Chapter Text
Carol and Manousos had been working on a theory on how to revert the joining for about two months now, they didn’t have anything in the beginning besides what Carol knew about their connection being related to electromagnetic field and the radio station Manousos had found out, so they got to work.
Initially they were studying on their own houses, neither wanted to be the one to give in, but that proved to be impractical very quickly since every time they thought of something they needed to walk to the other’s house, and most of those thoughts ended up not taking them anywhere, so they were just losing time time walking from one house to the other, and then getting frustrated about losing time.
It started with Carol staying at Manousos’ house after discussing a topic and that started a routine of them studying together. Their communication was getting better, not necessarily due to better language skills, even though they were improving, but they understood each other and also understood that they were the only ones willing to do anything about the joining, so they had to at least tolerate each other, even thought they were too similar for their own good, but eventually they started to enjoy having company.
About a month and a half in it started to feel like they were onto something, all the information that they had seen before was making sense as a whole now.
“So, what I’m thinking is, the hive is connected through an electromagnetic field, which is what you heard in your radio, so playing it to them won’t make a difference because in a way they’re already hearing it, like, all the time. So what we need is to make them stop hearing it.” Carol stood up while she spoke, walking from one side of the room to the other.
“Yes, but we already knew that.” Carol rolled her eyes before proceeding. “Calm down, I’m still talking. We saw that radio waves can be stopped with some isolation, I think there is a way to cause enough disturbance in the waves that they will cancel each other, but I don’t think this is our safest bet, disturbance is very hard to be controlled and hard to reproduce. What was that think that you saw about a cage? Foreday cage?” She closed her eyes as if she was trying to find the information inside her own mind. Manousos looked at the table, their notes all over the place, until he found a specific book and flipped through it, finding what he was looking for, “Aquí, Carol, mira, Faraday cage.” She approached him and looked at the term that he was pointing at. Manousos English levels had improved a lot, but at times he in spoke Spanish to Carol, just to prove a point, if she was going to speak her language to him he was going to speak his to her as well, and she better understand it.
“Yes, this is it.” She took the book from his hands “A Faraday cage is used to block electromagnetic fields. This is what we need.”
“I think we can make one, but we need a… Ay, how is it called? Malla de cobre? Do you know?” Carol looked at him confused and shrugged. “It’s a metal and it’s orange, it’s in the cables.” She thought for a moment before replying “Copper?” His eyes widened “Yes, copper, but like a net, like this.” He entangled his hands trying to exemplify what he meant and now Carol was the one getting excited like she knew the answer at a charades game “Oh, you mean copper mesh?” He looked at her without an exact answer, “Maybe? So with this copper mesh, we can create a type of fake cage, it will stop the signals from coming from the outside.” She nodded in agreement.
Before taking any actions they tried to find more information on the Faraday cages and copper mesh, and everything that was available on that matter, which wasn’t much without the help of the hive. They still asked for things from them, but definitely not for information about their research, everything they knew came from books that they stole, or borrowed, from a lot of different places.
After reading enough about the matter they decided to find the mesh to be able to test their theory. Luckily the home improvement stores were mostly left untouched by the hive, unlike the markets, or anywhere that had food for that matter. They drove to many different stores and got as much material as they could fit in the car and went back to the house.
There was a small storage in Carol’s house that they thought could be a good starter point for the experiment. They ended up deciding to nail the copper to the walls in lack of a better solution, so they emptied the room and put the first layer of mesh in all the walls, they nailed it to the door as well, they needed to make sure that everything was as covered as possible if they wanted to make it work. They were well aware that the coverage wouldn’t be perfect but they were trying their best.
Once they finished with the mesh they went to get a radio from Manousos’ house, they turned it on before going back, the signal was the same as always, steady, dependable, so they went into the room and when they closed the door the signal seemed to falter, it was more distant, failing at times, they looked at each other for a second, eyes widened, their breaths becoming irregular for a moment, and then they smiled, allowing themselves to quietly commemorate that milestone.
After that they put the radio down and decided to put two more layers of copper mesh, the initial test was good but they needed more.
