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Robert is hopeless.
In the things he does, in the words he speaks. They are all decent at best, but never up to his standards. His school performance is good, but not enough to reach his goal. When he competes in anything, he ends up at the bottom.
So when he looks at Ross, he feels worse.
Ross is effortless, Robert has seen his name up on the board for honour roll all the time. He speaks with a certain flow that makes Robert wanna mimic his attitude sometimes. His piercings, his performance, his “swag,” his hands in his pockets, the beanie Robert wants to tug off.
When they biked together, he would watch Ross ride the bike like a motorcycle, as if he was one of those hardcore bikers that drove loud with their engines roaring, heavy music echoing when they passed by. He was just so cool, too cool, in fact.
It drove Robert crazy, he was getting in his head.
Robert looked down at his homework.
All he had on his paper was his name, the date, one answer only and one doodle only—a biker boy, which he immediately erased and went back to his work.
Robert doesn’t have a hobby, wanting one just to seem special in one thing.
He was awful at drawing, doodles were his maximum, and they looked similar to what his little sister draws—incoherent and everywhere.
Someone else drew way more better than him though.
He loved admiring Susie’s artwork whenever he could. During art class or at lunch, he watched the pencil effortlessly draw waves similar to the ones in her hair, her concentration on the paper more than her schoolwork.
He sometimes forgot what she was drawing, admiring a different piece of art in his perspective. Getting himself caught staring a few times happened, but she never bothered it too much.
She made it seem so easy, Robert was a bit envious of her talent.
Susie performed decently in school, sometimes making it on the board, sometimes not. It didn’t seem to bother her as much compared to Robert, it didn’t stop her in any way shape or form, something Robert wished he could do. Susie stood her ground when it came to her brother or herself, she spoke whatever she wanted to say with no filter.
Robert snapped back to his paper, a horrible depiction of what was supposed to be a painter replaced his previous drawing. He immediately erased it, faded marks of the drawing remained.
If only Robert was as resilient as Susie. Maybe if he had the attitude like she has. Or maybe if Robert had a certain charm like Ross had. The relaxed personality in his demeanour.
Or what if he had done his hair up the way Susie did hers, or if he drastically coloured his hair to something else like Ross. Although, black would never suit him.
When Susie furrowed her eyebrows when she got annoyed, Robert wondered if he should be more expressive as her. When she smiled, it was cheeky and she smiled with her tongue.
But now that he thought about it, Ross did the same thing when he smiled too. He never showed teeth, but when he did, his tongue was slightly out like Susie’s. They had a thing that made them seem more alike, to the genres they listen to, to when—
He felt stupid.
“God damnit,” Robert groaned, poking his cheek with the end of his pencil with a harsh pressure, slouching forward and head down on his homework. The room was cold, but he felt warm the more he kept thinking.
He was never gonna get this done.
—
Robert felt tense when Susie sat beside them on the bench. Offering her chocolate after watching Roy pick on her brother, and seeing her aggravated when she caught them while she went on a walk to blow off some steam, just for her to inhale them again.
It felt surreal that she was now relaxed, and talking to Ross when just yesterday he knew they got into a heated argument, and only that.
Unless there was something else.
Robert glanced at Ross first, the closest beside him. A crack on the side of his lips was eerily visible and fresh, it would bleed if he were to smile too wide.
Wait.
Then, he looked at Susie, who was at the end of the bench and making conversation with Ross that he didn’t bother to listen to.
She had one on her lips too, maybe it was a coincidence and he was just overthinking it.
But if it wasn’t, Robert was not that dumb. Yes, he believes Ross when he said he fell face first into the room, partly. Despite having a stained nose, it didn’t look fractured, it wasn’t broken. His lip was busted—but could that even happen when he fell on his face?
Did they…
Robert looked at their lips again, the dried blood through the cracks. The mannerism Susie had when she held her side in what seemed to be pain. The look Ross gave to her to make sure if she wouldn’t drop dead on him from organ failure.
…Beat each other up?
The hidden bruise somewhere on one of their arms, yet they’re practically arm to arm with each other. As if just yesterday night, there was a faint sound of a thud heard through the window. The loud insults that were heard following the sound of someone colliding with something, to the now playful banterings at each other. It all seemed so bizarre—and why didn’t he think of it sooner? Too soon to jump to conclusions?
Or something?...
He could imagine it, the cursing and pulling at each other through blood and bruises.
