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Ilya and Shane are folded into each other on this sultry Friday morning. The sun has already risen and it's around 8:00am when Shane begins to stir. He lays his head into Ilya's neck and nuzzles to awaken him.
"I can't believe this is almost over." Shane says as he begins to trace his finger over Ilya’s chest, forming an infinity unconsciously. He barely gets the sentence out, a mixture of tired and sadness in the phrasing.
Ilya lifts his hand to raise Shane's chin so they kiss. “Is just the start though, yes?" He gives him another kiss, and another, peck after peck until Shane smiles.
Shane knows exactly what he means and grins like a love sick fool. "Yeah, you're right". He leans in to kiss him again. "Want to go for a run, then breakfast?"
"Eh, no. Breakfast then run"
"No, that's awful, make food the reward after."
"God, you love rewards. I can give you different reward after run." He squeezes Shane’s thigh and grins.
"Why can't I have…two rewards?" Shane asks coyly.
“You are greedy.”
They both smirk and throw the blankets off themselves, change into athletic wear and go for a run. Shane always wins.
In the kitchen, post-run, post-shower and post…reward, they pull out an assortment of food to make breakfast. Eggs, wheat bread (to Ilyas chagrin), and avocado. They’ve been making this similar breakfast the entire stay at the cottage. Some variation takes place, but Shane is pretty consistent on his egg white, wheat toast, two avocado slices meal. Ilya will eat whatever and often, Shane’s extra yolks raw.
“That is still disgusting by the way” Shane remarks at Ilya about to chug the two yolks from a glass.
“Is protein, way healthy, you are missing out. This is athlete peak meal.” He gulps down both yolks in one go.
“I know that and still, I can’t do it.”
“Is why your backhand is weak.”
“Shut up. It is not.”
“Meh? Could be stronger.” Ilya winks.
Shane rolls his eyes and finishes making up their plates. When he does, they sit together at the kitchen island with their breakfast in front of them. “So today, I was thinking we could-”
Shane is cut off by the sound of his phone vibrating on the table loudly. Both Ilya and Shane glue their eyes to the phone. They’ve become a bit unsettled every time the phone goes off since they ignored the phone all those days ago from Shane’s dad. Feels like a lifetime between then and now. “Oh what the FUCK” Shane picks up his phone and is reading a message.
“What?” Ilya looks uneasy. Has something leaked? Did someone catch them at a grocery store to pick up beer a week ago? “What is it?”
Shane is reading what seems like a long text, his mouth is starting to gap open a bit as he reads it.
“Shane, speak.” Ilya is worried.
“Oh fuck. Hayden and J.J. are stopping by for lunch?” He says it confused and still looking down at the text. “They are going to some expo near here this afternoon and wanted to pop in and say hey, check out the cottage.”
“They are inviting themselves? Tell them no. You are not here.”
“They know I’m here. Like every summer. I can’t lie.”
“Yes you can, is easy. ‘I am not there anymore’ Done.” Ilya feels this is an easy out. Shane is thinking that might be best too.
“You’re right, this isn’t the time. Let me just text back that I’m not here anymore.” Shane is typing and the shear amount of time it’s taking makes Ilya think he’s overexplaining. He doesn’t even get the text sent before another comes in. “Jesus, they’re already on their way!” Ilya sees Shane start to back his text.
“To here or Ottawa?”
“Here” Shane says, he scratches his forehead. “it’s only breakfast” He looks at the clock as does Ilya. Oh, it’s already 10:00am.
“We had a lazy start today” Ilya quips.
“This is the rewards fault” Shane says with a hint of humor but not enough to mask his anxiety.
“Was a good reward.”
Shane ignores this banter. “We need to hide you. Hayden said they’ll be here in like 20 minutes”
“Hide me?” Ilya looks around the glass windowed cottage and raises him arms out. “Where? Whole place is glass. You live in glass house.”
“I’ll just put you in the guest bedroom on the lower level. I won’t take them down there and it won’t be long. It’s just lunch.” Shane looks down at his half-eaten breakfast. “Ugh, I just ate, I can’t eat again.”
“That’s your issue right now?” Ilya is still wide-eyed about the plan to hide him in a window room.
“Should I tell them I’m gay? Like- is- is this the right time?” Shane looks like a panic attack is coming on.
“You’re probably going to have to tell them you are fucking me at this point.” Ilya is still pointing around to all the glass windows.
“Yes, every room is windowed, but we’ll lower the blinds alright? And I’ll just not do a tour, you’ll be fine! Just sit on your phone. It’ll be like two hours tops.”
