Work Text:
"Dada, what happens after?"
"After what?" Binigay niya ang plain brown hardbound notebook na nakuha niya sa old bookshelf sa kanyang ama. Now it's all dusty, kitang kita pa ang maliit na handprint ng bata sa cover nito.
"After my birthday. Wala na po kasunod yung story mo with Tata eh."
Puñeta.
Tumunog ang alarm ni Jongdae at nabulilyaso ang tulog niya. He was about to open the notebook in his dream nang biglang ginising siya ng punyetang alarm na yan na tunog ng One Missed Call horror film. Paanong hindi siya mapapabangon niyan?
It's 5:25AM at dapat nang kumilos si JD para hindi siya abutan ng rush hour. Another day at work bilang alagad ng siyensya. Si Jongdae ay isang researcher at teaching fellow sa isang tanyag na unibersidad sa kalakhang Manila. He accepted the teaching job part-time dahil ano bang mapapala ng sole researcher salary sa taas ng cost of living in this impressively hellish year of 2026 sa equally hellish bansang Pilipinas?
The humble as ever Jongdae graduated one of the top of his insti in Molecular Biology and Biotechnology. The Summa cum Laude graduate took a Direct PhD MBB program after college because why not, when the opportunity is served to him on a silver platter? May DOST scholarship pa. This is essential din naman sa kanyang dream of doing research for the rest of his life.
Sobrang nerdy, I know, but it was something JD loved since high school. He loves to learn, research, and prove the unseen and the unknown.
Para siyang may sariling mundo habang nasa lab, sa office, sa tapat ng computer nito. Second nature na ng mga kamay niya ang magsulat ng observations, ng resulta, magclick at magtype at magresearch ng iba pang papers related dito.
It's a world JD built to keep himself busy and occupied from thinking of the other world that bothers him.
It's all Jongdae could think about the entire bus ride to work.
Dada.
It's been a while since he had this specific dream pattern. Nung una nga, natakot siya na baka nakalanghap na ba siya ng heavy metals or natapunan ng kung anong solvent sa lab (kahit naka-PPE naman siya palagi) at baka hallucinations na 'to o baka psychiatric episodes. Feeling niya nababaliw na siya kasi iisang boses, iisang tao ang lumalabas sa panaginip niya more often than it should.
A guy he very well knows in the dream - nakakausap niya, nakakasama niya, nahahawakan niya - suddenly becomes faceless when he wakes up.
It first happened the night after he aced his candidacy exam. His dissertation proposal is already drafted in his laptop long before it should be done, at matagal na siyang ready para ipareview ito sa prospect dissertation committee niya.
Sobrang eventful nang araw na iyon, punong puno ng saya and fulfilment ang puso niya because he's close to getting his PhD. Konting push na lang, matatapos niya rin ito. The weight of the day took a toll on his body at ayun, nang makauwi ay literal na bagsak na may ngiti sa kanyang labi.
He was by the bar... an ice cream bar? Nakaupo siya sa isang high stool, turning his waist left and right dahil naiikot 360° ang bangko. He was waiting for his companion, na kinukuha ang inorder nilang ice cream.
Every ice cream place reminds Jongdae of his own childhood. Carmen's Best was considered a luxury for his family of agronomists; alam naman ng lahat na ang agrikultura ang isa sa pinaka-underpaid na industriya sa bansa kahit na agricultural country ang Pinas. Despite that, JD's parents would buy him this brand of ice cream dahil iba ang kislap ng mga mata nito sa unang tikim pa lang. They just want to keep that spark burning as much as they could.
"T, ang tagal mo! Matutunaw na yang ice cream ko!" Jongdae shouted nang maaninag niya ang kasama na para bang naglalakad sa buwan sa bagal nito. He's balancing the tray he's holding on one hand ala-waiter sa restaurant kahit free naman ang other hand nito.
"Here's your order, my sweetheart." Inilagay niya sa mesa ang bowls ng ice cream at nag-bow habang yakap ang empty tray.
"Sira." JD playfully slapped T on his arm sa funny antics nito. Kinikilig siya, oo, pero itinago niya ito sa pamamagitan ng sunud-sunod na subo ng ice cream sa harap niya, a salted caramel flavor this time.
"Ahhhhhhh!" ani Jongdae.
Ang kaninang nakangiting pasulyap-sulyap sa kanya'y nagpapanic na ngayon.
"D! Anong nangyari? Okay ka lang ba?"
Nakapikit si Jongdae habang hawak ang ulo. "Brain freeze."
T laughed at him, muntik pa siyang matumba dahil sa kakatawa. Ilang segundo ang nakalipas nang mahimasmasan si JD at sumabay sa halakhak ng kasama.
"You're such a bully. Kita mong hirap na hirap ako dito."
