Chapter Text
“Nene, are you okay?” Tsukasa asked as he reached up to cup Nene's face, and gently rubbed circles with his thumb on her cheek. Flustered and shocked, she looked up to be met with his face, only a mere few inches away.
“Yeah,” she mumbled, feeling her face turn red from their close proximity and Tsukasa’s hand resting on her face. “Just tired.”
“Okay, well I’m here for you if anything’s wrong,” he replied, removing his hand from Nene’s cheek to tuck a couple strands of hair behind her ear. “Please reach out to me more– to all of us.”
With that, Tsukasa placed his arms around her waist, and pulled her closer into a warm embrace, with Nene resting her head against his chest grabbing the fabric of his sweater. Since when was he ever this affectionate to her?
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Nene’s eyes shot open as soon as her alarm went off. Sitting up, she hit stop on her phone and tiredly rubbed her eyes. That… was the fifth time this month she dreamed about him. Tsukasa. Her annoying senior who she often bickered with during rehearsals, school— anywhere for that matter. But why? What was there to like about a hot-headed blond with sparkling golden eyes and an overflowing charisma that Nene seemed to subconsciously admire about him. Okay, maybe Nene was a bit interested in him since the founding of their theater troupe, Wonderlands x Showtime. Scratch that Nene had literal butterflies fluttering around her stomach whenever HE was near her, whether that be during school or rehearsal. Even the slightest physical contact with Tsukasa did wonders to her heart, her face the color of crimson red. His smile was enough for Nene to melt onto the floor. But these feelings she refused to admit until just now.
I guess this dream was the final straw.
Kusanagi Nene was in love with Tenma Tsukasa. And now she finally had enough courage to admit that, but of course not to him.
But it still did not ease the growing lump in her throat, which Nene attempted to swallow down and ultimately failed. Light, dry coughs lead to horrible hacking sounds as she rushed towards the bathroom, where she coughed up a small amount of blood into the sink.
Is that–
Flower petals. She picked up a small petal– golden yellow and slightly stained in her blood. Hanahaki disease. Nene should’ve expected the endeavor of chasing unrequited love would lead to her ultimate end. But wasn’t such an affliction only ever present in works of fiction? The idea of flowers growing in someone’s lungs seemed uncalled for, and the fact that Nene was burdened with such a disease was quite unlucky. Hopefully her parents didn’t find out about it in the meanwhile.
Mustering her strength to get ready, she brushed her teeth, and changed into her uniform, fixing the red bow tied around her collared shirt all before breaking into a coughing fit, bent over the toilet, discharging a much more significant amount of blood and petals, staining them in a more deeper shade of dark mahogany.
I guess I have to wear a mask today at school. Nene mumbled to herself, sighing in frustration.
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“Nene, are you sick?” Rui asked her when she approached him at the front gate. Unbeknownst to her, though she was hiding her face with a mask, Nene appeared relatively pale in complexion than normal— Rui in no time noticed this.
He was holding another one of his weird gadgets that he was probably going to test behind the backs of the hall monitors— not to mention Tsukasa was also one this year. Where was Tsukasa anyway? Nene pondered. Just the mere mention of his name in her mind made the petals rise from her throat to her mouth, urging her to cough.
“Yeah, I’m not feeling a little well so I might be on vocal rest for a couple days,” Nene lied, while aggressively clearing her throat, attempting to swallow down the petals.
“Fufu~ get better soon then. By the way, have you seen Tsukasa-kun anywhere?” Nene nearly choked on her phlegm, causing the flower petals to rise up her throat— an audible sound escaping from her mouth. Rui silently noticed this, though did not utter a word.
“I wouldn’t know,” Nene responded carefully, ruffling her hand through her mint green hair. Though it was true that she did not know of her senior’s whereabouts, she tried to not make it a big deal whenever Tsukasa’s name was brought up. However…
“Oh well if it isn’t Nene and Rui!” A loud voice exclaimed from behind Nene, which made her let out a screech of genuine fright. Speak of the devil. Tsukasa laughed heartily at her reaction and threw his arm around her shoulder— roughly but affectionately. Because of the sudden proximity, Nene’s ears and face dusted in a light shade of pink and she flinched at his touch for a couple of reasons.
