Chapter Text
Abby has a good life. A nice job, good friends, a wonderful husband and three kids. She is overall happy, but she has always had one massive regret that she has never fully been able to move on from. Diane, or more specifically, how she ruined her closest friendship. Yes, she was young and not really thinking but she did some absolutely horrible stuff to diane back in high school, and she has regreted it all ever since. For a while, she didn't think about it too much until 2014, when she saw her name on the cover of a book, One trick pony. It was the biography of one Bojack horseman, the former star of the sitcom Horsin' around, which she and Diane watched all the time together as kids. Seeing that book brought back a lot of memories for Abby and she never bought it. Also, about 6 years ago, Diane began writing a book series called Ivy Tran, Food Court Detective. Abby actually became a fan of those books when reading them with her daughter. She was happy to see that diane had found success in the publishing world. On this day, Abby is out getting some coffee but as she's walking out of the shop, she notices a very familiar looking horse.
Abby: Are you Bojack Horseman?
Bojack: Ugh. Yeah.
Abby: What are you doing in Minnesota? It doesn't seem like a place for a former Hollywoob star.
Bojack: I wouldn't say I was a star. I had three shows and one movie where I was replaced by a digital version of myself, so I wasn't even in it. I was more of a D list celebrity if anything. But if you want to know why I'm here, it's because I live here now. I actually kind of prefer it here.
Abby: But why do you live here? I mean, I know you got cancelled and went to prison. Was that why you moved away? You just had to escape all the hate towards you after getting out?
Bojack: No. I just realized that Hollywoob wasn't good for me, and I wasn't good for it. It's just better for me to not be part of the industry and just live a more normal life I guess.
Abby: Makes sense. I remember hearing about all the stuff you did. I was horrified learning that one of my childhood heroes waited 17 minutes before calling 911 after your former co star overdosed.
Bojack: That was the worst thing I ever did. Sarah Lynn's death was my fault. I cared more about covering my own ass than saving her life. (bojack begins to cry)
Abby hugs him as despite not knowing him, she always tries to be there for others who are struggling.
Abby: Hey, you want to sit down?
Bojack: Yes.
The two sit on the edge of the sidewalk.
Abby: You are right what you did to Sarah Lynn was pretty awful, but I've done some awful stuff to, so I can't really act like I have moral superiority here.
Bojack: Did you ruin a ton of relationships with others over decades due to being a selfish coward who takes whatever they want and doesn't give a shit about who they hurt? Because that's what I did.
Abby: No. But I did do one really really awful thing. I ruined my first and closest friendship beyond repair back in high school. She wrote your biography actually.
Bojack: Wait, you knew Diane?
Abby: Yeah. She was my best friend.
Bojack: She was my best friend to.
Abby: She was?
Bojack: Yes. We stopped being friends around 5 years ago due to my toxicity. I understood, but I'll admit I miss her.
Abby: I've missed her ever since high school.
Bojack suddenly has a moment of realization. Remembering the story Diane told him when she took him to rehab.
Bojack: Are you Abby?
Abby is surprised for a second that Bojack knows who she is.
Abby: I guess Diane told you about me, huh?
Bojack: She did. And from what she said, you were awful to her.
Abby: (wincing) What did she say?
Bojack: She said you two were best friends but then once you got popular in high school, you turned on her and bullied her for a year. Then your mom got sick and she was still there for you, though she still didn't forgive you.
Abby: That's the gist of it, but it's not the full story, not that the full story makes me look any better.
Bojack: So, what's the rest of the story?
Abby: Well, Diane is right that we were best friends. She was my only friend since I was 5 years old. We hung out all the time, and were basically inseperable. In high school, at the beginning of our sophmore year, I guess my breasts were coming in and the popular girls thought I was good looking enough to join the group. Right after I joined the group, we were walking down the hallway and Diane saw us and asked if I wanted to hang out after school. I looked at the other girls and saw they were starting to say that maybe letting me join was a mistake if I was friends with "that loser" as they said. I was so scared of getting abandoned by my new and "cool" friends that I immediately started insulting her right then and there and shared a secret about her that I should never have told anyone. I didn't just bully her that year. If I ever saw her at school, I would start insulting and belittiling her. I was relentless. I even told her to her face that the world would be a better place if she had never been born, more than once.
Bojack: Jesus.
Abby: And the worst part is, I didn't even think about how much I was hurting her. All I was thinking about was impressing my "cool friends". I stopped viewing Diane as a person and instead just a punching bag.
Bojack: I can actually relate to that sadly. When I was a kid, I wrote to my hero, secretariat for advice, and on tv, he responded to my letter and told me to keep running, to never look back, and not let anyone get in my way because all that exists is what's ahead. In hindsight, I'm pretty sure I internalized that since it's what I did for so many years. I kept running from my mistakes, not thinking about the people I hurt and instead just thinking about myself. Even when I did start thinking about those I hurt, I still wasn't really able to take responsibility and make an actual change for a long time.
Abby: While I'm not excusing any of what you did, Secretariats advice was really terrible and you were an impressionable kid who idolized him.
