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"Are you angry?"
Three simple words escaped from Nona's mouth. She sat on her wooden chair, legs crossed. Her violet eyes mimicked the swaying mist over the grassy terrain, following its path. Now that her experiment was known, Decim had paid her a visit. He simply asked the reasons for it prior.
"No, I'm not."
Decim's answer was three words, the same amount.
"Well," she said, looking up at the hazy sky where small amounts of light blessed her domain. "Despite mistakes, you have done well."
Decim stood still, listening to his superior as she spoke. "It had to be done. I needed to know if we arbiters are capable of changing. Capable of having feelings. Capable of suffering to pass judgment, capable of understanding the meaning of life."
"I see." A simple answer, there was no need for further explanation. He understood.
Nona turned her head. "You seem quite calm about it, Decim."
"I have nothing to be upset about," he said softly. "If anything, it was... an experience. I agree that there may be better solutions in the way we make our judgments."
Nona huffed a chuckle, rising from her seat and walking toward the grass. "I'm glad then. If that is all you wanted to speak to me about, you're free to return to the Quindecim."
Decim said nothing, watching Nona sit on the grass. She crossed her legs and watched the still pond that circled her house. The old pillars surrounded the pond with their broken but everlasting reflections.
Nothing ever changed in the Nona Ginta, much like the arbiters. Stagnant, devoid of progress. Puppets to the divine. To God.
Yet, the manager of the arbitration system who lived on the 90th floor saw things differently. Would Nona be considered a defect in the eyes of God? Oculus hadn't punished her for her experiment, but she was under surveillance. She knew that, but things were slowly starting to unravel. The fate of arbiters being mere pieces on the celestial chessboard, where they stood between life and death, detached from emotion to inflict judgment on the dead, without ever truly experiencing their pain and suffering...
...surely, there were better options. She wouldn't give up on that. No matter what Oculus would do, even if she had to stay low.
Decim was only the beginning.
As she mulled in her thoughts, she didn't even notice Decim standing by the exit of her house. "You're still here?" She asked, tilting her head.
"Yes."
Nona smiled gently, before patting her hand over the grass. "Come here."
Decim obeyed, walking toward her. His polished black loafers crunched the grass before he stood over her, looming in height.
"Sit," Nona commanded.
He sat. Decim's head was pulled into Nona's lap, much to his surprise.
"What are you doing?" He asked, his blue eyes blinking.
"Just relax, I can tell you have been... tense," Nona explained, pushing his strands of white hair.
"Have I?"
"You are. I can see it in your expression."
They remained grounded to the field. To the trees, the pillars, the still water around the home - absorbed into the peace and quiet of the Nona Ginta.
"Do you miss her?" Nona asked.
Immediately, Decim knew who she spoke of.
"I… don't know."
"You don't know? After all the time you two spent together?"
Did he? Decim was an arbiter with no proper way to experience feelings. But, when he was with Chiyuki? Her smile, those pink irises, her tears, her voice, her ability to show compassion for the dead who were judged. When she ice skated with those...
...what color were those ice skates again? Decim couldn't remember. His eyes widened. He couldn't recall the color of the skates. His mind was a fog and he couldn't find a way out.
This was how it started. It began with the smaller details, before the deceased would be wiped from an arbiter's memory. Those who were judged and sent to either reincarnation or the void would be forgotten and the arbiters would move on to the next. Such was their purpose.
"I…"
Nona carefully saw his troubled expression, before she hushed him. "It's all right. You made a mannequin of her, correct?"
"I just finished it," said Decim softly.
"Then that's all that matters. She still remains in the Quindecim." Those were only hollow words of consolation, Chiyuki was gone and what would remain was a replica. A doll, but it was all Nona could say.
"But, I'm slowly starting to..."
What was this feeling? Decim couldn't explain it, but it was suffocating. Like he was trapped in some sort of bell jar and couldn't breathe. It was too much.
He was forgetting about Chiyuki. Slowly bits and pieces of her were being erased from his consciousness. They were becoming like shattered cocktail glass on the floor, broken. Its glass shards were too scattered to piece back together, it would never be whole again. Instead, the shards would be swept by a broom and dustpan, thrown into the trash and sealed by the lid. Forgotten.
Nona caressed his face, her finger tip flicking away a tear running down his cheek. "It's all right, Decim. I'm here. I'll always be here."
That was all Decim needed before he hugged her, and sobbed. He clung to her like a lifeline, the only tangible thing in this reality. At that point, Nona had become someone to him in what humans would call family.