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The grounds of Button House were soaked through from the day's rain, only stopping when the late November sun had sunk low beyond the far hedges. Sitting at the desk in his dark bedroom, the Captain stopped pretending he could keep his focus on his work. A stripe of moonlight illuminated disorganised papers covered in dried teardrops of anger or ink puddles from not knowing what to write.
Head in his hands, the Captain turned his head to look out the window. The sky was a deep blue and a drop of water from the roof would fall down every few minutes. Sighing, he stood up and quietly exited the room, pipe in hand. He made his way down the dim corridor and stairs to leave Button House through the backdoor.
Lieutenant Havers lay in bed, he'd long since given up tossing and turning and settled for the fact he'd never sleep with so much on his mind. His jacket had been thrown across the chair at the foot of his bed. He miserably crawled to the bottom of the bed and fetched his pipe from the pocket. He didn't need to put the jacket on or comb his hair before going outside, nobody would see him this late - The Captain wouldn't see him. At the thought of the Captain he screwed his eyes up in frustration and groaned. Maybe it would be easier to just leave this place behind, leave the romance that would never be for dead. He'd ponder leaving Button House when he got outside to smoke.
The night's air hit his warm skin, turning his nose pink. Lighting the pipe, Havers strolled around the corner of the house to where he usually stood to smoke. As he looked up he saw there was already an orange flicker behind the hedge. He squinted. The flame lit up the face of The Captain.
What should he do? The person he longed to escape, the feelings he longed to escape were stood in his spot. He tried to back around the corner again but he'd been seen.
"Anthony!"
Havers froze at the use of his first name. Eyes wide, he looked at the Captain.
"I... I mean Lieutenant!"
He continued to stare.
"Good evening, Lieutenant, are you quite alright?"
"Yes sir. I'm sorry for disturbing you."
"No matter, Lieutenant."
Havers had two choices: continue back to his room or walk up to the Captain and stand with him. He knew what the sensible choice was, but found himself walking past the hedge to the Captain. The two stood in silence until Havers couldn't stand it and lit his own pipe. He took a puff. A metre away from eachother, they'd never felt so close but words being so far away. Havers gave the Captain a searching look and saw the same knowing sadness.
The Captain breathed out and lifted his head to the stars, "I'm sorry, Anthony. There's nothing... that can be done."
"James..."
"We can stay, everything can stay how it is." The Captain turned his gaze to Havers and they locked eyes, a look of understanding. A look of pain. A look of secrets. A look of love.
The love that could never be.
Maybe in another life, but in this one they are Commanding Officer and Lieutenant. Coworkers.
History would have to call them good friends.
But for Havers, he couldn't stay in limbo. He couldn't be happy having to see The Captain every day. The Captain just wanted Havers there, even if they couldn't be lovers. But since they couldn't be lovers, Havers couldn't stay.
He couldn't stand it. He'd rather be anywhere else than here.
Secret love, my escape
Take me far, far away
Secret love, are you there
Will you answer my prayer?
Please take me anywhere but here