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When Teddy had invited Billy to stay the night at the Altman’s apartment, Billy had hesitantly agreed. They’d been dating for months, and between school and training they were joined at the hip. He liked Teddy a lot, and he had never felt this way about anyone. But there were still some things about him that were too much for Billy. His freckles, the way the skin of his stomach would peak out from under his shirt when he was stretching, the way he bit the tip of a pencil when he was focusing too hard in class, certain things about him that just sent Billy’s head into a flurry, his brain a useless mush of hormones and impulse, leaving him speechless and lost. So when Teddy mentioned that Mary-Jo was out of town on a business trip for the weekend, of course, Billy accepted the invite, he just wasn’t sure he’d survive the ordeal without exploding from the pure anxiety of it all.
Now that the day had come, it wasn’t so bad, not entirely different from the type of day they usually spent together after school at one of their houses. They came home, tossed their backpacks somewhere forgettable, and ordered a pizza with the money Teddy’s mom had left pinned to the fridge under a magnet, watched Return of the Jedi and eventually found themselves playing Mario Kart. It was nice, they spent plenty of time together, but so much of it was stiff.
With Billy’s family, there was always someone around. His mother hovered, and his brothers were always pestering them, begging to play board games or freeze-tag despite the household ban on the latter.
Mary-Jo was attentive too. She gave the boys their space, but the open-door rule was firmly in place despite neither of them telling her the true nature of their relationship. They were together, sure, but around their families, they were just friends. And most of the time spent around their friends who did know, was also spent facing the public as Young Avengers.
Being alone together meant that they could let all of that go. They lay across each other’s laps, leaned up against each other, hands grazing and hearts racing, enjoying a closeness usually restricted to fleeting moments of privacy they could snag between classes or in the adrenaline-fueled moments after a battle. They cuddled on the couch until the credits of another movie were over, basking in the moment too deeply for either of them to move until the ‘no signal’ notification flashed across the screen, and it was inevitably time. Now came what Billy was really dreading: the sleeping arrangement.
Teddy sat up on the couch, brushing a hand through his hair and letting out a big yawn. Everything about him made Billy feel stupidly drunk, from his dorky pajamas to the way his hair was an absolute mess. He cleaned up the snacks from the table, hip bones visible above the top of his waistband, and Billy knew it was going to be the longest night of his life sleeping next to the hottest guy he had ever seen and not acting like a complete weirdo. His boyfriend, sure, but they hadn’t exactly gone there yet.
“So,” Teddy said, returning to the couch and standing over Billy, who stared up at him, chewing on the string of his own hoodie mindlessly.
“So.”
“I was thinking…we could sleep in my room tonight?” From Teddy’s mouth finally came the words Billy had been simultaneously dreading and hoping for all night. “Only if you want to, though. The couch pulls out, and it’s pretty comfy if you want…”
Billy thought about it, as if it would change his answer. Sure, he had a zero percent shot at embarrassing himself if he stayed on the couch but…this was the only opportunity he’d ever had to sleep in the same bed as him. Plus, sleeping next to Teddy would surely be infinitely warmer than trying to cocoon himself in blankets on a pull-out couch. He was just worried, what if he pitched a tent? What if Teddy wanted to do…stuff? He was not ready for stuff. Had Teddy done stuff before? The thought of Teddy wanting to do stuff. The thought of Teddy doing stuff with other people…the thought of Teddy wanting to do stuff with him…it was all too much for him. He jammed his thoughts down into the mental suitcase that held most of his doubt and propelled himself forward with ever-present impulsivity.
“I wanna sleep with you.” Wow, he was botching it already. “I mean, in your bed. With you. That sounds good.” He sat up from the couch, accepting Teddy’s outstretched hand to help him up.
They walked up the stairs of Teddy’s basement to the main floor of the house, dipping into Teddy’s room at the end of the hall. Billy had been in it plenty of times, never with the door shut if Mary-Jo had anything to say about it. Teddy said she was like that with everyone, but something about that rule made Billy think she was more onto them than Teddy realized. Either way, she never treated Billy any differently, just watchful. His room was big, and Billy envied it. Having as many siblings as he did, the last time he had his own room was when he was still in pull-ups, and he’d never had a bed bigger than a twin. Not Teddy, though, he had a desk with a computer all to himself, a huge dresser with all of his sports trophies displayed on top, and a queen-sized bed. Teddy was a big guy, and an only child, so it made sense why he’d have so much space, but Billy still wondered if he knew how lucky he was.
