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Subota 00:23
Lovro's heart was beating like crazy. He was at the back of the group, following his friends, but all he could think about was Ivan.
What the hell just happened?
'Everything okay?' Jakov must have noticed Lovro's mind wandering, because he fell back from the others to check on him.
He nodded, not trusting himself to speak. Jakov gave his shoulder a reassuring squeeze.
He did have a good time with them up until a few moments ago. But now he couldn't shake the innate feeling in his chest telling him something was wrong. This was exactly why he had been trying to avoid Ivan. Why he hadn't invited him, even though secretly he had really wanted to see him again. He just wanted to have a small gathering with his friends without having to think about why he kept dreaming about Ivan, why felt more excitement when seeing Ivan than when kissing Ema or why he seemed to have such a hard time falling in love with her, even though on paper she was perfect. They had similar interests and she was objectively gorgeous. He actually just wanted to go back home, but he couldn't skip out on his friends again, like the last two times they went out.
Those two times he had run away with Ivan.
Stop thinking about him.
But seriously where was he? Lovro had just walked off, but now he was a bit worried. He turned around to look for Ivan and sure enough he was about 20 meters behind him slowly catching up to the group. Lovro summoned all the courage he had in him and slowed down, as to catch Ivan alone. He had to fix whatever had gone wrong between them.
'Hey.' He somehow had to start this very awkward conversation.
No response. Lovro dared to shoot Ivan a glance just to notice him staring straightforward, not acknowledging Lovros existence. Fair enough. Then Ivan proceeded to speed up trying to get away. Without thinking Lovro grabbed him by his arm to make him slow down. Ivan seemed to be shocked by that touch because he stopped in his tracks and looked at Lovro. Now they were just staring at each other. Lovro's heart started beating faster again and he knew he had to say something. 'Sorry.' He did not exactly know what he was sorry for, but he knew he had to apologise.
Ivan raised his eyebrows at that. 'For what?'
For being a coward. He brushed that thought aside and just shrugged.
They walked side by side for a while until Lovro couldn't bear the silence anymore. 'We're good, right?'
'Why wouldn't we be?'
Had Lovro just imagined Ivan trying to kiss him? Was he the insane one for pushing Ivan away out of nowhere? Lovro decided to just not think about it, it didn't matter either way. He had already decided to not be gay. No matter what his brain was trying to convince him of. Ema was great. He should probably get back to her.
As if Ivan had been reading his mind he suggested. 'Let's catch up to the others, yeah?'
Subota 03:07
Lovro was finally back in his bed. Going out dancing had been a great distraction, but now the weight of everything that had happened today came back to him.
He couldn't sleep. His brain just kept replaying their almost kiss over and over. What if he hadn't been such a coward?
No it didn't matter. Ivan was just drunk or maybe Lovro had imagined it. Ivan wasn't gay, he had a girlfriend.
And he had Ema, even though she had been more interested in dancing with the girls than in making out with Lovro. He had been too busy staring at Ivan most of the time anyway, who had been kissing Sonja while Lovro was trying very hard not to think about that if he hadn't pushed Ivan away, he could've been the one kissing him. He knew there was no way they could ever kiss in a room with so many people. Or at all, Lovro tried to remind himself. This was just in his head.
Despite his best efforts Lovro fell asleep to thoughts of Ivan.
Subota 12:26
Lovro was back on Ivan's scooter. His arms around him and his face buried in Ivan's neck.
He woke up with his face buried in the pillow he was holding. Ivan. His first thought after waking up. This was ridiculous.
He suddenly remembered the day before. He had pushed Ivan away. A wave of guilt overcame him. He wished he wasn't so terrified, then maybe things could've been different. He knew he couldn't be as brave as Ivan deserves, but he could at least do something. He got out his phone and started at Ivan's contact.
He didn't think about what it meant, that he kept dreaming about Ivan, about the fact that he regretted not kissing him, about the fact that he was glad that Ema was too busy having fun to make out with him. He just opened the chat with Ivan.
sorry I didn't invite you to the party
glad you came anyway
He was staring at his phone anxiously waiting for an answer.
no worries
see you monday :)
Lovro let out a sign of relief. They were okay.