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The air in the dorm was thick with a heavy, hummed tension that usually preceded the final stage of a survival show. The "Sleepover Episode" was meant to be a gift for the fans; it was a rare glimpse of the trainees without the pressure of rankings, but for Zhou Anxin, the night had turned into a quiet heartbreak.
He had been sitting close enough to catch the conversation between Sangwon and Sanghyeon, his eyes naturally gravitating toward Sangwon as they always did. Then, the blow landed. Sangwon admitted with a sheepish, distant smile that he was mainly awkward around the younger trainees.
Anxin’s world stuttered. The bright, dimpled smile he was famous for didn’t vanish instantly; it eroded until his face was a blank mask of hurt. I’m a younger trainee, he thought, the realization stinging like a fresh cut. So Sangwon hyung doesn’t like me? He feels awkward with me?
For the rest of the filming, the "annoying cute laugh" that usually echoed through the halls was silenced. Anxin became a ghost of himself, offering only small, mechanical chuckles when the cameras pointed his way. When the director finally called a wrap, Sangwon immediately sought him out, sensing the sudden chill.
"Anxin-ah, you’ve been so quiet. Is everything okay?" Sangwon asked, reaching out.
Anxin flinched ever so slightly. "I’m fine, hyung." Without looking back, he crossed the room and firmly linked his arm with Kangmin’s, tucking himself against the older boy's side like a child seeking protection. Sangwon stood in the middle of the room, looking utterly bewildered. He eventually shrugged it off, thinking Anxin was just tired and nervous for the performance tomorrow.
Back in the safety of their room, Anxin made a move for his bed, but Kangmin caught him by the wrist and sat him down. "Okay now, Anxin-ah, what’s wrong?"
Anxin looked up, his eyes slowly sparkling with the threat of tears. "I don’t know why I’m feeling this, hyung," Anxin whispered. "I just feel so sad. I think Sangwon hyung doesn’t like me. He probably thinks I’m just some annoying kid who won't stop clinging to him."
"Where is this coming from?" Kangmin asked.
"He told Sanghyeon he’s awkward with younger trainees! I am a younger trainee!" Anxin burst out, beginning to sulk.
Kangmin let out a sudden laugh. Anxin-ah, he thought to himself, if you only knew the things Lee Sangwon says to me because he’s noticed I’ve been too close to you, you wouldn’t think any of this.
"Why are you laughing, hyung? See, even you aren't taking me seriously!" Anxin turned his back, but Kangmin stopped him.
"Anxin-ah, don’t think like that. Just give your Sangwon hyung a little bit of time," Kangmin said, his voice softening to assure the younger boy. "But I’m telling you, if there’s one person who likes you the most in this show, it’s Lee Sangwon. That’s all I can say to assure you, so stop overthinking with that little head of yours. Just take a rest and prepare yourself for tomorrow, okay?"
The finale was a whirlwind. Anxin was over the moon after his performance, seeing his mom in the audience and eventually debuting at P2. He stood side-by-side with Sangwon, the confetti falling like snow, and in the adrenaline of the moment, the hurt of that sleepover night was pushed aside... until Kangmin failed to debut.
The first few weeks of group life were a seesaw of emotions. Anxin grieved for Kangmin, but he found solace in the way the members rallied around him. Most notably, Sangwon had changed. He was suddenly everywhere: bringing Anxin water, mentioning him in every live stream, and watching him with an intensity that made Anxin’s skin tingle.
During a group dinner, Anxin finally gathered the courage to tease him. "You know, I like you much better now, hyung. You were a little bit too chic during the show."
However, the insecurity returned during a lie detector game. Anxin felt stung when it seemed Sangwon liked Leo better than him. Even though Sangwon didn't technically answer, he didn't defend himself either. Anxin felt like he had basically confessed his preference for Sangwon over his own geges, yet Sangwon hadn't reciprocated. For the rest of the night, Anxin was aloof.
He was sitting on the edge of his bed, lost in thought, when a soft knock echoed through the room. He opened the door to find Sangwon standing there, a small, yellow plastic device held behind his back.
"Let's play," Sangwon said softly, stepping inside without waiting for an invite.
They sat cross-legged on the floor, the lie detector sitting between them like a judge. "You go first," Sangwon murmured. He placed Anxin’s hand into the strap, his fingers lingering on Anxin's skin. He asked a few light questions, like if Anxin liked the food or if he was tired, before his gaze sharpened. The playful air vanished, replaced by a sudden, heavy intimacy.
"Anxin-ah," Sangwon said, his voice dropping to a low, velvety register. "Anxin likes his Sangwon hyung a lot. True?"
Anxin’s heart skipped a beat. He looked into Sangwon’s eyes and felt himself drowning. "Yes," he whispered.
Sangwon hit the button. The machine whirred, a tense silence filling the room, until a sharp Ding! rang out. The green light flickered to life. Anxin tried to pull his hand back, his face burning, but Sangwon reached out and caught his wrist, holding him there.
"My turn," Sangwon said. He strapped his own hand into the machine and looked at Anxin with an expression so raw it made Anxin’s breath hitch. "Ask me."
But Anxin was too confused by the situation and was too stunned to speak. Sangwon didn't wait for him; he simply looked deep into Anxin's eyes and said, "I really like Anxin."
He leaned forward, the distance between them shrinking until Anxin could smell the faint scent of his cologne. "I like Anxin more than I have the words to explain," Sangwon began. "I like the way your eyes crinkle when you laugh, even when you’re trying to be serious. I like your tiny snaggle tooth and the way your voice sounds when you’re sleepy. I like how you comfort me without saying a word, just by being in the room. I like everything about you: the annoying parts, the cute parts, the parts you try to hide. I like you so much it scares me."
He pressed the button himself. Anxin watched the machine, his lungs burning from holding his breath. If it turned red, he didn't know how he’d survive the embarrassment.
Ding. The green light glowed, steady and bright, illuminating the space between them.
Sangwon unstrapped his hand and tossed the machine aside. He reached out, cupping Anxin’s face with both hands, his thumbs brushing over his cheekbones. "Anxin-ah, your hyung likes you a lot. Not as a teammate, not as a brother... but as Lee Sangwon loves Zhou Anxin. From the very first moment I saw you walk into that center, I felt a spark that I couldn't ignore. I was awkward because I didn't know how to act around someone who made my heart race like that. I'm sorry I made you doubt it."
Anxin couldn't find his voice, so he simply leaned forward, resting his forehead against Sangwon's. "I liked you too. So much."
Eventually, the floor became too hard, and they migrated to the bed. They curled up together under the heavy duvet, limbs tangled in a messy, comfortable knot. Anxin rested his head on Sangwon’s chest, lulled by the steady, fast thumping of the elder’s heart.
"Hyung?" Anxin murmured into the dark. "I have a secret."
Sangwon hummed, stroking Anxin’s hair. "What is it, love?"
"I’ve liked you since way before the show," Anxin whispered, a playful lilt returning to his voice. "I liked you since you were part of Trainee A."
Sangwon stiffened, pulling back just enough to look at Anxin’s face in the moonlight. "Wait... what? You knew who I was back then?"
Anxin giggled, burying his face in Sangwon’s neck. "You were my first bias. I used to watch all your videos. I guess I’ve been your biggest fan for a long, long time."
Sangwon let out a breathless laugh, stunned and completely charmed. He pulled the younger boy into a crushing embrace, kissing his temple. "Well," Sangwon whispered, "I guess I’ll just have to spend the rest of our lives making sure I’m your favorite member."