Chapter Text
It had been a long day.
The Shadow Cursed Lands made you miss the wilderness, even the Underdark. The cursed lands were straight up creeping you out. You had successfully acquired a moonlantern, so you and your companions could safely venture through the dark shadows. However, you sometimes still felt like you could walk into another group of the creepy shadows, that would not hesitate to destroy you and your companions.
You had safely made it to the Moonrise Tower. The place was probably one of the creepiest places you’d ever been to. And you have seen a lot of creepy places in your lifetime. Ketheric Thorm, the man ruling over the tower, whatever his title was - you didn’t really care - wasn’t any better. He was definitely pure evil, and you couldn’t wait to be away from him. One way or another. His guards and henchmen were an odd bunch. The tower was generally filled with a variety of people. There were even gnolls, and in the kitchen no less. Their handler claimed to have full control over them, and that they could do anything she commanded. Although, you weren’t so convinced. You had your fair share of bad experiences with gnolls, so it wouldn’t surprise you if they suddenly attacked their handler.
You had met a drow; Araj Oblodra.
She was strangely and unsettlingly fascinated by and interested in Astarion. She was the first person you had ever heard say that she had been dreaming of being bitten by a vampire since she was little. It was strange. Unsettling. It wasn’t normal. But then again, she didn’t really seem like she fit into that category anyway.
Araj had asked you to donate a little of your blood, and out of curiosity, you had allowed her to take some. In return, she gave you a potion. She couldn’t tell you what it was capable of, and you weren’t sure if you’d ever use it. It wasn’t exactly comforting to not know what the potion was and what it did. For now, it would lay untouched in your pack. You were even tempted to leave it in the shared camp chest. But that wasn’t necessarily safe either. If this potion was something bad, you weren’t so sure if you’d want it to accidentally end up in the hands of your companions. Not that you didn’t trust them. It was more that you didn’t trust the potion.
You had run into Raphael again. That smug devil had offered to decipher the scars on Astarion’s back, but only if you agreed to kill Yurgir. An Orthon. When you first saw the big creature, you felt instant regret. You had felt fear. But deep inside, you knew that if you didn’t go through with it, Astarion wouldn’t get the answer he craved oh so much. And you couldn’t blame him. Almost two hundred years of not knowing what the scars on his back meant, it had to take a toll on the guy. You knew he would get upset with you, if you chose to help Yurgir instead of doing Raphael’s bidding. And so you managed to convince him to kill everyone, including himself, but you and your party.
That following evening, Raphael visited you in camp, revealing that the scars on Astarion’s back linked him to a ritual. A ritual his master, Cazador, was going to use to become the vampire ascendant. It would grant him great power, even the ability to walk in the sun. And Astarion was the missing piece. The news filled you with terror. That’s when you realised how much of a madman Cazador truly is. When you looked at Astarion, he seemed both shocked and unfazed by the news. He was upset, and rightfully so. You chose to leave him alone that night, to give him some space to process it.
You hadn’t really talked to Astarion the next day. He didn’t really seem interested in making conversation with anyone, not since Raphael told him what his supposed fate was, if Cazador got his hands on him. It saddened you to see the vampire like this. It was all too obvious he didn’t know what to think or say. It was almost like he didn’t even try to hide his struggle with it all. You kind of expected him to have an outburst, maybe shout some things. Had it been you, things would’ve probably been thrown and kicked around out of anger. And should Astarion choose to do this, no one could blame him.
As you got ready to sleep that night, Astarion called you over to his tent. He appeared to have something he needed to get off his chest. Something that weighed heavily on his shoulders. He seemed nervous. He wasn’t sporting that charming smile he always wore, nor did he appear as relaxed. It worried you.
“Do you have a moment? I… I think we need to talk.” The elf said. There was no hiding or denying it. He was nervous. You could hear it in his voice. You could see it in his eyes. Something was definitely wrong.
“Are you alright?” You decided to ask. You didn’t know what he was about to tell you, what the conversation was going to be about. You didn’t know if he was going to ask something of you. All you could do was hope it wasn’t too bad.
“Oh yes, I’m fine. I just…” He smiled for a short moment, only to let it turn upside down. He turned his gaze to the ground, his brows knitted together out of guilt.. “Feel awful..” He admitted, his eyes rising to once again look at you. “First off, I want to thank you.”
“For what?” You asked confused. He starts off saying he feels awful, and then thanks you? Should you be more worried than you initially had been?
“For what you said, while I was in front of that vile drow.”
“Oh.. It was nothing. She…” You gave him a small smile. “She’s clearly delusional, if she thinks you’d want to bite her just like that. I mean… other vampires might have taken the offer, but you’re different. You’re not like other vampires.” You had hoped your words would make him feel better, instead it seemed like they only made him feel worse.
Astarion cleared his throat before speaking again. “Well… I’ve spent two hundred years using my body to lure pretty things back for my master. What I wanted, how I felt about what I was doing, it never mattered. And you could’ve asked me to do the same - to throw myself at her, what I wanted be damned!” You could see the anger in his eyes. You always knew he didn’t exactly like doing what Cazador ordered him to do. There was no doubt telling you this brought back painful memories. The kind he would do anything to forget. Then his eyes changed, and he seemed almost surprised. “But you didn’t. And I’m grateful.” The small smile on his lips indicated said gratefulness.
