Chapter Text
Uneasiness.
Was it not the most common form of negativity in the world? Even when people said things like ‘don’t get nervous!’ or ‘just relax!’, most wouldn’t be able to shake the smallest level in this gauge of fear. Society demanded that panic was contained, like a disease. And while the reasons were obvious and self-evident, the truth was that this mechanism to keep people from disorganizing and making things worse in a situation where communication and teamwork were necessary, the way people enforced this safety measure is wrong.
Discouragement never worked. Every single person had been born and grown into a child; everyone should remember being told ‘no’ before they messed around and found out by themselves. Then came the crying, and a new discouragement on top of the first.
People grow and become teens. And, don’t teenagers think that they know better than the adults? Didn’t they forego rules and guidelines in their goal to ‘know themselves’ and ‘discover the world’ around them?
Not to say that adults knew everything. Of course not. Adults would always be just as responsible of not knowing shit and children and teenagers. But the point wasn’t the age; instead, the attitude was the problem: While thinking ‘I know better’ without having the brainpower or patience to actually discover anything, people threw themselves into the unknown.
They faced things for the first time without preparation, got their shit rocked in the most embarrassing way possible, tried to crawl their way back to their feet, and choked on their tears while preparing to call this a ‘learning experience’ in front of their peers. Because actually accepting that they’d missed in the most avoidable way possible would be too much for their ego.
Caution, then, became an indispensable skill to have. The ability to hang back, observe, listen. While others called calculating silence ‘boring’ or ‘weird’, people with descent enough observation skills can see the cracks in everything. Perceive the world in a deeper way, and thus learn in an easier and safer way. Free from the nonsense that people banging their heads against proverbial -and sometimes literal- walls brought.
Although others might say that waiting and trying to piece everything together meant missing opportunities, the truth was that opportunities that trifle would never be worth it.
Easy to go, hard to keep. The sunk cost fallacy was strong in people, it seemed.
But in this competition called life, the true victors were decided at the end. Not at the beginning. It meant nothing for people to do ‘better’ than others if they didn’t make it until the end. So… Why fall or people’s thoughtless plans and faulty ideas? If the majority would rather dive head-first into danger, then the few that did survive would obviously pick up the slack. Safe in their knowledge acquired from their own experiences and their observations of the foolish.
But, perhaps, sometimes, observation also meant acknowledging when the fool’s plans worked. It also meant following suit, for the way down had been revealed to be the path to victory.
One simply ought to make damn sure not to be deceived by the fool. For that’d be no one’s fault but their own.
Yukinoshita had been absent the day prior.
Normally, this much would be worthy of concern already. It had been before, after all. The Service Club already had too few people to be able to handle one person’s absence; never mind that of the main actor that usually welcomed the other two in when they arrived. But Hiratsuka-sensei telling them about Yukinoshita’s sister calling in for ‘something’ put their worries to rest.
…
Scratch that. Hachiman had met that woman while he hunted for Yuigahama’s birthday gift with Yukinoshita. If nothing else, it just made him a lot more nervous. Since he had no doubt that the woman had to have nefarious reasons to get her sister out of school.
Yukinoshita and her family weren’t very close, that much was obvious. And, even though Yukinoshita Haruno had all the right to spend time with her little sister, Hachiman still couldn’t shake off the feeling that she wasn’t just looking for some family-bonding time.
To begin with, did Yukinoshita even look forward to that sort of thing? Hachiman didn’t know, but he did understand that it wasn’t always all sunshine and rainbows.
Families came in various sizes and forms, after all. It wouldn’t be unreasonable to say that Yukinoshita was trying to put some distance with her relatives. Hachiman wouldn’t fault her, given the impression that her older sister left in him.
“Hiratsuka-sensei said that Yukinon did come to school today, so…” Yuigahama had taken the time to go ask their advisor while Hachiman wasted time idly. It… Didn’t suit him. He probably should’ve been the one to go and ask, given that Yuigahama had social obligations to fulfill.
Given the kind of people that she hung out with, Hachiman wouldn’t be surprised if there was a repeat of Miura’s tantrum during lunchtime. She looked like the kind of person that didn’t let slights be forgotten, but Yuigahama was too nice to put some distance with her.
