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Published:
2026-01-25
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Snow Tiger, Sleet King

Summary:

Could Yuri have made it home? Probably. He'd almost rather carve through the feet of snow himself than get cabin fever with JJ in this hotel room. Almost.

"Fine," he said. "Let's eat breakfast."

Notes:

(See the end of the work for notes.)

Work Text:

"I cannot go home right now," Yuri hissed. "Did you hear what JJ just said?"

"You call your fans crazy all the time," Viktor said.

"But he can't - whatever, go back without me, I'll be along." Viktor and Yuuri lived just a fifteen minute walk from JJ's sad little hotel party, a trip Yuri could make alone in the dark while blackout drunk if he had to. Which he might have to, because as Viktor and Yuuri grabbed their coats and started making farewells, Yuri grabbed the two drinks he'd made earlier and slammed one on the table in front of JJ. 

"Never have I ever had a fan propose to me," Yuri said with a smirk. "Drink if you have." JJ did, and Yuri crowed, "See, whose fans are obsessed now?"

"Ah, Yurio," JJ said. He'd picked up the stupid nickname from somewhere, and Yuri had made the mistake of showing how much he hated it - it wasn't too bad when Mari said it, but JJ? - so he was probably stuck with it eternally now. "Yurio. Should I be upset that people find me more attractive than you?" JJ's friends laughed. Yuri grinned too, the insult glancing off him like a skipping rock. Game on.

Guang-hong - who had been here in St. Petersburg for some reason and so had gotten an invite too, slid next to Yuri on the couch, holding a drink of his own. "Never have I ever smoked a cigarette?"

"Of course you haven't," Yuri said, and rolled his eyes, drinking with most of the remaining rest of the room as they settled in to play. "Five fingers up?" he said, showing his hand, and then folding down his pinky for smoking.

"Ten," JJ said. "We go big at a JJ party!" Yuri wanted to protest that ten fingers never made sense when you were also drinking - how were you supposed to hold your cup? - but whatever, it was JJ's night and it wasn't like Yuri wasn't up to the challenge.

A few generic rounds - Yuri didn't really care who was getting out or not, he was just keeping an eye on JJ's hands and trying to decide whether it would be more embarrassing to win or lose at this game. JJ hadn't really done the kinds of things that cost you points in this game: he wasn't quite straight-edge, but pretty close to it - he'd already abandoned Yuri's concoction and switched back to water despite not seeming at all drunk. And he probably wouldn't be ashamed of winning at all, because he was like this by choice.

Yuri, though, was just … young, and he couldn't think of a way to win without also seeming like a baby.

"Never have I ever gone ice skating," one of JJ's friends said on her turn, the one who'd helped produce JJ's theme song and therefore the only one whose in to this party wasn't about sports. The rest of the room groaned. Yuri rolled his eyes - easy pickings, though he supposed it was fair. In another round or two, most of the room had lost, with only JJ, Yuri, and Music Producer still in. 

She winced. "Never have I ever … been named Yuri or JJ?" 

"Oh come on," Yuri said. "That's barely - that shouldn't count!"

"I barely know you; I don't know what else to say!" At least she looked sheepish. "If you can win without being annoying, all power to you. But I won't risk it."

Okay, well, now Yuri had to win with honor. They each had one finger still up and he was sure her next turn would be targeted directly at him. He stared at her, trying to think about something that would be true but not obvious from her appearance - and then he glanced at JJ, who was fiddling with his wedding ring and met Yuri's eyes. 

Yuri looked back at JJ's friend. She wasn't wearing anything on her left hand, but JJ nodded absently, as if lost in thought. What the hell, why not.

"Never have I ever been married," Yuri said.

Cheers sounded from around the room, and she raised her glass to Yuri before draining it. "Good guess," she said, "and nicely done."

"And," JJ cut in, and then paused dramatically, "never have I ever won a Grand Prix Final."

Huh. Yuri put down his last finger, and JJ stood up and took a bow. Had he just beaten Yuri with … a compliment? Otabek was always saying JJ wasn't so bad. And it wasn't like Yuri thought JJ was evil or anything, just aggravating, but … huh. 

Then JJ ruffled Yuri's hair with a shit-eating grin, and Yuri smacked his hand away and grabbed JJ's abandoned drink, and someone else called for another game, and the party was back on. 

"Two out of three," Yuri said insistently, somewhere in the direction of JJ. "Unless you're scared I'll walk all over you again?"

"Yuri, do you want to sit down?" It was Guang-hong's voice. Was Yuri leaning on Guang-hong? He valiantly straightened up and proceeded to wobble into the table.

"Two out of three," he repeated. 

"Okay, okay," JJ said. "In Canada we have a challenge where we see who can chug a cup of water the fastest. Think you can beat me?"

Damn, Canada had some stupid games. "I'm in."

Yuri woke up midmorning on the couch in JJ's hotel suite. His mouth was dry - someone had left him a glass of water on the coffee table, which he gratefully sipped - but he otherwise felt fine. 

"Ah, the princess finally wakes," JJ said. Yuri jumped.

"I am not a princess," he managed after a moment.

