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The nearby houses had been reduced to ash. Bodies lie crumpled and sizzling under the scorching sun.
And yet Stesha was still cold.
His fingers were numb, stomach clenched tight and jaws clattering together as he doubled over, holding himself close.
The cold was excruciating, and he felt rather annoying always bringing it up at every opportunity, but didn't he have the right? When he was rotting from the inside? When he was practically a walking corpse with no blood running through his veins?
He pushed his hair aside and took a deep breath, trying to inhale the warm air surrounding him but it wasn't enough.
He stood up and walked to the bathroom. There had to be something he could take, something he could use to at least distract him from the void inside him.
When he found himself standing in front of the mirror his eyes drifted down to his stomach area, hidden by his sweater and jacket, but still that same gnawing feeling filled him with dread.
He searched around the room until he found a roll of guaze - never used -which surprised him, given they were living in a world of dogs now.
With shaky hands he lifted up his sweater, staring at the void in his stomach. The cavity that was the source of everything he felt.
He had to hide it. Had to hide the shame he felt every time he every felt comfortable enough to show himself to someone. He was tired of the blood. The agony and the aftershock when everything goes quiet.
He took the guaze and began wrapping himself, looping it around his waist and over the cavity in his stomach, almost obsessively wrapping it. Like somehow the guaze would get rid of it completely. Would make him human again.
And just when he had finished and he felt tears welling up in his eyes at the sight of his covered stomach, he heard the door knob twist open. He quickly shoved his sweater down over the bandages.
Right. The foreigner. Stesha felt a small sigh of relief at the sight of his scarred mouth and tired looking eyes.
His hair was greasy, but somehow the way he had it pushed back was charming. He tried not to look at much else besides his face. Cant get too attached, right?
Levani, Stesha had learned, was the foreigners name. Although he said it in his own unfamiliar tongue, Stesha had slowly become accustomed to it. At least, in small amounts
Of course he knew his name, above all else. No matter how hard Stesha tried to forget about it and not get attached, the very thing had been burned into his brain.
"Levani." Stesha put on a weak smile.
"Hgvhsz." ("Stesha.") Levani didn't bother with trying to smile, and Stesha could see the gears turning in his brain as he looked over the expression he had on his face.
"Dszg'h dilmt?" ("What's wrong?")
Stesha could understand that much. "Wrong? Nothings wrong." He wasn't all that convincing though, wiping away at his tear stained cheeks.
Levani simply shook his head and close the bathroom door behind him, getting closer to Stesha no matter how much it burned him. How could he know, right?
"Gzop, wlmg gzop. Dszgvevi. R'n hgzbrmt." ("Talk, don't talk. Whatever. I'm staying.")
Stesha sighed. He really was so stubborn sometimes. Some part of him liked that. And that part of him swelled even more when Levani got close. Like maybe he'd forgotten that he was empty for even a moment. He was glad he stayed.
Levani propped himself up on the washing machine, kicking his feet and staring at the wall. He didn't seem bothered whatsoever. Like the silence was entertaining enough.
Stesha hated it though. He wanted to hear more of that unfamiliar language flowing from his tongue. The silence felt empty. And the more empty, the worse he felt.
"Cold." Stesha muttered. Levani looked over at him, a certain curious look on his face. Of course he understood that. He had been trying to bridge the gap too.
"Blf'iv.. Xlow?" ("You're.. Cold?") He raised an eyebrow. Stesha nodded. "It's more than that though."
He sighed, looking away from Levani as if his gaze alone was enough to pierce through the stupid bandage covering his shame. Like he could see right through him.
For a moment, there was more silence, and Stesha wondered if he'd already said too much.
"R wlm'g pmld dszg rg rh, yfg R dzmg gl svok." ("I don't know what it is, but I want to help.")
Stesha stared at him, trying to piece together what he'd just said. "Help." Stesha realized. "I don't think you can help." He admitted, wishing he could say something more positive. He hated seeing that look of concern on Levani's face.
"Heh-lp." Levani insisted, stepping down from the washer and getting closer to Stesha. Stesha held his breath, acting like it might stop time. But Levani was close. Too close. And it burned.
