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The fried chicken from Baku’s father’s restaurant sits heavy in Jun-tae’s stomach as he and Hyun-tak walk away from the restaurant.
“Hey, did you want to practice some more?” Hyun-tak asks. “There’s a nice park near my place where we can.”
Jun-tae hesitates. It’s already late. Not that his parents would mind at all. They are too busy working all the time to notice anything about his personal life. “Sure.”
They change direction slightly, heading towards Hyun-tak’s house instead. The atmosphere is easy. Jun-tae thinks about how, only a few short weeks ago, he had no friends at all at school. Now, he feels he has at least three friends for life, maybe even more – the other boys on the basketball team have been welcoming as a whole to him.
When they reach the park, it’s empty. Hyun-tak sets them up under a streetlight, on the basketball court. He runs him through some of the drills he’s taught him before.
After about half an hour, Hyun-tak sighs. “It’s no use. You’re still way too tense.”
“Well, what do you do to keep loose?”
“Hmm…I learned about stretching.” He shows Jun-tae a few stretches, too. “Ah, no, not like that.” He places his hands on Jun-tae’s back and presses him into a different position. Then, he deepens it. “Feel okay?”
“Yeah.” Jun-tae’s voice is strained, though.
“Okay, let’s try another.” They keep going through stretches until Hyun-tak feels like Jun-tae is a bit looser. “Let’s try again.” They go back to the earlier drills. Kicks, punches, keeping light on his feet. “I guess it’d take longer than one stretching session to get you loose.” Hyun-tak concedes.
“I’m tired. Can’t we stop?”
Hyun-tak sighs. “Alright. Did you want to crash at mine? We’re only a block away.”
“Sure.”
They walk the rest of the way to Hyun-tak’s place. The front light is still on. Hyun-tak uses a key to open the door, creeping inside. Jun-tae closes and locks it behind them, trying his best to be quiet. Despite this, Hyun-tak’s mother opens the door to her bedroom and places her hands on her hips.
“You’re certainly coming in late.”
“Sorry, mum. We were playing basketball in the park.”
She sighs and turns her attention to Jun-tae. “I’ve never seen you before. Are you a new player?”
“Uh…I’m thinking about joining.” Jun-tae says, not untruthfully. If it means he gets more friends, more time to spend with those friends, he’ll gladly do whatever he has to.
“That’s lovely, darling.”
Jun-tae sucks in a surprised breath. He’s never been called ‘darling’ before. It spreads a warmth through his chest.
“If you need anything, just let me know. I’ll be in my room. And make sure you boys go right to sleep. I’ll know if you’re playing games in there.”
“Yes, mum. Thanks.”
She sighs again and turns back to her room, turning off her light and closing the door.
“She’s really sweet.” Jun-tae says.
“Yeah. She is. Come on. Let’s get ready for bed.”
Over the next few days, Jun-tae spends more and more time with Gotak. He visits his house for dinner multiple times. They train together. He plays more basketball.
Even though his parents really don’t care, there’s a point where they’re bound to notice him staying out late all the time. He comes home past eleven again. His mother is sitting at the table, looking tired.
“Where have you been?”
“With friends.” He answers vaguely.
She nods slowly. “You’ve been doing your homework?”
He wants to tell her that she’s never cared about his grades before, ask her why she cares now. She never cares if he’s home for dinner, where he is, what he’s doing. She never even cares what he spends his money on. She hadn’t known about the bullying, and she doesn’t know about his friends, either.
“Yeah.”
“Okay. Take care of yourself.” She stands, grabbing the bottle of soju off the table, and stumbles into her bedroom. His father will be there, too, no doubt. Flat on his back, lights out.
He swallows and slinks off to his room. If he never sees either of them again, it’ll be too soon.
The bitterness stiffens his muscles back to pre-stretch condition. Gotak notices instantly.
“Did something happen? Was it Hyo-man? Is he giving you trouble again?”