Kinurot ni T ang pisngi niya, saying, "next time kasi D, 'wag mong lantakan yung ice cream para lang itago yung pag-blush mo."
Natigilan si JD na nahuli pala siya nito. Sa gulat, hindi naiwasang ma-out of balance siya at mahulog sa upuan, at tanging ang kamay ng kasama ang huli niyang naaninag bago magdilim ang lahat.
T......
Male-late na si Jongdae sa first (and only) class niya for today. Mga fresh grad pa man din ang students niya dito kaya't hindi pa malalakas ang loob magpa-late, nakakahiya naman sa mga ito.
Paano ba naman kasi, na-stuck ang sinasakyan niyang bus sa EDSA dahil may isang high profile politician ang nahuling gumamit ng carousel lane. Nagmatigas pa ito kaya panigurado, maraming manggagawang Pilipino like him ang late dahil dito.
He was half-skipping towards the jeepney terminal nang may makabangga siyang isang matangkad na lalaki na nagmamadali rin.
"Sorry, sorry--" The man looked back at him for a second at hinawakan siya sa braso bago tuluyang maglaho and get mixed in the crowd.
But Jongdae? He was, again, stuck. Not by the heavy foot traffic, but because he remembers that feeling.
He may not remember the face, but he remembers the voice, the touch, the skin-to-skin contact.
It's him.
It's T.
He may not be certain about a lot of things in his life, but this time, he's 100% sure. Because then, he just realized... he dreamt of this moment.
Nang matauhan, nagdalawang isip siya kung hahabulin at hahanapin niya ito. But what would he do? What would he say? What if he thinks he's crazy?
He decided to shove it off and focus on the present. May mga estudyante pa siyang nag-aantay sa kanya.
And so he proceeded to work, to teach for one and a half hours with no break, to prepare for his upcoming research colloquium. He tried his best na kalimutan ito. Baka déjà vu lang 'to, baka pagod lang siya, o baka talagang nakasinghot na siya ng mercury o lead sa lab at naghahallucinate na siya.
But how could he stop thinking about it? Not when the faceless dream boy finally gets a face. He's beautiful. Tall, fair skin, broad shoulders... Hindi niya maalis sa isip ang boses nito when he apologized. Hindi niya makalimutan ang dampi ng kamay nito sa braso niya.
It was just a split-second collision on a crowded sidewalk, but it was something more for him. It was like a clue to a test question, a hint to a quest, like a lifeline to the one-million-peso question.
At nang makauwi siya nang araw na iyon, pinilit niyang makatulog ulit, knowing na this time, pagkagising niya, may mukha na ang lalaking matagal nang laman ng panaginip niya.
"(っ- ‸ - ς)ᶻ ࣪ 𝗓 ࣪˖ 𐰁⊹ ࣪ ˖
Weeks and Jongdae successfully shove this whole ordeal off his memory. Busy siya with school and work, of course, this would not be part of his top priorities.
And surprisingly, after that day, he never dreamt of him again. He'd like to believe he's happy about it, at least hindi na siya mababother tuwing paggising niya na it felt real at naaalala niya ang lahat liban sa mukha ng lalaking kasama niya.
But he's longing for it. How could he miss him? It's like falling in love with an actor dahil lamang sa ginanapan niyang karakter.
Kaya ito si Jongdae, nililibang na lamang ang sarili sa mga interests niya sa buhay. He decided to go to a café today and grab some nice coffee (not that Kopiko L.A. coffee wasn't nice, he just wants to have something bougie nice) while reading the new Ricky Lee book. And admit it, chance na rin niya 'to na baka maka-organic encounter diba. We never know.
He was halfway through Pinilakang Tabing when a shadow fell over his table. Ibinaba ni Jongdae ang libro niya, using his index finger as the temporary bookmark, at tumingala to look at the person by his table.
It was him.
"Sorry, puno na eh," sabi nito, gesturing at the empty chair. "Okay lang maki-share?"
Jongdae didn't speak. Tinitigan niya ito, mula sa mata, sa ilong, sa labi, pati sa panga na he could only trace with his fingertips in his sleep.
"Uhmm, is that a no?" Ngumiti ito na parang pilit, obviously uncomfortable sa mga titig ng kaharap.
He nodded slowly, unable to look away. Umupo naman ang lalaki kahit kanina pa siya nawiwirduhan dito. Nag-aantay siya ng order niya, nilalaro ang buzzer ng café with a blinking red number 2 on it, contemplating if ipapa-takeaway na lang niya ang order dahil kanina pa nakatitig ang lalaki sa harap niya. He's not even subtle.
And when the man looked back at the counter the third time, that's when it clicked. Jongdae realized, he had dreamt of this scene.
And he knew, in this scene, the guy wants to run - run away from him.
