Work Text:
11/4 10:22
Hi.
Sorry for the sudden.
I was wondering……how have you been lately?Gosh this is awkward……, but hey, don’t blame me……I-I hope you won’t blame me for such an abrupt call?
I know I was kind of……in a hurry……but you wouldn’t pick up my calls so……sorry I left this message, I just hope to listen to your voice and…..perhaps you could call me back?
11/5 19:45
Hi, this is me again……
Um, I’m just gonna cut to the chase. Why won’t you answer my calls? Like I know, I really know that you’ve been busy but……are you that busy ?Answering some phone calls wouldn’t——fuck, sorry, I’m sorry I lost my……my temper……I just……I need to talk to you, I need……I went to the campus today, but they say you left early.
I need to talk to you, can I? May I? I know you probably block me but……
Is—is this really a break up?cause……
……anyway, please……answer me.
Please…….
11/10 07:32
Morning,it’s me.
The weather’s going bad so I wonder if you take care of yourself?remember to put more clothes on……or something……ah……forget about it, suck opening……right?ha……
Anyway, I called one of your friend today, the girl with black pigtails.
She said you haven’t shown up for five days, are you……this probably isn’t the question I should be asking……but……are you alright?okay?perhaps fine……?
About the fight we had few days ago, if you are listening to this, please leave that behind.
Even you are willing to—or so sure that we are—you are—breaking up with me……we can still be friends, and I hate to see you carry all the things by yourself-so……if you need anything, any help……
contact me, will you?
I won’t force you to talk about our thing, I just want to make sure you are okay……
you have my word.
11/13 13:02
I’m sorry. I am so……so……sorry.
I heard it from Lucy and……I-I don’t……I know you weren’t getting along with your family, but it must have been a hard time to take that……grieving news.
I am truly sorry……
You’re heading back to your hometown right?
Actually I saw you at the station this morning, and……I caught a glance, I thought-I thought I could catch you……a blink and you-you were gone.
I’m sorry I shouldn’t——
I hope everything’s okay.
I’ll wait for your call.
If-if you need.
11/20 03:34
Thank you for calling back yesterday.
I leave this message because I was worried I might miss any important words……I was……let’s just be honest I was really nervous and not in my own world……in-our talk.
……okay.
Okay, this is okay……
Thank you for……for not breaking up with me?
I know I had my own problems……I-I promise you that I will continue those things……therapy……even though I hate doing it……
It is true that I agree with you, about……we may need more time thinking about our relationship, I will, I really will take deep consideration……
I’m not mad, I know I cried yesterday but I’m not mad……or……maybe a bit down……but I’m doing fine now.
Yes, I am……I am fine now.
You said you love me still……and that’s the most relieving thing……yeah that’s…..that’s all what meant to me.
I’m sorry I can’t……fuck…why am I crying……
……I won’t bother you in few weeks…
Thank you for……everything.
Thank you for……yes, every……everything.
12/25 19:24
I know exactly what I am doing! Would you please just kindly leave me for a bit?
What-what do you mean I’m drunk? For god’s sake I’m not! It’s just a fucking lemonade and-and some iced tea okay?
What do you——hey! I was just trying to make a call! I’m not——
12/25 20:11
……I really like you.
Remember……well……I remember……I remember the first time we met……at a bar……you came with your friends, I remember……you were wearing a shirt and a ruby earring……it was shining-dazzling under the light……I felt dizzy……my head was spinning just looking at you……staring at……you? My heart was racing and pounding……it was loud, more like a hideous noise……I don’t like that feeling……but I-what did I……oh, I ran up to you……
Ummm……what did I say……oh……I said……you are……can I buy you a drink……? I was-that was a bad hit, right……but all I can think of is your words-your smile……your name……thank god you did give me your name……does that mean I’m not that terrible at flirting……?
I wasn’t……I wasn’t a good friend……a good friend doesn’t see his friend in that way……but you’re so kind……attractive……it seems like my mind has broken into pieces, shattered moments……tattered senses……and you pick up every single pieces in my fractured world……
……I want to kiss you.
I’m desperate for your attention……your kisses……your touch……I’m craving for your love……
I remember every moment we spent together……the morning you wake me up……you said it’s a surprise, and you take me to my favorite park, you said I look depressed these days, and hope this would make me feel better……
the afternoon you drove me back……I like how you describe the road, the weather, the scenario along the way……I bought you a ring……a plastic one……and fool you it was just the gift shops’ giveaway……
I remember that night at the beach….cold water and glimmer stars, I make a wish upon the sky……I looked into your face, silently……spacing out……you didn’t notice I was looking at you….but I still make the wish……
If I had ever known……luckily had the chance to see what my future might look like……
I wish……I wish there will be you.
