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Kris stared out the window. Stars glinted in the night sky, flickering and twinkling. The moon glowed, casting faint rays of light over a quiet Hometown.
In the moonlight, they could see the hazy outlines of the Holiday Mansion in the near distance. Azzy was there now. He’d left in the afternoon, for a hangout, movie night and sleepover with Dess. Kris had begged him to let them come, but he’d said no. They were watching something that wasn’t kid-friendly; it would scare them, he’d said.
They turned away from the window, and cast a long glance at their door, which lay slightly ajar.
They could hear sounds from below. Not the usual sounds, of quiet talk between their parents, or the hum of a TV commercial; it was shouting.
Kris sucked in a breath.
It shouldn’t come as a surprise to them, really. Things had been tense around the house for a while now, but it had really started to boil over in the last couple of weeks. Their parents usually tried not to fight in front of the kids, but Kris could always tell when something had gone down. There was always a change in the way their parents treated each other after — giving each other the silent shoulder, each trying their best not to mention the other while talking.
But they never fought near the kids.
So then why were they fighting now?
Did they forget Kris was there?
Perhaps they thought they were asleep.
Kris tore their gaze away from the door. They drew their blanket towards themselves to protect against the odd chill in the air. They shut their eyes, trying to disconnect. They focused on their own heartbeat and breathing, and tried to pretend the voices of their parents were coming from far away — nothing but white noise.
But they were so loud.
Kris threw their head back in a sudden motion, letting out a soft tch. A soft pool of frustration formed at the bottom of their heart, which they knew would turn to anger very soon if they didn’t stop it.
Why?
Why can’t they just let Kris go to sleep?
Why didn’t Asriel take them away?
As the shouting from downstairs reached a crescendo, they felt that small pool of anger ripple, spreading like jagged, thorny vines over their heart. They felt their skin itch with the sudden tension of their rage. It was aggravating.
Their body felt like a trap.
In a sudden movement, Kris flung themselves off their bed, their blanket thrown away in a crumpled heap. They found themselves staring out their now-opened window, one leg already out of the frame. Kris blinked, steadying themselves. They cast a quick glance back at their door, listening to the voices beyond.
Their parents were going to be occupied for quite some time.
Kris looked back at the ground below, readied themselves, and jumped.
***
This wasn’t the first time Kris had thrown themselves from their bedroom window. They’d done it once or twice before whenever they needed a bit of release, though always away from the prying eyes of the grown-ups. Kris’ parents would probably be livid if they found out about what Kris was doing.
Not that the two cared right now. Kris figured that they wouldn't be missed, not for a long while yet.
Kris hit the slightly wet grass with a soft thud. A familiar thrumming pain shot through their legs, and they closed their eyes, waiting for it to pass. When it did, they pushed themselves to their feet and walked away.
It was colder than they’d expected. The breeze didn’t carry the same stinging bite of winter yet, but it still chilled Kris’ bare arms and legs.
They really shouldn’t have come out here in a t-shirt and shorts.
Damn it, they thought, a phrase they had recently learned from Dess. What had they been thinking?
They hadn’t been thinking.
Kris halted for a second, looking around.
Hometown was still and silent. The only sound was the soft rustling of leaves in the wind and their own breathing. The buildings were all locked up, making the whole town look almost abandoned.
Up in front of them, just a few metres away, they could see the Holiday Mansion’s gates. Kris walked up to it, and gave the bars a nudge.
The aged metal creaked, but the gates didn’t open. Locked, as well.
They really hadn’t been thinking.
Letting out a long hiss, they stared up, between the bars of the gates, to the mansion beyond.
Azzy would be there now. And Elly, and Dess. Kris wasn’t sure what time it was — around 10 PM, maybe? The three of them would probably still be awake, considering tonight wasn’t a school night. Azzy and Dess would probably be watching that movie. For a brief moment, Kris imagined themselves inside the Christmas-themed mansion, huddled between the two of them, watching it with them. They let out a small huff of breath, remembering what Azzy had said to them. They could handle scary stuff much better than he could, for Angel’s sake! There was no reason why he couldn’t have taken them along.
There was no reason why he should have left them behind.