That would be…
The brutal, disheveled looks after fighting. The mockery at one another that might’ve been disguised as a joke—and hopefully not something else—to lighten the mood, only to nearly get a real broken nose.
Come to think of it, Robert never asked Susie what happened.
Kinda…
To be honest, he’d rather not. They looked good beaten up.
What?
“No it wouldn’t!’ Robert shot up from the bench.
A dead silence filled between the group as he stood up, he was in his thoughts, and just had to run his mouth. Robert didn’t have to look around him to figure out that his friends were looking at him weirdly and questioning him.
Robert felt himself glow to a colour of embarrassment. He looked down at his coat, as if there were any non-existent chocolate stains smudged on it. He pulled on his sleeve to his palm and then cleared his throat.
“I’ll be right back,” He walked to the nearest building to hide behind, and buried his face into his hands. Once Robert was older, he promised himself to drink this memory away.
—
“Having dinner out fml srry”
Is what Roy texted to the group.
“K”
In addition, for a reason nobody could remember at the moment. Susie was added to the group-chat.
“F u sue”
Ross glanced over Susie’s shoulder, hearing her snicker over the text, “You could’ve just said ‘okay,’”
“Yeah,” Susie smiled, “But this is funnier.”
Robert looked over Ross’ shoulder, glancing at the phone. In the meantime, it’ll just be the three of them.
In the meantime, Robert swore he was in purgatory.
This was his personal hell, he wished Roy just ditched that family dinner and came by here in that questionable slick back of a hairstyle at any moment, and hopefully it’s now.
But he never showed up, not behind a bush or right behind his shoulder too. He wasn’t gonna show up.
Robert looked at the two; their lips still had a split, but it seemed to have been better since two days ago, since that day. He was still curious about it.
Susie held her waist more often than an average person, as if it punched her for hours on end, as if someone had punched her. Her eyes squinted a bit as she was pinched with pain.
“What about you?”
Robert blinked, still looking over Ross’ shoulder. The two of them were now looking at him.
Robert straightened his posture, “Uh— What?”
“What do you wanna do?” Susie repeated herself, a little annoyed.
“Um,” Robert chewed the inside of his cheek, “Anyone hungry?”
“I guess so,” Ross answered, his stomach growling in response, “There’s only leftovers at home.”
“Can we not go to that steak house?” Susie suggested, “I don’t trust it after what happened to that guy.”
Robert agreed, “There should be another place to eat in this town.”
—
The place seemed new, or maybe they’ve never seen the place before. After all, they don’t turn corners that often here.
It was a diner, the ones with the red booths that were back to back, with the wooden chairs that were placed in the middle; perfect for a date. The neon lights outside were luminescent but welcoming in the evening. The checkered tiles on the floor that looked warmer than they were under the amber glow of the lamps.
An old-fashioned diner for an old-fashioned hangout.
Robert fiddled with the flaps of his hat in his hand, listening and chiming in to their conversation of utter nonsense and no direction.
Usually, when Susie caught Roy messing with her brother, her bitterness stayed for weeks before she offered something as a sign that they’re lucky his brother is naive and still likes them, somehow. It was also a warning, or a threat, or both.
The record was a day, beaten just so recently.
The three of them talked—mainly Susie and Ross. Ross was more talkative, who usually listened to Robert ramble about whatever came to his mind when they hung out. Their conversations stacking on top of one another as they kept going, they didn’t pause to take a break or look at their phones for a while, it was endless.
When their order arrived, the food didn’t seem to stop anyone, eating with their mouth full with food. Robert didn’t bother to intervene, he didn’t want to, he only did when they asked for his opinion.
It felt different to be the one listening than talking, Robert didn’t mind though. The atmosphere of this place was calming, the quiet ambience of what jazz played on the radio, mixed with the conversations of other customers. And of course, them.
In a way, their voices complimented each other. When they sometimes overlapped, when one talked after the other; he would choose this more than what song was playing through the speakers right now.
The lighting must’ve been what differentiated them from the rest of the diner, what made Robert want to listen instead of talk. If he listened closer—when one of them laughed at the other, or their tone in voice changing expression—it was almost ecstatic to him.
And he blinked again.
It must’ve hit him when he realized his drink was near to melting, he left his entire meal untouched. His head was directly in the clouds, staring and adoring.
Thankfully, his burger was still warm.
—
Robert swore it was the weather.
He swore it was the freezing cold of winter that made his cheeks warm, despite Susie’s window being closed shut. He wasn’t blushing, he was just cold.