He'll be back, he knows. Kaya ng nag-vibrate na ang buzzer at dali-dali itong tumayo bitbit ang backpack niya, kampante si Jongdae na babalik ito. It was in his dream.
Natawa si JD nang mapansing nag-aalangan sa may pick-up counter ang lalaki. He was about to reach to his latte when suddenly, he remembered.
He was walking towards their table, holding his tray of iced americano and pain au chocolat with both hands.
JD was smiling over how cautious T is, hanggang sa makaupo ito. JD reached for his hot latte, inserting his index finger sa handle nito. He clearly underestimated the weight of it kaya natapon ang kape all over his book, pati na rin sa pantalon nito.
T was in shock, but he immediately helped, placing the mug and coaster on his tray beside his untouched food and drink and helped clean the floor with the little tissue given by the barista a while ago. He offered some more from his backpack and JD gladly took it, but not without brushing his fingers on his in the process.
Jongdae pulled his hand back. Ano kayang mangyayari if I do the opposite?, he thought. As the scientist that he is, he would treat this as an experiment to see what happens next.
Just when he thought what's next couldn't be that insane, biglang nasagi ng lalaki ang table while he was about to get something from his bag, causing his own drink to spill to his graphic novel book and all over the table and the floor.
They were both in shock, ngunit sabay ring kumilos para punasan ang natapong kape. Iniabot ni JD ang tissue mula sa tote bag niya and the man took it, accidentally touching his hand.
"Sorry, sorry." He said nang may lumapit na server na may dalang mop, halata ang inis sa mukha nito.
Nang makaalis ang server at marinig nila ang sinabi nitong, Juskolord mag-a-out na lang magbabanlaw pa nga ng mop, nagkatinginan sila at sabay na natawa.
"I'm Sehun, grabe, this is so embarrassing. Pinagtitinginan pa rin tayo." Napatakip pa ng mukha si former-faceless-former-nameless-dream-boy Sehun sa kahihiyan.
"I'm Jongdae. 'Wag ka ngang mahiya dyan. And to be honest, I had a feeling this might happen." He winked. He did not expect the result of this experiment, but he is excited of what's to come next for them.
They went to the mall, only because nag-insist si Sehun bilang kabayaran sa kahihiyang ginawa niya. And as they walked, it was hard for JD.
He's a reaaaaally touchy person, and walking alongside Sehun makes him want to cling to his arm or hold his hand. But he shouldn't. He's still a stranger after all. Hahawakan niya na sana ang hem ng shirt nito but he pulled back dahil magmumukha naman siyang anak na nakakapit sa saya ng mama niya dahil sa takot mawala sa mall.
They walked side by side, and Sehun only stopped when he saw a ramen place beside a very familiar ice cream shop that just opened today. May mga balloons pa ito sa labas at nakalabas ang dalawang malaking speakers sa may pinto, playing the brand's jingle on repeat.
"Ramen tayo?" Sehun looked at him kaya agad na nabalik ang atensyon ni JD dito.
"Game." They walked inside and right before sumigaw ng Irasshaimase! ang mga servers, Sehun saw Jongdae take a last look on the newly opened ice cream shop.
They introduced themselves as they wait for their order. Agad na nagkagaanan ng loob ang dalawa dahil pareho nilang hilig ang pagbabasa, with Arnold Arre being Sehun's favorite author while si Jongdae, loud and proud Ricky Lee stan since college. Sehun is even part of a book club, and he promised Jongdae he would bring him some time. Pareho rin silang graduating na. Sehun is just 1.5years younger than Jongdae, but since he had to halt his studies noon para makapagtrabaho at makatulong sa pamilya, ngayon na lang siya nakabalik ulit.
"Nang plano ko na sanang bumalik sa pag-aaral, naging kumplikado yung pagbubuntis ni mama kaya ayun, tinuloy ko mag-full time receptionist sa hotel na pinagtatrabahuhan ko para makabayad sa utang sa ospital. Biruin mo, 25 years age gap namin ni Yijin. Akala daw ni mama menopause na siya kaya nawalan na siya ng period, yun pala nakaisa pa si papa."
They both laughed, pero natigilan si Jongdae nang punasan ni Sehun ang gilid ng labi niya.
"Seaweed," he licked his thumb at napanganga si Jongdae kasi huy kuya galing sa bibig ko yan!?, "ang kalat mo pala kumain 'no?"
Hindi alam ni Jongdae ang gagawin. He looked around at nagpaypay pa ito using his hand para sa namumula niyang mukha.
"Pa-serve ko na yung ice cream, 'no? Parang need ko na ng dessert pala," sabay taas ng kamay, "Waiter!"