“Two hours?!” Ilya wants to ribbed him about this, about how many times he could make him cum in two hours, but Shane seems to be in a genuine panic and he’s in his planning phase so Ilya doesn’t want to be another stressor. “OK. Yes. Put me in room, we lower blinds, I’ll stay put.”
Shane gulps and his eyes almost look wet. “I’m sorry”
“Is OK. You really going to come out to them now?”
Shane looks down at his food that he no longer plans to eat then back up at Ilya. “I mean…” He closes his eyes and takes a huge inhale. Ilya lays his hand on the small of his back. Shane exhales at the touch. He opens his eyes and looks right at Ilya. “We’re doing this right? Us”
Ilya nods.
“Then step one is getting some friends of mine used to the idea of me being gay. I guess.” He inhales and exhales again.
“Actually step one was fucking me, but OK” Ilya smiles and the joke lands as Shane laughs.
“Okay, I’m going to come out to them as gay, do lunch, hope it’s not awkward and maybe the weight of that news will send them off early.”
“Or… make them stay.” Ilya responds.
“What?” Shane’s panic is returning.
“I mean, big deal, they may feel like supporting you? No?”
“I mean-” Shane thinks about it. “I suppose but- they have somewhere to be, I’ll make sure they want to leave.”
“Ah, you give them details?” Ilya winks. “Start telling them how good you take it.”
“Shut up. I’m telling them no details. And you, need to be quiet and just stay in the guest room downstairs. Don’t even think about leaving, don’t even use the bathroom.”
“Wow. So nice to your lover.”
“Stop saying that word.”
“Boyfriend.” Ilya leans in for a kiss. Shane obliges and loses himself for a moment in it. “It will go well. I am sure.” Ilya playfully pats Shane’s cheek.
“You think?” Shane starts to feel unsure about the plan. “I could just have a boring lunch and keep it easy and kick them out.”
“And do this when? In locker room when season starts?” Ilya says and shakes his head. “No, you will tell them now, Hayden will be shocked because he is dumb, but he will accept. Gives them time before season to get used to it. Is good plan.”
Shane kisses him again. It’s soft and loving. He nods his head yes and they press their foreheads together.
“Stay in your room.” Shane snaps back to reality and gets up to empty his plate. He goes to grab Ilyas, but Ilya snags it away.
“I am not done?” He shows the plate off and taps it with his fork showing off the food. He begins to shove the food in his mouth. Two bites is all it takes to devour what was left. Shane rolls his eyes, then takes both plates and puts them in the sink and washes them quickly.
Shane set up Ilya in the guest room downstairs. It’s the 2nd door on the right and they set the blinds so that visibility from the outside is blocked. Assuming the boys are going to want a tour of the cottage, the lake views, dock, etc… Shane can’t just have Ilya being seen from the outside in. This is what happens when you make sure every room has view. Shane considers getting a cottage made of stone next time.
“Is so dark” Ilya says as Shane lowered the blinds in the room.
“Yes, I know, you can switch on a light, just…hang out on the bed with your phone?”
Ilya switches on the lamp and looks around and sees the tv. “Can I watch?”
“Ah no? That’ll make noise, you need to be quiet!” Shane insists.
“Right. Right.” Ilya plops on the bed and pulls out his phone and shakes it at Shane as if to say ‘see, phone?’ but instead he says “Okay, bye-bye” He waves at Shane so informally and Shane shakes his head.
“I am sorry about this.” He earnestly pleads.
Ilya looks up at Shane and smiles softly, leaning his head against the headboard. “I know, is OK. You’ll do good.” Ilya motions Shane to come over and he does. Shane sits on the edge of the bed and they lean over to kiss. “Now go tell them you’re gay.”
Shane laughs as he exits the room, closing the door behind him and heads back up to the living room.
Shane waits on his couch. Checking his phone and seeing they should be arriving any minute. He finds this all uneasy, hiding Ilya in a bedroom, about to break the news to them that he’s gay. The timing is right even if unplanned, he might as well rip the Band-Aid off now. If they were going to surprise him with this visit, he was going to surprise them with some news. He tried to calm his breathing and he wished Ilya was next to him. He can almost feel the sensation of a hand reaching for his shoulders. It grounds him more than Ilya knows. But Ilya isn’t there; he’s tucked away in a bedroom, in the dark, still a secret. Shane hopes this visit is swift.
The phone vibrates at the same time Shane hears a muffled car door slam. They’re here, confirmed with both his hears and his eyes seeing the ‘Here’ text from Hayden. He walks towards the door and opens it as he sees them taking it all in and looking around at the property. Hayden and J.J. see Shane at the entrance.
