Chapter Text
Cipher did not enjoy being in Okhema. Normally she would love the bustling city atmosphere, with every bit of the chaos and twisting streets making it that much easier to evade prying eyes. But then there were the golden threads, which did really dampen her fun. Aglaea could never keep her nose out of her business, it seemed, and even when Aglaea was keeping her distance Cipher just hated the feeling of being watched. Those were her past reasonings, and while it was unpleasant it was far from the point of being unbearable. But now, there are…more persistent problems that the city brought. While Cipher was grateful Amphoreus was freed from the endless loops of death, having all of her memories from every cycle meant she also remembered every brutal time she had met her end. The amount of them contained Okhema was surprising, honestly. I guess it’s as good a place to make a last stand as any.
Cipher shivered, pulling her arms across her chest as she walked up the cliffside path overlooking Okhema. She had tried to stay there for a while this time, she really had. She chatted with Castorice, somewhat grudgingly said hi to Aglaea, and grabbed a few toys for the kids. “I’ve been out of town for weeks, and I was around Aglaea, what, two minutes and she asked me if I had seen Phainon?” Cipher grumbled. “Glad to see where I fall on her priority list when it comes to her ‘golden boy’”. She felt a pang of regret for not talking longer, but she had looked the wrong way and a flash of a too-familiar black sword piercing her chest had been the last straw. The whole city may as well be haunted at this point, with how it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up. Her feline instincts had gotten her out of many dire situations, so she couldn’t just ignore when every bone in her body was telling her to get as far away from there as possible.
A few rocks crumbled over the cliff’s steep edge as Cipher passed by, the sound it brought up a memory of her less coordinated, kitten self nearly slipping to her death the first time she attempted the climb. That waryness was no more, now that the path had been worn by her shoes on many such occasions throughout the years. She was probably one of the only people who dared to come up here, and she held a bit of pride at this being “her” spot, something she could own even back when she had to steal or scrounge for every morsel. It was habit, more than anything else that led her feet there that day. As she would look back on it later, perhaps the guidance of fate had something to do with it as well.
Her ear twitched as the smallest, out of place sound came from around the corner. The air felt different, heavier than usual, and her hackles went up as she readied herself for a threat. But no danger came. Phainon, the hero of Okhema, was sitting curled up in her spot and she had the right to be very annoyed. Cipher sighed loudly, no longer masking her footsteps as she approached. Phainon didn’t turn to look, or even seem to notice despite his razor-sharp instincts that she knew he had. As she got closer, Cipher noted Phainon’s position, making her frown slightly. He was sitting right on the edge, one leg dangling off into the void. The other leg was pulled up to his chest, his arms loosely wrapped around it and his chin resting idly on his knee. He didn’t quite look like a hero at this distance. More like one of her orphans, especially when they were stuck somewhere thinking about their past. Cipher’s annoyance faded just a little.
She stopped a few paces behind Phainon. “Didn’t think I’d find you out here, Deliverer boy.”
Phainon barely had any reaction. “Miss Cipher.” He gave a short nod, looking at her with some weary expectation. “What can I do for you?” His tone was flat- almost dull, not something Cipher was used to hearing from the upbeat boy in front of her. Her lips tugged into a small frown, and she made an impulse decision to plop down next to him.
“Apologies, but I’m not sure I’m the best company at the moment,” Phainon said after a moment, eyeing Cipher as if trying to grasp her intentions.
“No need, just taking in the view.” Cipher sighed again, ears drooping. “And here I thought I was the only person who came up here.”
Phainon's shoulders eased a bit and he turned back to face the horizon. “This is my first time, if it makes you feel any better.” He spoke quietly, Cipher thought, for someone who had supposedly been a 10-time debate champion. “I just…needed to get away from the city,” he added. Cipher studied him in the corner of her vision, narrowing her eyes.
“Aglaea was looking for you, you know.”
