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‘She’s crying,’ is all that He Xuan could think during one of their routine check-in banquets. ‘She’s crying, she’s sad, and the only one who can see that is me. Shit.’ Heaven never fucking got anything done during these banquets. The officials who supposedly used their prayers and worshipper-given divinities benevolently for the means of mankind instead attended these progress meetings as a poorly disguised excuse for flaunting their wealth.
He hated these things, for if his colleagues wanted to show off and size themselves up among their peers so badly, why hide it amidst these fake pleasantries? Why waste the time he could be bullying his pet arowanas, eating delicious, numbing, spicy Sichuan seafood noodles, or comforting the only person he actually cared about in the room?
He Xuan wasn’t oblivious, or at least he wasn’t oblivious when it came to the girl beside him. He knew her intimately against his own will. He knew the way her eyes wouldn’t quite meet the curves of her pretty cheeks when she was upset, he could always see whenever her lips would move in that telltale quiver that indicated she was trying to hold back tears, he could identify whether her voice held in happiness or discomfort, and he knew that she only fidgeted when something was wrong. And she was fidgeting right now. His eyes fixed on her.
Shi Qingxuan was more disheveled than her usual attributed disarray, probably a quality that naturally came to her disposition due to her role as the Wind Master. Her eyes were glossy, tilting downwards towards the ledge of the room’s banquet table. Her chest moved in small, frantic motions in an attempt to regulate her breathing, this movement probably only being discernable to those within close distance of her person. Her small, milky white hands clutched at the edge of her seat too firmly to be the actions of someone who wasn’t panicking the fuck out. ‘Shit.’
He mentally whispered her god awful communication array password to himself, turning his head even more so that it would be more obvious to Shi Qingxuan that he saw her, he knew that she was not okay, and that he was here for her. ‘Shi Qingxuan.’
At this thought, Shi Qingxuan turned her beautiful face towards him. She was still fidgeting, her left leg restlessly hopping against the bottom of the table and her finger tips still clutching her seat like it was her only lifeline, but He Xuan knew that he wasn’t imagining her eyes relaxing and her lips stretching in order to form a small semblance of a smile when her eyes met his.
‘Ming-xiong!’ Her lips extended slightly wider, her eyes crinkled ever so slightly in order to conceal her mental distress to him. They both knew her attempt was futile.
He Xuan’s eyes narrowed. ‘You’re not okay.’ Shi Qingxuan’s eyebrows bent downwards, her lips still quivering. ‘You don’t know what you’re talking about,’ she replied almost defiantly, her poorly established mask faltering momentarily.
He Xuan’s eyes somehow narrowed even more. He scoffed at her in his mind. He hoped she could hear it as clearly as he was imagining it. ‘Shut the fuck up. Don’t even try. You and me both know there’s clearly something going on.’ He tilted his head to the side as if it was a challenge, still maintaining direct eye contact with her.
At this, her eyes became glossier. Her breaths came in even more panicked than before, her chest rising and falling even more rapidly. Her lips, once only quivering in a stretched out smile, now puckered, and the sides of her small mouth tilted downwards. He Xuan could feel his eyes widening.
‘Hey now, hey now,’ he said to her placatingly. ‘Wait no, don’t cry.’ He placed his right hand on top of hers. ‘Wait, shh, it’s gonna be okay.’ He himself didn’t know if it was going to be alright, but all he knew was that only he could make her cry; whatever outside force upsetted her this much didn’t have the right to take precedence in her mind instead of him. He unknowingly started to caress her hand. ‘Wait, shh.’
Shi Qingxuan’s face melted. He Xuan could hear her slight, darling whimpers in his mind. All he could do right now was try to comfort her, and he was so oh so bad at comforting people. He was sure that his face probably mirrored her distress one way or another, but he refused to break eye contact. ‘It’s gonna be alright.’ He didn’t know whether he said this sentiment for her or himself.
Her chin quivered, and she tried to nod. She looked as pitiful as a cornered rabbit. ‘Shit, I have to get her out of this do I?’ He mentally sighed for what he was about to do. He really hated bringing attention to himself, but if he could keep Shi Qingxuan’s discomfort for his own eyes only then it would be worth it.