“It’s fine.” Jun-tae says shortly. He knows it’s out of character, that it’ll raise Gotak’s suspicions, but he wants to keep his problems away from him. They’re all already trying to deal with Baku’s problems, trying to help Si-eun come out of his shell. His problems are peanuts in comparison. Not even worth worrying about.
“Stay at mine tonight?” Gotak asks, basketball in hand.
Jun-tae looks away. “It’s not that I want to tell you in private. I don’t want to tell you at all.”
He feels Gotak stiffen beside him. “Okay. But maybe you want to just hang out?”
He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath. He remembers the feeling of Si-eun rejecting him after meeting Baek-jin. He swallows. He doesn’t want to hurt Gotak in the same way. “Okay.”
Somehow, Mrs. Go can tell something’s off instantly, too. She grabs his face, looks into his eyes, tuts and asks ‘darling, what’s wrong?’
Jun-tae pulls away from her.
“Mum, he doesn’t want to talk about it.” Gotak admonishes gently.
“You know how I worry.” She defends. “You boys never tell me anything. How am I supposed to take care of you when you never tell me what’s wrong?”
“Mum, we can take care of ourselves. It’s okay.”
They have the gentlest argument Jun-tae has ever seen, teasing each other, touching each other. It’s so casual and fond, Jun-tae can’t help himself. Tears well.
“I’m gonna put this away.” He mumbles, hoping neither of them hear him. Unfortunately, he would never be so lucky.
Behind him, Gotak closes the door gently. “Jun-tae-a?”
“Please. Leave me alone.”
After a moments’ hesitation, Gotak’s arms wrap around his shoulders.
Jun-tae swallows. Tears slip down his cheeks. “Tak-a. Please.”
“Will you look at me?”
Slowly, Jun-tae turns around. His eyes lift to Gotak’s face. It’s filled with sadness and worry. “Jun-tae-a. What’s wrong?”
He closes his eyes again. “Last night…mum was still up when I got home. She asked me where I’d been, if I’d been doing my homework.”
Gotak hums, but doesn’t say anything else. Jun-tae can almost hear his thoughts. ‘that’s it? It’s not that bad. She’s worried about you.’
He sighs, resigning himself to telling him everything. “Her and dad, they work all the time. She never cares about anything in my life. It makes me mad, when she acts like she cares. And seeing you, with your mum…”
He hums again, but with more understanding this time. “I’m sorry, Jun-tae-a.” He hugs him again. “Are you hungry?”
Jun-tae takes a moment to consider. He nods.
Gotak leads him out to the dining room, where Mrs. Go is setting the table. “Wash your hands, boys. Then, come eat.” Her voice is soft. Jun-tae really wants a hug. A mum hug. A hug from Gotak's mum.
He washes his hands, then sits at the table, thanking Mrs. Go for the food.
“Dig in, darling. You need the energy.”
After dinner, he tells Gotak to go to his room. “I’m going to help with the dishes.”
Gotak catches on easily that he wants some alone time with Mrs. Go. They chat idly as they wash and dry the dishes from dinner. When they’re done, Mrs. Go strokes Jun-tae’s hair. “What is it, darling?”
“I just…I really wish my mum was like you.” The admission makes him cry. He does feel guilty for not liking his parents. For wishing they were someone else. Or even wishing they never existed – that he never existed.
She hugs him tightly, and he holds her back. “You’re so nice and attentive and nothing at all like her.”
She hums in much the same way Gotak had earlier, just stroking his back, ready to listen.
“I don’t remember the last time she even looked at me before last night. Her or dad.”
Her arms squeeze him, and she sits down with him, cradling him on her lap. It feels like he’s a baby. But it’s what he needs. He cries as she holds him and wonders how he ever got to this point.
