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The mattress below him feels like cement. The pillow his face is currently stuffed into feels like a bunch of rocks have been put into the pillowcase. His head aches with new pain running through it every time someone near him shuffles in their bed.
Namgyu couldn’t stand it; after coming down from the pills that Thanos gave him, he’s been more hyperaware than he has been in months.
Every sound and light around him has become brighter in the worst way possible. The lights that shine from the X’s and O’s blare into his face in a blurred mess and leave his eyes watering if he stares at them for too long; every creak from the other players moving makes his headache even worse.
The worst offender of all?
Thanos.
Thanos, the one who’s sitting on a bed under him while rapping about who knows what. It’s clearly a freestyle rap, mostly due to the fact that most of it is gibberish and the fact that he’s never heard any of his songs have whatever lyrics he’s spewing out right now.
Hey! It’s not like he listens to any of his songs to the point of being a fan like Gyeongsu. He just knows them because Club Pentagon would blast Thanos’ music like the gospel due to him being the only rapper who was still willing to go to a dying club. Not his fault!
Namgyu turns from going face first into his pillow to going on his side. It’s not as comfortable, but his chest is sore from flopping down on the bed, so it doesn’t matter. He readjusted the pillow to cover his face once more.
His chest still aches, and the headache is getting worse, coming in pulses of pain every second. He can feel himself sweating more and more. His hands feel like they're vibrating while he tries to grip onto his sleeves to make them stop.
Namgyu can barely stay in his bed anymore without hyperventilating. God, how did he go sober for so long before cracking? Well, he does know. He was puking up his guts for 4 days straight in his toilet during the worst of it and after that he had to accept the fact he was going to have to be sober until he got those near-impossible debts paid off.
Although, he does have a chance now. The games are already near paying his 330 million won debt. Just one more game for him and another game for Thanos, of course.
With the way things are going, Namgyu should probably go beg the guards to let him into the bathrooms like those 3 women did an hour ago. It’d probably be the most sensible opinion, washing his face and getting all the dirt and grime out of his hair that has accumulated naturally over the two-day span of being here. Maybe even puke his guts out to stop the nausea that lies in his stomach.
Although the thought of doing the last one seems harsh. It wouldn’t be the first time he’s had to rearrange his stomach via puking, but he knows sure as hell he doesn’t want to experience that again…
There is one more option, though, and it has more pros than cons.
Getting a fix from Thanos. It should be easy; if he butters him up enough, he might be forgiving of his state and lend Namgyu a pill. He doesn't like it, but at this point a fix is a fix. Even when it’s boosting someone’s ego who’s already in the clouds…
Namgyu quickly gets up; the pains going through him and the sudden need to get down out of his bunk and get those pills get him to untangle himself from the thin fabric that was covering him.
His sight is still blurry. mainly from not bringing his glasses, but it’s still a sight nonetheless seeing a couple hundred people in the same tracksuit in huge-ass beds, all sleeping when blurred.
Although that doesn’t matter to him much now, so he’ll leave that on the back burner.
Wait, he has to at least check if Thanos is even awake, right? It’d be pretty creepy if Thanos woke up with Namgyu at the edge of his bed or even on top of him trying to find the pills.
The thought of being put in such a compromising situation like that makes Namgyu’s face flush. He quickly brushes it off as he peeks under the bed to make sure Thanos is actually awake.
It takes a bit, but he does realize that he’s awake even if the mumbling has gotten quieter.
Namgyu slowly goes down the ladder, careful not to trip over his own feet as he lands. He slowly creeps up onto the corner of Thanos’ bed until the older man finally sees him.
“Namsu, what are you doing here, man?”
The mispronunciation of his name has already got him considering climbing up the stairs as quickly as he can and suffering through the night right then and there, but he rapidly rejects the idea, not wanting to go back to square one.
“Namgyu,” he let out as a short huff before actually climbing on the bed.
“Also, I just couldn’t sleep well. Just wondering if we could… “ He glances at the necklace that is placed on Thanos’ chest before climbing closer.
