Chapter Text
Matvei shrugged and kept insulting me — a coward who kept rolling their tongue shall be ignored , but a coward would fear their responsibilities and how their flavorless vocabulary slide off of the bottom of their lips.
I myself — Remi. Couldn’t stand the one who expresses their internal hatred and see them spewing forms of hate and oppression freely like breathing in clear air , matvei had a knowledge is what I’d I admit , but what also could this puny person do? — correct , it was Nothing. I’d hate to see a stranger , a Nobel person , a monarch , a person who is above everyone — waste their critical intelligence into something so stupid.
I slowly walk infront of that abused teen , and quickly grabbed his shoulders squeezing it until his bones turn into something soft , “you think you’re better than everyone? , don’t act so foolish. We’re in a crisis — a situation that would’ve plunged us all into death.” Matvei looked at me in the eye and pushed me then my back hit the ground , it hurt but not mentally enough to damage me ; his ill mannered kept speaking like he was about to declare a speech , I regain my ability to stand up and then I slowly spoke in a tone that felt a cold metallic knife piercing into his throat ‘oh look , you can’t admit your actions , but instead you can keep talking like the offensive person you are , you act like a professional hypocrite , keep talking — maybe we need someone to clown on;”
I took a deep breath , closing my eyes until I could remember the visualization in my head , a poor boy , laying down , outside on the mansions porch , scars bruises and bleeding everywhere on his ice freezing body. Then I opened my eyes glaring , that teenager deserved to get beat , to live on that ground until his body is covered in frostbites
“We could’ve let you rot in that abusive household , instead you kept begging like your life depends on leaving this so called ‘home, you’ve said. Maybe we should’ve left you there ,you clearly needed some punishing for your lack of respect and that ego of yours should also be beaten to a pulp , you little jerk , I can’t believe someone could deceive like this , poor , bruised , crying and full of despair — only for you to thaw out and show your true colors like that” I said coldly , I didn’t have an ounce of shame of my words that crawled out of my through , I felt a tang of remorse — and seriously , I didn’t mind him looking at me like a sad lost little puppy like that.
For someone like him , I would’ve killed in an instant , but I recognized him or my mind naturally tamed the thought of threats and strangers , its an awful habit , an experience that I never reconnected from , a reality i wish I could rewind.
For someone like him , the words he chose to spill it out was a form of pure disgust and wrath — that I knew if it was physical instead of intimidation , we would’ve been dead already , fire burning into our torso , blackening the edges , the thought of words being physical reminds me of agony that I haven’t seen before. The idea of fire inside me , being similar to a chimney , my organs burning alive , cooking it until it’s the last charcoal I’ve ever touched again.
Warmth was the priority and a figment of imaginary that reminds me of the past , now it’s between heat and coldness.
He stood up and started to speak , a tone like what a sadist would use, “You think you’re better than me? You just grab others past and call it a victory , let’s set the reality Remi. If I’m not taking responsibilities about my actions — then what about you? I’ve heard you made people feel ashamed of their past , and when someone brings up your ‘history, you yell like an angry , drunk old man.”
He thought he made me break and lost my words like a loose bag of marbles, thrown and flying everywhere , that’s where I rip the living mind out of him , in such a simple sentence he couldn’t comprehend because of how much knowledge he absorbs from others private spaces , of course that freak couldn’t form a business of him and has to break others boundaries and excuse it with his trauma , there’s no pity for him and his made up stories ,
“oh Matvei , you and your mindless words , waltz-dancing with each other , intertwining with dumbness and the faith of losing braincells — when have you ever heard of me telling my backstory? Other than your perverted habit of stalking others business, I bet if you had one — your stocks would go down , the same as your intelligence would do. Your decaying , Matvei , take a break from being the personal entertainment like the clown you are.”
Then spat on his face , the senseless teen needs to have his mouth sewn shut before I do it myself , if I could sew it I’ll be a surgeon that day.
I thought it was over , then a fountain of annoyance has washed over me , I sensed it was Damien , that other boy , damien is the type of person that I’d bash their skull until thye regain social consciousness , that boy has nothing to wear other than luck , his mind is already sloshed until it started to rot away , that boy has no sense of people who are deceit and unfortunate
but luckily I’m going to be light and reasonable with this whiny preteen who constantly self-deprecates himself any chance he gets , fortunately this little moron has no social skills nor a life to grip on , so it would be hard to make him get a sense of himself , on how embarrassing he is , on how pathetic he is.
He got infront of Matvei , defending him like the dependent person he is , and hollers at me and the empty space of the cluttered room , his tone is like a little person shrieking , and he looks like he has seen a ghost.
“A-ARE YOU INSANE! being rude is—…is BAD! We can’t deal with this! And you know it!”
