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Panic! Panicking Panic!
AAAAH!
Wei Wuxian paced a circle in the jingshi. It was Lan Wangji's birthday today. How could he have forgotten? Well there had been a lot going on in the last year. Rebirth, murder mysteries, learning that Lan Wangji had loved him since they were kids, more murder. His memory wasn't great at the best of times and with everything that had happened of course he had lost track. So now here he was, wearing a hole in the mat as he paced around the jingshi trying to figure out what to do for his husband (Husband!).
Birthday sex was a given. They would definitely be fucking hard tonight. He should drop a hint to Lan Xichen that the old man should wear earplugs that evening. But there had to be more he could do. He was broke. All his money was Lan Wangji's money, so he can't just go out and buy something. Lan Wangji would know.
What could he do?
He could make something?
Talismans? No.
Clothes? Absolutely not.
Something for the bunnies? Nah, they have all they need.
Think Wei Wuxian think.
Longevity noodles.
Wei Wuxian pounded his fist into his hand. That's it! He could make longevity noodles for Lan Wangji.
Of course the Lans probably had their own traditions for birthdays. It was possible that the cooks were making noodles at his very moment for Lan Wangji. Wei Wuxian couldn't have that. He needed to get to the kitchens and fast. Thankfully, his husband (Husband!) had classes all day so he could work without worry of being caught.
He had a plan. Now to execute it.
Wei Wuxian would admit he had never been to the kitchens here at Cloud Recesses before. So it took a little questioning from a confused junior to find the place but he eventually did. It was exactly what he expected. Clean, plain, boring. There were piles of vegetables and medicinal herbs. Clear broths simmered on the stoves and not a single seasoning was in sight. This was going to be harder than he thought.
"Excuse me, Lan-furen," a voice came from behind him.
Wei Wuxian spun on the spot, "Me?"
The Lan chef nodded and stepped past him into the kitchen, carrying a basket of more herbs, "Apologies, I just needed to get past you."
Lan-furen…well they weren't exactly wrong with that. He tapped his chin. Yes, he could get used to that title.
Wei Wuxian puffed up and smiled, "Is it possible to use the kitchens? I just need to make something for my husband."
The chef set the basket on a table and looked at him, tilting their head, "Hmm, I suppose you could. We will be prepping for meal soon but as long as you're not in the way I'm sure it's fine. What are you making?"
"Longevity noodles," Wei Wuxian's smile got wider as he stood a little taller.
The Lan blinked at him.
Wei Wuxian deflated a little bit, "It's Lan Zhan's birthday today. I wanted to make them special for him."
"Oh," the chef nodded and turned back to the pile of herbs in front of them, "I didn't realize that was today. You'll find flour and water under the counter over there."
"Thank you," Wei Wuxian bowed and swiftly crossed the room to the designated location.
Okay so maybe the Lans didn't have any birthday traditions. Wei Wuxian looked over his shoulder at the chef now sorting their herbs. How could they not know it was his Lan Zhan's birthday? Well whatever. Wei Wuxian pulled out the bag of flour and plopped it onto the center table. He was going to make sure it was the best birthday Lan Wangji ever had. Lan traditions be damned.
He had never made noodles before. Never had the need to make noodles before. At Lotus Pier food was made for him by cooks or shijie. At the burial mounds they were lucky to have food and well ever since his rebirth Lan Wangji had been spoiling him. He knew the general concept behind noodle making but had never executed it. Water, wheat, eggs…oh right and he would need chives, mushrooms, veggies and fish balls.
Wei Wuxian looked around the kitchen. He would probably have to forgo the fish, his husband (Husband!) wouldn't eat it anyways but he could make up for it with the sauce. Right, he would need to make a sauce too with whatever he could find in here. The Lans couldn't be completely without seasonings, right? They had to have soy sauce, or sesame oil around. He'd have to go back to the jingshi to get chili oil and pepper flakes but that was fine, then he could just use whatever the cooks weren't using.
He grabbed a nearby bowl and placed it on the table next to his ingredients. First things first, he had to make the noodles. Anything else could be figured out later. But really, how hard could it be?
Somewhere across Cloud Recesses, in the middle of reading his lesson, Lan Wangji had a sudden sense of foreboding come over him.
It was late afternoon by the time Wei Wuxian set his finished noodles bowl onto the kitchen table. There was flour in his hair, mushrooms stuck to his cheek, and chili oil staining his fingers but it was finished. The final dish looked like a mess. The long noodles were all different thicknesses and lengths. The vegetables were not uniform. But mostly, the food in the bowl seemed to be glowing red with spice.
Wei Wuxian grinned and wiped his arm across his forehead. The Lan chefs that had gathered to prep for dinner were shooting worried glances his direction. Wei Wuxian grabbed a handful of chopped chives and sprinkled them on top of the bowl as a garnish.
"Done," he said to no one before putting the bowl on a tray and turning to the rest of the kitchen, "Thanks for letting me use your stuff."
