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Yuna and the other parents of the teens, sat by the side of the rink watching practice. That was the first time she saw Ilya Rozanov. He was alone sitting on the opposite side of the rink watching the Canadian junior team practice.
Of course she was aware of the Russian player. He was the only one that came close in talent to Shane. Although she didn't like to admit it, he might be even better than her son. He played with pent up anger and desperation, that Shane simply didn't have. She couldn't figure out where it all came from.
A few months later at the MLH draft it then all clicked into place. They had been so proud of Shane. He was picked second, and David and herself had showered their son with praise. They were glad he was going to Montreal, not too far away. But Rozanov only looked happy whilst the cameras were pointed at him, even though he had been picked first.
She wondered if Rozanov’s foul mood was because of the man who was beside him all evening. Although the man was introduced as his father, he had the warmth and demeanour of a drill sergeant. Yuna was pretty sure she had overheard him badmouthing his own son in front of sponsors. She felt like determination and anger in Rozanov probably came from constantly having to prove himself to the person who should cheer him on the most.
She couldn't help but think he still looked lonely in a room full of people.
But even though she felt bad for him, she couldn't bring herself to approach the boy. She couldn't find a good moment to go over and congratulate him, as her own son needed her. Shane had been more quiet than usual that evening. He didn't deal particularly well with crowds like that and needed her support.
In the games following the event, she noticed an immediate shift in her son’s playing style. It was as though a new fire had been lit inside him. She could tell it wasn't just his love for hockey that drove him, there was another layer of determination that she couldn't quite place.
Yuna was on her way down to the lobby, waiting for the lift. She had spent all day waiting. She had insisted on accompanying her son to one of his biggest commercial shoots yet, watching from a distance. She could tell that this was only the first of many opportunities that were heading Shane's way, now that he was playing for Montreal.
The lift doors opened and she was faced with Ilya Rozanov.
“Oh hello there” she said reflexively when she recognised him. “I’m trying to go down,” she added awkwardly.
“This is going up.” he informed her.
“Right,” she said. There was an awkward beat of silence.
Rozanov was wearing his usual hardened expression on his face. She was reminded of the last time their paths had crossed, and how lonely she thought he must be. Even to the commercial shoot he had turned up alone. No family or friends were with him.
Sure, he was a young man at nearly twenty and didn't need a chaperone. But maybe he would appreciate a friendly face, someone who cared about him. She couldn't help her motherly instincts, although he was her son's rival.
“Well, I am-” she said and extended her hand to introduce herself, but the lift doors shut on her.
It was Rozanov who had his fingers on the button for the doors to close.
Yuna was incensed. Cutting her off like that was incredibly rude and disrespectful. Maybe there wasn't anything beneath the hard surface. Maybe Rozanov was really just an asshole.
Yuna talked to Shane professionally all the time about sponsorships and travel logistics. But it had been a long time since they had the chance to sit down and just talk. Even a simple restaurant dinner with just the three of them had to be scheduled in advance.
Whenever Rozanov came up over the years she always made sure to call him what he was; an asshole. She remembered some of the things she’d said about him over the years.
“That asshole said he'd make fifty goals. Fuck him!”
“How could that asshole win MVP over you, Shane?”
“Have you heard, they are calling him a womanizer, because he has a new girl in every city he plays in? Sounds to me like an asshole move.”
She didn’t want Shane to ever let the fame go to his head and behave as disrespectfully as Ilya Rozanov.
But today after mentioning Rozanov, Shane's face turned into a scowl. Even though their conversation moved on to sponsorships and public appearances, his mood remained sour. And Shane seemed more tense with every minute.
Trying to entice Shane with the prospect of sitting next to a Swedish princess at the event only seemed to infuriate him further.
“A trip to Wimbledon next summer could be fun,” David suggested softly, “we could make a whole week out of it.”
Shane reluctantly agreed to think about it before excusing himself to the washroom.
“Swedish princess, really?” David said, as soon as Shane was out of earshot.
Yuna sighed helplessly, "I don't know. I just want him to be interested in something outside of hockey”
“Me too, but I think we might be going about this the wrong way…” David said softly, taking Yuna's hand.