"No, Levani, you don't-"
"Heh-lp. Wuh-nt too heh-lp."
Stesha let out a nervous laugh. "O-Okay." He put up his hands in surrender, which Levani took as an invitation to.. Bridge the gap. Taking both his hands into his.
"Blf ivzoob ziv xlow." ("You really are cold") Levani said with a teasing smile. "Told you." Stesha simply replied.
"Rh rg.. Xlow vevibdsviv?" ("Is it.. Cold everywhere?") Levani questioned with a lilt in his voice that made Stesha question his intentions despite not understanding anything besides the word "cold".
Stesha still nodded, " Yeah, very cold." He said, trying to ignore the burning heat coming from Levani's hands as they absentmindedly traced over the cold flesh belonging to Stesha.
Levani smiled, and that filled Stesha with a sort of excited nervousness. He never truly understood what he was thinking, and that filled him with that oh-so-unfamiliar ache. He wanted to *know* things about him. It was terrifying.
Suddenly the warmth in his hands was gone, but replaced by a new sensation on his hips.
"Hliib. Rh gsrh lpzb? Oh-kay?" ("Sorry. Is this okay?") Stesha nodded, despite every bone in his body telling him to push away.
He couldn't get too close. Not when he'd been so nice. Not when he'd stayed.
He couldn't afford to lose Levani due to his own stupid actions.
But the warmth drew him in. And he felt his eyes well up again. Levani didn't seem convinced that this was okay, and began to pull his hands away.
"No, please-" Stesha grabbed his hands, pulling them back to where they had been. "Please."
Levani nodded. "Oh-kay." And the smile returned, alongside it that warm ache that split through the ice inside Stesha.
Levani's nervous hands trailed up Stesha's sides, hiking up his sweater just slightly. Stesha's heart (which he'd almost forgotten existed after so long) began to pound against his ribcage, loud enough he could hear it in his ears. But he didn't stop Levani.
He surrendered, because the bandages would keep him safe. As long as the bandages were there, he couldn't hurt Levani.
At least he hoped. And yet he stayed frozen.
"Wrw hlnvgsrmt szkkvm?" ("Did something happen?") Levani asked once he'd noticed the bandages peaking under the sweater. Thoughts filled his mind of nasty horrific events that might have caused a wound this bad.
If only he knew.
He lifted the sweater up further until it reached Stesha's ribs. Levani really did have that kind of curious touch, exploring and examining, trying to understand everything he could without the proper words to explain himself.
The truth gnawed at Stesha despite the warmth over the emptiest part of him. Despite the thawing of his muscles under neath the hands of a man he hardly understood, yet still felt like he did.
"Blf'iv zoo jfrvg mld." ("Youre all quiet now.") Levani whispered, scared of breaking the gentle silence between them. The buzzing wordless energy between Stesha's skin and Levani's fingers.
Stesha took a deep breath, guiding Levani's hand over the delicate barrier of bandage covering the void in his stomach.
"Empty." He simply said. "Thats why I'm cold."
Levani nodded, spreading his palm over the flat space, which made Stesha's cold blood run a little bit warmer, despite the fear in the back of his bind saying that Levani would break that barrier. Would notice that he wasn't complete.
"R orpv gszg blf'iv.. Ehmp-tee." ("I like that you're.. 'Empty'") "Dont say things like that." He looked Levani in the eyes, that stern tone in his voice able to get through the language barrier.
"Dsb mlg?" ("Why not?") Stesha sighed. "Because, you don't understand." He looked away, unable to bear the scrutinizing gaze of the foreigner. Unable to escape his touch.
He didn't have a reason. It was that warmth that he didn't quite get. The warmth that melted away at his icy layers, revealing parts of him that he'd forgotten about.
He'd forgotten how much he'd wanted to be kind. How much he wanted to let someone in. To be seen as a person rather than a monster or a shell of a man.
And Levani's touch reminded him of everything that he'd shoved down, covered in bandages. Wiped away from his face. Hid under a sweater.
He was too close, and Stesha was too late to do anything about it.
At least in this moment he could pretend he was whole.