He didn’t get it. How could someone like Yuigahama consider a girl like Miura her friend? Did the blonde have dirt on her? No, right? It’d be pretty difficult to find dirty laundry from someone like Yuigahama; unless, like, she poisoned someone with her cooking and her group of friends kept it under wraps. But, even so, the situation was very odd.
Social butterflies never made sense to Hachiman. So, perhaps, thinking about it was just a pointless endeavor on his part.
“If that’s the case, and given that club activities haven’t been cancelled…” Hachiman hid his hands in his pockets, shrugging the conversation off against Yuigahama’s obvious worry. “It’s probably nothing we should worry about. At least it gives you a natural conversation topic, right?”
“Even so…” Yuigahama’s crestfallen expression rubbed Hachiman the wrong way. A little bit.
It wasn’t like this was a big deal. It didn’t have to be, even if they were dying to know what had happened. Even if Yuigahama was dying to know what happened, that is. Hachiman? Hachiman didn’t care all that much.
Logically speaking, it was unusual. But unusual didn’t mean wrong, unusual didn’t equate to a problem. Hachiman knew very well that making a fuss over nothing, with no proof of anything, and no reason, were quick ways to find disappointment.
“It’s fine.” Hachiman shook his head. “Think about it: If her sister gave Sensei a head’s up, then we’re looking at an event that took most of the day but was within reason. If she was busy, but with her family, then it could be anything from checking on a sick family member to a problem with the apartment she lives in. And, if Yukinoshita came to school today, then it all means that it probably wasn’t that big of a deal.”
“…You put a lot of thought into this, huh.” Yuigahama murmured, looking at the floor in front of her while she considered Hachiman’s logic.
“W-Well…! At least that’s what comes to mind right now, yup.” Did Hachiman think a lot about it? Of course not! He just had a lot of time between the day prior and today’s club meeting! Naturally, as someone that liked to consider his environment and weigh the information available to him against logic, it was only natural that Hachiman figured this much out right off the bat! “Besides… I could also be way off the mark. I won’t deny that.”
“Y-Yeah…” Yuigahama sighed softly. “But, somehow, your words make sense… Kinda.”
What did she mean with ‘kinda’? Hachiman made sense all the time!
“If nothing else, it’d probably be better to keep things lowkey.” Hachiman scoffed and looked away from Yuigahama. To which she just awkwardly chuckled. “It’d be pretty dumb to storm the clubroom and it turns out Yukinoshita just had an appointment with the dentist or something.”
“Y-Yeah, for sure!” Yuigahama seemed to accept his words, given how resolutely she walked now.
Hachiman nodded to himself. It’d be pretty dumb to make a big deal out of nothing. He had to think about it like that too.
He probably wouldn’t live it down if Yukinoshita got strange ammunition to bully Hachiman into submission from now on.
It was something that he had to avoid at all cost.
“Yukinon! YahalloOooOo~?!” Yuigahama’s usual greeting hit the clubroom as soon as she slid the door open. However, unlike every other time she used it, Yuigahama backpedaled and looked as puzzled and panicked as she sounded.
Hachiman felt cold when he peered through the open door, bracing for the worst.
He hadn’t known Yukinoshita for that long, and he still recalled his failed attempt to reach out to her when they had the clubroom for the two of them alone. He only knew her as the school’s Yamato Nadeshiko with a sharper tongue than even the Fire Queen of Sobu. If something was going on with her, Hachiman had no reason to get involved.
No reason or interest, of course.
“Ah, good evening.” A male voice reached his ears at the same time as he tried to take whatever startled Yuigahama in. Shifting Hachiman’s attention to the center of the space between the unused chalkboard and the table the club member usually sat at. “Sorry for the intrusion.”
He was… A sight to behold. A loner like Hachiman didn’t know enough people to properly describe someone like this guy, good-looking as he was. Even someone like Hayama Hayato, Sobu’s prince charming, popular enough to be known beyond the confines of this high school, paled in comparison.
It was shocking, a slap of reality that Hachiman did not need to take. The internet made it easier to see 10/10 people every day when, in the past, those kinds of people were limited to appearing behind a screen or in advertising. But, even now, finding people so overwhelmingly good-looking was rare. The closest person in good looks that came to Hachiman’s mind was Yukinoshita herself, maybe Yukinoshita Haruno if -and this was a very big ‘if’- he ignored the aura of wrongness that she emanated. But the comparison with a guy felt wrong.