He Xuan abruptly stood up, and he could feel the weight of Shi Qingxuan’s gaze never leaving him. The table stopped their conversation. He heard hushed whispers. He sighed internally.
“Lord Earth Master.” He heard the low drawl of the heavenly emperor. “What’s the matter?”
He Xuan shifted his gaze to face his boss, the newfound pressure of his audience’s eyes on him overwhelming. “I just remembered I have a negotiation with Yushi Huang to get to. Some of my followers in the Eastern Yan District are supposedly about to face a typhoon right now and asked me to intervene for their crops. The combination of the winds and rain aren’t optimal for their harvest you see, so if you’ll excuse me and the Lady Wind Master-”
Jun Wu’s eyes narrowed. “Oh and why would Shi-gongzi need to be there during your negotiation?”
‘Gongzi,’ He Xuan thought to himself. ‘Shi Qingxuan hated being called gongzi whenever she was a girl.’
He cleared his throat. “Ah, Yushi Huang is more privy to her.” He swallowed, and he hoped no one noticed. Jun Wu raised an eyebrow. This was going to be such a terrible, horrific, embarrassing lie. “Something about how more excitable people are better as elemental officials.” He heard Shi Qingxuan make a choking noise in their mental communication array. Jun Wu’s eyes narrowed even more. To his peripheral he could see Shi Wudu, his best friend’s brother, sharply turn his face towards him.
To his luck, and probably because Jun Wu didn’t want to start a scene, delaying his banquet even further, he acquiesced. “Alright, you two may be dismissed.” At this, He Xuan brought his hand to Shi Qingxuan’s level in order to help her stand up, but before they could leave the hall Jun Wu promptly followed up. “And be sure to tell me extensively about your meeting tomorrow.” He Xuan thought he could hear a sneer in the heavenly official’s words. He swallowed again. “Of course, Heavenly Master.”
He felt Shi Qingxuan pull on his hand, and they both swiftly bowed down before He Xuan took the lead and brought them both out of the stuffy banquet hall, his hand never letting go of her grasp even once until they got to his palace.
Once they both got past his abode’s ridiculously opulent entrance and excessive walkways, they finally entered his bedroom. Or at least what was parading to be his bedroom; he hated ever sleeping there, but only for Shi Qingxuan would he spend his nights in a room away from the soothing sounds and smells of his blackwater sea. At the closing of the door he heard a heartbreaking wail pierce through their shared silence and felt delicate arms circle around his middle, tightening ever-so slightly when he placed his own hands on top of them.
“Wait, shh, shh.” They didn’t need to use the communication array anymore, ‘he could finally hear her voice in its entirety again.’ He Xuan then turned his body only to find himself with a handful of the woman in front of him. Everything was her: the soft brown curls that tickled his chin, the milky scent of her skin, the cries that were currently sending vibrations through his body, the swell of her breasts pressed down against his chest, and the weight of her figure that came from her fully leaning down on him as if it was a known surety that he would always catch her, and of course he would never allow her to fall.
She wailed, her plush lips opening up against the side of his neck. ‘Fuck.’ He could feel the heat that came with her every breath, the wetness of her saliva that ended up on his skin, and the slight scrape of her teeth that grazed him with every exhale of her darling mouth. He pulled her body closer to him and slowly brought them both to the floor. He was now leaning against his bedroom door, and he maneuvered both of their persons so that her back was to his and her legs were bracketed between his own larger ones. In this position, it was more obvious that she was hyperventilating. ‘Shit.’
“Shi Qingxuan,” he whispered to the side of her face, his lips so close they were almost touching her temples. “You have to breathe with me, okay?” He grasped her right hand and brought it to the side of his jaw behind her. “Feel me breathe.” He felt her slightly nod at his words. ‘Okay, that’s good. She can still respond to what I’m saying.’
He Xuan then exaggerated his breathing, making sure that his movements were big enough so that she could feel every change in his diaphragm and hear each exhale despite the panic she was experiencing. He could hear Shi Qingxuan’s panting and the additional small sounds escaping her mouth that He Xuan couldn’t help but read as coquettish in his mind. ‘What a minx,’ he thought to himself. Her right hand was still on the side of his jaw, but instead, this time he felt gentle stroking instead of the vice-like grip she had on his face minutes ago.