Kris gave one final glance at the mansion before turning around. Kris didn’t have a phone, so there’d be no way to contact anyone to let them in. Even if Kris did find a way to break in somehow, what would they say to Asriel? As much as they were bothered, did they really want Azzy to know what was going on back home? He was spending time with friends, time he should spend having fun. Did Kris have the right to ruin that for him?
And if they decided not to tell him about what was going on, he’d send them straight back home. Sure, Asriel was a wimp at times, but he was so strict when he wanted to be — just as bad as their mom! With their luck, he’d probably walk them back home, too!
They’d be locked up again, trapped.
So they left.
Briefly, they wondered where they should go. Not back home yet, that was for sure. Everywhere else was locked.
Suddenly, a place flashed in their mind. Making up their mind, they left the mansion behind, and started walking towards the church, and the woods beyond.
***
Kris had been in the woods plenty of times. It was a favourite pass time of their group — Kris, Azzy, Dess and Elly. They could spend hours exploring (though really, they all knew the woods so well there wasn’t anything new to find). It was nice, just wandering around like that. All four of them doing it together — being together — made it fun.
Kris couldn’t remember the last time they’d been in the woods alone, though. Or in the dark either, for that matter.
The wind had become stronger in the time Kris had spent coming here, and colder, too. Kris drew their arms close to their body, and stuffed their hands into their shorts’ small pockets.
Kris continued walking, their feet falling into the old paths they and their friends had walked dozens of times over. As their legs slipped into autopilot, Kris found their mind going back, again, to the one thing that they’d come out here to avoid.
Kris didn’t think Dess or Elly knew about the fighting. Kris had never told them, of course, and they’d never heard Azzy talk about it. Kris supposed that Azzy could have told the two sometime when Kris wasn’t there (like tonight), but they were sure they’d have heard by now. Elly was quiet, and cautious, not wanting to offend the grown-ups, but she cared about Kris and their brother. She’d ask if they were doing okay, at least. Dess, on the other hand, threw all caution to the wind. She was loud, and said what she wanted without caring one hoof for the consequences. She would have definitely mentioned it by now, if she knew.
But even with how close the two families were, it made Kris a little uncomfortable, thinking about the two of them knowing. It made Kris feel the same way it made them feel whenever someone heard them playing the piano, or when someone saw them without their headband — like they were intruding on something they shouldn’t. Kris supposed they felt this way because this was their family’s business; Kris doubted their parents would like it very much if they told their family’s personal issues to everyone.
Even if keeping the secret weighed them down.
Kris really had to stop thinking about this. Just going back to the memory made the same pool of anger in their heart, which had started to settle, boil back up again. They grit their teeth and tried to shove it away, but the hot feeling just expanded, advancing on their mind like a wall of stone, until their rage was all they could feel.
The scream tore out of their throat before they could even think of stopping it. Their hands flew to their mouth, forcefully trying to stifle the noise, but it was no good. It was like their voice had a mind of its own, forcefully tearing its way out of their throat while Kris stood there, nothing but its hollow vessel. The scream didn't sound like it could belong to them, or anyone — it felt outright demonic.
Kris felt a pinprick of fear shoot through them at the sheer force of their anger. Did their parents know they were like this? Did they know about the disgusting, dirty rage that was hiding inside their body, masquerading behind a thin veneer of acceptability? Maybe that was why they were fighting; maybe they had somehow, finally, discovered the horror that was inside Kris, was Kris, and they just couldn’t handle it. Kris wasn’t an easy child, they knew it; they weren’t gentle or sweet, calm or obedient, like Asriel and Noelle. They weren’t even cool or bold or daring, like Dess, who took pride in being difficult.
None of them were like Kris. No one Kris knew ever got this angry. Their mom was strict, but gentle. Aunt Carol was firm, but there was always a softness to her — whatever she was doing, it indicated, was for everyone’s good. Dess got annoyed easily, but had a hard time staying annoyed for long. Kris was sure none of them felt so angry that it tied their insides into knots and made them forget how to breathe. What would everyone think if they saw Kris like this? They’d be mortified, terrified, maybe, at what a withered demon Kris was on the inside. Kris had to try kindness, understanding — that’s what their parents had taught; that’s what a good kid would do. Sure, their parents were fighting now, but there could be a hundred reasons for why, right? Kris’ parents were busy people — they’d be plenty stressed. It wouldn’t be fair to blame them, would it? Maybe Kris should think inwards, about themselves, before trying to blame others. Maybe they should focus on blunting the edge of their ire, and quelling these feelings they should not be feeling.