“My man, what is up?” J.J. yells and comes swinging in for a dap and hug. “Surprise mother fucker!” He laughs and shakes Shane’s one shoulder. “Only way to see the cottage is to surprise you.” J.J. playfully ribs him and Shane smiles.
“Yeah, you surprised me alright.” Shane turns to Hayden who is right behind J.J. and goes in for a hug.
“Sorry to spring this on you.” He pulls off the hug. “J.J. wanted to go to this thing and I knew you were on this lake just a few miles from the expo. Thought we better pop in and say hey while we’re this close. Hope it’s okay man.” Hayden said this with a subtlety in his eyes as if to say ‘this was J.J.s idea, don’t blame me.’ Shane nodded.
“It’s alright, I’m glad you guys are able to see it. Come on in.” and Shane leads them inside. Let’s rip the band-aid off.
“Alright I want the full house tour!” J.J. says as he walks inside, taking in the windows and then he catches the lake views. “Holy shit, wait I want the lake tour.” He points out to the patio deck, and lake. “Is that jet skis?”
“Hah, I don’t know if we’ll have time for all of that.” Shane grabs the back of his own head and fluffs his hair.
“This place is really nice. I can’t believe you’ve never invited me here before.” Hayden says as he perches on the same seat Ilya was just sitting at for breakfast. Shane notices the seat was not pushed back in and gulps. He already did a major sweep of any Ilya evidence, but this added a paranoia he wasn’t expecting. He glances around the living room, looking for some other mistake. Hayden is just staring at him. ‘Hello?” Hayden continues.
“Oh, yeah, well I mean, you’ve had a pregnant wife or newborn like every year since I’ve known you so.”
“Ouch, but true.”
Shane has to keep his eye on J.J., who is a bit of a wanderer. “So J.J., Hayden…you guys wanted lunch?” It’s literally 10:30am and Shane ate a half an hour ago. He enters the kitchen and opens the fridge, scanning the options. J.J. comes over and pulls out a stool next to Hayden.
“Ah man, we just came to see you, say what’s up, check out the place, no rush.” J.J. says as he keeps looking around the cottage and up at the high ceilings.
“But you guys have an expo to be at soon?” Shane closes the fridge and turns around. “I can make you guys tuna salad?”
Hayden smiles, “What, you already ate breakfast and lunch today?” He nods towards the drying rack behind Shane which is holding two plates and two forks in it.
“Oh. No that was-“ He glances back and sees the evidence. More evidence that Ilya was here. Is here. “That was just last night’s dinner and breakfast.” Shane says. “I did eat breakfast a bit late though today, I’m not overly hungry right now. But I can make you guys anything.” Shane rubs his bicep like a nervous tick, or a soothing technique. He’s unaware he’s doing it.
“No rush buddy, the expo thing is all day, goes until when Hayden? Like 9pm. We’ve got time.” J.J. says this smiling. There isn’t a hint of intrusion in his demeanor. Hayden isn’t so obtuse. He sees a desperate look on Shane after J.J. says that and the…constantly rubbing he’s doing to his arm.
“We’re not going staying long man, don’t worry. I’ve got to be home well before 9 anyways. Jackie’ll kill me if I’m late.” Hayden says the last part to J.J., as if to relay some form of courtesy that we aren’t crashing and ruining Shane’s day. “You probably have plans today?”
Oh my god, why didn’t Shane think of that himself. Yes, he has plans. What plans? They were the ones with plans. Just say something. Anything.
“Yep. Yeah, I-I-uh- my parents.” Shane said. Was that a plan?
Hayden and J.J. both raise their eyebrows, looking for more of a story. Shane continues. “They, uh- are having me for- I’m supposed to head over there and see them today…at some point.” Wow, amazing bulletproof unchangeable plan there Shane, he thinks to himself. But this reminds him that he needs to come out as gay to them still. And that thought, reminds him that perhaps they won’t want to stay long after such news. Should he do it now? They are in no rush for lunch so…maybe now?
“Wow. And that’s an unmovable plan?” J.J. says smirking and nudging Hayden. “If I didn’t know any better, I’d say he’s got some girl to meet.” He winks at Shane and keeps nudging Hayden. “Eh? Eh? Eh?” He laughs at his own ribbing.
Hayden sees panic on Shane’s face. Shane’s frozen face. He’s thinking, but he’s not denying and Hayden thinks somehow J.J. actually figured it out.
“Oh shit, sorry Shane, do you have a girl you see around here?” Hayden asks inquisitively.
Shane pauses. This is it. Just do it. Rip off that figurative band-aid.