Somehow He Xuan was successful in calming the arousal that he would normally feel in such a situation, and Shi Qingxuan’s ragged breaths eventually slowed down to the rate of his own. All that could be heard now were her pained cries and his own heavy breathing, but at least she was no longer hyperventilating. She shifted her body in between his arms and brought her right hand downwards from his face to clasp his own.
“Ming-xiong,” she choked out in between cries. “Ming-xiong, Ming-xiong, Ming-xiong-” ‘That's not my name.’
“Shh, everything will be alright,” he repeated into the crown of her head, pulling her soft body even closer to his if that was even possible. “Shh, I’ve got you.” She smelled like plum blossoms and her own sweet, milky sweat. He started rocking the both of them to a rhythm that depended on the severity of her cries; the louder she wailed the harder and faster he would move the two of them, and when her cries evolved into whimpers, he swayed the both of them softly from side-to-side.
Finally, He Xuan felt that Shi Qingxuan had calmed down. Her once heartbreaking wails turned into still heartbreaking sniffles, and he could feel her plush, soft hands stroking his arms that were wrapped around her middle. He heard her snort, and she twisted her bare, cream neck in order to look him in the face, albeit her attempt was a bit unsuccessful. He Xuan wanted to choke her, but now was not the time. She stared at him.
“The Rain Master’s privy to me, you say?” At this angle, He Xuan could see that her eyes were red, her cheeks and nose were puffy, she had clear snot running down her left nostril, and her brown curls were all over her face, sticky because of her tears. Shi Qingxuan would hate herself if she saw what she looked like right now, but in that moment he thought she was the most beautiful girl he had ever seen. He Xuan felt his face contort in annoyance.
“Shut the fuck up,” he replied indignantly as Shi Qingxuan guffawed at him, her voice sounding like windchimes and all the melodious things that would never survive in his blackwater demon lair. Admittedly, he would embarrass himself over and over again as long as he could hear her laugh each and every time. She snorted once more. “That’s the funniest thing you’ve ever said, Ming-xiong. How dare you steal my comic relief role?” He felt some of her spit fly onto him at the strength in which she choked out her words. Her body wracked with the force of her laughter.
‘How uncouth.’ His mother would definitely disapprove of Shi Qingxuan if she were still here with him. When she was alive, she played the role of the more uptight, methodical member of their family, acting as the main driving force behind his ambitions for a better fortune for their bloodline. Hell, her preferences even manifested in the fiancée she chose for him during his mortal life: obedient and silent, poor Meilin who did not talk without someone directly addressing her and who automatically did the household chores unprompted. But even if his mother somehow found a way to accept Shi Qingxuan's eccentricities, what mother would not disapprove of the person who killed them? And what mother would not disapprove of the person who took away her entire bloodline’s fortune for herself?
He Xuan softly growled and buried his face in Shi Qingxuan’s soft, unruly, chocolate curls. He could not enact his revenge on the woman in his arms right now, but he did know what he could currently do. “Aih!” Shi Qingxuan yelped. He Xuan had moved his arms that were once circling the girl’s ribs and positioned them so that his hands would directly be under her armpits. Tickling was revenge enough for now. “AIH.” She jerked in his arms.
“MING-XIONG I SWEAR-” She could barely get any words out, her laughs overtaking the sentiments she was frantically trying to choke out. “MING-XIONG I SWEAR ON MY BROTHER AND LORD JUN WU THAT IF YOU DON’T STOP-” He Xuan laughed and felt his mouth contort into a wolfish grin.
“Oh my, Lord Jun Wu’s a big name don’t you think, I didn’t know you had it in you,” He Xuan murmured as he continued his ministrations. “MING-XIONG PLEASE-” Shi Qingxuan continued to wiggle in his arms, and if he imagined it hard enough, it sounded as if she were begging him: begging for him to spare her sorry life, begging for him. He grinned even wider. “Say you’re sorry.”
