Chapter Text
The wind is crispy cold, but the world is tinted yellow. Lovro blinks slowly, feeling the pine tree prick against his fingertips. It smells like cold, fresh soil and beer.
He can’t hear his heart beating anymore. It was so loud just a second ago. Felt like it was right inside his ears. Now he can barely hear Ivan. He can see his lips moving, a hint of a smirk just to the right side. Ivan’s mouth is so well defined, it looks the softest. He always looks a second away from a real smile, and it blows Lovro’s mind how someone can be so happy and chill all the time.
“You’re the star.” The sound finally catches up, but it feels so far away, a whisper against the cold night wind. But Lovro can see Ivan. He is just right there.
Lovro can see his lips, full and well-drawn. His nose is straight, his eyes are endless. Lovro feels his nose tingling when Ivan comes closer, turning his head just right. The sting against his fingers changes as Lovro moves closer, finally pressing his lips against Ivan’s.
He is as soft and warm as Lovro imagined. He tastes like beer, and Lovro suddenly understands addicts because there is no way he can live life without kissing Ivan now. He kisses slowly, like he is gently leading Lovro somewhere, just around the corner of enticing and sexual. Lovro feels all the way to his toes. He feels out of balance suddenly. He reaches out, tries to grab Ivan’s jacket, but he is an inch out of reach.
Ivan tries to hold his hand, but Lovro is falling into an endless pit.
You’re enough. He hears him in the distance again.
Lovro rushes to sit up.
He is cold and almost naked, only wearing his underwear, lying on top of the piles of clothes he left on his bed. He hears voices outside his door, whisper-screaming as his friends stumble around the house. He woke up when they slammed the front door closed.
Fuck!
Lovro falls back against his mattress, looking at the ceiling. That was a dream. A stupid, amazing dream.
He punches his mattress and gets up. Where the fuck does he think he is going? His phone hums somewhere on the floor. Lovro looks around himself, finding his discarded pants in the dark. He pats until he finds the right pocket, grabbing his phone. There are a few missed calls from the boys, new messages on their group chat, and a handful of unread messages from Jakov on their private conversation. The last was just a minute ago.
WHERE THE FUCK ARE YOU?
TAKL TO MEEEE
Lovro scratches his eyes with the heels of his hand, trying to fix his blurry vision. The house finally goes quiet. He can still hear laughter and tumbling things, but they are far away, inside a room somewhere.
Came home, wasn’t feeling well. Night.
He puts his phone next to his pillow, but on the floor. He grabs an old sweatshirt he stole from Jakov, shoving it down his neck, struggling to find the stupid sleeves.
How can a dream feel that real? Lovro’s lips are still tingling, feeling raw like he kissed someone all night long. The sting climbs to the corners of his eyes, and Lovro ignores the tears, pretending they are not there as he grabs all his clothes and drops them near the window, closing the curtains before he drags himself back to bed, hiding underneath the heavy comforter.
Everything hurts, but his heart is the worst part. It’s so tight right now.
He feels tired, but he is not sleepy. He stares at the curtain for hours, ignoring the last few tears that insist on falling against his pillow.
IVAN
The eerie silence is welcome when Ivan closes the front door, leaning against it, resting his forehead on the wood.
He takes a deep breath in and out.
He felt fidgety all night long, on the brink of losing control somehow. How did he fuck up so massively?
He stays pressed against the door until it starts hurting. Then he turns around, taking his jacket and shoes off, leaving everything on the messy entrance.
He tries to replay every part of the disastrous night back, play by play. The party was indeed bigger than he imagined, and maybe if he had known it beforehand, he wouldn’t have gone. It was overwhelming instantly, throwing him off balance. He tried centering him on Lovro, but it was hard with that many lights, while it was also too dark, definitely too loud, and crowded.
And Lovro was with someone. Ivan tried to be his nice and social persona, but it was hard. So he drank, which is usually a perfect mix of helpful and not at all. Tonight wasn’t different.
He tried to leave, but Lovro wasn’t up for it, so Ivan didn’t want to go either. He felt like a dog chasing his favorite person. It was ridiculous.
Ivan takes changes into some more comfortable clothes. He is so extremely tired. He has been feeling this way for a very long time.
Even in the worst of times, Lovro is like a breath of fresh air where Ivan runs to, even in his imagination. In the perfect world, they kissed during that first night, after sharing a joint, and they never left to go into the real world again.
Ivan drags his feet to his bed, pulling the cable to find the plug, and puts his dead phone to charge. He walks around in circles, replaying how Lovro pushed him away, looking like a scared puppy before running away. Walking makes him dizzy, so Ivan sits carefully on the floor, trying to do some stretching.
Being friends with Lovro is not enough. It’ll never be enough, but Ivan will take it if that’s what Lovro is willing to offer. After tonight, Ivan will be thankful if he even gets to have that chance.
He drags himself to bed, covering himself completely, hoping he’ll sleep for a whole week.