“Kind of. Well, no. No.” Shane freezes in thought again. He just wanted to tell them he’s gay, not that he’s seeing someone. They will be insistent on details if they know he’s seeing someone too. Unless they are totally grossed out? Which he wasn’t hoping that was the case. He wasn’t so concerned they’d be mad he was gay. Shocked, sure, but not mad. These were his best friends. He hadn’t even really thought a fall out over it was possible, but was it? Panic was rising again. Just rip off the band-aid.
“I don’t have anyone; I’m not seeing someone. It’s not that. But I do want to tell you guys something.” He gulps and his face draws more serious. They both lock in with inquisitive eyes while Shane shuts his own. Hayden and J.J. exchange glances of worry. Shane breaths in and out. He wishes Ilya was touching his back. He opens his eyes to two worried looking men.
“What’s wrong?” Hayden asks. J.J. fixes his posture to more upright with attention and nods in agreement with Hayden.
“Yeah man, what do we need to know?” J.J. follows up.
Shane braces his hands on the kitchen island across from them sitting on the stools. He’s glancing down at the counter. “I’m gay.” He lets it sit in the air for a second. Pure silence. He meets their eyes but maintains bracing the counter to stay steady. “Yeah-just. Yeah.”
Hayden and J.J. both glance around, thinking internally clearly about the news they’ve received. J.J. looks more confused than Hayden and speaks up. “But you just dated Rose. What? 6 months ago?”
Hayden pipes up too, “And you also have been seeing Lily for years prior?”
Right, okay. “Yeah so” Shane begins. “That was…I don’t know, Rose was my last hail mary attempt to be straight. Obviously…” Shane pauses. “…that did not work.” He maintains eye contact with them, but switches back and forth between each, trying to assess how they are taking it in. He’s trying to ignore the Lily inquiry.
“So gay? Completely?” Hayden says.
“Very much, yes.” Shane commits. He feels stronger for it too. He’s been more and more comfortable with the label now that he’s had this conversation a few times now. 3 times. Now 4 he realizes.
“And you’re seeing someone?” Hayden says, he nods to the plates again behind Shane.
“No! No one. That’s –“ he motions to the plates. “That’s all me.”
“Okay, okay, my bad, man I thought you really liked Lily…“
“I mean…” Shane interjects. Why is Shane interjecting? To get the Lily topic off the table. “I obviously, have seen…people. Men” that word comes out almost as a whisper. It’s odd coming out to straight guys. He was a straight guy to them 5 minutes ago. Now there’s a division they know about, a line to draw between this side of the kitchen island and theirs.
“That’s fine man.” J.J. says. He’s nodding his head like he’s trying to convince himself but that its actually working too. He turns and nudges Hayden. “Right man? That’s cool with us. You do you.” Shane immediately thinks of what Ilyas would say to that: ‘no, he does me actually’ and Shane laughs out loud much to the confusion of Hayden and J.J.
Hayden ignores why he’s laughing and speaks up, “He’s right, we’re totally fine with it. Shocked maybe, but not—yeah, I mean, it’s fine. Proud of you man.” Hayden says this and he means it. He still seems confused, lost in his own thoughts, but Hayden can see relief wash over Shane’s face, he softens a bit. “Who else knows?” Hayden asks.
“My parents, Rose actually. And” Shane takes a beat. “That’s it, now you two. Please keep this a secret.
They both nod their heads and say “Of course” at the same time.
“My plan might be to come out to the team. At some point. This season, I don’t know yet. Anyways. Great talk, okay, lunch?” Shane asks.
Both J.J. and Hayden agree. They eat lunch and talk hockey and Shane is smiling and happy. And thinking about Ilya, in the dim lit guest room. It’s 11:20am. This day is never-ending.
Shane gives J.J. and Hayden the house tour but stops at the stairs to the lower level and says “it’s just two guest bedrooms, a small gym, and a bathroom down there, but it needs cleaning so let’s just tour the outside.” That pivot works well enough because they don’t press to see it. J.J. laughs though and says
“Needs cleaning because he has guests over I think.” and winks at Hayden.
“Don’t be gross J.J.” Hayden says and they all three go outside.
The way the blinds work is from the inside you can see the outside slightly, since it’s so bright in the daytime, but they can’t see in. So Ilya, on his phone, having not been able to hear anything going on this whole time sees three figures walking around the grounds in front of the lake. He watches the shadowy figures stroll and he immediately knows which one is Shane and which one is Hayden, because he is so small and weak. The other J.J.