Thanos apparently doesn’t take the hint as he beckons Namgyu to sit closer and talk.
“My boy! I bet you totally heard me from above there, right? Be honest, man, do you think I can get a big hit out of the one I just made? “
They’re both now sitting across from each other as Thanos goes on before Namgyu could even get the chance to reply to the question.
“I think I could get my old producers back if I show them some shit I’ve made in here. They’ll think it’s amazing, bro.”
Namgyu nods as Thanos goes on and on. The projection of his voice is hurting Namgyu’s ears. He can only hope for him to tone it down; knowing Thanos, though, he probably wouldn’t.
He never does, at least not with him.
It pisses Namgyu off more than it should when Thanos treats him this way. Not letting him talk for himself, or just not letting him talk at all. Not remembering jack shit he’s done for him in the past even though that could’ve gotten him fired.
He didn’t even remember him when they first got here. When Namgyu approached Thanos, he basically had to retell him everything that happened between the two. Even when he did say that he remembered him, he couldn’t even get his fucking name right!
And the worst part is that he doesn’t treat the others in the group like him either. Was it really that bad? What did they have that Namgyu possibly didn’t have? It couldn’t be because he wasn’t a girl; he was all buddy-buddy with Minsu, who looks nowhere close to a woman. What was it?
Apparently, he’s been zoning out for too long for Thanos to finally realize he’s not paying attention.
“Earth to Namsu, earth to Namsu, are you there?” This, paired with his continuously waving his hand over his eyes, finally got Namgyu to snap back from his train of thoughts.
“Oh—I’m sorry, hyung—I just feel a little…off. That’s all.“ They sat in silence for mere seconds before he continued.
“I was wondering… if you could help with that. “ Namgyu nodded towards the necklace that lays on Thanos’ chest.
Thanos put his mouth in an O shape. Scooting closer to Finally give Namgyu what he needs. The sweet-oh-sweet pills that are sealed away in the cross-
“Namsu, you naughty, greedy boy, you’ve already had one today.”
Namgyu doesn’t bother correcting the name, especially with more pressing matters at hand.
“Hyung, please—” The desperation in his voice is more prominent this time around.
Thanos doesn’t even flinch at the pleading as he continues, eyes staring at him. Even if he can’t fully make out the blue orbs, he can still see the way he’s slightly annoyed. Fuck, he has to pick this up quick, or he might cut off his supply for the rest of the games. He can’t let that happen.
“Namsu, you’ve been draining my supply, man. Gotta ration this shit, bro. I ain’t giving this for nothing.“
“I’ll do anything, man, please.“ God, he’s hit a new low. He’s been pretty close to the lowest of the lows, but this takes the cake. Begging, full-on begging. He might as well go up to the guards and ask them to shoot him if Thanos ever tells anyone else about this.
The bed shifts as Thanos moves slightly closer. His image is coming more and more into focus as he stares right into Namgyu’s eyes.
“Anything, huh? “The tone Thanos uses is mocking. Acting like he’s better than him simply because of his status. Namgyu could actually strangle him right now if it weren’t for the fact he knows Thanos is 100 times stronger than him.
“Yea…” he haphazardly spits out before going quiet once more. Waiting, waiting to see if Thanos will succumb to his pleas and give in.
The glint of Thanos’ eyes had become more prominent as he took out the dear cross. The smirk he gave to him, Namgyu could only hope was a friendly one before he released too late.
Thanos slowly puts one pill on his tongue before sticking it out like a kid who just ate a lemon.
“If you want it so bad, you have to get it, you little druggie.”
What?
Seriously, what? A kiss to get the red candy that sits in the middle of his pink tongue? The task seems simple, but... the implications are there.
Namgyu is glad that it’s dark, or Thanos would’ve definitely seen how his face turned practically red the second Thanos finished his sentence.
He wants a kiss from me? The thought floods through Namgyu’s mind, coming up with every scenario where this could’ve hinted that Thanos had wanted this all along. before it dawns on him.