“OH, I’M SORRY, I’M SORRY,” she managed to choke out until finally, He Xuan stopped his torture. He could hear her ragged panting as she tried to find her breath, and she showed him her middle finger after she regained control of her body. Her armpits were sweaty. ‘Ah, yes,’ he thought to himself, endeared. ‘Niang would hate her.’ He Xuan pushed her offending hand down and unraveled it so that it would be holding his own. He squeezed, and somehow she reciprocated.
“You know,” Shi Qingxuan paused and turned to face him once again. His breath hitched. If she looked like a wreck before or the victim of a hurricane of her own doing previously, now she looked like the hurricane itself: an absolute mess. “I hate you. I can’t believe I’m friends with you.” She pouted. It made her look even worse. She was a disaster.
“You know,” he rotated her body so that her front was flush against his, and he heard her let out a pathetic, small gasp. He moved his hands to grip the sides of her cherubic face. ‘My hands are as long as her head.’ He Xuan tried not to shudder. “If you thought my really noble attempt to save you was that funny and pathetic, then maybe you were never the funny one all along.” He tucked a stray, sweaty strand of her tresses behind her ear, and it was as if she had transformed into a cat at that very moment, purring and trying to headbutt his hand as he did so.
“And ew, you’re all gross,” He Xuan exclaimed after a moment, but he knew that his face betrayed his supposed disgust. Shi Qingxuan only giggled.
“Says the one wiping snot and saliva off my face with his bare hands.” She chuckled, smiling even wider, and He Xuan knew that his face was doing the same. He passed his thumb under her nose a third time; ‘seriously, how much does this girl keep in there,’ and frowned, the ends of his eyebrows furrowing downwards in concern.
“Qingxuan.” He felt her breath hitch. He knew she knew what was coming. He used his other hand to wipe the tears off the left side of her face. “What was that awhile ago?” Her eyes fluttered down as she tucked the bottom of her cherry red lips underneath her two front bunny teeth. ‘And now she has lipstick on them.’ He moved his thumb under her lips in order to reach the offending stain.
She hiccuped after he finished his ministrations, swallowing after. “Ge and me always fight. But you already knew that.” Her pink tongue escaped her mouth to lick her top lip. He Xuan's eyes focused on the motion. He forced himself to bring his gaze back to her cerulean eyes.
“It's just that this time, he was really mean about it.” Her eyes darted to the side. “Talking about how I didn't deserve my position, that my followers should be ashamed for ever worshipping me, about how I wasted everything he's ever done for me.” Tears welled up in Shi Qingxuan's eyes again. He Xuan wanted to audibly coo.
“And I felt bad about it because I worked hard to get here.” He Xuan's mouth twitched. “He's discrediting everything I've sacrificed.” ‘If only you knew half of it.’ He Xuan did not realize when he had started petting her hair during this admission.
“And-” Her breath wobbled. “Normally I can take it, but why do it directly before a progress banquet?” The volume of Shi Qingxuan's voice lowered with each word. “That's just cruel.” She inhaled harshly and used her right hand to wipe the tears threatening to cascade further down her porcelain face. She let out a self deprecating laugh.
“I guess it all just built up. I'm sorry.” She settled back down into his arms, and He Xuan was again reminded that he was a man in love. He brought his hands down to the small of her back. She sniffled. “It’s no big deal.”
“And do you feel better now?” He started drawing circles and any random patterns that came to his mind on her pretty, glittery hanfu. She chuckled.
“Of course I do.” Her lips formed into her signature bright smile: all teeth and stretchy, gummy, egg cheeks. “It's cause you're with me right now after all.” He Xuan knew he was blushing in his current body; fuck humans and the excessive amount of blood in their veins. He suddenly remembered something, craning his neck forward so that his lips could just reach the shell of her left ear. She had a mole there. He whispered.
“Just say the words and I’ll kill him.” He Xuan saw Shi Qingxuan’s eyes widen, then suddenly the room once again filled with her laughter. She buried her head into He Xuan’s shoulder.
“Ming-xiong, see? You’re actually funny.” He allowed himself to let out a small grin.
What Shi Qingxuan didn’t know would not kill her. Yet.