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Ever since things had settled again Daryl had been trying to keep an eye on Carol. He had been trying to find ways, however small, that he thought he could make her happy. To make her forget everything that had happened before. A couple of times he even got a smile out of her.
Once on a run that he probably wasn’t healed enough to go on he had found an old record player and some vinyl records to go with it.
That had been the biggest smile and Daryl had to admit it was also the most fun. He had almost forgot everything himself that day.
“Dance?”
“What? Hell, no.”
“Daryl, you can’t listen to music and not dance!”
“Yes, you can. Besides it’s not dancing music. It sounds terrible…”
Despite everything she got him to dance. Even if they always remained on the edge between misery and darkness. Even in the lighter moments he could see it all. The bat coming down. The screaming. Everything that had come after that. The things he had done to survive.
“Daryl?”
Sophia.
The things she had told him about Lizzie.
Merle.
Still missed the bastard.
“Daryl? What are you thinking about?”
The music had been a couple of days ago though they still listened to it, and he heard her listening to it, she hadn’t asked him to dance again. Probably learned her lesson the first time. She had told him he was surprisingly graceful right before he stepped on her foot so hard he was pretty sure toes were broken. Now they were sitting on the porch and from the look on her face he must have drifted off quite a bit.
“Thinking about the music.”
Beth.
Glenn.
The savior’s bodies swinging from the ropes and Rick’s decision. How could they get past that?
She must have sensed the change in the air because suddenly she punched him in the arm. Luckily it was the good arm. They both pretty much only had one good arm left. Together, Eugene had joked, they could make a functioning person. “Let’s do something.”
“Whatever you want.”
“Teach me how to ride the bike.”
Daryl almost laughed, “You already know how to ride the bike.”
“That’s not what I meant,” she gave him a look and when he raised an eyebrow at her she smiled brightly and nodded her head. “Don’t tell me you’ve never seen a woman drive a bike before?”
He was trying hard not to just reflexively tell her no. For the first time since the music she looked not just happy, but excited.
“Come on, I just want to do it once.”
“Once is all it will take.”
“Are you afraid?”
“Of Merle coming back from the dead and strangling me if I let you drive the bike?”
“Oh, come on! Just around the block…”
“What block?”
Carol smiled and jumped up without waiting for Daryl to agree. He was trying to think of a million excuses. It wasn’t that he didn’t want Carol to drive the bike because hey, then he would have an excuse to touch her. Daryl shook his head. Sometimes he wondered where his thoughts even got started these days.
“Come on!”
“I need to get you a helmet!” he called after her.
“You don’t wear a helmet!”
Fair point, he thought. “It’s not the same thing!”
“Why not?”
She was already circling the dirty old bike running her hands over it. Daryl was surprised that it didn’t bother him that she was touching it. In fact, he couldn’t help but think how much he would like… And then she was straddling the bike like a pro and he had gone and bitten his lip so hard he tasted blood. “I’m serious about the helmet. Aaron has one.”
Carol just rolled her eyes, “You’re stalling.”
“Do not start this thing without me.”
“Yes, Sir.”
“I like the sound of that.”
Aaron actually did have several helmets. “Bike safety and all that.”
“Thanks man. Carol wants to drive.”
“Cool.”
“I don’t know if it’s a good idea.”
Aaron just smiled. “Well, there’s a couple of people around who could teach her how if you don't want to. I can when I get this bloody cast off. You could always see if Dwight would do it.”
“Go to hell.”
“That’s what I thought,” Aaron followed him to the door then called after him. “You know you want to right?”
“What’s that?”
“You know what.”
“You’re talking in circles man and I’ve already got a headache.”
Aaron shook his head and closed the screen door. Eric kept telling him Daryl would figure it out eventually but Aaron could only hope that he figured it out before eventually was gone.
“You’re lucky I’m still here.”
“Where would you go?”
“Take off on my motorcycle…” she was teasing but Daryl tensed the minute she said it and Carol realized. “I didn’t mean it like that.”
“Let’s not go there okay?”
Ever again.
He gently put the helmet on for her and made sure it was as safe as humanly possible under the circumstances. “Got one for me to. Cause you do make a good point about that.”
“Thank you.”
“Plus I don’t want to give you any excuses not to.”
“Whatever.”
Daryl slipped onto the bike behind her at first careful as possible not to actually touch her- he just wasn’t sure about invading her personal space like that- but there wasn’t a lot of room and they fit so easily together. He took his time with his helmet and then he wasn’t entirely sure where to put his hands. Her back? Wrap them right around her?
“Okay, let’s go over the basics…”
That was a distraction.
“I know the basics from watching you.”
“There are other basics, close your eyes.”
“What?”
“Seriously.” He was pretty sure she rolled them first but still she closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Become one with the bike…”
“Daryl!”
She slapped at his hand and he laughed. He knew the way you became one with the bike was on the open road and he was pretty sure he had told her that before. She’d understand soon enough. “Well, any questions?”
“How do I keep this balanced?”
“We are going to go so slow…” he settled one hand on her side careful of the scar she had which only made him want to go kill those saviors all over again. “You okay?”
“Fine…”
But he wasn’t sure how close he should get and he did have the unpleasant feeling that his brother was properly laughing at him from wherever he was. “Okay, easy on the engine.”
“You’re on the break already aren’t you?”
“I am not.”
He might have been preparing himself mentally. He sighed reached around her and turned the bike on. The purr of engine shooting through them both. They made it outside the gate easily enough but after that she most certainly did not go easy on the throttle.
“That was fun!”
Daryl was torn. Part of him had never been so happy to be home and still in his life. The other part of him realized that he would have to let go which he did rather slowly.
“Are you shaking?” she teased him.
“Shut-up.”
“It wasn’t so bad.”
“It was a little fast.”
“It’s not like I’m going to get a ticket.”
“There’s always Rick.”
Carol laughed at that and hopped off the bike. Again he was both sorry to feel her go and happy that she was on solid ground and they were both safe. “Hey, Daryl. Thank you.”
“Promise me you will only ride with me.”
She blushed first and only after that did he catch what he said. He closed his eyes and ran his hands through his hair.
“You want dinner?” she was trying to spare him any more embarrassment. “I owe you and we actually have…”
“I love you.”
“What?”
So in the end he had just gone and spit it out. Not the least bit romantic boy, he could hear his brother’s voice in his head. Carol was just staring at him still holding the helmet in her hand. For a split second she looked back to the house as though she wanted to run. “You must be really happy I didn’t get us killed.”
“Nope. Well, actually yes…” he decided right then just to go for it. Just to listen to what everyone had been trying to tell him. He pulled himself off the bike and took two steps toward her surprised that he actually wasn’t losing his nerve. Of course this time he really didn’t know about the whole touching thing. He figured he should have been paying more attention over the years.
“I do though and you don’t have to say anything back but I wanted to. I just wanted you to know that. I always have…”
It was Carol that took the last step however. Carol that closed the distance between them, stood on her toes gripping his arms, always careful of his injury and kissed him gently on the lips. Her touching him was a shock but he knew exactly what to do when that happened just like being one with the bike. He wrapped his arm around her waist and pulled her as close as he could while deepening the kiss.
The one person he loved the most. The one person who he was most afraid of losing in this world. He had put this off far too long Daryl thought later when he was capable of any thought whatsoever.
Kissing her was right.
It was somehow both his home and his freedom. She was both and that was the only thing, she was the only thing, that mattered.