Work Text:
In the office of the freelance police sit Sam and his little buddy Max. Max is sitting in his little chair playing with the roaches that crawl around everywhere while Sam is filing some paperwork from past jobs.
RINGINGINGINGGG
the phone suddenly rings and the two critters scatter to pick it up. Max leaps forwards like the rabbity-thing he is but his companion grabs him quickly and throws his out of the way and outside the window to grab the phone.
"Hello, commusioner? Aha.. okay.. got it! Oh my (insert long ass version of "oh my god" because author can't fucking write that shit)"
Max walks up the stairs and enters the office again, unharmed. "What is it, Sam?"
"It was the commissioner, max! He's got a job for us to do.", he continues, "there's some big vinisage for snooty snobs this evening and someone's allegedly going to steal some of the overpriced and utterly ridiculous art!"
"Like that banana taped to the wall! I was gonna eat that!" Max proclaims, seeing no problem with eating art.
"I hear that, little buddy. Let's get him!"
And so when the clock strikes... Like uh.. 10 pm they strike to get to the art gallery.
They hop into the desoto and roll
Arriving at the gallery they wear fancy suits so they don't stand out! But when have they ever cared about that anyway. Author just wants pretty outfits.
Together they look around, at all the vaguely french looking people and fancy hipsters looking at art that looks like black mold, maybe it is and that's why they like it so much. Messing with their minds y'know?
Then suddenly Max spots a snack table "oh Sam! Can I? Oh can I Sam? I'll get you some too!" Sam looks at the direction his buddy is pointing at and nods "of course, little buddy. Just don't take too much now."
"You can't tell me what to do!" Max announces as he runs of to the table, immediately stuffing things like cachlik grapes with cheese down his throat, with the stick of course. Maybe a plate down too but I doubt he notices.
Meanwhile Sam continues looking around the vinisage, searching for anyone suspicious. When suddenly he turns and sees Superball Infront of a door
"Superball! What are you doing here?"
"I've been tasked to protect this door, sir, and that I must continue." Superball says in his usual monotone voice.
"It's like we find you wherever we go!" Sam retorts happily "why are you protecting this door?"
"I cannot disclose that information. Sorry, sir."
Then Sam asks, "We're looking for a soon-to-be theif, any clue?"
"If I did I would tell you, sir. Promise. making sure nothing gets stolen today."
"Well that's nice." Sam says before walking of (woah it's almost like the real game !!)
Sam continues looking for the thief, familiar faces, anything really.
Meanwhile with max, he's still scarfing down food, but going slower now. Will his hunger ever end. He turns to another guy standing next to the table. He's not really looking at the food on the table, weirdo.
"So", he starts, "what's got you here?"
The man answers without looking at him, probably looking at the art from afar "oh let's just say I'm here for bigger means than you.."
"So what, you selling art? I hope it's better than what them other snobs sell!"
"Oh I will sell some art soon, let's say that ...." The man said ominously as an answer. Gee wonder who this guy plays in the story!!
"Aspiring artist or thief? God I hope you're not boring!" Max pulls out his gun already knowing the answer
The man scatters, running away and just taking paintings off the wall putting them god knows where
"Hey, where are you putting those??!!" Max shouts as he follows him around, shooting sometimes
"That's none of your-!"
"Aha!! No one steals MY catchphrase!!" Max shoots.. Oop. That was his last bullet.
Luckily the commotion obviously brought attention to itself making Sam notice it. He sees max and notices he's out of ammo so he lovingly shoots a few bullets into Max's face which he catches with his teeth! As if he were a magician.
"Tfanks, Sam!!" Max shouts at him, muffled by the bullets in his mouth
"Now don't swallow!
Max loads his gun with the new bullets from Sam "now C'MERE!!" he runs after the guy again, shooting with all might, till he accidentally shoots the humble string holding up an entire fucking chandelier, making it drop down
The chandelier luckily lands RIGHT on top of the guy! Trapping him like it's a little prison
"Totally meant to do that!!" Max announces.
"Good job, little buddy.", Sam says and turns to the guy in his cage, "now, by the laws and the freelance police you are under aftesty!"
"Ha! No way! You can't arrest me.."
"No realty, you're under arrest"
"Yeah right.."
"Oh god- stop him Sam!! It's like the soda poppers all over again!" Max shouts in distress
"You're right, sam- I mean max."
"Oh just shoot him!!" Max says again
"Can't think of a reason not to!"
BANG!!!!
Later, now with slightly bloodied suits and a dead thief trapped under a chandelier they celebrate their victory, while others stand shocked. Not so smooth now huh
"We did it, Sam!! " "Hell yeah, little buddy."
"... who invited you guys !!?" Someone from the crowd asks
Then Sam looks over to Superball who's still Infront of the mysterious door "so what is behind that door?"
"Can't disclose, sir."
Then from behind the door they hear a familiar voice
"It's okay, Superball! You can tell"
Out of the door comes Sybil!
"Sybil! We haven't seen you since the baby came!"
"Yeah I own this gallery now! Need a stable income for the baby, am I right, boys?"
"Wowie!! You work for those snobs?" Max asks enthusiastically
"In a way I suppy.. by the way, I didn't invite you, did I?"
With that Superball gets his cue and kicks the two out
"Huh.. welll that just happened!! Guess we weren't invited!" :P
"Seems we weren't. You're right, max."