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The two-year-old twins stayed with her brother-in-law’s parents for a few weeks while she took time to childproof their London home. As surprised as she was, she couldn’t think of a reason not to take the twins. After all, it was what her sister wanted.
And he supported her decision. At least she thought he did. He said he did.
He ended up having to back out his job in New York City because they wouldn’t let him leave for the funeral. She was upset that he had quit, knowing how important it was to him. It was one of those jobs that was once-in-lifetime and she felt guilty for being an indirect cause of him abandoning it.
He always responded saying that she meant much more than the jobs he got; that more opportunities would come along. But she knew him better than he thought—she could see the regret in his eyes every time he looked at young Margaret and Evan.
Adjustment to a new lifestyle was much more difficult than any of them anticipated. She had to cut down on hours working for Emma and hire a nanny, try to adjust to taking small children on the Tube and keeping an eye on them at the park—all the while trying to comfort them in their pain and loss, while dealing with her own.
They often woke in the middle of the night crying, wanting Mommy to come home, wanting Daddy to rock them to sleep, wondering where Lizzy had gone and why she didn’t play with them anymore. They asked daily why Mommy and Daddy left and when they were coming back. It broke her heart that they didn’t understand yet.
She tried to explain, “They didn’t leave you on purpose, sweethearts. It was just their time. They’re far away in Heaven, but they are always watching us, taking care of us, and we’ll see them again in time. They loved you both much more than you’ll ever know. And I love you just as much… Someday you’ll understand.” She had no intention of raising them as her own—she was going to raise them as their aunt, insisting they call her “aunt,” and speaking of their parents and sister often.
He had a tough time adjusting, as well. He loved her, and he loved little Margaret and Evan, but he couldn’t help but feel that they shouldn’t be his responsibility, for they were not his own flesh and blood.
But he never told her how he felt and one day it all came out… A small misunderstanding led to a massive argument, which led to a packed a bag and him walking out the door. He was going to stay with a friend for a few weeks while he figured things out, figured out how he felt. She was heartbroken but she hid her tears. The twins were not going to see her cry. She had to be strong for them.
When you’re gone the pieces of my heart are missing you.
When you’re gone the face I came to know is missing, too.
When you’re gone the words I need to hear to always get me through the day, and make it OK
I miss you… 1
He still called sometimes and he stopped by every once in a while. He was still deeply in love with her. But he wasn’t ready to jump back into the life he hadn’t chosen for himself. The life he had planned for them was different; it was supposed to be less painful.
The twins added him to the list of people they asked for each day and she fought back tears every time. Sometimes she’d wake up in the morning with a puffy face, wrapped in the shirts she had ripped out of the closet in grief, having fallen asleep atop the pile. She always wore her locket, and she slept clutching it in her hand.
Some weeks later, her parents came over to visit. Neither of them told their family of their troubles, so they all met for lunch. At the end of the meal, Evan asked him for help going to the potty. When they came back, he had tears in his eyes. “I need to speak with you, please, darling.”
She followed him into the back hallway of the restaurant where he pulled her into a tight hug, sobs bellowing out. “I’m so sorry, my love. I’m so, so sorry… I shouldn’t have left you. I was a right arse and I don’t expect you to forgive me right away, but seeing you today has made me more in love with you than ever and I think… I know that I’m ready to come home and be there for you now.”
She cried with him. “None of my pleading worked… what changed your mind?”
“Evan. He accidentally called me Daddy… I’ve… I’ve never been called Daddy…” he whispered. She smiled, her tears finally subsiding. “I told you that they missed you. They asked for you… I…I didn’t know what to tell them…” Fresh tears started rolling down her cheeks.
“I’m so sorry. I can’t say it enough… Can I come home now? I’m willing to dedicate each and every day from here to eternity to making it up to you…” He looked at her with his puppy dog eyes and she nodded. “Yes…please…I can’t do this without you.” she breathed. He kissed her deeply, his lips not having touched hers in that way for weeks, and a new flame lit between them. After some moments, he smiled slyly, “Maybe your parents could stay at our house tonight. Let’s go to a hotel. I have several weeks of inexcusable dickish-ness to make up for, and I want to start right this second. I’m aching for you.”
She smiled slightly, “Your sexy ass better be! And I need you more.” Her parents agreed to keep the twins for the rest of the evening. By the time they returned to their home, they decided to get dressed up and go out for a nice dinner. She wore a long flowy short sleeve emerald green dress with a lace detailed bodice and a peter pan collar and he dressed in a simple black suit that lengthened his legs and made him look absolutely delicious.
They made their way to the hotel they spent their wedding night in as quickly as they could after dinner. Hardly waiting a second after the door closed behind them, he pounced on her, pulling her flush against him into a passionate kiss that literally took her breath away.
She told him she wanted to take a bath, so he lit some candles while she started the water. He undressed her slowly, kissing every inch of skin he could reach and touching the rest of it. She returned the favor, licking him in all the spots she knew he loved.
They lay in the water together and talked. A few tears rolled down her cheeks as he begged for forgiveness. She turned to him and kissed him with a twinkle in her eye, whispering, “Not yet.” He was surprised at this, but saw in her eyes that she was going to make him suffer for a little while before she let him have her.
She rose out of the tub and asked him for some privacy. “I have a few womanly things I need to take care of real quick.” He looked at her confused. “Hey, a girl’s gotta be able to keep some secrets, my love.” She kissed his lips quickly before pushing him out the door. He still didn’t really understand what she meant. Little did he know, she was planning to drive him mildly insane.