“You think it's Autism?” Yuna asked, he remembered thinking they should have had him tested when he was a kid. But he was so young when the scouts discovered him and his hockey career began, there wasn't really time to dwell on these things.
“That, or he is gay.” David said.
Yuna chuckled, that was absurd. All hokey players ended up with a girl on their arm sooner or later. She just hoped it was someone nice, who wouldn't take advantage of her innocent boy. Someone who didn't just see his fame, but the sweet young man he was off the ice. Although, she had never seen Shane even so much as look at a girl.
Yuna went about her daily morning routine and workout as usual until she finally had a chance to sit down with a cup of coffee and open her phone's news app.
Her fingers navigated on auto pilot to the sports and then the hockey tab. She expected to see some more post game interviews from last night's match, but what she saw instead nearly made her drop her phone.
Paparazzi photos of Shane. Her timid, sweet innocent boy leaving a bar with… Rose Landry. The Rose Landry!
Yuna was well aware of how the rumour mill worked for hockey players and the presence of a world famous actress would only intensify it. But this was the very first time Shane had ever been at the centre of it.
When David joined her at the breakfast table, she slid her phone over to him with the picture and article on display.
“This doesn't mean anything right?” she asked her husband.
“Sure” he shrugged. “it looks like he is finally making friends though.”
Yuna raised her eyebrow. It was indeed the first time, to her knowledge, that Shane had gone out after a match with his teammates. It was a shame that he was immediately the centre of a gossip storm, which she hoped wouldn’t instantly discourage him from going out ever again. But, knowing him the way she did, he would hide away in his apartment for the foreseeable future.
She considered showering him with encouragement, but also didn’t want to burden him any further. His anxiety could get the better of him and she knew that sometimes she involuntarily added to the stress.
However she couldn't help but be surprised when over the coming week, more often than not she found new paparazzi photos of her son and Rose by the morning. Not only were they out and about in town, they were holding hands!
She studied the photographs, it was unmistakably a relationship that was forming between the two of them. In each picture Shane had an awkward but sweet smile on his lips. Was this what it looked like when Shane was in love?
Eventually her curiosity got the better of her. She was sick of speculating like she was a random fan, when she could just simply ask her son what was going on…
“Is Rose coming to Florida to see the match?” Yuna asked, trying to sound casual on the phone.
“No mom. She's busy.” Shane said.
“Have you found out when she will be free for dinner sometime?” She hated nagging him but she had to meet this girl that had made her son smile like that.
“Mom,” Shane sighed, “we aren't dating anymore.”
“Oh…” Yuna’s thoughts began to race. How to comfort her son over his first heartbreak? She wished she could be there to support him instead of going on vacation. “I am so sorry to hear that-”
“It's fine. Really. We were like a square peg and a round hole.” Shane said, chuckling to himself. “Sorry, I mean, we just weren't compatible.”
She couldn't help but notice something in his voice that sounded relieved, rather than sad. But it was hard to tell over the phone.
“Are you sure?” she said. They looked like such a cute couple it was sad to see that go.
“Yeah, but we are staying friends.”
“That sounds wonderful.” she said, still not fully convinced it was the healthiest choice. She couldn't help thinking how glad she was that they broke up before the all stars game, where it wouldn't matter too much if Shane's performance was affected, since it was a friendly match.
“I've got to go, team practice before the match tonight.”
“Of course. good luck. we will be watching.”
“Thanks mom.”
He hung up. Yuna sat a few more seconds staring at her phone after the call disconnected. She wondered if Shane was really alright with the breakup. He did sound like it and she knew her boy really had trouble lying. Something else was different, Shane almost sounded more cheerful than usual.
Later that night David managed to find them a sports bar that showed the game. When they had booked their holiday to Mexico they had not expected to end up in a town that looked like it was where people went on spring break. But at least they could watch the game in a bar, rather than finding a stream over the patchy hotel wifi.
They drank awful cheap margaritas and watched the screen. The team that was cobbled together from players across the league brought with it all sorts of new dynamics. But what stood out were Shane and Ilya Rozanov.