The dark, selfish knot inside them twisted at the mere idea that it should be quenched. The bout of rage that followed took a hold of their entire body. Kris shut their eyes, feeling the control slipping from their grasp as their body was wracked by the storm.
When they felt a second scream bubbling, taking form in their throat, they didn’t have the energy to resist it.
When it was all finally over, Kris was left there, small and trembling from exhaustion. The chill in the air, which had now taken on a sharp bite, made goosebumps appear on their skin. Tears pricked inside their eyelids, threatening to spill over. The woods were still and quiet, just as still and quiet as it had always been. There was no reaction anywhere to what had just happened. It was like nothing had ever happened at all. The woods — like the trees that made them up — were hard and unfeeling and cold.
Apathetic.
There was no comfort to be found here.
Their eyes a blurry haze, Kris turned briskly, intent on leaving, but…
The path they saw wasn’t familiar to them.
Kris blinked, then rubbed their eyes, trying to clear the mist that was clearly making them see wrong. But even after, the path remained unfamiliar.
Kris whipped their head around, their gaze flitting over in all directions, trying to find something they could recognise. They knew these woods — they had explored it excessively in the day time.
But what about at night?
As Kris stared, a different feeling filled their already emotion-wrecked body: panic. Kris felt the suffocating beat of their own heart as they swung their head around this way and that, trying, willing, begging to see anything familiar, anything that could get them out of here—
A cold, slithering feeling crawled up their spine, something which was neither anger, nor fear. It felt like there were stagelights, high above them, casting a spotlight under which Kris was pinned. They felt exposed, like something was watching them.
Kris heard a heavy rustle in the bushes behind them, like they were being ruffled by an animal. Slowly, cautiously, Kris turned their head.
Something was watching them.
Kris instantly jumped back, stifling a shriek as whatever it was continued to stare at them through the trees.
It looked like what a shadow would look like if it could walk. It had looked like a smoky blob, but now, leg-like appendages were starting to grow out of the blob, reaching towards the floor. The only parts of it that weren’t pitch black were its two glowing eyes — one pink, one gold — as well as a row of jagged, white teeth, curled up into a wide, sickly smile.
Kris started backing away, but the thing jumped out of the foliage much more cleanly than they could have expected, and stood before them.
The little human stared up at the creature towering over them. For a few moments, that was all that they could do; just stand there, their icy fear freezing them still.
But when the creature lifted one of its legs towards them, the spell broke. They whipped around and ran, leaving the creature firmly behind them.
They weren’t a fast runner by any means, but now they felt clumsy, ungainly. The cold cut like a razor into their skin. Primal terror clawed at their chest, the sort of fear prey felt towards its predator. Their fear pushed in on all sides, making them stumble even on flat soil. They didn't look back to see if they were being followed; they didn’t have the energy to. The only direction they could look was forward, and the only thing they could do was run.
But where were they going? They had no idea where they were. Every step they took could be taking them towards Hometown — or away from it.
They just had to get out of here. Get as far away from that thing as they could. They just had to get away. They just had to get away. They just had to—
The black creature appeared in Kris’ path, out of nowhere, just a few metres in front of them, blocking their way. It was like the darkness in front of them had woven into a thick, black mesh, forming into the creature. Kris skidded to a halt, their heart jumping into their throat.
The creature started to approach.
They were going to die.
Kris’ body could take no more. The world turned to a blur as Kris’ feet slid from under them and they collapsed onto the ground below.
Time slowed. The world was closing in on them.
Kris felt like they were moving in slow motion. They tried to push themselves back up, but their body felt unmovably heavy, their sharp, paralyzing fear turning them into a statue. As the creature came closer, they were left there, sitting on the earthen ground, their legs coated with dirt and dead leaves, tears streaming steadily down from their eyes, their whole body shaking violently, wracked by quiet sobs.
It was so cold.
The creature nudged Kris, and they drew back, whimpering. But before they could even think of crawling back any further, it caught up, right back in front of them again.