He wants to get up from the bed and walk over to the window, for a better look, but he’s afraid of what they could see. Maybe not him, but maybe. The fear keeps Ilya staying put on the bed. Nothing exciting appears to be happening, just talking he can’t make out. He wonders if Shane has told them he’s gay yet. He wonders if it went okay. He’ll kill them if it didn’t. Ilya doesn’t care about their opinions, but he needs Shane to have everything go well. He will never forgive Hayden and J.J. if they ruin these last few days of bliss over being assholes to Shane.
Ilya gets worked up imaging this scenario where they don’t take the news well and he calms down and says to himself: “you are making this up, relax” He goes back to his phone, but keeps glancing at the figures in the backyard. This day is never-ending.
“Hey I gotta go take a piss” Hayden says and he starts walking backwards towards the house. “I’ll be right back.” and he turns and jogs off up towards the deck.
Shane has a mini-panic and tries to follow, “Oh I’ll show you where it is!”
“No, it’s okay, I’ll find it.” Hayden turns around to say, walking up the deck stairs, “I’ll be right back. Don’t get on those jet skis without me!”
Shane feels heat on his neck and his cheeks start burning too. “It’s right near the front door entrance, Hayden!” Shane yells out. The last thing he needs is to act weird, but really the last thing he needs is for Hayden to go opening every fucking door in the house. Before Hayden enters the patio door, he turns around and puts a thumbs up and Shane relaxes that he’ll find the upstairs bathroom just fine and come right back out. He turns his attention to J.J. who is asking about the jet skis, but Shane keeps glancing at the cottage.
Hayden lied. He needed to use the bathroom, but he needed more than just to pee. Tuna didn’t sit amazingly well. When he reaches the bathroom, he glances around and sees the very end of a toilet paper roll. That’s not enough. It’s a very small empty bathroom, there’s nothing in the drawers and no supply closet to be seen. He recalls Shane saying there’s a bathroom downstairs, maybe that’s stocked.
Hayden makes his way down the stairs and sees all the doors closed. It looks tidier down here than Shane said. He opens the first door on the left and inside is a nice sized gym, yoga supplies, a long mirror wall and weights, but it’s not the bathroom. He closes the door and across the hall to open the door on the right. He swings the door open and sees a bright well-lit guest bedroom, completely tidy, with a beautiful view of the lake. He wonders why Shane didn’t want them to tour the lower level, it’s completely clean.
He proceeds to the door right next to this one. He swings it open and there’s a light on already, but it’s nearly pitch dark in here. The blinds are down and the light is coming from a lamp next to the bed and there’s a man—oh my god. Oh my fucking god.
Hayden was frozen in time and space. His legs were cemented to the floor, his breath sunk to his stomach. Ilya was frozen on the bed, his phone and the lamp illuminating his face well enough that Hayden cannot mistaken who is currently laying in a bed in Shane’s cottage. That’s Rozanov. That’s Ilya fucking Rozanov.
Ilya perks his head up realizing the door being opened was not Shane, but instead Hayden. He slowly moves off the bed and eyes go wide looking at Hayden. “What are you doing?” Ilya asks matter of factly.
But Hayden is frozen. The only thing Hayden moves, as he holds open the door still, is his eyes, and then his mouth, as it gaps open. He goes to say something but he doesn’t even know what.
“Hayden Pike?” Ilya says, he waves his hand in front of his face as he walks towards him. Inching closer breaks Hayden from the frozen spell, he looks around and flips on the big light switch.
“What are you doing here?” Hayden wanted this to sound more intimidating but he knows it just sounded paranoid. Hayden’s brain is breaking but Ilya just smiles, sheepishly but with a secret.
“I am guest” he glances around the guest bedroom, and turns back to meet Hayden’s eyes when he says “of Shane’s.”
“You are not Shane’s friend! What the fuck are you doing here?” Hayden’s confusion turns to anger. Ilya Rozanov is Shane’s enemy, rival, hockey nemesis, and most importantly, a first-rate asshole. “Seriously?! Answer me” Hayden lets the door shut and now the two of them are in this room together. Hayden almost wishes he just exited the room instead to go get Shane. The air feels tight.
“I’m not the one to ask.” Ilya’s eyes dart around, but he didn’t say it antagonizing him, it almost sounded truthful. Maybe Hayden should just go get Shane.
“No.” Hayden immediately thinks about what Shane just confessed to him and J.J. but it hardly feels connected. Ilya Rozanov isn’t gay. But he is at his best friend’s cottage before he was ever invited and it hurts and it doesn’t make sense and he wants the truth. “Tell me what you are doing here, are you two friends?”