She brushed out her curls, added a little more makeup, sprayed the perfume he bought her in Paris, and dressed in a lingerie set she bought the morning before he left her. All a gentle shade of blush pink, it included tiny see-through lace panties, and a strapless boned corset with small ruffles along the top and bottom that laced up the front, tying into a bow at the top of her cleavage. She added a little mystery by putting his white dress shirt on over the top. The locket he gave her hung around her neck, as always. She checked herself once more in the mirror and smiled, knowing he was going to go crazy when he saw her.
When she opened the bathroom door, he was sitting on the bed in nothing but a pair of boxer briefs. He jaw hit the floor when he saw her and he looked her up and down before he stood up and crossed over to her. He grabbed her by the waist and pulled her into a gentle kiss. She smiled against his lips and moved her hands into his hair, pushing herself into him. She felt his excitement growing his each passing second.
“Take your shirt off of me,” she commanded. He did, revealing her lingerie. She watched as his eyes grew wide and he licked his lips involuntarily. He couldn’t help but touch her and his hands started to untie the corset. “Wait,” she said as she slapped his hands away. “You can take the corset off… but you have to do it with your teeth. No hands allowed.”
Before she could take another breath, he growled and threw her over his shoulder, carrying her to the bed. He tossed her gently down and immediately was on top of her, kissing her lips, her neck, nipping at her collarbone until he came to the bow on her corset. He growled again as his teeth found the string and yanked. She made him slow down and playfully scolded him every time his speed increased—again, all part of her plan to get a little revenge on him—making him wait; but in a way that eventually would please both of them.
He finally got the corset opened and he licked from her bellybutton up to her neck before kissing her again. “Am I forgiven yet?” he whispered against her ear. “Yes,” she breathed. “Now make love to me.”
He made love to her all night, with more passion flowing from him to her than she’d ever felt.
Six weeks later, a small pink ‘+’ told them that she was pregnant. They were over the moon; him especially, knowing that the small bundle of life growing inside his wife’s tummy was all his. They had no idea what was still to come.
In the eyes of Heaven my place is assured, I carry with me Heaven’s grand design.
Gloria, glory, I will sing the name of the Lord, and he will make me shine. 2
The cab driver didn’t see the truck, and the truck driver was busy on his mobile… The impact was louder than the nearest clap of thunder and it rang in her ears for hours.
And I will be like Mother Mary with a blessing in my soul, and I will give the world my eyes so they can see.
And I will be like Mother Mary with a blessing in my soul, and the future of the world inside of me. 2
She went into premature labor in the ambulance on the way to the hospital.
And I will be like Mother Mary with the power in my veins to believe in all the things I’ve yet to be.
And I will be like Mother Mary, and I will suffer any pains for the future of the world inside of me.
For the future of the world inside of me. 2
His mother took care of Evan and Margaret so he could come to the hospital. He was out of his mind with worry.
You were just a small bump unborn, in four months you’re brought to life.
Might be left with my hair, but you’ll have your mother’s eyes.
I’ll hold your body in my hands, be as gentle as I can,
But for now you’re a scan of my unmade plans
A small bump, in four months you’re brought to life. 3
The doctors did what they could to keep the baby boy alive until the mother and father were together.
You are my one and only, you can wrap your fingers ‘round my thumb and hold me tight.
But you’ll be all right. 3
They held him close, crying together. He was alive long enough to take measurements, fingerprints, footprints, a few photos and choose a name. He took his last breath in his parent’s arms. Henry Thomas Hiddleston died at 2:36pm.
You were just a small bump unborn, in four months you’re brought to life.
Maybe you were needed up there, but we’re still unaware as why. 3
They held a small funeral service, close family and friends only. Each of their parents took turns visiting, helping to care for the twins while she mourned. Most days she couldn’t get out of bed and when she did, they would often find her asleep on the floor in what would have been Henry’s room, or lying in the grass in the backyard, eyes toward the sky, tears rolling into her hair.
He wished and prayed for words or actions that would help her. She could barely pull herself together when the twins were around, and their lack of normalcy took its toll.
One day, he crouched down on her side of the bed, gently stroking her cheek. “My darling… I know you’re hurting, believe me. I hurt just as much. Henry was my baby, too. But the twins… Sweetheart, they need you… They lost their parents and sister, don’t force them to loose their aunt, as well…” He kissed her temple as softly as he could and left her alone in her thoughts, hoping.
Three hours later, she was showered, dressed, had hints of makeup on and was smiling. They sent his mother home and went out to their favorite restaurant to spend time as a family, talking and laughing. It had worked.
Another 9 months passed and they found themselves at the hospital once again, this time for a happy reason: Olivia Grace Hiddleston was born with 10 toes, 10 fingers, the mouth of her father, and the eyes and nose of her mother. They felt blessed.
Isn’t she lovely? Isn’t she wonderful? Isn’t she precious, less than one minute old.
I never thought true love would be making one as lovely as she,
But isn’t she lovely made from love. 4
Olivia, or Gracie as he called her, had a very special relationship with her father. Extremely intelligent and quite the spitfire, they loved her for everything she was. She inspired them everyday, and Evan and Margaret loved her as their own sister, even though they knew she was actually their cousin.
There will always be a part of me nobody else is ever gonna see but you and me,
My little girl, my Gracie girl. 5
They finally had a life they were happy with—not one that either of them had planned, but they had much to be thankful for and they lived each day is if it was their last, growing in their love.