Work Text:
I had a vision
star; english word, each of the celestial bodies that shine in the night with their own light.
They are masochism in its purest form.
They’re sick, so mad in the head; it’s as if they’ve lost it entirely. It hurts and it pleases; it feels bittersweet, like the clash of teeth when they kiss. They’re rough, reckless, they’re idiots, and they might excuse it by how life has treated them, as if those beautiful moments led by Sally Jackson’s love and tenderness never existed.
They’re bloody idiots.
From the moment they met, when it was revealed to them just how short their lives could be and what they would face, they’ve been infatuated with one another. It’s chronic, an ambiguous rivalry where neither will grant truce nor power to the other. It’s in their history, it’s in their blood, it’s in their fathers, it’s in their pride and the sorrows they endure; it’s impossible to give in.
Idiotic ideals.
They tolerate each other, they resent each other, they hit each other, they try to kill each other.
But none of that matters if one of them is in danger.
Just as they can play the role of executioner, they can play the hero.
In more ways than they care to admit.
They are quite possibly each other’s moral compass.
Percy cannot count the times when, wanting to abandon everything, he hasn’t thought of Nico.
Nico would never admit he thinks of Percy before deciding to destroy everything around him.
They are always each other's hero, regardless of the harm, rejection, or resentment between them.
Perhaps it’s Percy’s guilt that keeps them tethered.
Or perhaps Nico’s naive persistence.
Years pass and it never improves; like an absurd game of cat and mouse, or rather, the fox and the hound, except they aren't truly chasing. Nico runs; he never stays at any camp long enough to be considered a resident. Percy accepts it; he carries on with his life until the moment he stops feeling comfortable and abandons his convictions.
The times they’ve seen each other are few, special occasions where Nico runs to Percy, and Percy drops everything to be with Nico. Where he has little to no interest in his relationships with others, his morals, or his pride.
The human part of them shines through its selfishness and twisted desire.
A blow is equal to a kiss.
A bruise is equal to making love.
Defying each other is equal to loving each other.
They enjoy being able to hurt one another, not being completely adored, being contradicted, challenged, and underestimated. There is something thrilling in the way that, although they trust their lives to each other's hands, they simultaneously want to end it all.
It works like an intrusive thought.
It sates their craving for destruction.
Sometimes, Percy thinks that perhaps this was why his relationship with Annabeth didn’t work.
He likes what is difficult and what pushes him to the edge, physical or mental, the sensation is the same. His life was never easy or conventional, nor has he aimed for that like Annabeth or other campers. He isn't ready to let go of the demigod world, nor to stop fighting, because that has been the better part of his life.
And Nico is perfect.
He never lets himself be contained, never stops fighting, never settles for anything. He is impulsive, powerful, and can be selfish in his choices. And although he loves Percy, almost worshipping him, he can fight him. Nico isn't someone who follows blindly, even within his naivety.
And Percy might never say it aloud, but he has no intention of leaving Nico.
He likes continuing to kiss him, touching him, having his undivided attention even if others are there. He couldn't care less that they have partners; in fact, the look from the son of Apollo, who still doesn’t trust him, makes him laugh. He isn’t interested in what this relationship is turning him into, nor in what others might think, even if he keeps it a secret. It’s more for Nico’s peace of mind than anything he personally cares about.
He’s being an idiot.
A bad person.
He doesn't care; he’s not going to make excuses.
He loves it; he loves how every blow hits his skin, how it turns red and purple because they don't know how to express themselves any better. It’s chronic, how he loves that their mid-fight brawls end with them naked, adoring each other. Regardless of what was said or done, between the adrenaline and how they wanted each other dead, lies their affection.
They could deliver lethal blows, but they never do.
Jason once told them they were heading towards a toxic relationship.
True or false, did it even matter?
It made no difference; they are aware of what they’re doing.
Like now.
Will and Annabeth are probably at Camp Half-Blood, sharing the seasonal feast. They, instead, are somewhere in Italy, in a place that belongs only to Nico where they can do as they please. The dark-haired boy is changing while Percy places a pearl on his necklace before putting it back around his neck. When he finishes, he simply bites near the clasp; Nico responds with an elbow and throws himself onto the bed. Caring little if he crushes him in the process, Percy laughs and settles in beside him.
They are like a wound that never heals because they keep picking at the scab.
Does it matter?
Olympus pushes them to their limits.
Their fathers do too.
Glory.
Honour.
Pride.
They are made to fight and love each other all at once.
Aphrodite once said she was going to make his love life interesting.
He wonders if this is what she meant.
Perhaps the Goddess mocks them in this way.
But it’s alright; it’s comforting.
ଳ
star: english word; a celestial body that tends to symbolise hope, guidance, destiny, enlightenment, and divine connection.
Stargirl Interlude - The Weeknd ft. Lana del Rey
-unas vocecitas y pequitas como estrellas en el cielo.-