Work Text:
Sosuke remembered when he was a little boy, when he was alive. He remembered the smell after rain came, and he remembered the way the sun shone at him. Everything was so bright and colourful when he was younger, when he was living. He held those memories close to him, even if they were mundane and uninteresting — to him, they were precious. Those were the souvenirs of his short time in the World of the Living as a young boy. His memoribilia.
He closed his eyes. He remembered what it was like to play with his neighbour — a girl with long, blonde hair. It was unusual to him. Sosuke's parents had dark brown hair, akin to the colour of tree bark. So did he, which was why he found his playmate unusual. Nevertheless, he'd still find himself giggling and smiling all the same when he played and enjoyed life with this girl. He didn't know her name, but he knew he loved her dearly.
"When we grow up, let's continue meeting up!" the blonde girl said to him, reaching a hand out to Sosuke, who nodded, putting his hand onto hers, before following her.
Now, as a man, Sosuke knew those days of being a living person were over. He was now a lieutenant — Lieutenant Aizen of the Fifth Division. Even though his memories were everything to him, they were fading away as Sosuke lived throughout many centuries, experiencing the long lifespan of a Shinigami. The memory of that girl grew weak. Faint. Who was that? Did Sosuke even meet her?
Damn, it didn't even feel real at all. Was that memory even a memory at all? Perhaps it was just a dream, Sosuke thought to himself, his face revealing absolutely nothing about what was in his head, as he followed silently behind his captain.
Sosuke's captain, Shinji, was never one to reveal information about himself. While Sosuke was attempting to recall his own past and unravel the identity of whoever that was in his memories, he was also trying to understand his own captain. It came as a shock to Sosuke when one day, Shinji invited him over to his room in the Fifth Division barracks for an unknown reason.
"Sosuke, I don't think I've ever told ya a little something about myself before," Shinji began, staring at Sosuke through the curtain of his golden bangs.
Sosuke stood there, arms folded behind his back, "What is it, sir? What was so important about yourself that you needed to summon me here, hm?"
"Sosuke, I think I used to know ya before," Shinji said, with a super deadpan look on his face, his mouth open to reveal his teeth.
Ah? Maybe they must've met in Shin'O Academy... maybe Shinji encountered a younger Sosuke when they were students there, probably? But no. That wasn't the case at all.
"I remember playing around with this kid when I was still alive, Sosuke. He was smaller than me back then, and he was nothing short of a little bundle of joy. I remembered he had brown hair, like ya. His hair was a mess, honestly, just like yers."
But, Sosuke vaguely recalled that that playmate of his was a girl. His captain, right before him, was definitely a man. Sosuke chuckled, giving his captain a somewhat condescending smile.
"You're a man, sir. I believe you're thinking of someone else..."
"I wasn't always a man, Sosuke. That's the other thing I wanted to tell ya."
Before Shinji died, he was indeed a girl. But seeing all the things men could do in his time, it made him want to be born as a man. Those thoughts he had turned into a dream he kept, even as he died and was brought into the Soul Society. He loathed his old body. It wasn't one he felt belonged to him at all. Why must he be cursed with a body that didn't fit him? It fucked with his mental state a lot, a whole lot... He felt utterly sick to be inhabitating this body; he felt disgusted with himself. There was nothing wrong with having a woman's body — it just wasn't suitable for Shinji, he thought.
Shinji let out a vulnerable sigh, his pupils focusing more on the floor than on Sosuke. He never told anyone else about his past as a girl. When he graduated from Shin'O, he quickly changed himself — there was no need to cry at night about being assigned a red uniform anymore. He moulded his body into something he'd love himself for. None of the other captains — his colleagues — knew of this.
Sosuke stood there, looking at his captain with softened eyes. His half-teasing, half-condescending smirk was gone a long time ago when Shinji began to explain his past. A look of understanding was on his face...
"Captain Hirako, I never knew..." he said in a tender manner, as Shinji's words confirmed the fact that he must have been Sosuke's friend all those centuries ago on Earth.
Wait, Sosuke didn't feel just understanding anymore in his chest. He felt more than that. And what he felt was love. Love for his captain for finally opening up to him. Love because this was the person Sosuke was looking for for so many years. Love because deep down, Sosuke loved Shinji.
"I really don't want ya to see me as any less of a ma—"
"No, sir. You're very much a man, Captain..." Sosuke reassured him, walking over to his captain, before his hand reached over to Shinji's cheek.
Shinji looked quite surprised, not expecting this from his lieutenant. He blushed a bit, and even more so when Sosuke leaned forward towards him. Shinji closed his eyes, and the two shared a kiss.
They both understood that that blonde girl had died back on Earth, and Shinji had arisen as a man in the Soul Society.