Pina-serve na nga niya ang ice cream na kasama sa kiddie meal set na binili niya. Tinawanan pa nga siya ni Sehun kanina dahil ito ang inorder niya. He defended himself na he wanted to have both ramen and rice meal kaya yun ang inorder niya. At ano naman kung nasa car-shaped plate ang food niya?
"Solved ka na ba sa ice cream na yan o gusto mong i-try sa kabila?" Sehun asked when he saw the small scoop of vanilla ice cream served to Jongdae.
"Ha? Uhmm, ano. Okay na siguro ako dito." Jongdae lied. No amount of ice cream is enough for him. It is his comfort food. And not because he's comfortable sa company ni Sehun ay 'di na niya kailangan ang comfort food niya.
But he has to pretend. Kanina pa siya kinakabahan na baka biglang may eureka moment na naman at maalala niya ang panaginip niya bigla like kanina. Mas lalo siyang kinakabahan dahil sa ilang beses na nangyari ito, nagkakatotoo ang nangyayari sa panaginip niya kahit ibahin niya pa ang ibang pangyayari dito.
"Eh ako, wala pa akong dessert. Samahan mo na lang ako." Sehun looked at him with wishful eyes. Jongdae wanted to look away, pero parang gusto niya na lang magpakalunod sa mga titig niya. Unconsciously napatango na lang si JD habang nakatitig pa rin dito.
They went to the ice cream shop and JD just confirmed, it is the same one from his first dream. He had long forgotten about it, to be honest, pero nang makita niya ang lugar, it brought back everything like it was a real, old memory.
"Upo ka na dyan, ako na ang oorder." Sehun said but Jongdae remembered how it was Sehun who ordered the last time. He wanted to solidify his hypothesis so he wants to do the opposite again.
"Ako na lang, Sehun. Ikaw na sa lunch eh. Treat ko na 'to." He smiled and went to the counter para hindi na talaga makaangal.
"Ok! Salted caramel sa'kin!" Sehun shouted at napatuwid ng tayo si Jongdae sa counter because it's the exact flavor they had in his dream.
"Ahh ate, dalawang salted caramel po... Ay wait! Ate! One salted caramel, then one peppermint choco na lang po."
Jongdae picked up the tray but he was having a hard time bringing it to their table dahil madulas ang tray at wala itong liner. Any wrong movement ay madaling matatapon ang mga ice cream.
"D, bilisan mo! Matutunaw na yang ice cream ko!" Sehun shouted.
When he reached the table, thankfully walang spilled ice cream this time, he asked Sehun, "bakit mo ako tinawag na D?"
"Diba sabi mo ikaw si Kim JongDi." Tumataas-taas pa ang kilay nito, nagpipigil ng tawa, inaantay ang reaksyon ni Jongdae. Jongdae tried his best to keep a poker face over Sehun's dad joke.
"Corny mo naman! De, sabi mo kasi JD nickname mo. Eh same number of syllables lang naman sila ng Jongdae so paano umiksi yun? Kaya D na lang. One letter, one syllable, easy."
Sehun looked so proud of his train of thoughts kaya dito na tuluyang natawa si Jongdae.
"Hay nako, pasalamat ka cute ka." Jongdae said that made Sehun blush. Sehun tried to hide it by eating his salted caramel ice cream nonstop.
"Ahhhhh!" Sehun shouted while holding onto his temples.
"What happened?" He tried to show a bit of concern pero ang lawak ng ngiti ni Jongdae because he actually knows. He was at that position before... in his dream.
"Brain freeze." Sehun briefly replied, and he glared at Jongdae for laughing too hard.
"Grabe tinatawanan mo ako, parang ina-ice pick yung utak ko."
"Sorry, ikaw kasi... wala."
"Anong wala?" Jongdae was about to say the same thing Sehun said, na he should stop using the ice cream to cover up his blush, pero pinigilan niya ang sarili niya.
"Basta wala. Gusto mong i-try yung ice cream ko?"
They talked and talked, hindi nila namamalayan ang oras. Biglang may tumawag kay Sehun na parang galit ang tono kaya Jongdae figured out their little "date" was over when he dropped the call, looking apologetically at him.
Hinatid siya ni Sehun sa sakayan at sinamahang mag-antay ng jeep nang may biglang tumawag dito.
"Hoy, T!" Lumapit pa ito sa kanila.
"Grabe ka, T! Sabi mo 12, kanina pa ako nag-aabang dun sa caf--" Hindi na natuloy ang sinasabi niya dahil tinakpan na ni Sehun ang bibig nito. Nakaakbay pa ito at binulungan na bumalik na siya sa café at susunod siya agad.
Habang itong si Jongdae, tulala nang marinig ang tawag sa kanya ng lalaki. T? Noong una ay binalewala niya lang ito, na baka T ang pangalan sa panaginip niya dahil hindi lang aware ang utak niya at ang kung anumang sanhi ng lahat ng ito sa tunay na pangalan ng lalaki. Kanina lang ay he totally believed na his brain just picked a random letter dahil Sehun naman pala ang pangalan nito.
