favor.”
Regina finally looks up. One perfectly arched eyebrow rises.
“No.”
Emma exhales. “You didn’t even hear it.”
“I’ve known you long enough to know that if you’re asking me for a favor, it’s either illegal, humiliating, or deeply inconvenient.”
“…Okay, yeah. That tracks.”
Regina closes the folder with deliberate calm. “Try someone else.”
Emma doesn’t move. “My parents are playing matchmakers.”
“That sounds like a you problem.”
“They keep setting me up. Dinners. Blind dates. Accidental run-ins with men who ‘just happen’ to love woodworking and have emotional availability.” Emma shudders. “It’s a nightmare.”
Regina folds her hands. “Still not seeing how this involves me.”
Emma takes a breath. “I need them to think I’m dating someone.”
Silence.
Regina’s eyes sharpen. “Absolutely not.”
“I didn't even ask anything yet!”
“You don’t need to. The answer is no.”
Emma presses on anyway. “They won’t back off unless they think it’s serious. Like, real serious. Someone they can’t scare away.”
Regina lets out a soft, humorless laugh. “And you’ve decided that person is me.”
Emma flashes a crooked, hopeful smile. “You scare them.”
“That’s not a compliment.”
“Of course it is.”
Regina stands. Slowly. Dangerously calm.
“Let me be very clear, Miss Swan,” she says, stepping around the desk. “I do not play pretend relationships. I do not lie to people for your convenience. And I most certainly do not–” She stops an arm’s length away. “–kiss people unless I mean it.”
Emma’s hands fly up. “I’m not asking for a kiss!”
Regina blinks. “You aren’t?”
“No! God, no. I just…” Emma gestures vaguely. “Pretend. In front of my parents. That’s it. They’ll see us together and back off.”
Regina studies her. Suspicious. Measuring.
“And what exactly does this pretending entail?”
Emma grimaces. “Worst case? Holding hands.”
Regina’s mouth tightens. “Unacceptable.”
“Briefly!”
“I don’t hold hands.”
Emma tilts her head. “You literally held hands with–”
“That was different.”
“Because?”
“Because I meant it.”
The air shifts. Something unspoken lingers between them.
Emma softens. “Look. One dinner. Maybe two. You don’t have to smile. You don’t have to touch me. Just… stand there. Be intimidating. Be you.”
Regina searches her face, clearly trying to find the catch.
“And what do I get out of this?”
Emma doesn’t hesitate. “I owe you.”
Regina’s lips curve slightly. “Dangerous offer.”
“I’m already desperate.”
A long pause.
Regina sighs, rubbing her temple. “One appearance. Controlled affection. And if we improvise, I lead.”
Emma grins. “Deal.”
Regina steps back. “And Miss Swan?”
“Yeah?”
“If you lose your nerve. If you hesitate. If you make this look like a joke…” Regina’s eyes darken, voice dropping. “You will regret it.”
Emma swallows.
Henry had taken the deal immediately.
A brand-new video game, still in its plastic wrap, currently sat on the coffee table like a sacred offering. He hadn’t even tried to hide his excitement when Emma and Regina explained the plan. He’d just squinted at them, thoughtful, then nodded.
“Okay,” he’d said. “But if Grandma cries, this is on you.”
Now they were all seated around the Charmings’ dining table. The apartment was warm, crowded in the way only Snow and David could make feel comforting instead of chaotic. Candles were lit. Snow had gone all out, as usual. Regina sat at Emma’s side, posture perfect, expression polite but not stiff. Close enough that their knees brushed under the table.
It was… nice.
Too nice.
Everyone behaved. Snow didn’t interrogate. David didn’t hover. Henry mostly focused on dessert. They were just finishing up when Emma cleared her throat.
“Mom. Dad.”
Snow and David both looked up immediately. Regina turned to Emma, her expression calm, encouraging. Solid.
“There’s something I’ve actually been meaning to tell you.”
A beat.
“I haven’t dated anyone you’ve set me up with because…” Emma swallowed. “Because I’m dating Regina.”
Silence.
Snow blinked. Once. Then smiled, gentle and fond. “Yeah, right. Honey, you don’t have to lie.”
“What?” Emma frowned. “I’m not–”
David chuckled softly. “We get it, Em. You wanted us to stop pushing.”
“I am dating her!”
Snow stood, collecting plates. “Sweetheart, you don’t need to protect our feelings.”
“I’m not protecting anything!” Emma grabbed a napkin, starting to help without thinking. “Why is this so hard to believe?”
“No reason,” David said mildly, stacking dishes. “It’s just… Regina.”
Regina arched an eyebrow. “Meaning?”
Snow laughed, rinsing plates. “Meaning if this were true, we would have noticed.”
Emma stopped short. “So what, you don’t think I could pull someone like her?”
Snow paused. David did too.
“That’s not what we’re saying,” Snow said carefully.
“Then what are you saying?”
Later, because apparently the universe enjoyed her suffering, David turned toward Regina.
“Is it true?” he asked. “Are you dating our daughter?”
Regina stood. Smooth. Controlled.
“Yes,” she said evenly. “I am.”
David frowned. “I don’t believe you.”
Emma made a strangled noise. “I swear! Look!”
She reached out, grabbed Regina’s hand, and laced their fingers together.
Regina stiffened. Just for a second.
Then she looked down at their joined hands. Back up at Emma. Something unreadable crossed her face.
Snow tilted her head. “That’s… not really convincing, honey.”
Regina sighed.
“Fine,” she said coolly. “You want proof?”
Before anyone could respond, Regina grabbed Emma by the collar and kissed her.
It wasn’t chaste. It wasn’t brief. It was deliberate, deep, and entirely too much for a family dinner.
Henry yelped. Snow gasped. David froze.
Emma’s brain shut off completely.
Her hand slid, instinctively, to Regina’s waist.
When Regina finally pulled back, the room was dead silent.
The drive back to Regina’s mansion was quiet.
Too quiet.
Emma gripped the steering wheel, heart racing. Regina sat beside her, composed, staring out the window.
“I didn’t do anything,” Emma blurted. “You kissed me.”
“I noticed,” Regina replied dryly.
They pulled into the driveway.
“I really have to pee,” Henry announced suddenly, already halfway out of the car.
He bolted toward the front door.
“Henry–” Regina started, then stopped.
She didn’t correct him about running inside.
Emma frowned as she cut off the engine and got out.
Regina was already halfway up the steps when Emma caught her gently by the wrist.
“Hey.”
Regina hesitated.
Emma’s voice softened. “What happened to not kissing people unless you mean it?”
Regina looked away, jaw tightening.
“That rule never changed,” she said quietly.
Emma frowned. “I don’t follow…”
Regina met her eyes at last. Something steadier there now. Intentional.
“That’s the problem, Miss Swan,” she said softly.
Then she turned and went inside, leaving Emma alone on the steps.
Emma stood there for a moment, the words settling. Then it hit her.
“Oh. Shit.”
She hurried after her.
“Regina!”