They passed to each other back and forth and made some truly impressive trick plays that they couldn't have possibly had the time to train for. Even the commentators spent a long time talking about their chemistry. She was proud of her son for not letting Rozanov antagonise him now that they were on the same team.
“I’ve got to ask him how he does it,” she said, trying hard to remain dignified and not slurring her words after her second margarita which had clearly packed more of a punch than she expected.
“What?” Dave asked over the loud music and chatter.
“...Play with Ilya Rozanov like that. On the same team.” Yuna said loudly, making her voice compete with the noise in the bar.
“Maybe he blocks it all out? Just sees the team jersey, not the face under the helmet?” he suggested.
“I don't think I would have the patience to play friendly with a rival like that,” she said. Just seeing that little punk's face made her angry. His disrespectful attitude, his cocky replies in interviews and especially that despite his casual approach to hockey and being known to party with women and drink, he was still competing neck and neck with Shane who had dedicated his life to the sport.
She was starting to believe that Rozanov might have actually managed to behave himself. Instead of antagonising his rival who was currently his teammate. But then, in celebration after he quite frankly did a wonderful assist for a goal Shane scored, Rozanov placed a brief kiss on Shane's helmet.
She knew how much her son hated physical affection, and she was sure so did Rozanov. He was playing mind games. Shane just took it. He didn't elbow him to let go of him or anything.
She would have to ask him about what all that was about, if she managed to remember.
She ordered a third margarita to toast what was clearly going to be a win for Shane's team.
When they watched the Boston vs Montreal match, it was as though time slowed down the moment Shane's body collapsed onto the ice.
Yuna gasped, then held her breath, waiting for Shane to move.
But he remained still, whilst everyone moved around him.
Paramedics were rushing onto the ice, nudging Rozanov out of the way who stood there uselessly.
At least it hadn't been Rozanov who had tackled Shane directly. No, he had sent one of his goons to do the job for him.
She heard her phone ring but couldn't bring herself to answer. David picked it up instead.
“Yes, we saw.” David said.
Of course, it was the coach calling. Yuna looked at her husband expectantly hoping he would tell him Shane would be alright.
“Yes, we are coming.”
The two hour drive to Montreal went by fast. On the radio they were listening to the remainder of the game, not that either of them cared about the actual score anymore. Then they sat by Shane's bedside all night, keeping him from falling asleep with a concussion. In the early hours of the morning when they were told Shane had gotten over the worst of it, they finally went to Shane's apartment to shower, get some rest and have some food.
When they returned to the hospital a couple of hours later, Shane was asleep, clearly past the dangerous window with his concussion. Instead of disturbing her son, Yuna went to the nurse she recognised from the night before.
Whilst asking the nurse about updates, she was surprised to hear that Ilya Rozanov had come to visit.
She waited by her son’s bedside until he woke up, all the while wondering why Rozanov had come by to see him. Did he come to taunt Shane about the Montreal team having lost their chance for the cup now that he was out for the rest of the season?
“So what did Rozanov want?” she asked her son who was still loopy from the meds.
“To check if I was okay.” Shane slurred.
If this was true, it was a very noble thing to do as the captain of the opposing team to check on someone that was injured. It almost seemed out of character for Rozanov.
“Did he say anything?” she asked.
Shane shrugged with his uninjured shoulder. “He said maybe.”
For a moment Yuna just looked at her son's dopey expression, the slight smile on his face. Then the actual words they had said began to sink in.
Of course he had answered her truthfully. Shane couldn't lie to save his life. He wasn't being intentionally obtuse and had answered her question the most literal way possible. Rozanov had used the word “maybe”, whilst talking with Shane. She wondered why exactly that word stuck in her son's mind.
Why did he seem so happy about a noncommittal answer? What was the question.
She patted her son's good arm. “Get some rest,” she said.
She wasn't going to get anything useful out of him when he was high on painkillers. She just hoped that Shane hadn't said anything in front of Rozanov that gave him the upper hand next time they competed.
Yuna seriously contemplated whether she could take up sports betting, although it would be unbecoming for a mother of a player to bet against her son's team. She had been accurate with her predictions all season.