But now... He really is T. He really is the man of his dreams. Literally.
"Sorry, D ha. Pinsan ko lang yun. Nagpapalibre." Napakamot pa siya sa batok niya sa hiya. Muntik na kasi ma-reveal kay Jongdae na may lakad talaga siya but he chose to ditch it for him.
"Uhhh Sehun? Bakit T?" Curiosity got the best of him kaya ito agad ang una niyang nasabi.
"Ah yun ba! Nako, si Yijin kasi. Nung nagsisimula pa lang siya magsalita, hindi niya mabanggit pangalan ko. Palaging kuya Tihun."
"Kaya naging T?"
"Oo. Palagi akong niloloko ng mga pinsan ko hanggang sa nakasanayan na. Ang galing pala, ako sa T, ikaw si D. T na rin tawag mo sa'kin ha!" Ngiting tagumpay naman si Sehun dahil feeling niya meant-to-be na sila niyan.
"A... ayoko." banggit ni Jongdae. Bumagsak naman ang ngiti ni Sehun.
"Bakit ayaw mo?"
"Uhm ano, kasi. Wala lang. Parang inside joke siya sa pamilya niyo eh."
"Ano ka ba, wala lang yun! Kahit yung iba sa hotel, yun na rin tawag sa'kin."
"Basta ayoko. Mag-iisip na lang ako ng ibang tawag sa'yo, okay?"
Nginitian ni Jongdae si Sehun kaya't bumalik na rin ang ngiti (at kilig) nang huli. Hihirit pa sana siyang baby na lang itawag mo, pero dumating na ang jeep at nagpaalam ni si JD sa kanya.
From then on, araw gabi silang magkachat o video call. They update each other via chat kapag aalis na papuntang trabaho, o kaya'y kapag kakain na. Inaalalahanan nila ang isa't isa na huwag magpapalipas, na palaging uminom ng tubig, na magpahinga pa rin tapos laban ulit. Tuwing gabi, naglalaan sila ng kaunting minuto para mag-video call at ikwento ang nangyari sa araw nila, hanggang sa may isang humikab and they'll finally call it a night.
They resorted to chats and calls because both of them are busy. Naghahanda na si Jongdae para sa kanyang doctoral exam at si Sehun sa kanyang thesis defense. Pareho silang graduating kaya they had to hold off sa next date (because yes, Sehun insisted na their ramen x ice cream "hangout" is considered their first date) to prioritize their studies.
At hanggang ngayon, never na rin muling napanaginipan ni Jongdae si Sehun. He had to admit he felt a tiny bit sad about it, but the reality is so much better. Their sort of "relationship" bloomed in no time. Sa tagal nilang nag-uusap ay hindi na nakakapagtaka na mahulog sila sa isa't isa. In Sehun's words, meant-to-be nga raw kasi sila.
And so after months of LDR (LD pa rin kahit na taga-Taguig lang si Sehun at sa Makati lang nakatira si Jongdae, at oo, kahit wala pang established R), they decided to meet for their next date.
"So ano ng plano mo?" Jongdae asked as he played on the remaining penne arrabiata using his fork. Busog na busog na siya at nakailang serving na sila sa unli pasta ng Mama Lou's. Itong si Sehun, nag-request pa ng spaghetti con tuyo.
"Sa ngayon, wala pa. Sa hotel pa rin. Okay naman sahod dun eh."
"Saang hotel ka nga? Grand Hyatt diba?"
"Oo." Iba ang ngiti at kislap ng mata ni Jongdae, making Sehun confused.
"I'll be there a few weeks from now! Ididiscuss ko yung dissertation ko sa isang conference. Kinakabahan ako pero dahil andun ka, baka kaya ko naman."
Sehun's face immediately turned red. Parang x10 ang epekto sa kanya kapag ganitong hindi aware si Jongdae na nakakakilig ang sinasabi niya.
"Sure akong kaya mo yan. Nakakaproud ka naman, D! Dapat mag-celebrate tayo!"
"Sure, ililibre pa kita! What do you want?"
Sehun grinned as he answered, "Ice cream."
Conference day came and it was the first time Sehun saw Jongdae all dolled up. May light make up ito, may suot na cream long-sleeved wrap-style suit na may kapares na same colored trousers. Sobrang ganda ni Jongdae at hindi mapigilan ni Sehun na matulala sa kung paanong nag-gglow ito.
Jongdae's obviously one of the best in his field. Hindi naman siya kukuning speaker right after his PhD grad kung hindi. Sobrang niche pa nito, and what would this Tourism fresh grad know about molecular biology and biotechnology? Somehow, nanliliit si Sehun because Jongdae is surrounded by like-minded people, and siya, isa lamang barely surviving human being na wala pang plano after graduation.