Does this boy not realize the impact his stupid affection has? Unfortunately, Rui did and read Nene like a book and was two steps ahead.
“What’s wrong with you? Have you ever even heard of the concept of personal space?” Nene responded with a disgusted look in her eyes, though a smile creeped out of her voice.
“Ah, I’m sorry, my dear Nene,” Tsukasa then apologized in a gentle tone, strangely out of character, and immediately removed his arm off her shoulder. Rui observed the not-so-subtle facial expressions produced by Nene as Tsukasa addresses her in an endearing way, the former’s face abnormally stoic.
“I was just having an extraordinary morning today!” He exclaimed shortly but loudly. That was more like his usual tone.
“Ugh, so loud…”
“Oi! And here I thought we were going to have a normal conversation.”
“You expect too much from me, Tsukasa-kun…” Nene continued to tease, earning a light chuckle from Rui, in which the latter did not pay much attention to.
“Haha I suppose! Anyways, I’ll catch up with y’all before class later. You better not do anything stupid with that new gadget of yours, Rui.” He then glanced at Nene’s masked face, showing the most subtle hint of concern. “Also, feel better Nene. Take it easy during rehearsal later today.” There it was again. That gentle tone in his voice. It made her feel warm, fuzzy, and like the petals threatened to spill out of her mouth like a nasty rumor.
“Farewell, my friends!” That’s right. Tsukasa probably had some committee thing to attend to anyways because of his upgraded status as hall monitor. A couple seconds after he turned to leave, Rui suddenly glanced at Nene to capture her attention, his signature Cheshire grin plastered on his face.
“Oya Nene, what was that all about?” He probed Nene, elbowing her and looked back to stare at Tsukasa’s retreating figure into the building.
“What was what?” She asked back, innocently turning back to him with convincing eyes.
“That peculiar interaction with Tsukasa-kun— well come to think of it, you are quite flustered around him these days—”
“Shut up.” She dropped the act, and promptly turned her heel to the entrance without looking back at Rui.
“Fufu~ don’t be afraid to admit your feelings!” Rui chirped back, proceeding to follow Nene. He was really getting all too good at reading her body language— probably attributed to the fact that they have known each other for years.
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Hopefully they didn’t notice the incessant throat clearing and swallowing, Nene silently hoped as she slipped on her shoes at the lockers.
“Sorry about the probing earlier.” Rui approached Nene at her row at the shoe lockers, who immediately cleared her throat and gestured for him to sit next to her.
“S’alright. You weren’t wrong anyways…” Nene trailed off, resting a hand on her face while staring at a dent on the wall intensely. Rui heard it anyway, and smiled to himself.
“If you want to talk about it, we still have…” he glanced at his watch. “… like 15 minutes until class begins so we can walk around the hallway if you want.” He offered as she slowly turned to face him.
“Eh.” She shrugged and stood up, staring at Rui as if beckoning to come and join her.
“I’ll take that as a yes,” Rui said and beamed. Nene rolled her eyes, walking off while he trailed her out of the lockers.
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“I see, so you just realized today that you liked Tsukasa-kun?” Rui asked, in slight shock that Nene had only just now figured out her feelings.
“Mhm.”
“I must say, I’m quite surprised.”
“What do you mean?”
“I mean, it was pretty obvious to Emu-kun and I— whenever he complimented you or the way you respond to him initiating physical contact—”
“Okay, maybe that’s enough talking from you.” Nene cut him off, the tips of her ears and what was visible of her face a bright shade of pink. A little cough slipped out of her mouth, Nene trying to ignore the obvious side eye from Rui.
“But to be fair, it didn’t seem like you were trying to hide your feelings. However, I could claim without doubt that Tsukasa-kun is oblivious to everything— especially since he is unaware of your obvious crush on him. It’s not out of character for him though.” Rui pondered as he suddenly stopped in the middle of the hallway.
“So… he’s a dumbass.” Nene finally responded after a long, awkward silence.