Hayden looks around the room for proof of Ilya staying here, but there are no clothes, no bag, no supplies on the dresser. It looks like a vacant clean guest bedroom and Ilya is just in here…why? “Why were you… in a guest bedroom in the dark?” Hayden glances around the room, still looking for some clue or indication.
Ilya studies Hayden’s posture, he’s uneasy, he won’t meet his eyes. Ilya is trying to gauge what Hayden knows yet and he thinks he knows.
“Shane tell you about himself?” Ilya asks, he dodges the question Hayden asked and also dodges giving any information away but he’s looking for Hayden to crack.
Hayden slowly turns his head towards Ilya and stares at him. “Excuse me? What about him?” but Hayden can’t play poker, this much Ilya can see, it’s all over his face. He now wants to play poker against him, would be easy. He is too truthful, like Shane. Easy winnings.
“OK, so you do know.” Ilya eggs him on.
Hayden gives out a large exhale and nods his head. “I don’t understand this. So what, you know he’s gay? He said only his parents and Rose know, now you? his hockey rival knows too? When do you two even talk? You blackmailing him or something prick?” Hayden is getting angry again. “Why are you even here?” He blows up on that last part.
Ilyas eyes widened with surprise, the idea of blackmailing Shane is disgusting and Ilyas face hardens at the accusation. Hayden might actually need some answers. Ilya collects his cool enough to stop himself from punching Pike. “Him and me are best hockey players, yes?”
“Debatable” Hayden quips.
Ilya ignores and continues, “You wouldn’t understand because you are bad, but Shane and me, we have similar life. Makes us compatible.” He pauses, “Yes, we are friends.”
“You’re a prick.”
“Yes, but I am amazing hockey god prick, Shane is amazing hockey god sweetheart. It balances.” Ilya hopes that is satisfying enough without giving away too much.
“You expect me to believe you two are friends and so what, you stay here? In the summer? Why?”
“is truth. Go ask him.”
“I said why? And did you just call him sweetheart?”
Suddenly, footsteps above are heard and Shane calls out “Hayden?” They can hear it muffled through the floor.
“Fuck.” Hayden says. He glances up at the ceiling above like a horror film. “I was supposed to be in the bathroom.”
“Ah, well you are not. You better head upstairs.”
“I can’t do this, I can’t pretend I didn’t just see you here!”
“Okay, then tell him.” Ilya shrugs and looks around.
“You want me to bring this up?” Hayden says.
“Well, I don’t want you to be cold to him. You will upset him more.”
“Since when do you care about Shane? Why did you call him sweetheart, and WHY are you HERE?” Hayden was so focused on still getting to the bottom of this, he kind of forgot how much Shane would be itching to find him. After all, he’s hiding the craziest secret in his lower-level guest room.
Shane comes bolting down the steps and they can both hear it.
“See, you are slow, not fast enough, even in life.” Ilya snuck in the jab but he gave a giant exhale knowing in three seconds, Shane was going to open this door and see Hayden and Ilya in the same room. Shane opens the door.
“Hey Shane.” Ilya says. “I did not leave this room, as promised.”
Shane gulps and looks at Hayden, before Hayden can speak, Shane can see written all over his face that he wants an explanation. Shane has no idea how much conversation has transpired, maybe nothing has been said yet.
“Look, Hayden, I can explain.”
“Can you?” Hayden lets out, “because he sure as hell wasn’t doing a great job of it.” Hayden gestures to Ilya, who looks innocent for once and shrugs.
“I told him we are friends, he does not get friendship, I guess.”
“Shut up prick.” Hayden jabs a look at Ilya.
“Alright, look, I left J.J. upstairs, let’s just all go upstairs. I guess? I only want to do this once.” Shane seems exasperated already. Beaten down. Shane turns to Hayden to lead him out, “Can you go upstairs to J.J. and give me a minute?” Hayden shoots Ilya a lethal stare but returns his face to see Shane’s looking desperate. “You two are seriously friends?” Hayden asks at close range.
“Yes but I’ll explain…upstairs.” Shane motions for Hayden to leave and he nods and leaves the room.
Shane shuts the door and bangs his head against it once it’s closed. Ilya steps forward to be within reach, and puts his hand on Shane’s back and rubs it. Shane melts. He wanted this all day. This never-ending day feels good again for a fleeting moment. This touch undoes so much anxiety, he wonders how he survived his whole life without it. Without Ilya. He turns around to meet Ilya’s eyes, with his own loaded with tears. Ilya reaches up to hold his cheeks and swipes his thumb gently across Shane’s freckles to wipe the single tear that fell.