He was stammering as if he forgotten his script , the tough act of him being in-front of matvei is ironic and humiliating , I go quiet a bit — as if I was reminded of something that I was trying to advocate and yet somehow turn it into a sharper — a desperate attempt of harassing others and causing violence dressed up as peace.
my eyes dart into the ground , a quiet jitter forms into my body , a faint moist of sweat trailed down my cheek till my collar bones before it soaks into my thick skin l the skin that was adapted to the heat , the adaptation of others insulting me without mercy
— then I paused , I remember why I was brought back into this world — to give others a sense of shame and direct passion of creativity , this is a new way to express teething insults into other people’s ego. The fact that the boy who has insulted me gets someone who defends his huge egoistic behavior , I wanted to punch that ill mannered until he regains a new era of himself.
I slowly took a deep breath , and looked back up , a faint smile forms up , my eyes relaxed and blinking like an average person , masking the insane demeanor I was covering from others — in fact I had to cover myself up for others to not betray me or discard me like I was trash. I’m not that person anymore , I give a horrific stare at Damien that made him back away. And gently my mouth opens up , regaining the voice I was preparing.
“Damien , I didn’t expect you’d throw your useless body infront of someone who’s been insulting us since we’ve taken him with us , but I can’t say I’m not surprised either — I know you can’t socialize , nor talk to anyone for guidance without stammering , I’m proud you can yell at me at such a tone of this , but it makes you sound like a child,”
I watch as Damien break himself infront of me , a pathetic preteen who couldn’t stand up for himself is very interesting to watch , and I continued , I want it to be slow , to be something he couldn’t escape of
“what happened to settling peace? You’re just being a wishy-washy , cherry picking sides , you know Matvei isn’t your friend right? But you keep acting like he is , that’s what you are. A defenseless little boy who has no thought nor idea to understand who’s bad or who’s good. Being peaceful is icing the fight with settlements and forgiveness , not choosing on who’s going to be your friend faster.”
Damien almost let out a tear , his jaw shaking , trying to not fill his dry cheeks with his salty alligator tears , he tried to let out a word , but quickly shuts it , his eyes getting wetter and wetter , almost about to burst into a waterfall from how much a crybaby he is. He keeps complaining he has no friends , I can understand why now — placing a boundary on criticism is being a ,soft’ boy but the nickname is just an understatement
I know why Damien doesn’t have friends , he was a rich person with a wealthy and a neglectful family , his parents died , he was ignored by his own family members , how he was bullied because he sounds like a girl , his body dysmorphia getting worse overtime — I was the one who understood him and exploited the life out of him.
Then Damien scurried away , running far , far away as he hoped — He had nobody now , it’s such a shame he’s gone to his room now , crying like a dying hyena , while Matvei went into the dirty vintage wooden kitchen that barely did any use , and cooked himself something , it’s pretty sure instant noodles since we don’t have any actual meals to live on — But we have vegetables
the steamy vegetables that I remembered back home , how I can smell the food and hear their laughter , but I can’t feel and see it , I can’t imagine the vegetable soup if i didn’t smell it , but surely I can make it out was pretty sure celery , broth , spring onions , beets , carrots and seasoned beef.
My imagination was never enough but it was the only thing I remembered other than living in the isolation of the cold floored basement , the cemented basement almost reminding me of how my answers for help weren’t always available , but I’m thankful my imagination makes something up.
It’s kind of depressing how I was just young and time passed by a lot. People felt abuse , harassment , teasing , bullying , and only some endured it all - which I did to , it’s sad how neglect can shape you , for four years I was trapped in that cold basement , how my insanity fed me , how they only served me left overs. I’m thankful there’s no trash can cause how would I escape other than hammers made out of chicken bones and twisted metal utensils , But sometimes it stank there , like a skunk relieved itself down there.
I turn away , my black hair follow me , and then I see Gabriella and Oliver trying to pay the bills , the calculator that almost gave up on its own , the pen that is almost half finished , the old ruined paper , some of them were burnt , old and yellowish , half of them were signed with dried ink. I stared at the two , and spoke something out — a response coming from me that was first of all cruel and uncalled for , but it was a gingerly warning , “don’t sign the bills , their old and won’t serve any purpose to this house.” I was a bit shaking , it wasn’t our house nor the base , but it was our base — that we’ve apparently trespassed without anyone knowing who and where we were.
the news I’ve heard from Xavier that there were missing posters of me , my older brother zeke , and Matvei — I haven’t poured an ounce of thought about his sentence , he was concerned saying this but managed kept a lucid face , if I haven’t stopped the two , and they paid the old worthless bills , the authorities would’ve known where we were and pretty sure we would’ve been arrested for trespassing.