“Can’t wear too many layers, even in winter,” Teddy explained, taking off his hoodie to reveal a tight undershirt. His exposed arms were adorned with such impressive musculature that Billy had to wonder if they were shapeshifting or all natural. “I’m like a space heater when I sleep.”
Great, Billy thought. Make things harder for me, why don’t you?
Teddy flicked off the light, climbing into bed and holding the blankets open for Billy to join him. Billy stared, a little frozen at the thought. Teddy in pajama pants and a tank top in the same bed as him. He wished he remembered a single prayer he was taught in temple.
“You okay? Do you need anything before bed?” Teddy asked, lifting a brow.
“Yeah, no. I’m fine, sorry,” Billy waved it away, sliding under the covers with Teddy, who wasted no time nuzzling up to him.
Billy felt those broad arms around him, and he tried his best to surrender his fidgety nature. Teddy’s body pressed against his back was just too much. He flipped over, facing him. He could see enough of Teddy in the dark to make out his face, displaying a lazy smile while one hand traveled down to Billy’s drawstring waistband, hooking in and pulling him closer.
“What’s on your mind?” Teddy asked with a familiar kindness in his tone.
“It’s nothing,” Billy dismissed.
“Doesn’t seem like nothing to me. This is the first time we’ve shared a bed together, and you seem like you wanna jump out my window.”
“I’m sorry, Ted.”
“Don’t be, I just wanna enjoy your company while I have it. So if it’ll help to talk about whatever’s got you looking like a scared deer, I’m all ears.”
“I just…I know we haven’t really talked about this kinda thing, and believe me, I’m not asking you to. But, I’ve never done anything with anyone else before you..”
“Oh, gosh,” Teddy’s brow softened as he loosened his grip on Billy’s waist, pulling back. “Is that why you think I invited you over?”
“I don’t know. I mean, I do want to eventually. With you, I mean. Shit, sorry, is that weird? I just hope you weren’t expecting anything crazy. Okay, I’m shutting up now.”
“Billy, I’m flattered that you think I’m some kind of all-knowing sex god, but…I’ve never done anything either. And frankly, I’m not ready to. I just wanna smooch my boyfriend a little and wake up next to his perfect face tomorrow. Is that okay with you?”
“Yeah,” Billy’s expression softened as he found Teddy’s hand under the covers between them, lacing their fingers together.
“Anything else bothering you?” Teddy said, letting his chin rest on top of Billy’s head
“I mean, there was this one guy at summer camp that I kinda flirted with, and we did touch hands one time, but I don’t even think that counts. Oh, and- I know you went to a dance with Rebecca Matthews last year, and you really don’t have to tell me anything but-”
“Whoa, whoa, slow down,” Teddy said. “First of all, it was a Sadie Hawkins dance. What was I supposed to do, say no? I was barely out to myself yet! So, I figured I’d just show her a good time and then avoid it all later on, but then she kissed me, and I felt so bad about the whole thing…I ended up coming out to her that night just to get her to stop crying. She’s a sweet girl, really. Not my type, though. I guess I prefer brown eyes and neurotic babbling…”
Billy felt the clenching feeling in his chest release, replaced by the reassuring warmth Teddy always provided, literally and emotionally.
“I’m sorry for prying.” The blush rising on his cheeks was a testament to his own embarrassment, making Teddy relive something that he had clearly moved on from.
“Stop apologizing,” Teddy said, and his hand found Billy’s cheek, holding his face to his until their noses brushed together, “and start kissing me.”
Billy didn’t need to be told twice, quick to close the space between them and entranced as always by the taste of his boyfriend’s lips. The salt from the popcorn lingered, but the rest was all Teddy, his skin soft and his lips plump as his hands traveled around Billy’s waist. He pressed their bodies together with a firm touch on the small of Billy’s back, and suddenly, stuff didn’t seem as daunting as it did enticing to Billy. They would get there eventually. For now, this was all he needed.
The kiss broke, but Teddy’s arms stayed wrapped around him as a reminder that he wasn’t going anywhere, and Billy nuzzled impossible closer to his warmth as his own arms enveloped Teddy’s frame.
“By the way,” Teddy said. “Can summer camp boy fight?”
Billy laughed.
“That’s what I thought.”
When they woke up the next morning, Billy was pleased to find himself with Teddy’s arms wrapped tightly around him. They’d somehow ended up in the same position they lay down in, with Teddy behind him and his face nuzzled into Billy’s neck. Everything about it was so warm, the feeling of Teddy’s weight up against him and the mountain of blankets keeping his toes from freezing off in the old New York apartment. He felt silly for ever fearing this level of closeness, wishing he could freeze it in time.