When they tested the radio again they couldn’t hear anything, they were ecstatic, how would they do that to the whole world was a problem for later, but they had found something, this made sense, and it could work, they wouldn’t need to be isolated for the rest of their lives.
After a small celebration that included a very awkward hug they decided that it was time to eat, they had been working the whole day and nothing would work if either of them passed out of starvation, or if they started to become grumpy because of it.
They made some pasta and sat down at Carol’s table. They usually ate together, talking about whatever they could, sometimes when the study lessons went too hard or they felt hopeless they would eat in silence, each one of them in their own heads, too busy to try to chit chat, but today it was not like that, there was a silence but it was different, it was hopeful, they were… happy. Maybe for the first time in a while, Carol had an atom bomb in her driveway to remember her of the last time she felt truly happy, and seeing it only made her more and more miserable.
So this was a special day for them, a day where they could pretend that for once there was hope for them, and maybe for humanity, even.
“Carol, we need to try this on someone. To see if it works.” She looked at him with annoyance and rolled her eyes, “Yeah no shit, of course we have to try it, but I think it may be a little suspicious if we invite a random person here out of nowhere. They know we haven’t given up.” Manousos nodded and looked at her with an expression that Carol didn’t understand but also didn’t like, “It doesn’t have to be a random person.” Now she understood the expression, it was pity, with a dash of understanding. Of course she knew what he meant, or who he meant, she knew that it made sense, but she really didn’t like it, and now she knew why.
Finally, she sighed “Fine”.
On the course of a week they developed a plan, they would use a spare bedroom in Carol’s house for the ‘Faraday chamber’ as they were calling it, once everything was set Carol would call and ask for Zosia to come, Manousos would stay at his house at all moments, and not interact with either of them, in the first few days Carol would act normal just to avoid any suspicions from the hive and avoid them from getting nearby quicker than they could handle, in case they did come, Manousos would threaten them with the bomb. What Carol needed to do was take Zosia into the chamber and see how she would react, it would be blatantly obvious that there was copper mesh on the walls and with all the physicists in her mind they thought that it would be obvious what they were trying to do, so she would blindfold Zosia, use the excuse of a surprise and wait, they hopped that would be enough.
Since they couldn’t communicate openly while she was there they developed codes so Manousos would know what was happening, balcony door and windows open meant that nothing had happened yet, only windows open meant that Carol would take Zosia to the chamber on the next day and she would close the window just before taking her.
The plan seemed as solid as it could be, so they started to get ready for the build, knowing that they were being watched they picked many items that were not necessary to try and throw the hive off their scent, trying to make it seem like they were renovating the houses.
Another week passed until they finished it, this time, since the room was much bigger than the storage, they decided to put the mesh also in the attic above the room ceiling, Manousos insisted on doing it because ‘Carol, you are not handy enough’, but as soon as he entered in the tiny stifling space he regretted his choice, he should have let her go. When he came out of it he was speaking Spanish faster than Carol had ever seen before, she couldn’t understand half of it, but from his tone and his face she understood not to question it.
Once everything was finished they did the same experiment with the radio and once again the sign stopped. That was it. They were ready to put their plan into action, and that was the scariest part.
After cleaning everything, and taking a shower Carol sat on the floor of her living room, she was alone with her thoughts now, something that hadn’t happened a lot recently, and even when she was alone she didn’t let herself think about the things that hurt her, but now, as she stared at her landline, she let herself feel everything she had ignored, without any whiskey to numb it down this time, she hugged her legs, closed her eyes and stayed there, feeling, until she heard a knock on the door before Manousos entered the house.
Carol got of the floor quickly and went to him, “Are you ready?” she scoffed, “Not in the least, buddy.” And she saw that look on his face again, “Don’t start, whatever, it’s ok, I’m ok. This means nothing.” Manousos looked at her with this half smile, and she hated every minute of this, she started to miss the guy who she was bickering with for the past months, she didn’t need his sympathy, she just wanted to get this over with, she decided she was just going to ignore whatever he was doing for now.