Thanos wants something in return for handing out all these free pills.
He wants compensation out of Namgyu’s body for having to begrudgingly share the stash.
It makes sense; it really does make sense when he finally puts it together. It shouldn’t matter to him anymore. His body has been used multiple times to garner pleasure from clients that ultimately didn’t care about the promoter after hours. And yet,
It still stung.
He knew that Thanos was probably not going to be different from the others. He showed it time and time again, and yet Namgyu still decided to ignore it again and again.
Until now.
It’s in his face literally and figuratively.
His chest plummets when he realizes that he actually has to move, to do something, other than sit and stare. He feels like a statue; the only things that are moving are his hands from shaking so much.
He might as well get it over with now. Once given the pill, he'll lead Thanos over to the bathrooms to get done what needed to be done. He only hopes that he can forget all about tonight to possibly collect any fragments of a friendship he could’ve had with Thanos until now.
He slowly traces his hand up to Thanos’ hair. Might as well put on a show, right? God, he’s stupid. Even if he did somewhat want to kiss the other man, he didn’t want it to be like this. He didn’t want it to be an exchange. He wanted it to be filled with love and affection and all the other sappy bullshit he’s seen on TV.
Of course, Thanos never gives what Namgyu wants to him. He never does.
He decides to go even closer. To the point where he can see Thanos’ features without the hazy blur. His purple hair and how it’s now gone from being a spikey mess everywhere to being more flat. His eyes looked directly into Namgyu’s soul. He could see every little imperfection on the rapper's body. God, he was beautiful…
But he also seems…shocked? Shocked that Namgyu actually decided to take him up on the offer? Like it was an offer anyway, it was basically an order given by him. One that Namgyu must oblige by.
Namgyu blinked a couple times to see the normal smug look on the rapper. God, has he started to hallucinate or have, like, delusions from not having the pills for that long? Was he really that co-dependent on this new substance he’d only taken a couple of hours ago to see things he wished were true?
‘ It doesn’t matter‘ He had to hammer into his head multiple times before they connected.
Namgyu finally leans in. Lips brushing slightly as his tongue tries to (and fails) to get the pill the first time. He decides to grip Thanos’ jaw with his other hand as he tries to maneuver his tongue to get the pill once more.
The rapper has taken the initiative to grip the promoter's waist and pull him in while Namgyu works away. Their chests bump into each other as the other party starts to kiss back.
After finally finding the pill, he pulls back briefly to swallow it before going back in.
After a good minute of teeth clashing together, Namgyu finally decides to separate to get himself some air. Thanos probably felt the same way as his stare lingered around Namgyu.
The pills are definitely kicking in by now. The lights look bright, flashy, and fun, while all the once annoying sounds turn into blissful nothingness as he and Thanos pant, trying to get as much air as they can.
Namgyu has to sit down and actually try to remember what to do after for a bit.
Bathroom…
Bathroom…
Oh yeah! Pay back Thanos! Now that he isn’t sobered up, it sounds pretty good actually. Thanos giving all of his attention to Namgyu instead of the other whores, It sounds like a good time; even if he regrets it in the morning for being sore, he’ll know that he had one hell of a time, right?
Namgyu giggles to himself before starting to get up and move. He might as well lead the way, right? It’s like when he leads the VIPs to the secluded rooms to do whatever those freaks do in there, other than drugs, of course.
His mind starts to race through what he used to bring to those VIPs before a hand stops him.
Namgyu felt a tug on the back of his tracksuit. The weight of the bed has now changed from a balance of one person being on each side to two people on both sides. The sound of the bed creaking rapidly as the other crawls to him.
He turned around, just to meet Thanos. His features looked… weird? He obviously had them scrunched up, that’s for sure. But the rest he can’t really make out other than him wanting Namgyu to come back.
Fuck. Namgyu did something wrong, didn’t he? He knew that he was a pretty good kisser. All his clients said so, so what did he do this time? Was it just not up to Thanos’ standards? Was he mad that Namgyu stopped at a time he didn’t like?
