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Yoshiki stared at the sky, his dark hair falling over his eyes. The sun was starting to set, staining everything a dark orange-pink. The grass under him itched, poking at the bare skin of his arms.
He hated this stupid small town.
Everyone knew everyone. Everyone knew everything.
You look sickly, Yoshiki.
You should cut your hair. How can you even see like that?
Aw, come now. I think your moles are… Cute.
He still wondered how he'd made it to sixteen. How he'd survived sixteen years in this hell. He knew, though.
Hikaru. The real Hikaru, the little boy he met when he was what, four? Five?
Hikaru who shared his food with him and played with him and had dozens of sleepovers with him when Yoshiki's parents fought.
Hikaru who Yoshiki… Loved.
The word still made his chest clench sickly, from both grief and disgust. Hikaru was gone, dead, and no one even knew. And here Yoshiki is, his best friend's body just a skin suit for some sort of forest entity, and all he can think about is how damn cute he is.
He pressed his palms to his eyes, feeling his bangs tickle his wrists. He opened his eyes to a slit, looking at the scratches hidden beneath his sleeves.
He hadn't cut. He didn't have the guts. If the town found out about that, he didn't know what he'd do… At least scratches, he could blame on Mince.
He tugged his sleeves over his hands, looking back at the darkening sky. He remembered laying with Hikaru in these fields. Sharing watermelon and falling asleep under the stars. Waking up with bug bites on every exposed inch of skin, itching for days.
What he wouldn't give to have that again.
In a state of nostalgia, he almost thought he did. That Hikaru, glowing like an angel, was standing above him. Yoshiki didn't move.
'Hikaru' sat down beside him, his white hair glowing silver with the sun behind him.
"What're ya doin'?"
"Just… Thinkin', I guess."
'Hikaru' hummed, then sniffed. "Is that blood?"
"…No? What're you-"
He squeaked as 'Hikaru', without hesitation, pulled his arms up to look at his wrists. Yoshiki felt himself flush scarlet.
"'Hikaru'-!"
'Hikaru' looked at the scratches, particularly a nasty one cutting into one of the marks on Yoshiki's skin. Yoshiki didn't know where 'Hikaru's' fascination with his moles came from. To him, they were blemishes, a feature for people to talk about, like his dark eyes or his hair growing out.
'Hikaru' liked to trace them, though. Counted them like stars, ran his fingers lightly from one to the next, connecting each point with an invisible line. Yoshiki would always have to push him off before 'Hikaru' went too far with his search.
"It's not-"
"You did this?" 'Hikaru' asked, confused. He touched the sore skin tenderly.
"No-"
'Hikaru' wrinkled his nose and flipped Yoshiki's hand around to show him. There was blood under his nails. Yoshiki closed his eyes.
"…I'm okay."
"Why?"
"Wh-"
"Why'd ya do it?"
Yoshiki peeked at him. 'Hikaru' wasn't angry. He looked confused, upset. Yoshiki forced his chest to keep moving, forced himself to keep breathing.
"Itchy, I guess. The bugs're out. Hot."
"Don't lie to me…" 'Hikaru' smoothed a hand over the torn up skin, cooling it. Yoshiki's breath hitched and he sat up.
"It's nothin', 'Hikaru'…"
"But-"
"Drop it." Yoshiki snapped, tugging his hands back.
He didn't mean to. 'Hikaru' was just worried. And looking at 'Hikaru's' expression, he felt bad.
"S-sorry… Just, don't really wanna talk about it…"
'Hikaru' stared. Yoshiki watched, a sense of unease washing over him.
"…'Hikaru'?"
Something wet brushed his leg. 'Hikaru's' insides, leaking out from his fingernails, stretching across the ground to reach Yoshiki. Yoshiki shifted back slightly. 'Hikaru' would always give warning, would make sure Yoshiki was okay before trying to touch him like this.
'Hikaru' wasn't talking. He didn't look like himself, friendly and happy. Something was wrong. Yoshiki felt danger prickle up his spine as 'Hikaru's' insides wrapped around his ankle.
"'Hikaru', say somethin'…"
'Hikaru' was expressionless, his pupils starting to melt away. Yoshiki tried to shuffle back, but 'Hikaru' wasn't letting him go. He whimpered, hating how the sound escaped his throat.
"'Hikaru'… Yer scarin' me…"
Nothing. Yoshiki squeezed his eyes shut as the wet, fleshy feeling spread over his skin, pressing him into the ground on his back. 'Hikaru' was leaning over him, main body between Yoshiki's thighs, the rest of him melting and smothering Yoshiki. He felt it climb over his chest, heavy, then his neck and to his face. Forcing it's way into his mouth, his nose, thick and cold and-
It pulled away.
Yoshiki rolled onto his side, coughing and gagging. It left a strange taste in his mouth, not entirely unpleasant, but the feeling of it forcing his mouth open scared him.
Once he got his breath back, he glanced back at 'Hikaru'. He looked scared, scared of himself, of what he'd just done. Yoshiki felt some of the fear leave him - 'Hikaru' hadn't intended to hurt him. It was okay.
Yoshiki forced his shaky body up, ignoring the exhaustion in his limbs. He reached for 'Hikaru', to comfort, to assure he was alright.