“So, everything is ready, we have been over the door/window signs a bazillion times, so I hope that you remember. Once I take her inside I will wait to see if anything changes, if nothing does I’ll come up with an excuse to her but if something does change I guess we will need to see what happens to know, but stay alert because I may need you.” Luckily talking about the plan brought his focused side back, “Yes, as soon as you close the window I’m coming to the front of your house and I’ll wait. If you need me, scream.” she nodded, her eyes unfocused, imagining what would happen on the following days.
“Good, now get out of here, I have a call to make.”
“Hello, Carol! How can we help you?” A male voice responded, she had asked them to change it after everything, to randomize it a little, so every time she called she heard someone new, she knew it was what she had to do, but every single time she expected to hear her voice but she was never on the other side of the line.
“I want Zosia to come back, I need to see her.” The line went silent for a moment. “We understand Carol, but after your last meeting with us are you sure that you want that?” Now she was the one that stayed silent, no she wasn't, but at the same time, she was, and she was afraid of what would happen to her once she saw her face again.
Memory is a weird thing, only two months, and her details were becoming blurry, the way she smiled, the corner of her eyes, like it was all running away from Carol’s mind, and the only thing left to remember her by were those dumb Raban arts, she didn’t even have a single picture.
She took a deep breath.
“Yes, I’m sure. Please bring her here.”
After the call Carol poured herself a glass of whiskey, she wanted something to make her mind stop, but didn’t want to take too much because she knew she had to stay alert, so after she finished the drink she went out to her backyard and she looked at Helen’s grave. She sat in front of it and just stayed there, looking at the name she painted on stone, her late wife’s name, the one that was killed due to the joining.
Carol was never able to decide what was worse, Helen dying or the idea that she could have become a part of them, that she could have lost herself to them. Maybe it was better knowing that when she was alive all of her actions were hers, all the love she gave Carol was uniquely and purely Helen.
This was the reason she was doing what she was. Everybody should be able to make their own choices, to have their own personality.
And even though she couldn’t make it right for the whole world, she would try to make it right for Zosia.
Shortly after she went back into the house she started to hear a distant clattering sound and it was only becoming closer, she didn’t need to look out to know what was happening. Her heart started beating faster in her chest, her emotions trying to overcome her, but she couldn’t give in, at least not yet.
She waited sitting in her armchair until she heard the helicopter being turned off and a minute later a soft knock at her door. She got up, hesitantly, and walked up to it, but when her hand reached for the doorknob she found herself incapable of opening it, the metal becoming warmer as she held it, ‘Keep it together, we need this, we need to know if it works’ she thought to herself.
She took a deep breath and just as if she was ripping a band-aid she opened the door, only to find Zosia with an easy smile, their eyes met immediately and Carol felt her breath quicken, her eyes were watering but she new that before doing anything else she needed to guarantee her safety like she had rehearsed with Manousos.
“Have you found a way to turn me yet?” Zosia’s smile faltered, “No, Carol.” She said with sorrow, “Are you working on it?” The woman seemed hesitant to continue, like she didn’t want to say anything, “Are. You. Working. On. It?” Carol repeated, “Yes, we are.” Her expression was hesitant now, like all those minds were calculating the many outcomes of being in the same space as Carol Sturka, “Are you close to finding the way to turn me into one of you?” She shook her head, “We are not, Carol.” The blonde smiled lightly, feeling a little victorious for a moment, “Do you have anything on you right now, or did you bring anything that could help you with turning me?” Her eyes were inquisitive, all the questions mattered, but this was the one she was most scared about, the feeling of betrayal never leaving her, “No, we didn’t bring anything.” As she answered, Carol exhaled deeply, she hadn’t even noticed she was holding her breath before.
“Good, thank you for answering.” She stepped out of the way and let Zosia come inside, and she did, as Carol was closing the door she saw Manousos on his window looking at her, and somehow that made her feel a little better about the situation she was about to be in, this time, at least she wasn’t alone.