He looked like someone had mixed Totsuka with some online persona or another. His features were soft, but more androgynous than youthful. A pretty big deal for someone that looked one or two years younger than the Service Club members. His eyes were dark blue; and his hair a shade of blond that might come from foreigner blood. It looked natural, almost golden. Almost like the kind of people that fit more in a slice of life film than in real life. He didn’t even don a school uniform, but casual clothes instead. Reinforcing the feeling of this guy belonging to somewhere out of reach, rather than the everyday life that the loner knew.
Hachiman had thought that Yukinoshita Yukino looked ethereal, in a different realm altogether. He had thought that Totsuka Saika was unfairly cute for a guy. But this person? This guy made Hachiman breathless, confused in just how his looks alone dashed his thoughts away. Leaving his mind empty.
“Ah, good timing.” Yukinoshita’s voice caught a little bit of Hachiman’s wandering attention. Soft but curt, more than usual at least. Slightly so. “Hikigaya-kun, Yuigahama-san. We were just talking about you.”
“E-Eh…? Ah…” Yuigahama snapped out of it first, putting down her hands after making a ridiculous pose from sheer surprise. “Sorry, did we interrupt something? Hehe…”
Yukinoshita furrowed her brows when Yuigahama didn’t come in even after speaking.
“Not at all. As I said, we were just talking about you…” The Ice Queen’s eyes wandered toward Hachiman, silently analyzing something in the loner that he couldn’t have quite guessed even if he had his whole attention on her. “…Hikigaya-kun. Quit standing there and come inside. We don’t need a teacher wandering around and mistaking you for a troublemaker; it’d be bothersome to have to go to the principal’s office just to explain that, unfortunately, you’re also a member of this club.”
Hachiman finally dislodged his eyes from the guy to glare at Yukinoshita.
“Hmm.” He didn’t have anything to say. Not here, not now. He had questions, confusion, and no small amount of annoyance. Being snapped out of his thoughts like this wasn’t welcome. And he couldn’t help noticing the silence that Yukinoshita’s usual sharp tongue elicited.
He gave the guy his attention again. Not to keep staring or anything, but because this was the most obvious things amiss in the room.
“…” The guy’s eyes darted around for a moment, before his expression turned into a polite -if troubled- smile. It reminded Hachiman a little of Hayama’s usual peacekeeping expression. But it also highlighted a thing that had nothing to do with the guy himself.
“Sorry! I just didn’t expect to see anyone here!” Yuigahama pushed through the silence before it could become awkward. Just a few seconds of it, as she and Hachiman did as instructed. A few seconds where the uncomfortable silence existed but couldn’t be called that out loud. Where people were allowed to get their act together. “Eh, wait! Are we late?! Did we make you wait for too long?!”
“It’s the usual time, though.” Hachiman mumbled while he gave Yukinoshita his attention. His frown bigger than usual.
“It is. Don’t worry about it.” Yukinoshita looked a little… Odd. More reserved than usual. That couldn’t be a bad thing (irony), right? “Now then, Kamiki-kun?”
“Ah, yes. Good evening to you two.” The guy bowed politely. It looked a little too demure for a guy, especially with his voice and face, but all of that was pointless to consider when his simple greeting drained the clubroom of the tension that had suddenly blown up on everyone’s faces. “My name is Kamiki Hikaru, I’m thinking about joining Sobu’s alumni.”
He straightened his back and smiled more warmly now, but something in his eyes made Hachiman ignore all of that and try to focus on the small details. In his hands and foot, in where the guy’s gaze lingered for a second too long.
The thing he had noticed before, the thing that Hachiman wanted to remember now. They were the same.
“Oh, for real?!” Yuigahama sounded elated. Of course she’d be. His words put his presence into context, and Yukinoshita being busy with something like this probably meant that nothing wrong was going on with her. “That’s great! You’ll definitely not regret it!”
The thing that made Hachiman almost as annoyed as this guy’s insane looks.
…
No, the thing that happened because of this guy’s looks.
It was hard to focus. Focus on the guy’s reaction, that is. On the reading between the lines, when his appearance was too much to take. Almost like a blind spot.
Hachiman had failed to notice anything about this Kamiki guy except his looks.
And that thought was…
It scared him.