"D-don't mention it," the Lan from before looked at the bowl in Wei Wuxian's hands and then back to the mess that he had made on the counter, "I hope Hanguang-jun likes it?"
Wei Wuxian nodded, "I'm sure he will. It smells amazing doesn't it?"
Wei Wuxian held the tray out towards the chef who hastily scrambled backwards, eyes watering, "Y-yeah…Lan-er-furen made a good meal for Hanguang-jun."
The other chefs in the room all gave each other knowing looks and then quickly turned back to their work.
Wei Wuxian laughed, "Well then I better get going. Don't want it to get cold."
The Lan chefs clasped their hands and bowed as Wei Wuxian bounced out of the kitchen with his prize.
˚₊ʚ🍜ɞ₊˚
Something made Lan Wangji stop just outside the jingshi door. It was the start of evening and he was done with his duties for the day. Typically, he would be searching for his husband so they can go and enjoy a meal together before bed but just as he had stepped out of the classroom he had glimpsed Wei Wuxian's retreating back heading this way. Curiosity got the better of him and he had trailed after the other until now. Now he stood outside their home, one hand on the door, listening to the noises inside.
Until he heard something fall, followed by, "Fuck, ow."
"Wei Ying!" Lan Wangji threw open the jingshi door and swiftly stepped inside.
He was greeted by the sight of Wei Wuxian twirling around to look at him, one finger in his mouth. Behind him a banner was half hung on the wall reading: 生日快乐 [Happy Birthday]. The messy characters gave away that it was written in haste.
"Lum Zhum," Wei Wuxian called out around his finger before pulling it away, "What are you doing here already?"
"Wei Ying was walking this way," Lan Wangji wrapped his hand around Wei Wuxian's wrist and examed his finger.
A small pinprick of blood slowly oozed out and Lan Wangji looked back up at his husband with a frown.
"I'm fine," Wei Wuxian pulled his hand back and tucked it inside his robes, "Just slipped is all. That's not important. What's important is that it's your birthday! Happy Birthday Lan Zhan!"
Even if Lan Wangji wanted to say more about the injury he could not as he was quickly redirected by a flying Wei Wuxian, who had just thrown himself in Lan Wangji's direction and he had to catch.
"Wei Ying?" Lan Wangji wrapped his arms around the warm body of his husband. He would never complain about having Wei Wuxian in his arms, even if he was confused.
Wei Wuxian giggled and then lifted his head to look up at Lan Wangji, grinning from ear to ear, "I made you something special."
"Mn," Lan Wangji was not certain what was expected of him. He had had plenty of birthdays but only those in his childhood had been celebrated. After a certain age, the day just passed by like any other and these last 13 years it had just been a reminder of another year without Wei Wuxian.
Lan Wangji tightened his hold on his husband and took a deep breath, burying his nose in Wei Wuxian's hair.
But this year was different. This year Wei Wuxian was here. This year they were married and Wei Wuxian loved him. This year perhaps it was worth celebrating.
"Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian's voice held an edge of concern, Lan Wangji couldn't have that. He pulled back enough to let Wei Wuxian wiggle free. They looked at each other for a beat then the smile was back and Wei Wuxian was bounding across the room.
"Tada!" Wei Wuxian spread his hands and shook them in the direction of the table.
Lan Wangji crossed the room and looked down. Sitting in the middle of the table was a bowl of noodles. The noodles looked…rough and the vegetables surrounding them had certainly seen better days but that was not what made Lan Wangji's eyes widen slightly. The bowl of noodles was bright red. He swallowed and looked back up at his beaming husband.
Wei Wuxian dropped himself to the floor next to the table, "I made them myself, spent all day in the kitchens. I might need to send the cooks there an proper thank you for letting me use the space but whatever. They're longevity noodles! You've had to have had longevity noodles before even if you Lans are anti parties or whatever."
Lan Wangji folded himself into a lotus position next to the other, eyes dropping from Wei Wuxian's waving arms to the lava colored bowl in front of him.
"I have," Lan Wangji finally found his voice when Wei Wuxian stopped talking, "Only as a child."
His husband leaned an elbow on the table and rested his head in his hand to look at him sideways, before sticking out his tongue, "Boring. You should have them every year. Now that I'm here I'll make sure of it. I'll make you a bowl every year for your birthday!"
The happiness in Wei Wuxian's eyes made the terror in Lan Wangji's chest melt. He would do anything to keep that light there. Even eat a bowl of what is surely the spiciest noodles in Gusu. He would eat it every year if it meant that Wei Wuxian would always be happy.
"Wei Ying too," Lan Wangji nodded and picked up his chopsticks, "Wei Ying should have some on his birthday, also. I will make them."
That earned him a surprised gasp and Wei Wuxian clapping his hands in delight. Lan Wangji felt warmth bubbled up inside him. Yes, he would do anything for his husband. And besides, this was very thoughtful of Wei Wuxian. Despite the alarming color, the effort and thought put into making the noodles for him-Lan Wangji let out a short breath-he had not had anyone dote on him so since his mother.