“I told him we are friends. I don’t know what he believes. You can say whatever you want, I will go along.” Ilya kisses Shane’s forehead. “We are OK. Is his fault, he walked into my room.” Ilya gave a small smile to try and get Shane to say something, to emote beyond tears. Anything.
Shane nodded no. He reached his arms around Ilya into a hug and buried his head in Ilyas neck. “No let’s just--” he sniffles and pauses, wondering if he’s really brave enough to say what he’s thinking. “tell them everything.”
Ilya slowly rubs Shane’s back and then pulls him away to face him, hands firmly placed on his shoulders. “Is what you want? To tell them about us?”
“I don’t want to hide. I mean we’re going to be hiding enough as is. Let’s just rip this band-aid off”
“What band-aid?” Ilya looks around at Shane’s body which makes Shane chuckled.
“It’s an expression, it means, let’s just commit.”
“Da, let’s do it.” Ilya lifts Shane’s chin to lock eyes and lips. “I love you, we will be fine.”
***
Both Hayden and J.J. are on the couch, as Shane comes up the stairs first and makes his way around the kitchen, Ilya is a few steps behind. Shane can overhear Hayden say to J.J.
“Just don’t freak out even though I did.”
As Shane approaches, they both turn and see him enter the living room, with Ilya right behind. J.J.’s eyes go wide and he even stands up from the couch, “Yo, what the fuck?” J.J. takes a stance like he’s about to brawl with Rozanov, but Hayden grabs his arm in an attempt to lower him back down to sit, but J.J. shakes him off and keeps standing.
“I told you, don’t freak.” Hayden says from his sitting position, almost quietly confused and resigned.
“Ahh, putain! What the actual FUCK is he doing here?” J.J. says this while wildly gesturing at Ilya. “Shane, what the fuck is going on? You have fucking Ilya Rozanov in your house?!” J.J.s face is turning more red and Hayden is looking up at Shane like he’s embarrassed. And Shane doesn’t know if he’s embarrassed on J.J.s outrage or embarrassed by Shane for having Ilya Rozanov as a friend. He thinks it’s the latter.
Shane is starting to have a panic attack it seems. He wants to say something, but only J.J. is getting any words in edgewise. Shane glances between J.J. then Hayden then quickly to assess Ilya, whose face is stone cold and unflinching. At least he isn’t reacting to J.J.s freak-out. Though someone needs to say something. Now.
“Okay-alright..” Shane tappers off and closes his eyes. Ilya can sense he needs to be grounded with a touch but he’s afraid to reach out to him. Well, he’s not afraid to, but he doesn’t want to overstep Shane’s confession. Shane opens his eyes and looks at J.J., “Ilya is a friend.”
Ah, so we’re going with just a friend route, Ilya realizes. He figured as much, this was safer, less chaotic. Good thing he didn’t reach out to comfort him just then.
“And my boyfriend.”
Oh, so not the friend route. And before Ilya has time to even smile at the sweet admission, he can’t, because both Hayden and J.J. go to speak simultaneously.
“Are you FUCKING KIDDING ME HOLLANDER?” Hayden screams this as he stands up staring at Shane with full surprise. While J.J. says something like,
“This is a fucking joke, am I being PUNK’D?” He looks around for cameras. “No, seriously, are we kidding here?”
Both men are reacting like men do when there’s a bad call on a sports play. It’d be almost comical if it wasn’t Shane’s love life they were freaking out over. Shane feels small and starts retreating into panic. Ilya notices and intervenes. He takes a step forward passed Shane putting himself between Shane and his two friends.
“OK. Enough.” He says this loudly and sternly like a teacher scolded students. Both of them grunt as if to say fuck you, but they remain quiet and Ilya continues, “Is true, we are dating. Not joke.” He scowls at J.J. “Have been together for years. Stop this freak out. I am not enemy you think I am, OK?”
Both Hayden and J.J. freeze and then slowly lower themselves to sit down. Ilya takes a step back to align with Shane and as they glance at this change of behavior, they both seem to telepathically question how Ilya managed to calm them with that.
“Years…?” J.J. said, while Hayden folded his head into lap and covered it with his hands.
“It’s a long story, I’d tell you but, it’s just- really complicated.” Shane let out a sigh and Ilya finishes answering J.J. so there’s no confusion.
“Da, years.”
Hayden gathers himself and looks up at Shane. Shane almost thinks he’s teary-eyed but he can’t tell. It’s mixed with anger and confusion.
“So Rose was, what? Fake then.”
“No, that was real, we-” Shane motions between Ilya and himself, “had a bit of a panic prior, well, I did. It got a bit too real. Felt like love, I got scared.”
