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It's been over 8 hours. Chuuya had to take it off now.
He…really didn't wanna take it off. What if he got a new mission? Then he'd have to go out without it, and everyone would see, they'd all know, they'd know what he was trying so hard to hide. He locked himself in his room, and quickly took off his jacket, then his shirt. He squeezed his eyes shut. If I don't see them, they don't exist. He removed his binder, taking in a breath. God, he hated this. It felt so…wrong, to breathe properly, knowing it was because he removed his binder. Whatever. He told the boss that he would ONLY do tasks that involve him being around others for 8 hours each day, so if he did get a mission, it probably wouldn't be one where he had to talk to someone. The boss was pretty shitty, but he respected that boundary, Chuuya at least could give him that. It was fine, he didn't have to go out. He could just stay here, nobody would see, nobody would know. They'd still see him as a boy. He was fine.
…And then the door unlocked, and someone walked in. Chuuya's eyes snapped open to see who it was. If it was Verlaine it's fine, he already knows, but if someone else were here…
“Oh Chibi~!!”
Dazai said, announcing his presence. Chuuya wrapped his blanket around his bare chest.
“How did you even get in here, stupid Mackerel?!”
“I have a copy of your room key.”
“Why?!”
“Uh, so I can always see my dog? Duh??”
Dazai sat next to him on his bed without an invitation. Chuuya held the blanket tighter.
“You cold, slug? You're holding that blanket like your life depends on it.”
“Shut up-! You walked in while I didn't have a shirt on-”
“And you're embarrassed I came in? You don't want me to see you shirtless? I never would have guessed you'd be shy, Chuuya..!!”
Dazai teased.
“Just get out so I can put a damn shirt on, Mackerel-!”
“Just put one on now.”
“What.”
“Just put a shirt on real quick, I can look away if you want. I just don't feel like getting up.”
Dazai looked at him like this was the easiest request ever.
“I can't just-!”
“Chuuya, I couldn't care less. I used to assist Mori-San with surgeries, I've seen the human body plenty of times.”
The brunette said with a flat tone.
“Ugh, fine, but you can't say shit about this.”
Chuuya mumbled. Looking away from Dazai, he quickly let go of the blanket, grabbing his sports bra and putting it on, then a random band shirt he had. Looking back at Dazai, he didn't seem disgusted, or shocked, or anything. More like…excited??
“You too?”
Dazai said, a bright expression forming.
“What are you on about, Mackerel??”
Dazai took Chuuya's hand and placed it under Dazai's shirt. Chuuya felt his face heat up and tried to pull away, but paused when he felt scabs where Dazai's chest was. Based on the placement, they seemed like…
Chuuya looked up at Dazai.
“You're-”
“Yeah. I was going through some major dysphoria one day, and thought ‘maybe I could DIY top surgery and bleed out. I’d die, and I'd have the perfect flat chest for my funeral!’ Of course, Mori-San found me before I could finish bleeding. But that's how I realized I hated pain.”
Dazai laughed softly. Chuuya was still surprised.
“Shit, I couldn't tell. Like, at all.”
He finally said.
“I couldn't really tell with you either.”
“Shut up. You're just saying that. I'm short, even for a teenage girl, my hair is still long as hell, and it grows faster than I can cut it. No matter how much I train my voice, you can still- hear it. Without my binder, everyone would know immediately.”
He said, voice uncharacteristically quiet.
“I'm being serious. I actually couldn't tell. At all, Chuuya. You may think you don't pass, but you really do. And if everyone would know as soon as the binder comes off, why not just say it?”
“Oh fuck no. Then they'll all know. They'll all know I'm not..”
“Not what, Chuu? And if you start on some ‘not a real boy' rant, I'm gonna make you do my laundry for a week.”
“Shut up, Dazai-! It's just..I don't want them to see me as anything else. They all see me as a boy, sure, a pretty short one, but still a boy. If they know, then even if they do respect it, they'll permanently see me as a trans boy, and I don't want that to become my highlighting feature. I just want to be a boy, with no other things.”
“They won't see you any different, Chuuya.”
“How could you POSSIBLY know that..?”
“Because the whole Port Mafia knows what I am. I'm pretty sure you're the only one who didn't know. And they don't see me as anything less. I was a boy to them before I started being open about it, I'm still a boy to them now.”
“But you pass. You're taller, your voice isn't high pitched, you're flat, you actually-”
“I'm taller due to genetics, my voice isn't high pitched because I've been on testosterone for like 6 months, and I did a DIY top surgery. Before that, I DEFINITELY didn't pass well, Chuuya. They still saw me as what I am. And they won't see you different. I don't see you any different. You're still my annoying dog!!”
“Damn it Dazai, I was TRYING to show some damn Vulnerability, and you just HAD to use that stupid nickname-!!”
He snapped. Dazai just laughed.
“There's the Chuuya I love.”
Chuuya felt his face get slightly warmer.
“Ew, shut up Dazai-!!”
Unprompted, Dazai leaned in and…hugged him.
“What-”
“Chuuya. Stupid, stupid Chuuya. Just let me hold you. That's an order, and remember, you're my dog, you gotta listen to my commands.”
“..Stupid, shitty-”
Chuuya grumbled under his breath, but still leaned in closer. Dazai dragged him back down onto his bed, and they kinda stayed like that for a while. It was surprisingly…sweet, even if he was cuddling Dazai of all people. He felt Dazai kiss his forehead, but didn't say anything. This felt…nice. Comforting. …And then Verlaine walked in
“Chuuya, Jeune frère, have you seen my-”
“GET OUT VERLAINE-!!” Verlaine stepped out. Dazai held in a giggle.
“Shut it, Dazai-!”
“Make me, Chuuya~”
Without thinking, Chuuya tilted his head up and kissed him. Just a quick peck on his lips. But it definitely made Dazai stop talking. Chuuya realized what he did and looked away, burying his face in Dazai's shoulder.
….
After that day, Chuuya was more…verbal, about it. He walked into the Port Mafia headquarters without his binder every now and then, openly told Mori when he couldn't do work that involved super heavy movement due to his cycle, and just generally seemed more clear on his identity, even without straight up saying “I'm trans” Dazai felt…proud. Seeing how he was kinda the reason Chuuya stopped trying to hide it. But more proud of Chuuya, for doing it. (Although, he did have to tell the ginger to eat, since he kept avoiding gaining weight out of fear he wouldn't pass as well.) And now, he had plenty of dumb ideas on how to annoy the chibi.
…Chuuya was GOING to strangle him.
They got a new member? Dazai would say “meet my boyfriend, his name is Chuuya!” If Chuuya made the grave mistake of asking for his help? He'd stop whatever he was doing and say “sorry, my boyfriend needs me!!” Any time Chuuya was mentioned in conversation? Dazai claimed him as his ‘boyfriend’. God, it was annoying. ESPECIALLY when, after he told Dazai to shut up with the boyfriend shit, he got worse. He started coming up behind Chuuya and calling him stupid things like ‘my sweet boy’ or ‘Dear’ or something equally affectionate. If Chuuya yelled at him Dazai would mope around the entire port mafia, saying “my boyfriend's so mean…” PURELY to get on his nerves. Chuuya was GOING to fight him one day. Even if hearing those stupid, stupid, words, “hi, Chuuya dear~” always made him feel stupid and fuzzy inside. Even if every time he heard Dazai call him his ‘boyfriend’ he felt something flutter in his chest. Even if he wanted that-
…oh no.