The creature pushed Kris off the path, into the dense thicket. It nosed them towards the trunk of a tree, before halting.
Kris pushed themselves up against the tree, so they were sitting with their back against the trunk. They curled up, drawing their legs close to their arms and chest.
When the creature got to its feet again, Kris knew there was nowhere to go. Even if they could somehow get their legs to work, anywhere they went, the creature could catch them easily; they were really trapped.
They were going to die.
The creature was right in front of them. The last thing Kris saw before they buried their head against their arms was the creature ducking down towards them…
They were going to die they were going to die they were going to die they were going to die they were going to die they were going to—
…And resting its head gently on top of theirs.
Kris flinched, but the creature showed no reaction, staying perfectly still, letting Kris get used to its presence. Its head weighed down upon them, but to the small part of Kris that wasn’t numbed by fear, it did not feel like they were being pinned. It felt more like a heavy blanket, being laid on top of them.
A deep, vibrating rumble came out of the creature, coming directly above them from the spot that should be its throat. It was so loud, Kris felt it not just against their head and neck, but in their very bones — in all parts of them.
Despite the circumstances, this noise…didn’t feel threatening. They were strangely reminded of their father’s voice — not as deep as this, of course, but still the deepest voice they knew — the one they found most comforting. Whenever Dad talked to them after a bad day, or a nightmare, or anything which made Kris mad or sad or scared, hearing his voice was the first thing that signaled to them that it would be okay; it was like his very voice was wrapping around them and giving them a hug.
This sound felt exactly the same. Like the creature that made it, this sound was heavy, but it didn’t bear down against them. The sound, vibrating throughout their body, seemed to bring all the parts of them back together into one piece, into one place, and gently hold them there.
The sharp, icy block inside their chest slowly started to melt. The creature never once shifted from its position; it continued to stand there, motionless, still making that heavy, warm noise, quietly soothing them.
Kris let out a long, soft sigh. Their heart, which had hammered almost painfully in their chest, was now steadily returning to its original rhythm. They slumped against their legs; now that the brunt of their fear was ebbing, their strength was, too, and exhaustion started to creep up their limbs.
The noise stopped, then. A moment later, Kris felt something flicking at their hair. They opened their eyes a tiny sliver and peeked out from between their arms.
The creature had lifted one of its leg-like appendages and was playing with Kris’ bangs (now that they could see the creature closer, its legs almost looked like paws). The paw scarcely touched Kris’ head, and the way the creature moved, its eyes focused completely on their head, almost reminded Kris of a cat, playing with a ball of yarn.
Despite themselves, a tiny giggle escaped them.
The creature’s eyes stopped looking at their hair and immediately flicked towards their face. It smiled at them— its already upturned mouth somehow growing even wider.
For the first time since they’d laid eyes on it, Kris realised that the creature’s smile wasn’t exactly malicious. A… little unsettling, to be sure, but weren’t big smiles all a little unsettling? It certainly didn't exactly look like the smile of someone who would threaten them, hurt them.
The creature leaned forward, and, with its snout, gently moved Kris’ arms away from their face. Now that it was right in front of them, Kris saw its nose — black, rough, and beady — as well as small, thin tendrils of darkness sticking out of it, hairlike — like whiskers.
Very slowly, the creature leaned in closer still, and softly touched its nose to Kris’.
Even though it had looked rough, the nose felt soft as it grazed the tip of Kris’ nose. It’s not-whiskers tickling their skin.
A small smile played on Kris’ lips, one which they could not suppress.
After it withdrew, the creature bowed its head, letting them see its forehead and the sharp outline of its ears. It thrust its head in Kris' direction.
They stared at the creature while it stood there, motionless, waiting.
Did it want them to… pet it?
They hesitated for a moment. Should they? Was that what it wanted?
What would happen if that wasn’t what it wanted?
Before they could let themselves really think about that last question, Kris lifted up their hand. It was a slow, unsteady movement; their hands were still shaking. But, before the dim haze of their fear — which had started to settle down — could siphon back up and make them withdraw, their hand was already resting on top of the creature’s head.