“Ah and so…” Hayden’s eyes get wide and he starts darting them back and forth between Shane and Ilya. His brain is doing some major computing. Ilya would say the hardest it’s ever worked. “Holy fucking hell, you’re fucking Lily. Ilya is Lily. Boston Lily, HOLY FUCK.” Hayden puts his head back down and shakes it back and forth. “I’m so dumb.”
“Yes” Ilya interjects and Hayden scowls but before he can get out ‘you’re a prick’ Ilya finishes “I am Boston Lily.” This forces Hayden to swallow his quick jab since Ilya didn’t actually insult him. “And you are very dumb.”
“Fuck you prick.” Hayden quips then turns his attention to Shane, “Seriously, this fucking guy? I mean being gay fine, it’s something you are, I get that, you don’t need to defend it ever but-” he motions up and down to Ilya, “this you have to defend.”
“J.J., how you holding up?” Shane completely ignores Hayden and turns to see J.J. since he hasn’t said a thing since ‘years?’ and is concerned where his mind has gone. J.J. looks up at the both of them. Silent. Is it judgement? Confusion? Hatred? Shane can’t read it.
“I think maybe-” He looks directly at Shane. “I’ve been your friend for some many years and I don’t know you.” He stands up. It feels defensive.
Shane takes a huge breath. “I’m still the same, I’ve been with Ilya the whole time I’ve known you, this doesn’t change me. You just know more is all.”
J.J.s eyebrows scrunch. “The…whole time I’ve known you? Wh-How many years? Not just a few?” J.J. asks this softly.
“Since our rookie season.” Shane answers.
“Holy shit” Hayden lets out
While J.J. just slowly nods. “Okay, okay, fuck. And you love this asshole then?” J.J. points to Ilya. It’s more direct and focused.
“Yes.” Shane answers immediately.
J.J. turns his eyes to Ilya then. “And you asshole?” He raises his eyebrows quickly when he asks.
“More than anything else in the world.” Ilya stays stoic as he responds and Shane gives a shy smile. They do a quick exchange of love that both J.J. and Hayden witness.
“God, it’s the same look they give at face off, I thought they both just loved hockey and kicking each other’s ass.” Hayden says.
“We do love that too.” Ilya says.
“So, what is this then? A hidden romance forever?” J.J. asks. “Just hiding this from everyone but us?”
Shane and Ilya go on to disseminate the details they’ve already fostered. Hayden and J.J. are shocked to learn Ilya is switching to Ottawa, shocked to hear about the charity they plan to start together, the friendship angle they slowly will build for the media to gobble up. The whole 10 step plan.
“Jesus when did you guys cook up this master plan?” Hayden wonders.
“Last week” Shane musters, “like, 9 days ago basically.”
Both J.J. and Hayden laugh. “Oh my god, they’re stupid in love.”
Ilya interrupts, “Yes, very in love, this is last few days of our vacation together, see? Are you two, I don’t know, running late to some event?”
J.J. and Hayden look at the time and realize they’ve been sitting with Ilya Rozanov and Shane, discussing their plans, love, backstory for over an hour now.
“Alright Rozanov, we get it. J.J. we should hit the road and by hit the road, I mean go home, I can’t go to this fucking expo. This day has felt long enough.”
Everyone seems to smirk and with that J.J. and Hayden begin to leave. When they part from Shane at the front door on their way out, each exchange some words.
“Proud of you man, even if-” Hayden glances back at Ilya in the kitchen, drinking water. “that’s your guy.” He rolls his eyes and laughs but pats him on the back and smiles. “See you in the fall.”
J.J. goes in for a hug, “It’s fucking weird.” He meets eyes with Shane and holds his head, “But it’s fucking fun too I bet!” He grins from ear to ear and Shane nods. “Happy for you.” J.J. turns his head to Ilya behind Shane and points at him, “Take care of my Center, you break his heart, you die Roz.”
Ilya nods and waves J.J. with a ‘get out of here’ dismissal wave. They get in the car and take off.
Shane goes to Ilya in the kitchen and they both pull to hold each other at their waists.
“What a fucking day.” Shane exhausts. He is beyond tired and cannot process one more thing.
“Yes, what a band-aid you ripped off.” Ilya states and Shane looks up confused and begins looking over his body. “Oh. my. God, you told me that. Is your expression!”
“Right right, I forgot. Holy shit, I’m mentally fried. It’s been a never-ending day.”
Ilya rubs Shane’s shoulders and then holds his face in his hands, softly stroking his freckles.
“Yes, hard day, maybe…” Ilya starts, “you’d like a reward?”