Phainon stiffened. A small movement, but enough for her sharp eyes to catch. The gears in Cipher’s head continued to turn, trying to figure him out. Trying to understand what was different today. Sure, he had to bear all of Amphoreus through millions of cycles, but he seemed much different when she had seen him on the Express, and even in the days after Irontomb’s fall. Maybe like he was trying to push his experience down, sure, but still pretty upbeat and even happy, considering everything. It’s probably not my business though, right? I mean, I barely know the guy. Despite what she told herself, a flicker of something buried itself deep in her gut.
Phainon reached up to tug on something near his neck, and Cipher realized that he was wearing a necklace. His thumb rubbed at the pendant, fingers twitching like he wanted to cradle it in his hand. The pendant was a boxy shape, something that wasn’t quite familiar to her. “I should go,” Phainon said quietly, an emptiness looming behind his words. He rose to his feet, not bothering to wipe the dust off his clothes. “I’ll leave you to it, Miss Cipher.” He turned to walk away, and the feeling of unease that had nestled in Cipher since she first saw him flared to a roar.
“Hey, Deliverer boy?” Her voice came out before she even knew she was speaking. Phainon hesitated, his steps halting before he slowly turned to face her. “Okhema can be a busy place, you know. It would be easy for someone to get uh- a little overwhelmed at times.” Cipher wasn’t sure what she was even trying to say, letting her heart run through her mouth. “Just, uh…I don’t mind too much, if both of us know about this little hidey-hole. It can be our secret, yeah?”
A flicker of gratitude flashed in Phainon’s eyes, disturbing the hollowness for a moment. He tried to give her a smile, but it still managed to look sad. “Thanks, Miss Cipher.” Cipher opened her mouth again, then closed it, thinking better of offering him a stay at the house she had set up for the little ones. It was nice and far away from Okhema, right in the country. No, he would be fine. He doesn’t need my help.
Phainon headed back towards the city, and Cipher tried not to think about it. The fact that Aglaea couldn’t find him earlier, and had asked her, the one person Aglaea knew had experience trying to evade her threads. She tried not to think about how Phainon’s gaze seemed to be more often drawn to the jagged drop below than the expanse of the city in front of him. Everyone loves the kid, he’s got the goldweaver and the professor, and that prince. They’re much more qualified to worry about him than me…right?
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“Rest,” Stelle had told him. “Your burden is gone now, Phainon.”
It didn’t feel like it was gone. Or if it had, Phainon had gone along with it. Most days he didn’t feel real, the thought almost making him chuckle at the irony. He was simply a burned, hollowed-out shell. A vessel that had fulfilled its purpose. Stuck behind the promise of the Era Nova for millions upon millions of years, he knew he was never supposed to see it. The new dawn would come without him and he would be left in the past where he belonged. That’s what was meant to happen.
Okhema was stifling. He could still smell the flames and charred flesh, feel the dust settled in a thick layer over his skin. There wasn’t an inch of the city he hadn’t spilled innocent blood on. This new world wasn’t meant for him. Everyone knew it. He could see it in the other Heir’s eyes, the poorly-veiled pity. The thin excuses for check-ins, the worried glances they would give each other when they thought he wasn’t looking. He would have been angry, but he didn’t think that was something he could feel anymore. It had been everything for too long, and now there was no kindling left to draw from. Just emptiness. The express had departed 71 days ago, and Phainon had begun to realize he wouldn’t be there to see it’s return.
He tried. He had tried so hard for her. The necklace with the little train car charm had been a last-minute parting gift from Stelle, just something for him to hang onto. It was the only reason he had lasted this long. Had it been some kind of cosmic repentance for him, to continue to be stuck on Amphoreus until they were brought into the real world? It may as well have been shackles clamped to every limb, to remain in this place where all his memories dwelled. Was it too much to have one, tiny, selfish wish of his own? In the eyes of the universe there undoubtedly dwelled no love for him. This was something he had used to know well, before a shooting star had fallen to this simulation’s surface and gave him the little hope he had never deserved.