Chopsticks in hand, and with Wei Wuxian's encouragement, Lan Wangji picked up the first noodle. He examined its length, definitely qualified for a longevity noodle, and its rotundness, he was supposed to eat this whole thing, then glanced over to Wei Wuxian who looked like he was going to vibrate out of his skin. With a smile on his lips, Lan Wangji placed the noodle in his mouth…
At first there was nothing and Lan Wangji was lulled into a false sense of security.
He took more of the noodle into his mouth.
Then it hit him.
Like the blazing fire of the sun.
Pain burst forth across his tongue. It shot down his throat and up into his nose. His eyes teared up and he stopped breathing. He could feel sweat on the back of his neck. It was nearly more than he could take.
Lan Wangji blinked the tears away and, lips still pursed around the end of the noodle, glanced to the side to Wei Wuxian's expectant face.
He was Hanguang-jun. A peerless cultivator. He fought in a war, survived 13 years without his beloved, raised a child. He would not be taken down by some spicy noodles. He was stronger than that. Lan Wangji summoned his qi, circulating it through his meridians and up into his senses trying to cool the heat from the inside. It worked, a little bit, it worked enough that he was able to pull more of the noodle into his mouth. There was still a lot of noodle left to go.
"Lan Zhan?" Wei Wuxian's voice was worried and the smile fell from his face, "Are you okay?"
Lan Wangji sucked in more of the noodle and nodded. Wei Wuxian reached out and tapped his face with a hum.
"You're sweating a lot," Wei Wuxian grabbed the bowl and stuck a chopstick into it before sticking the chopstick in his mouth, "It tastes fine….shit! Is it too spicy for you? Lan Zhan! Spit it out!"
By the time Wei Wuxian had come to his realization, Lan Wangji had finished the longevity noodle that he had. He could feel the flush on his cheeks and his nose dripping but years of practice kept his face flat. That is, until, Wei Wuxian grabbed his face between two hands and forced him around.
"Lan Zhan, er-gege," Wei Wuxian's eyes were wide but his voice was soft.
Lan Wangji could only stare, blinking the tears from his own eyes so he could see the other clearly. He wasn't sure what his face was doing in that moment but he was certain he looked like a mess, if Wei Wuxian's reaction was anything to go off of.
"Zhan-er-lang, say something, please."
Wei Wuxian was pleading now. Lan Wangji swallowed. The burning sensation that had been sitting in his mouth traveled down his throat and through his chest until it disappeared into his stomach.
"Wei Ying," he croaked out past the sting in his mouth.
Wei Wuxian's hands squeezed his face harder, puckering up his lips and squishing his (now less teary) eyes.
"Oh my gods, Lan Zhan, I'm so sorry. I forgot about the spice. I mean you're always ordering spicy food for us so I thought I would add a little but I forgot that you can't eat as much as I can and I was just making it to taste and my taste is way different than your tastes and Lan Zhan? Lan Zhan? Gege, are you…are you laughing at me?"
In fact, yes, Lan Wangji was laughing in his own way. Wei Wuxian's rambling and concern had brought his mind away from the burning sensation rampaging his body and back to the reason it had happened. Wei Wuxian had made him longevity noodles for his birthday. With his own two hands he had made something so very special for him. It reminded him of years ago when he had received a bouquet of split arrows from this same man. The object was crude, and possibly dangerous to a normal human being, but the effort and thought that went into it warmed him in a way no spice could. So, while Wei Wuxian had gone on rambling, Lan Wangji had huffed a laugh and the corners of his lips twisted upwards.
In lieu of an answer, Lan Wangji bent forward and captured Wei Wuxian's lips with his own. It only took a second for the other to respond to the kiss and soon Lan Wangji was shoving his, still burning, tongue into Wei Wuxian's mouth. He wrapped a hand around the back of his husband's head and pulled him in closer.
Lan Wangji poured everything he had into the kiss. His desire. His love. His thankfulness. His everything. Because Wei Wuxian was his everything.
When they pulled apart, Wei Wuxian's lips were swollen, red and tasted slightly like the spicy noodles. He was breathing hard and fell against Lan Wangji's body like his own was made of jelly. Lan Wangji wrapped an arm around him and tucked him in close, the smile still on his lips.
"Does this mean you liked the noodles?" Wei Wuxian looked up at him, grinning from ear to ear again.
"Mn," Lan Wangji nodded and dipped down to capture those lips in a quick kiss.
"Happy Birthday, er-gege," Wei Wuxian breathed out when they parted once more.
Lan Wangji's hand stroked up and down his husband's side until he felt something strange. It was ridged and like a bump in the road only hidden underneath Wei Wuxian's robes. He skimmed his fingers over it again and furrowed his brows. It almost felt like rope.
"Wei Ying?" Lan Wangji looked to his husband.
Wei Wuxian's eyes glinted in the light and his content smile turned mischievous, "I have one more present for you."
Yes, Lan Wangji thought as he slowly discovered the second present, he would be okay with celebrating more birthdays like this.