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Pacing the floor, walking back and forth. He doesn't know what to do. He bites his nail. He messes his hair. He is frantic with worry. He is scared.
He suddenly stops walking. He takes a deep breath. Twice. He looks at their bed, there she is. The love and light of his life sleeping peacefully. He doesn't want to wake her up, but he has to because he needs to tell the truth before he tells everyone, the whole country. He needs to tell her that he had lied to her. He has to face her before anyone. He needs to tell her that he had betrayed her and it breaks his heart that he will be hurting his best friend. He made a huge mistake. He got trapped by lust and temptations. He was weak. He knows that he shouldn't be making any excuses for what he has done, but that is the truth. He never meant to hurt her. He never planned to do this. Never, but he did. He did.
He slowly walks toward her, takes another huge sigh, and sits down at the end of the bed next to her feet. She is sleeping facing sideways. Her left arm on top, her right arm at the back of; acting like a pillow. She looks so peaceful, and now he is about to wake her up with a horrible confession. I touched her left hand and connect their fingers together. With that, she begins to move. She stretches her body making a slight grunt. She finally sees him and gives him a sweet smile. Not yet fully awake, she greets him a good morning.
He can only give her a faint smile and with that, she knows something is wrong. He is never like this in the morning, He is always so energetic and happy in the morning. She suddenly becomes worried, she gives him a worried look, asking what's wrong without actually speaking only with their eyes. She sits up, fixing herself. She grabs his hand and put it near her and caresses it. He only stares at her; his eyes watering. It really worries her
"Darling, what's wrong? What happened?" She asks.
"I..."
"Is it about the Children's Healthcare plan? Did the Republicans rejected it?"
"No, it's not about that.."
"Ok..about things in the Middle East, what did Arafat say?"
"No..no..it's about us." He looks down.
"Us? What about us?" She gets confused.
Us? What is he talking about? Is there another lawsuit against us? against him? Another Whitewater investigation? Another conspiracy held against him by the right? If so, why does he look so scared? He is so used to the Republicans.
"Remember, the intern that I told you about last January." he still is looking down.
"Yeah, Monica Lewinsky, the narcissistic looney toon who's obsessed with you and thought you like her.." She stops because she notices a tear dropped in his eye. "Bill..?" She is getting scared. She holds his hand tighter.
"Everything I told you.....was a lie." Tears drop. "I'm so sorry, Hillary." He touches and caresses her hand, putting it near his heart. "I didn't mean to hurt you, I didn't mean to lie to you. I was just protecting you and Chelsea. Please forgive me. "
She isn't moving. Her mouth opens. She doesn't know what to do. Her heart suddenly becomes heavier. She can't breathe. She removes her hand from Bill's touch. Tears begin to fall down. She did not move for a while. Then, she looks at Bill.
"How could you? How could you do this? Why did..you lie to me?" asks him, trying to breathe. She touches her heart.
"I..I don't know..."
"You don't know! That is the most idiotic excuse I've ever heard!" She is becoming furious. She gets out of bed. He stands up as well, following her.
"I know..I know..Honey, please...I.."
"What?! Tell me, Bill. Why did you cheat on me? Why did you lie to me? You never lie to me. Why?" Tears falling down. Her voice gets louder. She knows someone might hear her, but she doesn't care. She is devastated. Hurt.
He tries to grab her hand, but she rapidly slaps him causing his cheek to turn red.
"Get out."
"Hillary.."
"Get out! Get out! Now! I don't want to see your face!" She pushes him. She puts on all of her weight to try pushing him, but she can't. Bill is just too strong. She tries again. Because of this, she gets frustrated. She hits him, slapping him on the chest. He tries to stop her by hugging her. "I hate you! How could you do this?!"
Because he is stronger than her, he successfully surrounds her with his arms. She sobs louder, still trying to hit him. He is now crying. He realizes how much he has hurt her. She doesn't deserve this. All she has done was to love him unconditionally. All she has done was to support him no matter what and this is how he repays her. By breaking her heart. By breaking her trust. By damaging their marriage. All he can do is keep apologizing. She suddenly stops. She drops her arms. Feeling helpless. She looks tired and vulnerable. She looks defeated.
"Please let me go. I want to be alone. Please." She begs him.
Her voice sounds so weak. He is not used to this sound. He is used to a strong voice. What has he done?
He lets go. He again asks for forgiveness. She doesn't reply. He bites his lower lip, knowing that she can't talk to him right now. Not now.
"Ok..I'll be here when you need me." He says.
He walks slowly while wiping the tears from his cheeks. His staff can't see the President like this. He opens the door. He takes a deep breath.
"I love you, Hillary. Always." He looks at her again, her back faces him. She doesn't say anything.
He walks away and closes the door. When she heard the door closes, she takes a deep breath and cries loud enough that he can hear her. He leans on the other side of the door, touching his heart.
They are used to facing problems and obstacles. They are used to facing crisis after crisis. Not this. They are used to fighting the battle together. They are not used to facing an obstacle alone, especially when the crisis is about their love.