She moved to the living room and Zosia followed her, they each sat on one side of the couch. Carol didn’t know what to say, she looked at the woman standing there, and she froze. Now that the script was gone how was she supposed to continue?
So she decided that for a moment she would let herself say something that she would not admit, and now she had the perfect excuse, she could even lie to herself, pretend that it was a part of this theater, that she was doing it for the greater good and had no truth in any of it. She opened her mouth a couple of times until she finally spoke.
“I missed you.” She saw a smile coming back to Zosia’s lips, “We missed you too.” The room fell silent once again. Attentive eyes fixed on her while she had a million thoughts going through her head but she couldn’t bring herself to say any out loud.
“Carol, do you mind if we come closer?” She shook her head as Zosia moved to her side, their legs now touching, and as she looked into her eyes she felt one of Zosia’s hand cupping her face and she closed her eyes, allowing herself to feel her touch, the warmth of her skin in contact with hers, her thumb caressing her cheeks, and she felt her heart ache, how much had she missed this, missed her.
She opened her eyes again just to find Zosia looking at her with adoration and before she could think she wrapped her arms against the brunette who hugged her tightly. Her face comfortably against Zosia’s neck, the perfect spot to to be immersed in her scent, and for that moment she forgot about everything else, she forgot about the world, and she enjoyed having the girl once again by her side, even if she knew that it couldn’t last.
It was late and Carol decided that they should sleep, she got Zosia some pajamas and she took hers to the bathroom, it felt silly making it a point not to see her naked, when she already knew her body like it was her own, but it still made sense for her, and it also gave her some time to recompose, to think without having the inebriating presence of Zosia near her.
She did everything as slowly as she could, which was never something she did, usually she would do most things as quickly as possible, to just be done with them and move on, but tonight brushing her teeth a minute longer meant that she could plan herself a little better.
Once she came back to the room Zosia was already in bed, under the covers, waiting for her, “All good? Do you need anything? Water? Extra blanket or something?” She said approaching the bed, “Everything is great, thank you.” Carol smiled forcefully and turned off the main lights before going to bed, the lamp on her side still on, once she entered the covers she turned it off as well.
She laid on her back waiting for her eyes to get used to the darkness, feeling the presence on her side and trying to ignore it, but even without seeing it she knew that she was looking at her, so she waited, she wanted to know if she would stop, maybe she would give up and go to sleep, she didn’t.
“Are you alright, Carol?” She finally turned her face to look at Zosia, in the dark she couldn’t see her as well, but she could see enough, somehow in the dark she looked even more mystic than she did in the light. “Yeah, it’s just… This is a lot” Her eyes drifted, she couldn’t bring herself to look at Zosia directly, “We don’t mean to make you uncomfortable, Carol. Do you want us to leave?” She didn’t make any movement to leave the bed but the question alone made Carol turn on her side to face her, to really look at her and guarantee that she wasn’t going anywhere. “Please don’t.” She stayed silence for a moment before continuing “I want you to stay, but it doesn’t mean that it’s not complicated.”
“It’s ok, we’ll stay as long as you want.” This moment was taking her back to late night confessions when she was just a teenager, a girl she liked whispering things to her, of course everything was less complicated back then, but now staring into Zosia’s eyes things seemed simpler than they really were and Carol needed to remind herself of that. So she closed her eyes, maybe it would be easier if she couldn’t see her.
She was wrong, not completely, but what happened was that as she closed her eyes she felt Zosia’s body approaching hers, cuddling her, and she found herself moving one of her arms around the woman’s waist, her head now resting on her chest, and everything was so quiet that she could hear her heartbeat.
“Sometimes I forget you are still human.” She heard a soft laugh, “It’s easy to forget, Carol, you decided that we are your enemies, and you don’t want an enemy to be the same as you, because that means that you want to defeat yourself. But we are not your enemies, we just want what’s best for you.” She scoffed but didn’t bite back this time, “I want what’s best for you too, Zosia.” They stayed there holding each other, while Carol kept listening to her heartbeat, thinking about the real woman behind it, thinking about the woman she wanted to find and the one she would give up while trying to find her.