The conference is starting and balak sanang sumilip ni Sehun to listen to Jongdae discuss his dissertation. He figured he could easily blend in kapag inalis niya ang name plate niya because he's wearing a formal suit like everybody else. But before he could even step foot inside the ballroom, he heard someone said, So sino mag-iintro kay Doc Jongdae? Sinukuan ko na yun last time, sobrang daming awards and research, para na rin akong nagspeech eh.
Mas lalo lamang tumibay ang insecurities ni Sehun nang marinig itong magsalita and experienced firsthand the charm and grace and expertise that is Dr. Jongdae Kim on stage. He very well knows his shit. He's the master of it.
Sehun stepped out and stayed by the smoking area. Nag-squat lang siya dun while picking on the plant near the trash bin.
"He's like, what, just a year and a half older but he accomplished so much, no one wants to volunteer to do his introduction because of how long his achievements are. Eh ako? Dekorasyon. Display sa hotel. Parang labubu lang sa bag. Jusko, kulang na lang magdiaper ako dito parang daig pa ako ni Yijin sa narating sa buhay." He mumbled to himself. Then, he received a text.
D💗: Hun, nakauwi ka na?
Nagulat siya sa Hun because ano ba 'to? Hun for Sehun? Or Hun like... Honey? Endearment ba 'to?
Hunnie🍯: 'Di pa. Nagpapahangin lang.
When Jongdae received the reply, he immediately said his goodbye sa mga kasamahan niya, even to the crowd of academics that swarmed him after his talk, mga respetadong pangalan sa kanilang field na curious sa mga ongoing research ni Jongdae.
Si Sehun muna. Si Sehun naman.
Pagkalabas niya ng hotel, nakita niya agad ito sa may smoking area sa gilid, nakacrouch down at may stick ng yosi (???) sa bibig. He didn't know Sehun smokes. He doesn't like it when people smoke.
But bigla na lang itong bumuga and he saw... bubbles!? Bubbles came out of Sehun's cigarette stick and it suddenly clicked. Jongdae dreamt of this. It's been a while since he last saw his dream turn into reality and he's excited how this one will turn out. Will it be the same as what he had dreamt of?
"Hey." Jongdae said at agad na napaangat si Sehun, hiding his cigarette bubble machine in his back pocket.
"Ang galing mo kanina."
"Thank you." They were two feet apart, playing with random stones by the floor. Sehun looked at him, smiling, but Jongdae noticed his sad eyes.
"Napanood kita magsalita. Ang galing mo. Napapaligiran ka ng mga taong naiintindihan ka. They all could appreciate you the way you should be appreciated. Sorry I didn't know how big of a deal your work is before. I don't think I'll ever get it."
"Ano bang sinasabi mo, Hun--"
"All I'm saying is, I feel like I don't belong in your world, ganun? Parang ang taas taas mo. Ang taas taas niyong lahat. And I feel like I could slow you down, or worse, I could hold you back. Kasi ako, eto, still a receptionist at 31, recently graduated, walang plano sa buhay--"
"Sehun."
Jongdae sounded firmer than he's planning to, kaya napaangat ng tingin si Sehun dito. JD had to take a deep breath first before speaking, a lot calmer this time.
"Most people our age haven't had to carry the weight of a family yet. But you did. You stepped up and made sure your family is okay. Ginawa mo yung tingin mong dapat mong gawin that time and yet, here you are, you still finished your degree. That's a massive win, Sehun. You graduated not just with a degree but with a proven character of how selfless you are, of how you handled real-life pressure, of how you could be and still are a person people can rely on. I'm so proud of you, 'di mo ba alam yun? Be proud of yourself, too."
Sehun was speechless. Natameme ito sa sinabi ni Jongdae. He knows in himself it could possibly be a long way to resolving his insecurities, but having Jongdae by his side makes it feel easy. Now, he can only think of one thing to do.
He stepped closer to Jongdae, hovering his face on his, waiting for a go signal, or any sign na pwede niya itong gawin. And as he saw Jongdae's face turned from shocked to amused, he dived in. Hinalikan ni Sehun si Jongdae, softly, slowly, hands automatically travelled from JD's nape to his lower back. JD held him tight, too, nakapulupot ang braso niya sa bewang ni Sehun, putting it inside his coat to feel him closer. When they parted, Jongdae smiled at him pero parang nabigla si Sehun.
"Shet sorry, D. I couldn't believe our first kiss is by the trash can."
"Oh, but I do." Jongdae sported a knowing smile. The whole conversation may not be part of his dream, but this, the sweetness of their first kiss, felt so much better in reality.