“Well, like I told her; you’re your own person. I’m not going to make your decisions for you. You may be a spawn, you may be following my lead, but what we have is different.” You started explaining. “When we first started our journey, after we discovered your little vampire secret, you said it yourself.. You wouldn’t feed on anyone innocent. Only the people we kill. Other than that, you stick to animals and, occasionally, my neck. No matter what happens, you will continue to make your own choices, and I will continue to trust you. And I will trust that you don’t make any dumb decisions.” A small chuckle escaped your mouth.
Pure guilt was suddenly evident in his red eyes. He scratched the back of his head for a moment before talking. “Look, I… had a plan.” He started explaining, knowing damn well what he was about to tell you could possibly ruin everything the two of you had built. “A nice, simple plan - seduce you, sleep with you, manipulate your feelings so you’d never turn on me.” A nervous smile appeared on his lips. His guilt was almost unbearable at this point. “It was easy - instinctive..” He gazed away for a short moment, before returning to your eyes. “Habits from two hundred years of charming people kicked in. All you had to do was fall for it..”
Sorrow.
Guilt.
The tears and pain in his voice.
So many emotions at once. The kinds of emotions you had never seen the man standing before you express before. Your eyes widened, your brows furrowed. You almost couldn’t believe what he was saying. He had been manipulating you this whole time? That night at the party, when you had helped the refugees. It was all part of a scheme. He had been spinning the yarn since you first met, when he first agreed to travel with you. Before you could say anything, Astarion continued talking, even though at this moment, you just wanted him to shut up.
“And all I had to do was not fall for you.” A small, guilty smile. The guilt in his eyes. He knew he had to be careful now. He knew you were upset with him, that there was a chance of you kicking him out of the group. Maybe even kick him in a certain area. “Which is where my nice, simple plan fell apart.”
Suddenly adoration was all over his face. It was all you could see in his eyes. As much as you wanted him to shut up, as much as you wanted to punch him, you decided to keep quiet. After all, he had basically just told you that he had feelings for you. So you allowed him to continue.
“You can probably imagine how stupid I felt when I started to… Genuinely feel something for you.” And there it was. It was officially out in the open. He had actually said the words. “You’re a complication I didn’t see coming, and yet…”
“A complication?” You asked with your arms crossed over your chest. “Is that all I am to you? A complication?” You didn’t even try to hide your annoyance.
“No, you- just let me finish, please.” He quickly responded, almost begged. “Let me finish..” You gave him a simple nod in response. “You…” Another deep breath. “You’re incredible. You deserve something real.” You could now see hope in his eyes. “I want us to be something real.”
It was almost a completely different man who stood in front of you. For a while, you had believed you already had something real, only to learn that it was built on lies. And here he was, confessing his scheme, his ‘nice, simple plan’, as he had put it. He confessed to having feelings for you. Could you trust him though?
“So.. The nights we spent together didn’t mean anything to you?” You decided to ask. If this had all been a lie, how could your nights together have meant anything?
“Of course they did.” He answered as sincerely as he possibly could. “That’s the problem, or.. Part of it.” He looked away, hoping you didn’t misunderstand him. With your hand, you motioned for him to continue, and as he did, his eyes flitted back on to you. “Being close to someone - any kind of intimacy - was something I performed to lure people back for him, and even though I know things between us are different, being with someone still feels…” He paused, searching for the right words. “Tainted. Still brings up those feelings of disgust and loathing. I don’t know how else to be with someone, no matter how much I’d like to.” You could see it was all eating him up inside. He really seemed to genuinely feel awful about it all.
You thought about everything he had told you. Of course, you’d need time to come to terms with being manipulated. You’d need time and space to process all this, but you didn’t want to lose him. You weren’t going to deny it; you had feelings for him too. And if he truly wanted the two of you to be something real, you wanted to give him the chance to prove it to you.
When you had made up your mind, you stepped closer to him. He was clearly not prepared for the hug he was about to receive, but he didn’t stop you either. Instead, when he felt your arms around you, he slowly wrapped his own around you. It had been so long since he last felt someone’s embrace. He had almost forgotten how nice it felt. He almost didn’t want to let go when you stepped back, a smile on your lips, and one growing on his own.
“You… You’re full of surprises, aren’t you?”
“I care about you, Astarion.” You spoke. “Deeply.” His smile grew, and so did your own. “You better not mess it up.” You looked down to see him hold out a hand. You accepted it and grabbed it, only to feel his other hand enveloping yours.
“I honestly have no idea what we’re doing, or what comes next. But I know that this..” His eyes had been fixed on your hands, but eventually made it up to make contact with your own. “This is nice.” After everything he had just told you, the current smile on his lips seemed much more genuine than any other smile you had ever seen on his face. For the first time, you actually felt like he was being completely and utterly open, as well as honest, with you.
The two of you stood there for a moment, your hand in his. You agreed to start over with the relationship, tossing aside the one that had been built on lies and manipulation. A fresh start. A relationship built on trust and honesty. And as much as this moment between you filled you with glee, you couldn’t help but feel like there was more. Like he had more he wanted to share with you.
“Well…” Astarion started, his eyes back to focusing on your now intertwined fingers. “Since I’m already being honest, I guess I might as well tell you about who I used to be.” He looked you in the eyes. “Even though the man I once was has been dead for almost two hundred years, he’s still a part of me and my past. And it would be a lie, if I said he didn’t make me who I am today…”