“Well you’re not wrong.” Rui replied and chuckled softly.
“Why are we here again?”
“To drop you off to your class, silly.”
“Oh.” Nene turned to the door on her right— a plaque engraved with “Class 2A” on top.
“We’ll talk during nutrition. I’m probably going to be late to class so I’ll take my leave. Bye Nene!” With that, Rui made a beeline past the other second years, nearly running into a few making Nene let out a laugh.
“Bye, dumbass.” Nene whispered under her breath, and stepped into class just as the warning bell rang.
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As the classroom quieted down when the teacher walked into the room for the first block, Nene found it a significant struggle to hold in her coughs. After the coughing became more prevalent, her fellow classmates turned to glance at her in pity— specifically Shiraishi An. The girl was friends with Rui’s middle school companion (dare Nene said crush), Akiyama Mizuki… and that was kind of the only connection the two girls shared. Shiraishi-san’s face contorted into concern for Nene whenever the latter let out a resounding phlegm-filled cough practically every minute, which spread through the suffocating atmosphere of the classroom. Unfortunately for her, Nene was unable to focus on the lecture for the first block of class, resisting the urge to discharge flower petals from her already sore throat. To top it all off, they probably were going to have a quiz about this topic at the end of the week, or at least that was what Nene caught on while she literally fought for her life.
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Nene sighed in relief when the bell rang, signaling the end of the first block and the beginning of nutrition. Eagerly getting up and out of her seat, Shiraishi approached her.
“Hey Kusanagi-san, I was wondering if you’d like this bottle of water.” She beamed brightly while handing Nene a plastic bottle, seeming like she was trying to cover up her obvious concern for the green-haired girl.
“Oh, thank you for the offer Shiraishi-san, but I think I already have my own– oh.” Nene quickly dug into her bag to try to find the flask she swore she packed earlier that day, but to no avail.
“It’s okay, my dad always packs an extra bottle of water just in case so you can keep it if you want. Also, feel better soon Kusanagi-san!” With that, Shiraishi shoved the bottle into Nene’s arms, waved back at her, and skipped away.
“Thanks, Shiraishi!” Nene called out to Shiraishi’s retreating figure. She stupidly stared down at it before aggressively unscrewing the cap and chugged half of it, shoving the bottle into her backpack.
I really hope she was right, Nene thought as she went over to her and Rui’s usual hangout place during nutrition.
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The second rehearsal of a play Nene’s theater troupe was set to perform in after that Monday back at school was not much better. In just one day, the amount of blood Nene discharged doubled as she excused herself to the restroom practically every minute each break. It did not help that she was constantly zoned out, often forgetting her lines. But it could have been worse— at least she and the rest of her troupe did not land on any of the five major leads, leaving Nene with the perfect opportunity to sneak out. The actors were left to their own devices to dissect the script today anyways.
She was also trying her best not to ogle at Tsukasa often. But could you blame her? He was practically burning up like a star in Nene’s eyes, his strong voice cutting through the acoustics of the venue. Ah, that damned blond.
“Nene, shall we rehearse this part once again?” Tsukasa approached her at the edge of the stage after his moving monologue, and pointed at a specific part of the script.
“Huh— oh yeah sure.” She realized she blankly stared at the script book for God knows how long, and cleared her throat to temporarily ease the floral turmoil that brewed inside her. Fortunately, Nene was still able to sing without anyone catching on to her affliction. She swore she saw Tsukasa gaze at her endearingly while she recited her dialogue for their shared scene. The scene that they were rehearsing was the highlight of Nene’s role as an actress and a singer in the play, and unfortunately required the use of her overly exerted throat— a singing solo during the build up for Nene’s character. And the last person she would want to share the stage with was to be present for it.
Woefully, the director found the chemistry the two teenagers produced extraordinary, and cast them as one of the romance subplots— something younger Nene would have dreaded taking part in. However…
“Ehem,” Tsukasa cleared his throat softly. “I’ve got my lines nearly memorized, so we can start working on the movements of our characters if you’re down.”
He already memorized his lines?