After he’s finished, he feels incredibly embarrassed. “I’m so sorry, Mrs. Go. I don’t know what came over me. I just-“
“Jun-tae-a. You are a delight. Such a kind, sensitive, respectful boy. If you ever need to cry, need a hug, or a place to vent, you are always, always welcome here.” She pulls him into another hug. “Now, I’m sure Hyun-tak is very worried about you. Why don’t you go and talk to him?”
Jun-tae nods and goes to his room. Gotak stands as soon as the door opens and envelopes him in a warm hug. “Are you okay?”
Jun-tae decides if he’s been honest already, he may as well keep going. “No.”
Gotak brings him over to his bed and lies down with him, immediately wrapping him in his arms again. Thankfully, he doesn’t ask any more questions. They just lie there, curled around each other. Jun-tae closes his eyes, nestled deep in Gotak’s favourite blue hoodie, and falls asleep.
When he wakes up, Gotak is absently stroking his cheek, scanning his face with a worried expression. As soon as he notices Jun-tae wake, he clears his throat and hurries to be doing something else, looking somewhere else. Jun-tae huffs a laugh at his antics.
“I don’t mind.” He mumbles, still hazy from sleep. “It felt nice.”
Gotak sighs. “Jun-tae…I should be honest with you.”
“Hmm?”
“It’s not fair for me to keep you close like this without telling you.” He swallows nervously. “No matter what, you’re always welcome here. It’s just…Jun-tae-a. I…I like you. As more than a friend.” He swallows again. “I just felt I should be…honest…with you.”
Jun-tae blinks. What? “I…I’m…surprised. Um…can I take some time to think about it?”
“Of course. Yeah. If you want some space, I can give it to you.”
“Okay. Well, um, I’m not sure I want that. I still…like spending time with you. Oh, but if…if I don’t end up feeling the same way and you need space, you can tell me, too.”
“Yeah. Okay.” He sounds heartbroken even at the notion. In truth, Jun-tae would also feel devastated if they had to take any time apart from each other. For just a moment, he is selfish, pressing deeper into Gotak’s chest, hearing his heartbeat, feeling his warmth – and then he pulls back.
As they get ready for school, there’s an awkward air around them. It dissipates as they walk together. By the time they get to school, it’s almost gone. Even so, Si-eun can immediately tell something’s wrong, too.
Why are my friends all so perceptive? He laments.
“What happened?” Si-eun asks as soon as he’s sitting down.
“It’s nothing.” He says quickly.
Si-eun frowns. “You were off yesterday, too. But it’s different today.”
Jun-tae moans in frustration. “Can you not psychoanalyze my life for just a few days, please? I’ll figure it out on my own.” As he says it, he realizes he needs to ask someone what to do; he’s not well-versed at all in matters of the heart, and he wants to be honest with Gotak when he gives his answer. The trouble is; who to ask?
Mrs. Go is off the table, as is Baku. The former is Gotak’s mother, the latter is his best friend and also a blabbermouth. All things considered, Si-eun might be his best choice. After all, anyone else on the basketball team is someone Gotak might not want to be out to.
He sighs. “Fine. I was…confessed to. I want to answer them honestly, but I have no idea what my feelings are. So, I’m confused. What should I do?”
Si-eun looks lost for a second. Jun-tae can tell he’s fighting the urge to say ‘how would I know’ and he can’t say he’s surprised. “If you don’t know if you like them, maybe…find out?”
Jun-tae resists the urge to roll his eyes. “Yeah, but how?”
“Do you like spending time with them?”
“Yes.”
“Do you want to kiss them?”
Jun-tae pauses. “Maybe?” He thinks for a few moments more about kissing Gotak. About them cuddling in bed. About that look on Gotak’s face when he woke up this morning. About the gentleness of last night. About how he knew he wanted alone time with Mrs. Go without him needing to state it explicitly. About how respectful he is. About how strong and kind and honest he is.
About how present he was last night. How present he is every night. How present he’s been every moment since they met – outside the time in the underpass.
About how he’d pushed Jun-tae out the way when Seong-je attacked. About how he’d told him to run. About how he’d done his best to teach him how to protect himself.