Hinatid na ni Sehun si Jongdae sa hotel room nito, walking hand in hand. Nang makarating sa may pinto, ayaw bitawan ni JD ang kamay niya.
"I will head to Belgium next week for another conference." Jongdae said sadly, nakatingin lang sa magkahawak na kamay nila.
"Wala ka namang roommate diba? Gusto mong mag-movie night?" Sehun asked, which made Jongdae perk up sa narinig nito.
"Game!" Masayang sinabi ni Jongdae ngunit bigla siyang naguluhan ng bitawan ni Sehun ang kamay niya at akmang aalis na.
"Hunnie?"
"Not without ice cream, D. Never without ice cream."
He came back knocking at the hotel room door with tubs of ice cream in one hand and Jongdae's heart figuratively on the other. JD peeked through the peephole and then and there, he knows, this is true love.
True love isn't Sehun giving Jongdae the cookies in the cookies and cream, nor him taking out the nuts in the rocky road. True love is him buying them a tub each because he knows one is barely enough.
Kumuha si Jongdae ng teaspoons from the mini-pantry habang sineset up ni Sehun ang kama at ang Zootopia 1 and 2 na papanoorin nila. They sat next to each other, upper bodies both leaning on the headboard, with Sehun telling stories of his short convenience store journey and Jongdae thinking how this has happened before.
I don't care if it really did. I don't care if this is a dream. I don't even care if it's a nightmare.
I don't care if it's not real.
Because in my heart, I know it's true.
This is all true.
"(っ- ‸ - ς)ᶻ ࣪ 𝗓 ࣪˖ 𐰁⊹ ࣪ ˖
Jongdae was on his flight back home; he just boarded the Doha to Manila flight dahil dito ang layover niya from Brussels. He's excited to see his now boyfriend and show him all the pasalubong he brought. Eight hours pa ang byahe, and JD drifted to sleep while thinking of the man he cares about the most.
It was near Sehun's workplace. Sehun was walking by the sidewalk, his old wired earphones in full blast, playing all sorts of hiphop music he used to love back in the early 2000s. Napapaindak pa ito sa bawat beat, at nang patawid na siya sa 7th ave. corner 35th st., hindi niya narinig ang sigaw ng ibang pedestrians. Not even the loud screech the black SUV made when it lost its control.
It took a while for medics to respond, and the sound of ambulance is all the crowd could hear.
Sehun was brought to the nearest hospital, received immediate care... but it was too late.
And Jongdae was too late.
When he arrived at the hospital, he's gone.
Jongdae woke up from the sound of the descent announcement. He gasped for air, feeling like he lost all oxygen, blood, and water in his system. Tears continued streaming down his face. He was frantic; gusto niya na lang tumalon sa plane at mag-parachute papunta kay Sehun.
That won't happen. Please don't let it happen.
The first thing Jongdae did when the plane landed is to open his mobile data and message Sehun.
D💗: Beau, where are you? Are you okay??
And just as he was about to send another chat, he saw the recent news about a black SUV veering off course on 35th and 7th three hours ago. The same place in his dream.
He quickly deplaned and sent multiple texts to Sehun, praying to God and all the powerful above that his boyfriend is safe. Please, Lord. Ingatan mo si Sehun.
He took a Grab to the hospital mentioned in the article and left his luggage by the reception. He told the nurse's station his name.
"Miss, Sehun Oh po."
"Wait... 1221 po sir." The nurse said.
"Diba yun yung--" Another nurse chimed in ngunit hindi na niya pinatapos ito. He ran towards room 1221.
When he arrived, he saw a staff removing Sehun's name from the display by the door. Is he really too late? Is he really gone?
"No," he whispered. "No, no, no."
"Kuya, asan po siya? I knew—I knew this would happen and wala akong nagawa to stop it! I love him and I let it happen!" He crouched down, crying his heart out by the corridor of the hospital wing.
"Beau?"
"Kuya, naririnig ko pa siya! Please tell me where his body is!" Sigaw at iyak nito sa naguguluhang staff.
"D, I'm here." Sehun tapped him by the arm. Tinignan ni JD ang kamay hanggang sa mukha nito.
It was Sehun. A perfectly intact, bruise-free Sehun.
"You're alive!" Jongdae shouted and hugged the man. Sehun mouthed a 'Sorry' to the staff and headed inside the room.
"Beau... I saw it happen... I thought you're... You're..." He said sa pagitan ng bawat hikbi, hanggang hindi mapigilan ang sarili and bawled his eyes out over the thought of Sehun dying.
"I fainted," Sehun admitted. "Tumama yung kotse sa poste sa may pedestrian lane, ilang feet away lang from me. Hindi ako nasaktan, but I... I think I went into shock. I was too ashamed to answer your chat kasi I felt like a coward for passing out." He scratched his nape, feeling shy over this confession.