'Hikaru' hit his hand back, eyes wide. Yoshiki flinched, unintentionally, only worsening 'Hikaru's' guilt.
"'Hikaru', it's okay-"
"It's not okay, I hurt you!" 'Hikaru' yelled, his voice shrill from panic.
"I'm fine. I'm not hurt. Nothing happened."
"I could've killed you, Yoshiki. You were choking."
"For barely thirty seconds. You stopped, and I'm okay, and that's what matters." He tried to clear his throat.
"What if I can't stop next time!"
"You will. I trust you." Gods, his throat hurt. "I know you will. You wouldn't-"
He broke off into a coughing fit, not helping his case. 'Hikaru' clearly didn't want to touch him, out of fear of hurting him again, but Yoshiki was struggling to stay upright.
"…Yoshiki?"
He was choking. Really, this time. He didn't know what it was, but his throat was closing up and he felt sick to his stomach and he couldn't hold himself up anymore.
He flinched when he felt hands on him, holding him still, forcing his mouth open again. He whimpered around human fingers, and felt his vision black out.
He woke up, still in the field. 'Hikaru's' jacket was laid carefully over him, and 'Hikaru' sat hunched a metre away, facing the horizon where the sun had sank.
"…'Hikaru'…?" His throat was raw, but he was breathing fine. "What…"
'Hikaru' didn't look back at him. His arms were curled around his knees, pulled up to his chest.
"I hurt you. I'm sorry."
"It's-"
"It's not okay." A sigh. "A piece of me decided to hitch a ride. It stuck in your throat and made you choke again. It's out now."
Yoshiki swallowed tenderly. He looked at his wrists - the scratches had faded a bit.
"How…"
"I can heal, a tiny bit, if I concentrate enough. It weakens me, but that's what I want." He looked back at Yoshiki's wrists. "Is it me?"
Yoshiki shook his head. Speaking hurt. "No…"
'Hikaru' watched him. He sighed softly. "I'll take ya back home…"
He shifted to offer his hands to Yoshiki. Yoshiki let himself be pulled up, and before he could change his mind, pressed into 'Hikaru's' chest.
'Hikaru' squeaked, having been trying to keep some distance between them. Yoshiki pushed through the muscle fatigue and hugged 'Hikaru' tight, trying to ignore his burning cheeks.
"'M not scared of ya…"
'Hikaru' was quiet. Slowly, his hand touched Yoshiki's back.
"You should be…"
'Hikaru' helped him all the way home. It wasn't that far, really, but Yoshiki could barely drag his feet. Most of his concentration went into trying not to breathe too shallowly, and trying not to fall on his face.
Despite 'Hikaru's' obvious want for distance, scared he'd hurt Yoshiki again, he didn't shy away from helping him walk, and he hadn't left Yoshiki out there alone. Yoshiki glanced at his face, his vision swimming. He needed to lay down.
"'Hikaru'…?"
"Mm."
"Sorry… For worrying you…" His hands curled beneath his sleeves. "I don't know why I did it…"
'Hikaru' looked at him. Yoshiki couldn't bring himself to meet his eyes.
"I… I don't know…" Yoshiki couldn't think of anything better to say, any reason that would make it okay. He rubbed at his eyes. "Sorry…"
"It's okay…" 'Hikaru' said, his touch become a bit less carefully distanced. "Sorry I got upset. You got hurt, and there's no one to blame… I can't protect you from yourself."
"I'll try not to again…"
'Hikaru' hummed, basically lifting Yoshiki up to get him down the stone stairs to the path. Yoshiki held onto him, the height making him dizzy.
"If ya do, please tell me…" 'Hikaru' said quietly. "I don't want ya hurting yerself, but I wanna know if ya do. I wanna help."
You can't help.
"Sure… I'll try…" Yoshiki mumbled.
'Hikaru' got him home. He let Yoshiki flop into bed, tucking him under a blanket.
He tried not to let his eyes linger on Yoshiki's face - his pale skin, his dark eyes, his moles. Two by his mouth, one by his eye, two on his neck.
'Hikaru' bit his lip, busying himself with gathering things for Yoshiki, so he wouldn't have to move far when he woke. Extra blankets, water, snacks.
As he walked past Yoshiki's bed again, a slim hand reached out to grasp at 'Hikaru's' sleeve. 'Hikaru' slowed. Yoshiki was barely awake, watching through long, black lashes. He pulled 'Hikaru' closer - weakly, but 'Hikaru' complied.
"Yoshiki…?"
"'Hikaru'…" He whispered, breath warm on 'Hikaru's' arm. "Stay for a bit…?"
"'Stay'…?"
'Hikaru' knelt by the bed, pushing his hands through Yoshiki's hair. He was scared - he didn't want to hurt Yoshiki again, he couldn't touch so casually without worrying for the consequences.
But Yoshiki hummed and leaned into him sweetly, eyes closed, trusting. Usually he'd hate when anyone tried to touch his hair and make him show his face. 'Hikaru' smiled slightly, his thumb tracing a circle around the mole by his eye. Even if he was mostly passed out, he still trusted 'Hikaru'. He wanted him close.
And 'Hikaru' liked touching him too much to give it up now.
"I won't hurt you again, Yoshiki. Promise."