The creature was covered in a thin layer of dark tendrils. The tendrils were, of course, pitch black — Kris felt like they were petting a black hole, like their fingers would fall through the creature if they weren’t careful. The tendrils imitated fur, but it didn’t exactly feel like how fur should. It felt a little like what water would feel like if it got turned into a fabric; the creature’s tendrils seemed to slip through their fingers, frictionless. It was smooth, too, not sticking up in clumps like Kris’ family’s did. It was soft, though — in a strange way they’d never felt before, but soft regardless.
As Kris ran their hands through the dark tendrils, the creature leaned closer, tilting its head and exposing a different side, as if inviting Kris to move their hand there. As they moved their hand towards the spot, scratching as they went, the creature flicked its ears and closed its eyes, as if in bliss. The same, deep rumbling noise came out of the creature’s throat again.
Hearing it now, they realised the sound almost sounded like purring.
Any of the numbing fear that had still somehow survived, twisting in Kris’ gut, all but vanished.
They scooted forward, trying to reach further parts of the creature’s head. However, the creature suddenly stood up, drawing to its full height.
Was it leaving?
Just at the thought of that a wave of panic threatened to knock them over, which they had to firmly quell. They had no idea where they were, and the fact that something — someone — was here with them had at least helped lull them. What would they do if it left? They’d be alone again.
But what did it matter? In the end, even if they got themselves out of these woods, they’d still have to go home. Back to their mother and father, to the crackling tension that would have filled the air of their house by now. And what would they do during the next time they fought, or the next time after that? Here or there, they were trapped.
Would it be better to stay here? Would the two of them stop fighting if they weren’t there? Their throat tightened at the thought, but wasn’t it the truth? Everything Mom and Dad had was beautiful; Azzy was perfect, their friendship with Dess and Elly’s family was wonderful, their town was warm and friendly and peaceful. What else could they be angry about but Kris, the one person who was wrong?
Yet in their tired, selfish head, they wished they could be back there. At least they had a roof over their head and walls around them back home. It was one singular place, a set place where they were allowed to go, belonged, and were safe, hidden from those who might do them harm. Out here, Kris was anyone’s fair picking. Besides, it was so so cold here—
The creature curled itself around Kris. They found themselves with their face pressed up against the base of the creature’s neck, while its head pressed against their back, pulling them towards itself.
Kris crumpled against it, their hands wrapping around the creature’s body as best as they could. They buried their face against its not-fur. The tendrils soaked up the tears in Kris’ eyes, both old, and those newly forming.
For the first time since they’d gotten to the woods, they couldn’t feel the chill. The creature’s frame was wide, blocking them from the wind. Inside this small nook the creature had made for them, Kris felt warm.
They weren’t sure how long they sat there on the base of that tree, the creature wrapped around them in what felt like a hug. The warmth reminded Kris of movie nights with their family, all four of them huddled together on the sofa, Kris cuddled up against soft, white fur. They remember how many times they have accidentally fallen asleep during such times (even though they’d vehemently deny it afterwards).
Kris closed their eyes, and relaxed against the warmth.
***
Kris opened their eyes to a dark ceiling; it took them a moment to realise it was their dark ceiling.
Kris rubbed their eyes, craning their head to look around. They saw that they were in their and their brother’s room, lying in their own bed with the covers pulled over them. The house was dark; the faint light that had creeped in through their door from downstairs was gone. It was silent, too; Kris couldn’t hear their parents’ voices anymore.
They pulled themselves up to a sitting position, their mind reeling back to what had happened in the woods.
Had that…had all of that been fake? Just a dream?
However, as they looked around, their eyes were drawn to their bedside cabinet. The lamp sitting atop it was, of course, familiar. However, underneath the lamp, they saw a small, white plate. On top of the plate were three green candies.
Those hadn’t been there before. The only thing that had been there — supposed to be there — was the lamp.
Kris reached out and took one of the candies, bringing it towards them for closer inspection. It looked normal enough, like any candy they might find at the grocer’s. There weren’t any names or logos on the wrapping though — it was the same light shade of green all the way around.
A soft smile suddenly came to their lips as their hand curled fully around the candy, making the wrapper make a crinkling sound. They clutched the candy near their chest and turned their head towards the window. The moon was still there, and the stars, their soft, gentle lights washing over them all.