Scott Hunter was leading his team through a winning streak. It would have been a close call on who would win the cup if Shane hadn't gotten injured. By missing the last couple of games of the season his team didn't make it to the finals. It was killing her to see him hurt.
He sat at home sulking constantly on his phone texting with friends. At least he had friends now that he was close enough with to keep in touch with.
When the New York Admirals won, she couldn't help feeling envious of the happy atmosphere. She remembered times herself and David had been allowed on the ice to congratulate their son when he had been the one winning the cup. The camera lingered on the chaos of people, whilst the commentators summarised the game.
She was about to get up and switch off the TV when Scott Hunter waved at someone in the crowd, beckoning them to come down. She was intrigued, and sat still watching as a young handsome man climbed over the rink barrier. Scott Hunter dragged this man by the hand to the centre of the rink, and then kissed him square on the mouth.
She hadn't expected that to happen, but she knew what a brave gesture it was and this would change his career forever.
Suddenly Shane shot up from where he had been sitting on the sofa and ran out the room.
David shot her an unsure glance, and she responded with a shrug. She didn't know either what had gotten into their son.
“Do you think he...” David began and left Yuna to fill in the blanks. She knew her husband was once again insinuating that Shane could possibly be gay.
“Come on… he dated Rose Landry.” she said.
“You are right, he is probably just talking to Hayden. I mean it's huge news.” he gestured at the screen where Scott Hunter and his boyfriend were smiling and waving at the crowds in the stadium.
“The media will be in a frenzy.” Yuna said. “But he does look really happy, doesn't he?”
“Yes, I am pleased for them.” David said.
Soon after Shane snuck back into the room and sat down in his usual spot. Yuna didn't pay him much mind at first, but then out of the corner of his eye she thought she saw him smile to himself.
“What did Hayden say?” she asked. And definitely noticed that Shane smoothed over his giddy expression.
“Um..” Shane fiddled with his phone, and read out the text “He said, that man got balls.”
Which left her wondering; If he didn't call Hayden, who else had he been talking to.
“Did you get the phone charger?” Yuna called out to her husband as soon as she heard him open the front door.
“Yes,” David answered, but there was something in his tone she couldn't quite place.
“Are you alright?” She followed up out of intuition.
“Yes.” David said in an evasive tone as he entered the living room. His face was contemplative and he sat down on the sofa next to her looking more tense than the last time he had tweaked his back trying to play some friendly hockey with his son.
“Aren't you going to charge your old phone?” She asked with an arched eyebrow at her husband's suspicious behaviour.
“Ah, right!” He said, and shot back up as though he only just remembered after being prompted why he had made the trip over the cottage and back in the first place.
Of course she knew something was wrong, but she knew her husband would talk to her if it was something that needed immediate attention. She had just lulled herself into a false sense of security, sitting on the sofa reading her book whilst her husband watched TV, when Shane's car pulled up into their driveway.
She couldn't remember a time he had visited unannounced, making her suspicious.
Then she noticed Shane wasn't alone. Out of the living room window she watched as another man got out of the car, who was wearing a Boston Raiders shirt. Her posture stiffened.
Then she recognised the man as Ilya Rozanov and she jumped out of her seat.
What was that asshole doing here?! With her son!? If Shane thought he could get away with training with an opposing team's players, he was mistaken!
When Shane let himself in, Yuna and David were waiting for him. She couldn't help but cross her arms and await what explanation her son would have for why he was showing up with his arch rival.
They stood in the hall awkwardly, looking like timid boys. And Yuna couldn't remember a time she had seen Shane look actually scared like that.
“I left my charger at your place and it’s the old one that fits into my phone and all the other chargers are newer so, - “ David began rambling apologetically, until Shane finally interrupted him.
“It’s okay dad. I am sorry, you shouldn't have found out that way.” Shane said with a serious expression on his face.
Yuna still couldn't figure out what was happening. What terrible secret had been revealed? She hated being the only one who wasn't in the know.
“Found out what, exactly?” she said, looking between the men in the room.