Things had carried a semblance of normalcy for a little while. Hyacine had told him that he should focus on resting, and doing the things that he wanted to do. He had to hold back a bitter laugh, as if the thing he wanted hadn’t just departed to travel the stars. He nodded at Hyacine, giving her a small smile in return and knowing she meant well. Maybe Mydei would have treated him normally, but he had been gone for weeks at Castrum Krenmos with no word on his return. Aglaea was nearly unrecognizable to him now, what with her easy smiles and passionate manner of speaking. At a meeting with city leaders she must have noticed something amiss, as Phainon felt the brush of a single thread wrapping around his finger. He turned her way, noting the frown that wrinkled her brow. Silently, he brushed the thread away. Her gaze didn’t leave him for the rest of the meeting.
She came up to him quickly afterwards, intuitively knowing he would try to slip away. “Phainon,” she said softly, a hand lingering on his arm. Something the Aglaea I knew would have never done. “Child, you’re not feeling well.”
“Sorry, Lady Aglaea, I didn’t mean to draw your focus away from the matter at hand.” He played up an air of openness, reaching up to rub the back of his neck. “Truthfully, I’ve been sleeping quite poorly.”
She clicked her tongue in admonishment. “That’s certainly not all. You should know better than to try and fool me.”
Phainon sighed, his facade dropping into the hollow expanse of his chest. “I did what was required of me, Aglaea. No need to worry about my well-being any longer. Hasn’t the new era you strove for arrived?” Her mouth pinched into a thin line.
“The era that we strove for,” she gently corrected him. “And if you need time and space to find where your place is, there’s no need to ask permission for such a thing.” The room closed in around Phainon, the air suddenly harder to pull in. I don’t have a place anymore- I don’t deserve one. I’ve destroyed everything I loved with my own hands. The space behind his eyes started to ache, his body trying to call for tears he couldn’t make. “I- I’m sorry, Aglaea,” he choked, turning and rushing out of the room. She called out his name, but didn’t chase after him. Phainon needed to get out, each street he turned down was running with the same blood he had spilled. Everything was red, searing into his eyes and soaking his clothes to an ugly, dripping crimson. The city walls came and went, and the weight crushing his chest lessened until he could finally manage a breath again.
It hurt. He was tired. A distant part of him said to move off the road, where he was still in view of the public. His feet took him up a path that seemed to be just barely there, up and around the edge of a cliff. The sheer drop called to him, and he tried to push it away. Yet his feet still marched toward the peak.
Eventually his eyes found an overlook, his legs seemed to collapse beneath him rather than him sitting of his own accord. He let one leg dangle over the edge, his eyes drawn to the sharp rocks that lay below. Phainon buried his head in his elbow, one hand coming up to clench at the necklace around his throat. “Wish you were here, partner.”
He tried to remember the way she felt wrapped in his arms, the way her hand had nestled in his hair while he cried. The way her voice trembled with emotion as she spoke to him, her eyes burning with something Phainon could only dream to be love. Phainon had thought about her every night trying desperately to keep those memories safe, but their color was already fading away. Will you even remember me, with the whole universe at your door? Surely, you’re involved in another thrilling adventure by now. I couldn’t add anything to that. Phainon stared into the void below. It was starting to get dark, and the sight of the sun setting over the city would have been considered quite pretty by anyone else. As if reading his thoughts, a voice spoke just behind him at that moment.
“Didn’t think I’d find you out here, Deliverer boy.”
Phainon didn’t want to see anyone’s face for a long time, let alone someone he knew. He dragged his eyes over to Cipher with considerable effort. “Miss Cipher. What can I do for you?” He stared at her blankly, knowing he wasn’t really giving the impression he was doing alright. He didn’t know if he could even seem okay anymore.
She tilted her head, scanning him. Phainon turned away, and within a second Cipher had sat down next to him. He sighed, a distant flicker of something sad in his chest. “Apologies, but I’m not sure I’m the best company at the moment.” You don’t need to help. There’s nothing you can do.
“No need, just taking in the view.” Cipher said, her ears drooping a moment after. “And here I thought I was the only person who came up here.”