“I like him.”
Si-eun looks over at him. “So it was Hyun-tak?”
“Huh?”
“He finally told you?”
“What?”
“Jun-tae-a, honestly. The way he looks at you, I’m surprised you didn’t notice sooner. You should tell him as soon as possible. I bet he’s really worried.”
He nods, but that’s when the lesson starts. For the rest of the morning period, he fidgets, wanting to tell Gotak that he’s just as smitten. As soon as the bell for lunch rings, he races off to find him. Thankfully, Gotak is still in his classroom.
He looks up to see Jun-tae and he smiles. It’s such a lovely sight. Jun-tae walks over and, without a single care about anyone watching, kisses his cheek. “I like you, too.”
To his surprise, Gotak blushes. He moves his chair out and brings Jun-tae to sit on his lap. “We should go on a date, then. Where do you want to go?”
Baku comes back from the bathroom. “I want to go and get tteokbokki!”
Gotak smacks his arm. “I wasn’t asking you, asshole. I was asking my boyfriend.”
Baku looks around for another person. “Boyfriend? Where?”
“Don’t we have to go on a date first?” Jun-tae asks.
“No. Not unless we make it official now. And I say you’re my boyfriend, so we’re boyfriends, end of discussion.”
“Isn’t that something you’d usually agree upon, not make a unilateral decision?” Si-eun asks flatly.
“Ah, Si-eun-a! If those two are dating, we should-“
“Nope.”
“I didn’t even finish what I was going to say.” He pouts.
Si-eun pins him with a look. “If it was ‘we should date, too’, I’m not interested. If it was ‘we should go and pick up girls’, I’m doubly not interested. So, no.”
Baku wilts. “Aw, you’re no fun.”
“You should study.”
A groan.
Jun-tae tunes them out as he melts into Gotak’s chest. Even if his parents don’t care, he has people around him who do.
After their date – which had not-so-coincidentally been to a tteokbokki stall, after which they'd walked around before watching a movie – Gotak walks Jun-tae home. Ever since returning his feelings, neither of them have been able to keep their hands off each other. They’ll hold hands constantly and sit pressed next to each other in the cafeteria. When they stand next to each other, they'll lean together, shoulders or chests pressed together.
Jun-tae hasn’t been going home to his parents’ place. His home is with Gotak, now. His mother had called once, asking after him. He’d told her bluntly that he’s staying with his boyfriend. She’d grunted and hung up. Later, he’d gotten a text to come and get his things, which had all been dumped on the sidewalk.
When they’d gone around to get them, he’d had to hold Gotak back from going inside and yelling at her. “She’s probably not even home.” He’d reasoned, which had been the deciding factor in Gotak not storming in.
As they walk, Gotak puts his arm around Jun-tae’s shoulders. They haven’t kissed properly yet – Gotak had been adamant that he wanted it to be after their first date, outside the front door “like a proper gentleman”. Jun-tae thinks this is very cute, so he’s tolerated the minimal annoyance of sharing a bed with his boyfriend and not kissing him.
Finally, they get to Gotak’s front door. Jun-tae’s heart flutters. “Here we are, delivered safely home.” Gotak says with a flourish.
Jun-tae flushes and swings back and forth on his feet. “Such a gentleman.” He coos, and Gotak’s eyes go gooey. “I think such an act of chivalry deserves a kiss, don’t you?”
“If it’s alright with you?”
“It is.”
Gotak steps in closer and brings his hand up to rest on Jun-tae’s cheek. “I love you.” He whispers, right before he seals their lips together. Jun-tae momentarily panics about saying it back, but Gotak holds him in place, and his lips feel so nice that he scarcely remembers the confession when they part.
He smiles dazedly up at Gotak. “I love you too. So much.”
Gotak smiles right back and kisses him again. And again. And again.
As Jun-tae drowns in kisses, he thinks he might just be the luckiest boy on earth.