He also swore it was the light lager that Ross quickly snuck in from home, the one and only one he could find and take, the only one the group shared and passed. The strange taste of bitter and crisp could’ve hit him in an instant, or probably wasn’t used to it.
Robert’s leg bounced, because he was cold. He was sitting on the edge of the bed, because it wasn’t his bed. He looked up at the only two standing, as if he walked into a museum of sublime monuments that stood tall over him.
Susie leaned behind her desk, her hands on the rim of the table, letting the music take over her mind.
It was aggravated and it was destructive and it was very obvious this was Susie’s playlist.
Ross scrolled through the queue, switching a song midway through another song, or skipping one entirely.
“Are you gonna pick a song?” Susie asked, feeling interrupted while she was in her moment to the music.
“Yeah, just wait,” Ross replied, “Hey Robert, check this.”
Ross walked over to the bed, and sat so closely next to Robert that he bumped his arm with his, moving his screen to face Robert, “Pick one.”
Robert looked at the list; a vast variety of artists and songs that were unfamiliar to him. He didn’t know metal as well as Ross, he knew that they sometimes screamed into the microphone and lasted over the limit of an average song per track.
“I don’t know any of these,” Robert hesitantly said.
Ross snickered, “So? That’s okay,” his voice kept rasp and soft.
Robert lifted his hand, scrolling through the list and hoping there was one song all of them can recognize. While browsing, he made glances at Ross, who was fixed on the screen. He hoped he didn’t make eye contact with him and wasn’t getting too tired of Robert’s indecision to pick, which felt like hours.
The proximity was intimidating to Robert, he could fully see that stupid split that stuck on Ross’ stupid face. His curiosity came back to him, and stuck with him whenever he kept looking at Ross.
Robert then felt a harsh flick on his forehead, “Are you okay?” He must’ve stared for too long.
“Um—Yes,” Robert assured, before going back to the tracklist, “Hey, what happened with—“
“Don’t pick that one,” a different hand pointed at a certain song, “It’s kinda ass.”
“Wh—”
“No it’s not!” Ross interjected, “It’s literally their best song.”
“It’s so overplayed,” It was Susie, who sat next to Robert on the other side, her arm across Robert to the phone.
This was a nightmare.
“You probably just overplayed it too much,” Ross said, “Why is it in your playlist then?”
”Because you were the one that put it there.”
”Did not.”
“Did so, it’s just straight up trash,” Susie retorted, “Robert, back me up”
“Huh?” Robert said confused, “I don’t even know that song,” he whispered with a shy smile.
Susie bit the end of her tongue, “Whatever,” she whispered, “Just agree with me.”
Her whispering sent shivers through Robert. The sudden soft-spoken voice, it was a bit hypnotic and he should agree with her—
“Hey!” Ross interrupted the two, “I can hear you.”
Robert was stuck between the two, his hands fiddling with each other, practically squished between the two as they argued. Somewhere on his face, he felt flushed and red, because again, it was obviously due to the cold air that flew around the room, and not anything else.
“Robert, it’s good music, right?” Ross persuaded.
The gentleness returning to his demeanour and when he spoke. He might as well agree with Ross instead.
“Well—”
Susie budged in, “Robert, don’t listen to him,” poking her finger at Ross.
“Um—” Robert stammered, switching looks between the two, who sucked at convincing him to agree with one of them with their eyes. The horrible look of pleading. They didn’t even try to do puppy eyes, but it seemed like they were. It could’ve been natural to them, a key part of their features that Robert doesn’t know of, and resisted to look away when he wanted to.
They were convincing; looking more soulful and helpless and he was struggling to look at them every second now. This was worse than a nightmare, more severe than hell.
Keeping his composure, he made his decision, “I think…”
“Holy shit.” Susie laughed.
Then it all came crashing down.
“Robert,” Susie gestured to Robert to face her, which he did, “Your ears are red.”
She used the back of her hand to place it next to his ear, “You’re hot.”
“Wh—What,” Robert uttered.
“You’re warm,” Susie clarified, “You’re really warm.”
“I am?” Robert asked.
“Yeah,” Robert heard someone else, and felt the back of someone else’s hand touch his cheek, “You’re blushing too.”
“It’s probably just cold in here.”
“No it’s not.”
Ross moved his hand from his face to his shoulder, “Shit.”
He let out a laugh of disbelief, “Are you drunk?”
“I’m not,” Robert assured in a mutter, a sheepish smile on his face.