A bit of the pressure came off Phainon’s chest, his eyes finding the view of the horizon. “This is the first time, if it makes you feel any better.” The silence hung between them, and Phainon had the sudden urge to explain himself further. “I just…needed to get away from the city.” It felt better, once he had said it. Cipher seemed like someone who would understand that feeling, more than the others.
“Aglaea was looking for you, you know.”
Phainon’s whole body tensed, the weight back tenfold. He had to go back to his prison. He couldn’t leave, not when any semblance of duty he had left tied him down to Okhema’s gates. “I should go,” he said, knowing the emptiness his voice contained. “I’ll leave you to it, Miss Cipher.” He was already starting to put the encounter out of his mind when Cipher spoke again, prompting him to turn back for a moment.
“Hey, Deliverer boy? Okhema can be a busy place, you know. It would be easy for someone to get a bit…overwhelmed at times.” Cipher visibly floundered a bit. “Just, uh…I don’t mind too much, if both of us know about this little hidey-hole. It can be our secret, yeah?”
Phainon felt the barest semblance of a smile touch his lips. He wasn’t so far gone that he couldn’t recognize an act of kindness, especially one that hadn’t come from a place of pity. “Thanks, Miss Cipher.”
It was only a day or two later that Aglaea and Hyacine sat him down somewhat forcefully and suggested he visit home for a while. Amidst the numbness, a sliver of panic rippled through him, pulling Phainon into his own head. How am I supposed to talk to my parents? They won’t want to see me- not like this, I can’t let them down anymore-
“Phainon?” Hyacine was right in front of him, her gentle face marred with worry. “Did you hear me?”
Phainon took a deep breath in, averting his eyes to the floor. “I’m not-” he tried to come up with a softer way to communicate the tumult inside of his head, something that wouldn’t make them worry. He wasn’t someone worth their time. “I don’t really think I’m the same person that grew up there, anymore.” Hyacine glanced back at Aglaea, concern radiating off of her in waves.
Aglaea spoke softly, but held the same undertone as when she was giving an order. “Be that as it may, we think it will do you some good to get out of Okhema for a while. To rest.” Rest. Phainon clenched his teeth. He was starting to hate that word, everyone throwing it around like it was something he could ever achieve.
Phainon went to Aedes Elysiae. But it wasn’t home. Not anymore. Home was supposed to be somewhere safe, a place that could ease the weight on your shoulders. The flames here were ten times as intense as Okhema, each corpse piled higher. He knew the name of every person in this village, their traits and their dreams. And he had killed them, over and over again, without hesitation.
After spending years away from their now-adult son, his parents took his attempts to brush off their concern at face value. Phainon could tell they didn’t want to pry. If he laid in the wheat fields long enough, he could almost hear The Hero Within whisper to him, that tiny silver of Stelle’s spirit that accompanied them throughout their entire lives. Cyrene…
Phainon choked, his eyes watering at the wave of pounding emotion the thought of her brought with it. It’s not fair- why couldn’t it have been me? He was stuck somewhere between a sob and a scream, his whole body trembling as he curled in on himself. Every corner of the village held whispers of her, her mark left on each path. She had been nothing more than a victim of the cold gods above them, just a pawn in their cosmic game.
“Cyrene-” he choked, uttering her name like it would save her. “I’m sorry, ‘m sorry- sorrysorry-” his chest constricted, the choked cries leaving his mouth like a wounded animal. They wouldn’t stop- didn’t stop until his body had completely exhausted itself, leaving him shivering on the ground hours later in the twilight. Quietly, he left the next morning. He had made it only two days here, and with heavy feet dragged himself back to the lesser prison. Okhema. Phainon had started despising its very existence.
The days passed into a grating, exhausting daze. Phainon could barely remember what had happened even an hour before he collapsed into bed each night, his sleep getting only lasting longer every day. There had been another meeting of some kind, that much he remembered. Tribos had been pacing back and forth as the discussion went on, and had tripped on something right in front of him. Phainon’s instincts must have not been dormant, since he barely realized he had moved until after he had caught her. His eyes didn’t miss the way Hysilens’ hand grasped blindly at her sword the second he sprung forward. It might have stung, if he had been able to feel anything beside a gnawing, all-consuming ache. She should be wary of me. I’m a monster.