Bojack: I can't blame it on anyone but me though. It's like what a friend once said to me, "It's not the alcohol, or the drugs, or any of the shitty things that happened to you in your career, or when you were a kid. It's you."
Abby: Well, I guess I'll get back to the story now. So, yes, my mom got very sick and the other girls were off on vacation. When I was terrified for my mom, Diane showed up at my house and hugged me, and stayed with me for days and visited the hospital with me. She was a great friend. I even asked her then why she was doing it since we were no longer friends, and she said it was because I needed her in that moment. My mom didn't make it, and Diane was there with me at the funeral. She was my shoulder to cry on at that time. During that, I finally started to realize how awful I had been to her, and I tried to apologize a few times but she said it wasn't the time for that. But the thing is, I didn't fully blame myself for it yet. I was instead blaming the other girls for making me be like that when I was the one who made the choice. Then, the next semester started, and I told the other girls I was quitting the group. I finally realized they weren't cool and were just mean. And I told them Diane was my only true friend. Then I tried being friends with Diane again but she wanted nothing to do with me anymore. I can't blame her. Eventually, she snapped and I'll never forget what she said to me then. She yelled at me that we were not friends and would never be friends again. That I had ruined our friendship beyond repair. That what I did made her miserable, and that she contemplated suicide. I had been so awful to my only true friend that she wanted to kill herself. What I did was unforgivable and that was when I finally realized I had become a monster. She then said she never wanted to see me again and I respected her wishes. I never went near her again, though I did start sobbing once I got home that day. I wish I could somehow take it all back. That I could undo what I did, but I can't. I have a good life, but that is the worst thing I ever did and my biggest regret.
Abby begins to cry over it and bojack pats her on the back trying to comfort her.
Bojack: Hey, at least you never did anything as bad as that again, and at least you have the excuse that were a dumb teenager, while I was a grown adult when I did most of my terrible deeds. Sorry. I'm trying to make you feel better but I think that had the opposite effect.
Abby: (still crying) It did.
Bojack: I'm just not very good at this. I can say though that while it's good you have remorse over it, you can't keep focusing on it or else you'll just be miserable. Sometimes, all you can do is accept what you did and move on. Not run away from it, but just, focus on the now and try to be the best person you can be I guess.
Abby: Well, it doesn't seem like you fully moved on from what you did either.
Bojack: I haven't, but I'm trying. I drank a lot for decades and now I have been sober for 5 years. I haven't done any horrible things in years, and I try to retain the friendships I still have. I'm actually an acting teacher now, and I feel like I'm actually having a positive impact on my students.
Abby: That's nice. You know, I've considered reaching out to diane after she started her ivy train series, but I could never bring myself to do it because if I do, she would probably never respond.
Bojack: You should try. I don't think she'd forgive you but it is good to apologize to people you've wronged. Just don't expect forgiveness. I learned it the hard way with my former best friend herb.
Abby: Who's herb?
Bojack: He created horsin' around. I know, the show was sappy and-
Abby: Are you kidding. I loved that show as a kid.
Bojack: A lot of people told me that. But, herb was gay and the network wanted to fire him, but they needed me to back them on it, so they lied to me that they were already firing him and convinced me to side with them. It was still my fault because I still could have said no to them, but I didn't. I then abandoned herb for 20 years. I didn't even call him once in all that time. I only tried to make amends when I found out he was dying, and it was admittedly more about making myself feel better than actually setting things right. I apologized to him, but he didn't forgive me. I was trying to force forgiveness when I didn't deserve it. We got into a fight and I never saw him again after that because he died. The point is, I expected forgiveness because I believed that was how things worked in the world. But real life isn't like a sitcom. Not everyone is going to forgive and not everyone deserves to be forgiven. But, that doesn't mean you can't still reach out when you have the chance. I doubt diane is dying anytime soon, so you can still reach out simply to tell her your sorry without trying to force forgiveness. If she doesn't forgive you or doesn't respond, then you can just not reach out again and move on. There's just no harm in reaching out is all I'm saying. I'm sorry. Am I just rambling? I told you I'm not good with this kind of stuff.
Abby: No, no. I get what you're saying, and you're right. You know, I wouldn't mind talking with you again horseman.
Bojack: Oh, should we exchange contact or-
Abby: Yeah.
The two share each others phone numbers and say goodbye.
Abby: And one last thing, I'm glad I met you Bojack.
Bojack: I'm glad I met you to.
The two then walk away. Abby thinks to herself about what Bojack said. The things he said did make him seem like a pretty terrible person, but she still could relate to him, and maybe that's why she wants to be his friend now. But he was right about diane, and she decides to reach out later at night. That night, he goes into instagram and finds Dianes instagram, she writes a message to her asking to talk and some general questions. She then turns off her phone and goes to sleep. If she can't find her account again, or she doesn't respond, or tells her to fuck off, she'll accept it and try to focus on her current friends and family, instead of obsessing over a friendship that ended a long time ago. The next morning, Abby wakes up, and she sees a notification on instagram. Diane did respond and said that she would like to talk to her. She gives her her address and writes that she is in chicago. Abby is shocked. Does diane actually want to reconnect? She'll have to wait and find out until she gets there.