“You so are,” Susie said, a ridiculous smile as she now pointed at Robert, “Are you sick?”
“No.”
“Drunk?”
“Wh—No! I already said that!” Robert repeated, his face was flushed to the brim. He felt like he was being interrogated for a crime he didn’t do.
Ross hummed, “Are you nervous?”
Robert turned to Ross, nearly snapping his neck, “What?”
“You’ve been zoning out these days,” Ross said, “Is something bothering you?”
“I’ve not,” Robert rejected.
“Lies.”
“I’m not lying!” He was lying.
Susie teased, “Then why are you blushing?”
“I don’t know!” Robert knows, “Why do you guys have messed up lips?” He then blurted out.
The two stopped. Susie touched her lip, no blood came out, but she knew what he was referring to, “I…fell?”
“Did you both fall?” Robert mocked, crossing his arms together.
“…Maybe?”
“Bullshit,” Robert scoffed, “You’re so weird.”
Susie pulled her hand away from his ear, “Excuse me?”
“You usually don’t forgive us until like…The next week,” Robert said, “What happened on that day?”
Susie bit her bottom lip, careful to not let it draw blood again.
Ross spilled, “We fought, she punched the shit out of me.”
”I—“ He paused.
Although Robert guessed that, he kept pushing the thought away for the duration of the day and kept it as a “once-in-a-never” thought.
He didn’t think it was true true and was just another back and forth argument from one another and the fact that Ross really did fall on his face at one point. He was in awe now that it was told to his face.
He was lost for words, forgetting what he was going to continue.
“Oh.”
“Yeah,” Susie snickered, “He almost broke my nose.”
“Oh?” Ross laughed back, “You were basically killing me!”
“Guys,” Robert budged in, “What?”
“What?” Susie repeated his words but in a crude tone, “We beat each other up.”
“And—You guys are just cool now?”
“Yeah,” they simultaneously agreed.
Robert stuttered his words, unable to form a sentence.
“Did you wanna be there?” Susie joked.
Robert choked, “H—Huh?” He struggled, “To stop you guys from killing each other? Yeah?”
Susie and Ross looked at each other and snickered at Robert, who looked back, dumbstrucked.
Unless they had a telepathic connection through their minds that sent a signal about what they wanted to do next, what to say next, Robert stayed stunned and lost. He stared at them, clueless on what they were gonna ask him now, and extremely unprepared.
And it seemed like they had an idea, one of tomfoolery. And they didn’t plan to ask him anything more.
Ross touched Robert’s face, he could sense a dumb smile grow through his lips, “You’re still warm.”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Robert bluffed, attempting to hide the awkward smile that wouldn’t leave and his now rosy cheeks that would not fade away from his face.
He tilted his head away from Ross’ hand, but it seemed to follow like a magnet.
“Is something wrong?” Susie smirked; poking Robert’s cheek.
This whole thing seemed like a joke to her, or she must’ve drank the most out of the group.
And Ross must’ve been the second most drunk, who was now moving to rest his hands on the opposite shoulder, “Were you worried?”
“Dude,” Robert huffed, tugging onto Ross’ sleeve in an attempt to get him off of him. All of the sudden, Ross was impossible to let go off, like a clingy cat that won’t leave his side.
“Don’t worry,” Susie added giggling, “We’re okay now.”
Susie didn’t have room or any idea on how to cling onto Robert, her only choice was cupping one of her hands on Robert’s cheek, which she did so, awkwardly caressing it.
Now, Robert had two needy cats on him, and neither were gonna let go.
“Guys, please,” Robert sighed, trying to push them off of him, “You guys are too much.”
It wasn’t as if he was the most sober of them all, just the most “there” out of all of them. They shared one can of a sweet and strongly bitter beer, and it must’ve hammered them all. Nobody bothered to check the alcohol level, but based on his situation; it’s enough to get them like this.
Robert gave up pulling them away, holding on as he listened to them. Yet not understanding a word the two slurred out to him—either their way of teasing or flirting if it meant that Robert still had to pick a side, which he forgot about.
Only certain words—the sudden time to tune in and clearly hear—could he make out, which were the worst and made him flustered and embarrassed—yet admittedly giddy—than he already was.
His cheeks were still rosy from blushing so much, and his ears were definitely still red and warm to the touch. But, he admitted to himself that it wasn't the imaginary breeze that was in the room, or the beverage that was left standing on the floor abandoned.
Robert sighed, he wasn’t going anywhere—he couldn’t even go anywhere. If only his lips were busted too.