All these questions hurt his head; he can’t help but rub his eyes just a little to help figure out if Thanos is actually mad with him or not.
But the tone of his voice doesn’t indicate anger at all? It’s more of a “wait, please” mixed with a bad sense of trying to be nonchalant.
“Nam-namsu! Where are you going? You aren’t leaving me as a one-night stand, right, my boy? Sit. “
It’s crazy. To see him desperate like this? Would "desperate" even be the right word for this? He seems a little annoyed, but that is clearly not the main emotion he’s hanging on to right now.
Thanos is back on his side of the bed, so Namgyu follows the orders, flopping himself onto the other side.
So he wants to do it here. That’s weird, but—
“My boy, you said you couldn’t sleep well, right?”
Ahh, so this is what he wanted to do. Tease a little, then go to the bathrooms. He’s seen Thanos do it with other girls before, so it’s nothing new to see from him. Although it’s a little crazy being on the receiving side instead of silently watching while serving club-goers.
It makes Namgyu have a little blood rush to his face. The fact he’s being chosen over everyone else. It feels good; hell, it makes him feel ecstatic even.
“Yea, so what? “He tried to say it in the most seductive voice he could muster up. Now that he realizes it, maybe he should’ve made himself sound more like a girl? Thanos primarily likes women, so maybe that will get him off mor-
“Then lie down and sleep with me, Namsu! I’m the best at chasing away nightmares, my boy. “ He said, while actually starting to lie down.
What? “What?”
“Yeah, come on, bro, you’re not going to get any sleep if you sit and don’t actually lie down.”
Oh?
He just wants to… literally sleep with Namgyu? That doesn't make sense. Doesn't he want to pay him back?
“If you’re not going to, that’s fine too.” His voice seemed strained. Like he was scared of Namgyu saying that he’ll leave? The thought was crazy, but all the evidence is lined up right there.
“Yeah, I am. Give me a second. “Namgyu said while finally lying down. Covering the blanket over his body as he started to get comfortable.
Thanos is just staring at him now. Due to how close they are, he looks awestruck in a kind of way, like he’s looking at the next bitch he’s going to fuck or how he looks when he talks about something he’s really passionate about.
“Turn around, bro.” Thanos’ words came out stiff, like he was out of breath. Namgyu obliged and turned to face his back towards Thanos.
And then suddenly, he felt warm hands wrap around his waist until they found each other again making Thanos hug him tight. He also feels how Thanos’ whole body is pressed up into him now. Namgyu had never thought in his 27 years of living he would be able to be held like this.
And God, it was amazing.
He can feel Thanos’ warmth. His heartbeat and how he nuzzles his head into the back of Namgyu’s neck. He can feel every heavy breath thanos takes as he practically buries himself into namgyus hair.
Thanos slowly takes one of his hands to interlock it with Namgyu’s black roots. He swears that Thanos started to squeeze him even tighter after the fact, like he’s trying to compensate for the fact he’s not hugging him fully.
It’s all too much for him—God, he could feel like crying. Just the weight of Thanos not wanting him to pay him back was tear-inducing alone. Now this? Did he overdose and somehow get put into heaven?
“I’ll make sure you are well rested for tomorrow, alright, Namsu? “Thanos’ tone, oh god, his tone. It felt like it was dripping with sweetness as he started to interlock their legs.
“My sweet, sweet Namsu. “ The drugs pumping throughout his veins couldn’t possibly replicate the sheer ecstasy he gets from hearing those 4 simple words.
He thinks I’m sweet; he thinks I’m his.
Sleep isn’t a problem anymore; he could easily stay up for eternity wrapped in Thanos’ arms.
From behind him, he can hear snoring. Directly under his ear, to be exact. The thought of the rapper being so comfortable with Namgyu to the point that he can doze off in mere seconds while spooning him makes Namgyu actually tear up.
He’s never had someone like this before, someone who’ll hold him, someone who won’t… use him.
Maybe, maybe Thanos does give Namgyu what he wants from time to time.