Hinawakan ni Sehun ang mukha ni Jongdae at pinunasan ang luha nito. Nang kumalma na si JD, he asked, "What do you mean you knew? Na you saw it happen?"
Jongdae cleared his throat and held Sehun's hand. Kinwento niya lahat. Ang mga panaginip niya. Ang una nilang pagkikita. Yung sa coffee shop, sa ice cream bar, even their first kiss sa smoking area. Yung tiny experiment niya of doing the opposite of what happened in his dream. Pati na rin ang pagtigil ng panaginip niya with him mula nang makita niya ang mukha nito. Lahat. Most especially the premonition - or let's say, a huge misunderstanding (because he never really saw him getting hurt from the incident, but hey, he was in panic) - on the plane.
Nanatili lang ang katahimikan; Sehun tried to absorb everything. It was too bizarre to believe in, but with the way Jongdae acted now, he believes it's true. He believes Jongdae and whatever that comes out of that pretty mouth of his.
Sehun, finally, smiled softly at him. "Promise me one thing? If in time you ever dream of me again, don't tell me what happens to me, unless I asked. I want to live my life with you, freely. Not dictated by your dreams."
Jongdae returned his smile, hugging Sehun. "Sila ate nurse kasi, pakaba! Tsaka bakit kasi inaalis ni kuya yung pangalan mo sa labas! Nangalngalan ko pa tuloy siya."
"Eh kasi discharged na ako. Tsaka yung mga nurse sa nurse station? Tinatawanan ako nu'ng mga yun kanina pa. Ikaw talaga."
"Beau, I was scared, okay? I felt so helpless. Halos itext ko na nga lahat ng-- wait! Hunnie, your phone?"
"Ito," showing his phone from his pocket, "bakit?"
"Give me that!" Pilit inabot ni Jongdae ang phone but Sehun stood up, raising his long arms up para lalong hindi maabot ni JD kahit tumalon pa ito.
"Bakit nga?"
"I sent... a lot of texts. While I thought you were... gone."
Nang ibaba ni Sehun ang kamay niya, akala niya'y ibibigay na sa kanya ang phone. But he ran to the bathroom and locked the door.
Jongdae lied down on the hospital bed, burying his face in the pillow and kicked repeatedly out of embarrassment.
Napaangat lang ng tingin si JD when he heard the bathroom door open, showing a blushing Sehun.
"You think the way I bite into my bookmark while I read is 'chipmunk level adorable'?"
"Ugh, shut up." Ibinaon na lang niya muli ang ulo sa unan. Tumabi naman sa kanya si Sehun, lying down beside him, caressing his hair.
"You'll miss seeing me wear my three-piece suit? And when I lick the ice cream off the sides of the cone? And when I press a kiss on your philtrum first?"
"Tigilan mo ako, Sehun Oh."
"Well, beau, if we're really being honest... I have a note in my phone after we met. You can read it."
Jongdae peeked, checking for signs if totoo ang sinasabi nito. When he locked eyes with a smiling Sehun, he sat up and got his phone from him.
He read it silently, smiling from ear to ear. Laughing at some entries Sehun made about him.
"You thought I was terrifyingly cute when I stared at you the first time?" Jongdae looked at him amusingly.
"Oo, but now it makes sense. I was familiar to you while you were a stranger to me. I think that was a normal reaction given our situation."
"I smell like Dove soap!? Hoy Hunnie, Tamburins yung pabango ko tapos sasabihin mo lang na amoy sabon ako!?"
Sehun shrugged, "basta mabango ka. At gusto ko yung amoy mo. At mas lalong gusto kita."
"I think," Jongdae whispered, "that this part wasn't in any of my dreams."
"Even this?" Sehun kissed him, philtrum first before the lips, surprising JD.
He smiled and shook his head. Sehun smiled back but got curious.
"Do you... remember everything? May scenes pa bang hindi nangyayari?"
"Hmmm. I don't remember, or not now, at least. Kapag lang nandun na sa situation saka ko lang naaalala. But," he paused, smiling widely at him, "there's one thing that I recall just now."
"Which is?"
"You want to know? I thought you don't wanna?"
"Unless I asked, remember? And I'm asking you now. Na-curious na ako eh. Sabihin mo na kaysa mabitin ako." Sehun laughed, letting Jongdae know na okay lang, he's comfortable in knowing this one.
"In one of my dreams, we have a daughter named Judy."
Sehun grinned because this is something he would do and agree on. "Please tell me we named her after the Zootopia character."
Jongdae nodded, smiling. "Both that and the fact that it sounds a bit like my name. Ikaw nakaisip nu'n."
"Good," Sehun said, leaning in. "I will do my best to reach that point in life with you so we could keep it that way."