I really like you……I really do……
To my surprise……you kissed me.
I was panicking, I’m afraid I spilled something……something bad……what if you don’t like me……? What if-what if you found out what kind of gross-disgusting thoughts I have about you……what if you hate me?
But you kissed me.
You kissed me.
I like you.
I like you very much.
I want to be a better man……a better person……I know I may not be the perfect one for you….but I try……I try so hard……it’s fine if you regret someday….someday you might end up being sick of me……I said it’s fine with half lying……I have strong……stupid and wishful thinking that you might want to be with me forever as well……I hate to admit that I am selfish……I am greedy……wanting you to be with me, my desire……
……I like you very……very much……
I really like you……I love you…
Why…so why…why do we end up like this……?
My heart is aching within every breath I take……I felt like……I carved my heart out……and it hurt……I would be lying if I said I had no feelings……I had no fears, no pain in this……
Why……why does it have to be like this……
12/26 02:02
Merry……Christmas.
I hope it’s not too late……
12/31 00:01
Happy new year.
That’s all what I want to say.
I hope you’re doing well.
1/13 10:31
Hey, it’s me.Again.
Not, not in my own intention to call you this time, it was Phylia.
She said you were missing for days, are you with your mother still?
Do you-do you change your number? Or secretly move to another city?
Well……she said I was the most possible one that you might respond……so……
Sorry, I was acting stupid, how are you gonna answer me if you’ve changed your number……
Never mind.
Stay safe, wherever you are.
Hey……one more thing,
……I miss you.
1/15 03:30
I saw the news.
Answer my call.
1/15 03:34
Answer my call.
I check it, you didn’t change——just answer me,please.
Please……
1/15 03:37
Don’t ghost me, don’t……tell me you’re not on that train please……tell me…answer me……
1/15 03:38
Please……anything…anything……call me, answer me…if you saw this if you are listening if you have time……one minute one second one word, please……I can’t——
Please.
I…… I really can’t lose you……
I’m begging you……
Hate me, break up with me, whatever just answer my call, one last time, okay……?
I need you……be alive whatever……I just-I can’t-……don’t go, please……tell me you are safe at your house, please.
1/15 03:43
Please……
1/15 03:44
（miss call）
1/15 03:45
（miss call）
1/15 03:54
（miss call）
2/14 01:34
Hi.
Sorry for the sudden.
I…how…how do I start this……
It’s been one month, I-I am still busy dealing with some stuff……your……your stuff.
It’s……one month……it’s been one month……thirty one days……since you……you……
They said that I was……the most suitable one to do this……well……clean up your stuff and……I handled all of the……the funeral……I bought flowers….set the schedule……I hope you like the place I chose……
It’s under……if you look up, you can see the stars……effortlessly.
I know you’re kind of lazy sometimes so……
I……chose that place.
I hope you like it……
They gave me your key, I am packing your stuff……actually I’m at your room now, surprise?
……The first thing I saw was that……I can’t believe you kept that plastic ring on your table…you’re not even trying to hide it…
I can tell……I—
…….
…….sorry
I’m sor——
Sorry.
I can’t……
I just can’t……I……
Sorry………
I hate my tears……I hate it…when it reminds me…I can’t-I am not capable of anything……
I’m so sorry……
I miss you……I really miss you……I love you……I love you……I love with my pale words……all my heart……I have nothing but this feeling……they gave me you everything left behind……but what about me……? I am your left behind……I hope you take me with you……I’m sorry……I’m sorry I shouldn’t……I shouldn’t blame you……you done nothing wrong I just……can you hear me……?
It’s funny……I think I am funny……why should I make this call……why should I even make this voicemail……I have your phone with me now….
the screen is completely cracked so I tried to repair it but……turns out that it wasn’t broken at all……
I know you couldn’t hear me……but I need something……I need someone……I need you….
This…this voicemail…this is the last time I record something to you……
I can keep your phone if I want……but…I don’t think you want me to keep it……it only makes things worse……
It’s……it’s been a long time……I try to move on……
But I……I don’t know how to say goodbye……
I don’t want to say goodbye……
I like you……
I love you……
I guess this is what a voicemail should end with……
I really……really……
I miss you so much……
I will……miss you forever……
I don’t want to forget you……
……this is awkward……I’m sorry……but hey……don’t blame me……I hope you won’t blame me for such words……
I know I was kind of……in a mess……but you can’t really blame me……sorry I left this message, I just hope to listen to your voice and……perhaps you could……perhaps……
Perhaps I could see you, in the next future?
I guess, this is about the time to end.
……Farewell.