“I’m gay…”
Yuna was shocked. She had not seen that coming - especially after Rose Landry. A long time ago when she had not been so sure about Shane’s sexuality, she had prepared a whole speech in her head about what to say, but it had been so long since then that now she drew a blank.
Her biggest question on her mind was how Ilya Rozanov fitted into all of this and why the fuck was he in her living room?
“...I was going to tell you soon.” Shane rambled, “I am sorry I didn't tell you sooner. Yeah, and this Is Ilya. Rozanov. But you already know that.”
Yuna wanted to tell Shane that he didn't need to apologise, but no words came out.
“He is visiting and we are…” Shane said, trailing off.
And it only then dawned on her why Ilya was here.
“Lovers.” Ilya said helpfully.
“No, Ilya, that's gross.” Shane mumbled under his breath.
Yuna couldn't quite comprehend the scene that was playing out in front of her. For a moment she wondered if this was all an elaborate prank.
“But you hate him?” she said, finally finding her words again.
“No.” Shane said firmly. “I mean, I get that. But no. I actually, um..” he hesitated, “I love him.”
The words hung in the air for a moment. Shane's sincerity left her speechless.
“I did not want this to be how I told you. I am sorry.”
Yuna felt her heat break into a million pieces when Shane apologised. It wasn’t his fault… nothing was. But did it have to be Rozanov?
There were still so many questions to ask before she could decide if she needed to tell Shane to call it off or if she could approve of this partnership.
Eventually they moved from awkwardly standing in the living room to awkwardly drinking tea at the dining table. The conversation flowed slowly and politely. Yuna found herself making an effort not to raise her voice at all even when she was told things she wasn't happy about.
“So when did this happen?” David asked.
There was an unexpected pause to what sounded like a straight forward question. Shane and Ilya exchanged glances.
“Wait, the All Star game.” David said triumphantly, “You two had so much chemistry.”
“No,” Shane said slowly. Looking like it pained him to reveal that information. “It was before then…”
“Wow,” David said. Yuna tried to let the new information sink in, but had to know how long they had been hiding.
“So when?” she asked.
“Since our rookie season.” Shane said, defeated.
“Since your rookie season?” Yuna repeated. Her head was spinning, she had not expected that.
“No it's not true. Since before then.” Ilya said.
“Not helpful,” Shane whispered.
“So you have been in love since…” Yuna said,trying to figure out the timeline of this relationship.
“No.” Both Ilya and Shane spoke at the same time.
“No just…” Ilya gesticulated.
“Ilya…” Shane whispered in a warning tone, and Yuna began to catch on to what they were referring to.
“What?” her clueless husband asked.
She sighed, looking at the men at the table. Her husband confused, her son mortified and Ilya about to say something, looking for the right word.
“Lovers.” She said, deciding that she did not want to hear the word ‘fuckbuddies’ out of Ilya's mouth, which was certainly in his vocabulary and probably on the tip of his tongue.
She didn't need to know the details of their arrangement that she was now certain had not started with innocent affection and courting.
“Okay, nobody is allowed to say that word anymore,” Shane said.
She couldn't agree more.
“I would love a drink,” Yuna said as she got up.
The afternoon continued to stretch endlessly. Between some hard liquor, getting some fresh air and making dinner, she finally managed to catch a moment alone with Shane. He tried to apologise, but there was nothing he could apologise for. She hugged him tightly. Him being gay wasn't a problem to her. Him being in love wasn't a problem either.
Him being in love with Ilya Rozanov however, was what complicated things.
She was the one who apologised in the end. By talking down Ilya over the years, she had made Shane feel like he couldn't tell her.
Finally, by the time they sat around the dining table, she had slipped into full manager mode and asked them about their plans for the future. She could see many brand opportunities opening up for Shane if he came out. But Shane shut it down immediately.
They just wanted to play hockey and be together, he explained, in a way that was quite sweet and innocent.
“Well, Ilya would play for Ottawa...” Shane explained.
“Why can't he play with you in Montreal? He'd be a great wing. We saw that in the All-Star Game.”
“Yeah, why can't I?” Ilya asked, and with growing horror Yuna noticed that Ilya would just follow Shane blindly as he clearly hadn’t asked the most obvious question before.