Wow, that’s gotta be so embarrassing. You didn’t even memorize the first line damn it. Nene cursed herself, rubbing her eyes in frustration. But when she glanced up at Tsukasa, she gave him a tightlipped smile and shook her head.
“Oh, I might need more time to memorize the script. Sorry.” She responded, guilt clearly laced in her words. He seemed to realize this, and he smiled, patting her shoulder gently.
“And that’s all right, dear Nene! After all, rest is important.” Tsukasa said and grinned stupidly (at least that was how Nene described his smile). Once again, the butterflies fluttered in her stomach and the petals rose up to her mouth, the routine ejection of them tempting right then and there at that moment. She wondered how she was not dead in one day.
“Nah, it’s fine. I’ll pull my weight so we can rehearse the movements soon. It’ll just be a bit of a hassle carrying around my script.” He could not argue with that, so he nodded with his usual vigour, clearing his throat to rehearse the opening of their scene.
Nene and Tsukasa both agreed (mainly Tsukasa) that the latter’s character would grasp the former’s hands gently for the opening of their scene, while she would wrangle out of his touch to sing her solo— a surprisingly critical moment in the entire play despite Nene’s status as one of the many side characters. Despite the beginning, the scene would end with Nene back in Tsukasa’s embrace. She was still not sure how she would survive the feeling of being wrapped up in the arms of someone she loved and cherished so deeply for the sake of a professional setting for a few more weeks. It further solidified the fact that whatever physical affection Tsukasa showed towards Nene was merely for the play and the play only. It did not help that her hanahaki symptoms lead her to believe that these feelings she felt were unrequited.
After all, Tsukasa was a very dedicated actor.
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Nene seemed a bit off today. Tsukasa was not sure if it was because she caught a cold and was wearing a mask today— but it was only customary to do that when sick. She also appeared more timid in the presence of him, in which she was usually more snide and keen on roasting his every action. However, Rui did not seem to realize anything amiss at school and he usually could tell if Nene felt off, which was attributed to the years they had known each other.
But it was probably because Tsukasa had been hyper fixating on Nene for some time. He did not know why, but he was drawn to her like a moth to the flame, his heart racing as she gave it her all out on the stage. Today was not an exception. Though he constantly reminded her to take it easy because of her (supposed) cold, he could tell that her excellence still shined throughout her voice no matter how much effort she put in her song.
There was something endearing about Nene that despite always being at odds with each other, Tsukasa did not know why he yearned to be closer to her.
Unfortunately for him, Rui had been watching the pair’s encounters with each for some time and finally confronted the Tsukasa’s feelings regarding Nene by pulling the former into a hidden corner backstage during the last break for rehearsal that day.
“So, Nene?” Rui’s face contorted from a neutral expression to a smirk.
“Oi! Shut it Rui,” Tsukasa replied, his signature smile replaced by a flustered expression that tried to be covered up with pride. “It’s nothing like that, was I really that obvious?” Disdain laced the blond’s voice.
“I mean, why would’ve I asked you to come meet me here if I didn’t notice?”
“It was a rhetorical question!”
“Fufu~ sorry Tsukasa-kun, I just wanted to tease you because I couldn’t miss out on the perfect opportunity.”
“Why should I expect anything else from you? Also, if you’re just gonna waste my time on mocking me then don’t bother bringing up a serious topic.”
“Ah, of course.” Rui’s smug expression faded into a serious one. “Please… look after Nene.”
“Huh!?” Tsukasa exclaimed maybe a bit too loud, the tips of his ears rapidly turning a bright red.
So that bastard did notice something off about Nene.
“Why me? Aren’t you the one who’s been friends with her for years?” Rui’s gaze fell to the ground, a somber look that graced his face.
“I feel like she’s hiding something from all of us, and I think it’s best if you were the one to confront her about it. And I think she could really use the company of our group leader,” The corners of Rui’s lips slightly turned up in a small smile as he looked back at Tsukasa. “It’d benefit you too since you’d want to get closer no?”
“Okay fine, but if she suspects something’s up and ignores me it’s all your fault. And how would I be sure you won’t tell her anything?”