JJ laughed easily. "That's your best? We'll wait until your brain's online. Breakfast?"

Yuri shook his head. "I'll just head home-"

"Don't think you can. There was a squall last night, looks like there's a few feet of snow on the roads and I haven't seen them clear it yet."

Yuri went to the window and looked out. Sometimes people who weren't from Russia were little babies about snow - but JJ lived in Toronto, and unfortunately he was also right. 

Could Yuri have made it home? Probably. He'd almost rather carve through the feet of snow himself than get cabin fever with JJ in this hotel room. Almost.

"Fine," he said. "Let's eat breakfast."

"Probably an Ina Bauer into the triple Axel next - "

JJ nodded. "I did the same thing in my short last year. It was an inspiring program."

Yuri rolled his eyes. "Everyone does them. You're as basic as the rest of us. Don't get delusions about being my idol."

"Yuri Plisetsky can do better than basic. You should do one of your girly stretchy moves, a Charlotte spiral or something." The pure sincerity in JJ's voice was irritating, and Yuri's first instinct was to shoot back that the most popular moves were popular for good reason, but - hey. He probably was the only senior male skater in the field capable of one. Yuri walked through the steps again, bending into the vertical split before his jump entrance. It did, annoyingly, fit into the sequence well.

"You sure you want to lose to a girly program at Worlds?" Yuri said.

"Oh, I didn't mean - femininity is wonderful, and more men should embrace it as a strength." JJ said this with the tone one might use to give a speech on empowerment to kindergarteners. "Though I think my program at Worlds is going to win this year."

Yuri had wondered before if there were hidden depths to JJ's eternally positive, arrogant bluster. Sometimes it just didn't seem to come out of his mouth sounding right. And it never fit with the version of JJ that had broken down crying at the Grand Prix Final two years ago.

"Charlotte spiral, sure," he said. 

– 

"Do you have any more food?" Yuri said. "I do not feel like paying for room service."

"I have a box of cake mix," JJ said. "And oil, but I think we need eggs."

"You bought cake mix on vacation?" Yuri said, and then shut up because he was actually quite grateful for its presence. "You can do it without eggs, there's a trick, we just need one of the leftover sodas from last night" -

"Ah, gentlemen," the hotel manager said. "We just need to shovel the sidewalk so you can get out, and then you can be on your way." The newly plowed street gleamed promisingly just past the entrance to the hotel.

"We'll do it," Yuri said. The alternative was watching another terrible movie in the hotel room. They'd turned off the first one as soon as they'd finished their cake. "That is, if Prince JJ wants to get his hands dirty over here."

JJ grabbed a shovel and was thigh-deep in snow in moments. Yuri laughed and followed him out. He didn't mind shoveling when he only had to do it occasionally - heck, he could probably log it as cross training, and it was good to be outside.   

After several minutes of steady work, JJ stopped and turned to look at Yuri. "Do you mind when I make fun of you?"

Yuri blinked at the unexpected question. "Uh?"

"I can't always tell. How other people take things." He suddenly looked a bit more like the same JJ who'd wept into Isabella's arms, the version you could glimpse on the music video he'd released last year of an acoustic version of his theme song. Yuri didn't know what to do with it.

"I - no. I mean, it's whatever. It's all right. It makes me feel better about all the ammo you give me. Like, come on, why are you stopping? Tired already?" He shoveled another scoop. JJ did the same, and for a second Yuri hoped the conversation was over.

"You have a lot in common with snow," JJ said after a moment. "So troublesome, but I'm sure there must be a few people out there who are happy to see you."

Yuri didn't quite catch his laugh in time, though he did manage to throw a shovelful of snow over in JJ's direction. "You're more like sleet. You think you're in the same league as snow, but you'll never be as pretty."

"I'm home!" Yuri bellowed up the stairs, his old reservations about using that word to describe Victor and Yuuri's house long gone. He left his snow-covered boots and coat in the foyer, and came in to see Yuuri in the kitchen, stirring a pot on the stove. "Can you give me JJ's number? I should tell him I made it back."

Yuuri raised an eyebrow. "You stayed in all day with JJ?"

Stupid nosy man. Yuri flushed immediately and hated that he was. "Not like that, I'm not - no, and besides, there's Otabek - "

"It could be both," Yuuri said.

"It could," Yuri allowed. "But it's not."

"Thank goodness," Victor's voice said from the other room. "I don't know how often we'd really want to have him over."

"Right," Yuri said, "let's protect your inferiority complex around his quad Lutz." Was he making jokes defending JJ now? It didn't really count if the point was to poke at Victor, probably. "It wasn't that bad of a day, though. He wasn't being as annoying as usual."

"What a compliment," Victor said. "Yura, I think you're going soft."  

When Yuri had JJ's number in his phone, the act of sending a text felt surprisingly difficult.

It's Yuri. Home safe. 

He stared at it for a moment and added Thanks and stared at it some more. Then he deleted the whole thing and tried again.

Never have I ever proposed to one of my fans. 

Notes:

I'd like to thank today's big snowstorm in my area, to whom this fic owes its existence.