“Because getting citizenship will take you probably four years. And you don't want to go back to Russia. So you want the fastest way to get PR.” Shane said as though it was obvious.
“What's that?” Ilya asked.
“Permanent Residency.” Shane explained, “It's like a green card in America. Do you have one of those?”
“No.” Ilya said, pouting.
“It's much easier for you to meet the requirements for PR in Ontario than it is in Quebec. Unless you have been hiding from me that you are fluent in French all this time.”
Ilya shook his head.
“Maybe if we got married, we could accelerate the application.” Shane said.
Yuna froze with her wineglass half way to her lips and Ilya started choking on his pasta. But Shane continued on undeterred as though he hadn't just given away that fact that he had put some serious thoughts into marriage.
“...and if I were to sponsor you for PR as a spouse, then there would be the issue of providing proof of our relationship. They'd need texting records, hotel receipts or even witness statements. None of which we have, given that we have been discreet.”
“Well, we do have the texts from Jane and Lily.” Ilya said after he had recovered from his initial coughing fit.
Shane gave him a punishing look. Yuna didn't dare to ask what that was about, but then David did.
“Who are Jane and Lily?”
“Jane,” Ilya said and pointed at Shane, “Lily,” he gestured at his own chest.
Yuna couldn't help but chuckle. That was almost too simple.
“We can’t submit those texts Ilya,” Shane sighed.
“Why not?” Ilya asked
“Yes Shane, why not?” David said.
Yuna cleared her throat. She’d rather not know what the boys had been texting each other. If Shane thought it wasn't appropriate for the immigration office, then she didn't need to know either. Her best guess was that it wasn't just hotel room numbers.
Shane sighed and let his head rest on the table, hiding his face.
“Shane” Ilya said softly.
“I am okay, I am just freaking out,” Shane said.
Yuna could understand why. It was a lot to think about.
“Hey, hey, it's ok.” Ilya said quietly, placing his hand on Shane's back and getting closer to him.
Yuna was about to correct Ilya for crowding Shane's space. Shane didn't like physical contact when he was stressed. He'd get claustrophobic and shrug people off, retreat even further into himself.
But somehow, Ilya managed to coax Shane to look at him.
“Your family is here, your boyfriend is here…” Ilya said softly. THis was a side of him she hadn't expected to see.
“Boyfriend?” Shane asked shakily.
“Yes, I think so, probably.” Ilya shrugged.
Yuna realised that the two of them really weren't ready to come out to them yet, if they hadn't even really assigned themselves as boyfriends. She looked affectionately at the two idiots across from her that had taken the better part of a decade to get to the stage where they got to call each other boyfriends.
“Since rookie season…” Yuna hears herself whisper fondly. The two of them had been together this long, and it showed.
“The summer before,” David helpfully corrected with a soft smile.
The summer before rookie season… Shane's big commercial shoot. Ilya had been there alone. The hotel. The elevator.
They had just been kids back then. Stupid horny teenagers, by the sounds of it. It put it in perspective how long they both had been hiding that part of themselves.
“The elevator…” she mumbled to herself.
Ilya looked up at her and grinned with a mouth full of pasta.
“What elevator?” Shane asked.
“I met Ilya the summer before rookie season in the elevator at the hotel…” Yuna doesn't dare to follow up to ask the question that was burning in her mind.
Ilya swallowed. “Ah yes, I remember. I was on the way to Shane's room.”
And there was the detail she didn't really want to know.
“You nearly gave me a heart attack,” Ilya said before shoving another fork of pasta into his mouth.
“Oh god.” Shane whimpered, a deep blush crawling back onto his face.
She finally understood. Ilya hadn't been rude back then, he had been scared.
He must have panicked when the mother of his ‘not yet’ boyfriend had caught him in the lift on the way to his room. He had tried to run away from a confrontation and closed the lift doors in front of her face.
All her hatred towards Ilya was rooted in that one moment. And today he had shown her that he was so much more than that. She was willing to forget all her old grudges and instead start afresh and get to know him as Shane's boyfriend.