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My hands are big. Or what one would consider big. I have a big palm, slender and long fingers that are flexible as well. I’ve never liked them. Whenever I’d compare hand sizes. I’d always have the abnormally large hands. The sweaty hands. The hands you wouldn’t want to hold hands with.
His hands are normal. But bigger than mine. When has that happened I don’t know.
I’ve never felt physically smaller than someone, even about the people that tower over me. But when I’m around him god I feel small.
He’s only a few inches taller. He’s only a year older.
I feel like a little girl. Like a middle schooler physically and mentally around him.
We play the same instruments(I just started learning one while he has already played it for a while). Clarinet and Saxophone. To play the same notes our hands move to the same place on that instrument. Do we play the same? Definitely not.
Usually, after you get familiar with something you don’t get flustered anymore. For example, if you hold hands with someone nearly everyday you shouldn’t get flustered each time.
The first time I held your hand. It was winter, or was it almost winter? My memory plays tricks on me. My hands get cold. When I grabbed your hand, I felt the heat shot up all the way through my body. I was staring at the ground as we walked, not being able to hold eye contact.
Our hands reached out of each other’s grasps after a short while.
“Uhm! Your hand is very warm by the way!” I said as I walked up the stairs, him already at the top.
He looked down at me, “Your hand was pretty cold, you should put your hands in your pocket.” He grinned slightly at that last part and I found my cheeks going red. Continuing into the day I felt the heat from my hand even hours later.
What has felt like eternity (in the best way possible) later, another day, my fingertips were near purple. Showing him his face became one of worry and mine still a small smirk and laugh. I was holding my hand out and he grabbed the with both his hands and did what could only be described as making a sandwich. My fingertips in between his two hands, the heat shot up quick and before I knew it my hand wasn’t as cold.
My hands are never cold with his. I always feel warm.
Like a young young child holding their favorite stuffed animal.
One fateful day, I was a tad too much Rey, so to compensate for that I didn’t hold his hand as per usual. I noticed his surprise, perhaps I was in the wrong for this but I still didn’t grab his hand.
He purposely brushed his hand against mine, and tried to hold it but thus got too shy. I couldn’t resist, I held his hand. We kept talking like usual, either one of us probably rambling on about some story or funny thing to us, the norm. He gave my hand a light squeeze. And I stopped talking for a moment, I attempted to hide my face. My heart was pounding, racing.
“So basically you’re not good at expressing your emotions?” I had asked that question after one day I made him blush so much he wasn’t even blushing anymore. Normally when I said something like what I had said his face would turn this light red that looked adorable. This time it didn’t, you can imagine my surprise.
He went on to talk about a certain group of people being very calm in any situation, not showing much emotion of any kind. To my question he replied yes. I thought that was absurd, the following day I had said to him “You say you’re bad at expressing your emotions, but It’s easy to tell what you’re feeling.”
“You may not be good with your facial expressions but your eyes and cheeks give it away.”
To that he replied with blushing, only backing up my point further.
Is isn’t express much besides that though. Nor is he needy. Or maybe he is.
I know I’m needy. But. I’m not one to ask for favors. At least I think I don’t. I don’t try to be. I don’t want to be.
I can’t resist it with him. I end up asking for more than what should be. Don’t get me wrong, it’s nothing bad.
But it’s hard to tell whether he likes it or not.
Because him being the not so emotionally expressive person he is. And me being pretty sensitive and taking things too deep (I’m ENFP-T, I wonder why I’m like this/notsrs😔)
I’ve done just about everything ranging from holding his hand, playing with his hair, and or kissing his cheek. Whenever he kisses my cheek it gets me shy. But maybe that’s because it’s only happened twice whilst I’ve done is a little more than twice (like 7 times now).
I love him. And I don’t think I’ve ever yearned for something this much.
Even though I’m so used to being close to him. Even though I’ve held his hand everyday for what has felt like forever. Even though I’ve done much more gradual and romantic stuff than holding hands.
I still blush like a little kid when I have his hand intertwined with mine.