Someone must have told Mydei, because he showed up out of nowhere the day after. At any previous point in his life, Phainon might have been happy, but now there was only dread. One more person to look at him with concerned eyes, silently giving sad looks to the others. Phainon wasn’t fragile. He just- he just needed to wait, a little longer. He accepted the offer to spar, hoping that they would do more talking with their fists rather than words. Mydei was a man of action, after all. Phainon barely felt the clashes of metal between them, ringing like far-off clanging in his ears. Mydei stopped, and Phainon dragged himself back into consciousness.
“HK-” Mydei let out an angry exhale. “You’re not here right now.”
Phainon sagged, his sword suddenly feeling like the weight of the earth itself. “I-I don’t know, Mydei. I don’t know what to say.” Mydei crossed his arms, his piercing eyes lingering on Phainon’s weak form. Mydei opened his mouth, closed it again, then sighed.
“I think- someone should find out where you are, and stay there with you for a while.” Something akin to relief spread through Phainon, and he stumbled down to a knee at the sensation. Mydei stepped forward, a hand reaching out instinctively to steady him. The prince gave Phainon an unusually tender grin, squatting down to meet his level.
“Sound good, Deliv-” Mydei cut himself off, his eyes widening for a moment. He quickly tried to backtrack, as if he had just said something devastating. “I mean- a bit of an outdated name at this point, yeah?”
Phainon saw red. He thought Mydei would be different, but they were all the same. Pity, stumbling over themselves to try and make him feel better. I don’t deserve that. He slapped Mydei’s hand away, the impact forming a red mark on the other man’s arm. “Forget about me,” he snarled, trying not to think about the hurt written deep on Mydei’s face. “You’ll be better off that way, all of you.” He moved to leave, trying to ignore the heat stinging the back of his eyes.
“Phainon-”
Phainon whipped around, glaring deep into Mydei’s eyes. “Listen,” he said, a quiet rage consuming his words. “Amphoreus deserves to go on without me. Don’t come looking. I’m already too far gone.” Mydei had been stunned into silence, and Phainon didn’t look back.
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Cipher sighed, glancing at the storm raging outside. “Are we missing anyone?” she asked the blond-haired girl next to her.
“Just Charon.”
Cipher let out a longer, exasperated sigh. “Of course. He should be fine, though. I’m sure he’s in one of the towns hiding out somewhere.”
“Are you sure you can’t talk to him about that?”
Cipher turned toward her, her tone softening. “He needs more time, Eris, he’s still trying to adjust.” Seeing the girl’s face fall, she added, “I know you’re worried. He’s barely younger than you, remember? He knows how to survive.”
“I know…” Eris sighed, eyes downcast.
“You’re a good one, kiddo,” Cipher smiled. She reached forward, ruffling Eris’s hair until her braid became messy.
“Hey- Miss Cipher!”
“Oh no~” Cipher teased. “Looks like now you’ll have to get Lumine to do it for you again, huh?”
“She’ll be so sad,” Eris deadpanned.
“That’s my girl. Now shoo, kay? Leave the worrying to us adults.”
“I would if you acted more like an adult, Miss Cipher.” Eris turned and walked toward the common area of the house, where the sound of chattering voices made the dreary night feel just a bit warmer. Cipher smiled a bit to herself, the peace lasting for only a moment before she heard footsteps pad down the stairs beside her.
“Oh, Tamesis. Can’t sleep again? Do I need to tell those troublemakers down here to be quiet?”
The little girl rubbed at her eyes, every movement wobbly with sleep. “Um, Miss Cipher, I saw someone outside…looks like maybe he isn’t doing so good.” Cipher felt her face twist up, pinching the bridge of her nose. Charon, making me go out in the rain and everything. Ugh… Despite her annoyance, she wasted no time in heading out the door. Charon wasn’t the one outside, though.
For the second time in as many weeks, she was greeted with the unmistakable sight of Phainon of Aedes Elysiae, this time near-collasped on her front lawn.