“I assure you Tsukasa-kun, whatever was just mentioned in this conversation will stay between you and I.” Rui said and dramatically bowed down to Tsukasa, who scoffed with no real venom in his tone.
“… In all seriousness, I’ll try my best to reach out to her.” Tsukasa replied after an extended silence. The director then called for the end of break time, and before Tsukasa could leave, Rui grabbed his wrist.
“I— Thank you.” was all Rui could let out before he spilled Nene’s secret to the last person she would want to find out.
“Man, you're so corny and dramatic.” He laughed softly. “ I think you’re finally starting to rub off of me and Emu. But yeah, I’d be happy to make Nene feel better.” With that, the two of them walked out backstage to meet up with the other actors in the production for the last hour of rehearsal for the day.
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Thank goodness rehearsal was over. Nene thought, sighing to herself quietly. She was still unable to memorize her lines— it was like the words could not stick to her mind unlike the lint on one of her favorite cardigans. On the other hand, there was another problem that bugged her to an end. Tenma Tsukasa. His very presence practically threatened her existence, and the very thought of ever confessing to him seemed more daunting now that her life was on the line.
“I recently found a new shop that sells delicious manjũ just down the street from here!” Tsukasa brought up as the four— him, Rui, Nene, and Emu— walked out of the venue and onto the streets. “Would anyone care to stop by with me?”
“Fufu~ sure.” Rui replied.
“Wow! That sounds so wonderhoy and amazing Tsukasa-kun!” Emu exclaimed in excitement, her eyes practically shining. “I’m in!”
“What about you, Nene?” Rui asked.
“Um… You guys go ahead, I need to get some rest anyways. But thanks for the offer, Tsukasa.” Nene swore she saw disappointment flash from Tsukasa’s eyes, who glanced at the floor after they made eye contact with each other.
“What!? Nene-chan can’t come with us?” Emu’s eyes threatened to spill with tears, and clung onto Nene almost enough force to knock the latter over.
“It’s okay, I can tag along—”
“Nene you need rest, don’t let us be in the way of your recovery process. Plus you have a big role in the play so we need our diva to be in top shape.” Tsukasa cut her off, his voice gentle and gave her a light smile once again. Nene could not resist, and glanced maybe for a little too long at his lips. She probably thought of how it would feel if she pressed hers— chapped and peeling to his soft ones.
Does this man realize he has the power to completely ruin my life? Once again, Nene felt the flower petals rise up her throat as her heart rate quickened from the affectionate name he gave her. When she parted ways with her group at the crosswalk, she suddenly felt someone practically crash into her from behind. It gave her a mini heart attack until she turned around and faced the perpetrator.
“Nene-chan, I’ll walk with you for a bit!” Emu let go of Nene and said with a wide smile.
“Oh, thanks Emu.”
“Of course!”
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After Nene parted ways with Emu at the train station, she had forgotten how worn out and tired she was from the events of today— her brand new disease and the dream that hindered her precious sleep last night. When she had eaten dinner, washed up, and got ready for bed, Nene decided that coughing up petals and blood onto her homework was not worth it and decided to turn in early for the night.
At least the homework isn’t due till Wednesday, Nene sighed in relief as she slipped into her bed covers, and shut her eyes in a futile attempt to gain some shuteye.
Sleeping proved to be a treacherous task for her. Despite her body practically crying for rest and her throat stinging from all that coughing, Nene’s mind overtook with thoughts of Tsukasa. His beautiful face, soft hair, and stupid grin and laugh— it was too much for her to bear.
In frustration, Nene screamed into her pillow. Silent tears ran down her face dawned with the realization (once again) that her silly crush might end up killing her. The future she dreamed of ever since she was a kid might never come true. Would she ever even live to achieve becoming an actress to inspire others, just as Kazamatauri Yuuka, who played the Little Mermaid so long ago?
Why was I so foolish to fall in love with him? The voices that ran Nene’s mind cursed herself over and over again as she hopelessly balled up her fists and punched her mattress until she slowly was overcome with drowsiness and sunk into dreamless slumber.
After all, your heart can not simply choose to fall in love with someone.