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A rustic gust whistled by her ear.
The soft embrace of its cool breeze followed soon after, brushing past her cheek and rustling through the strands of her hair. For a moment all she heard was the wind, a series of gentle howls and fierce cries sweeping her body from head to toe - it had an almost-biting quality, but it was never overwhelming. She felt her body laid askew, layers upon layers of delicately-strung material caressing the curves on her back; I’ve felt this sensation before, she thought - Straw. More than that, some extraordinary force of nature seemed to be rocking her left to right, a motion that was almost dizzying, yet the steady cadence of its occurrence gave it a soothing quality. An echo in the distance reached her ear, a sign as to what kind of predicament she found herself in - crashing. Not the violent tumbles of a vengeful sea alit with lightning, but instead a placid back-and-forth shove, like leagues of siblings engaging in playful banter.
It was a while before Ali Maud gained the courage to open her eyes.
The view before her was dim, the dark veil cast down by the star-studded night sky draping over her and everything else around. She found herself reclined in a deck chair, her body cradled by its cool straw knittings as her arms laid asleep on its armrests. She had on nothing but a slim spring dress embellished by orchids, its silky strings dangling off the ridges of her weary shoulders. Her gaze shifted down to her bare feet, upon which a certain someone’s romantic attempt at pedicure still remained on her toes. Neatly-arranged planks stretched into a deck past where she sat, stripped of their natural complexion under the dark sky. The deck didn’t span far, for Ali sat mere steps away from the tip where it all ended.
The floor beneath continued swaying left and right with the heave-ho of the waves, thus she was finally able to grasp her current situation. Her eyes widened as they glanced forward and caught sight of a familiar figure; features that, while obscured under the nightshade, were easily recognizable nonetheless.
She had inexplicably ended up on this boat. The only other passenger? The girl with that ever-so dashing ponytail.
“...Seiran?”
The girl stood at the nose of the boat, guarded by a waist-high fence as her form was accentuated by the iridescent moonlight. She donned a spring dress that matched Ali’s, soft as a sheet of cloud and adorned with peonies. She turned at the call of her name, her ruby-red irises betrayed by the night’s characteristic dullness.
“Ali,” Seiran greeted, a soft smile forming on her face, “you’re awake.”
As if tied to her with an unseen thread, Ali pulled herself up on feet and waddled forward, the smooth floorboards gliding so freely beneath her soles it felt as if she was floating. The knot between them pulled and tightened, drawing them together like both poles of an impossibly strong magnet before they were pressed up against each other. Their arms wrapped simultaneously around each other like clockwork, their lungs releasing equally warm puffs of air in each other’s embrace.
“Seiran…” Ali mumbled close to her lover’s ear, enjoying the sensation of pronouncing her gorgeous name once more. “It’s you…”
“It is.” Seiran sighed, indulging herself in Ali’s sweet tenderness whilst running her fingers through the strands of her hair - a euphoria Ali would’ve gone to war just to feel again. The two caressed each other in delicate silence, the symphony of their affectionate sighs and beating hearts were met with the heaving waves’ rambunctious applause. The two pulled apart after what felt like an eternity, their hands still wrapped around each other as they met each other’s gaze. Adoring smiles beamed subconsciously across both of their faces as Ali’s throat betrayed the faintest hint of a squirm, an acute sting burning up the tension in her nose. She wanted so desperately to lean back in, to relinquish all control and to lose herself in Seiran’s soft, luscious lips.
But she refrained, she knew she couldn’t.
“Have you been alright?” Seiran asked, her head tilting as if she couldn’t spot the hesitation in Ali’s eyes.
“I-I… Uhm…”
How would she begin to answer a question like that?
The empty seat beside her in class, the deafening silence that now took the place of once-boistrous giggles, the countless nights spent alone in bed wishing desperately that she still had her to cling onto.
Yet as Ali studied the curious yet concerned look in Seiran’s eyes, she knew just what to say.
“...No, I haven’t.” She said, uttering so in a whisper so soft it wisped by Seiran’s ear like the very breeze that graced them both. “But that’s okay.”
Seiran looked sad, expectedly so. Her smile faded into an anxious frown as her eyes lost the courage to meet Ali’s. For a girl so strong and brave, she now found herself unable to formulate a proper response to her beloved’s anguish. She knew deep down just how much she must have suffered, but coming face-to-face with it was another challenge altogether.
“...I see. I’m sorry.”
An apology that was genuine, yet nevertheless unnecessary. Ali sensed Seiran guilt deep within her core, prompting her to lift her up to her face. Slow, methodic rubs of her thumb eased the tension in Seiran’s cheek as Ali cupped it with her palm, evoking a soft blush that radiated its own sense of warmth.
“Don’t apologize, Seiran. You know it’s not your fault.”
A pause, a moment of clarity to think as Ali attempted to ease the guilt eating away at her. Seiran too knew that ultimately she wasn’t to blame. She fulfilled her duty and saved the life of another in the process; she did everything she had to. Yet somehow she couldn’t find it in her to forgive herself, for she couldn’t bear to imagine how-
“You’re thinking about how you left me alone, aren’t you?”
Seiran recoiled in surprise, the blush on her face burning with intensity as her thoughts were so accurately read. Once again she was speechless, left stark and disarmed by Ali’s astute perception. Slowly still she raised her hand, laying it over the one Ali had on her cheek, still mesmerized by the ridges of her fingers.
“...Yes… It must’ve been difficult, I’m sorry.”
A snicker, which quickly shifted into a giggle. The candied incantations of Ali’s voice rang like music in Seiran’s ears, yet it was a notion that brewed confusion. She couldn’t laugh along, instead finding herself uttering a whimper that vaguely resembled a “huh?”, much to Ali’s amusement.
“After all this time, you’re still stumbling over your words like that.”
Seiran stammered, reeling from the embarrassment of being struck right where it counts. Her eyes darted around anxiously, too vulnerable to be pierced by the gold complexion of Ali’s amber irises.
“...Ali… come on-”
The giggles died down, swapped with a giddy hum as Ali wrapped her arms around Seiran’s shoulders, tracing her fingers through each ridge and curve on her back. It all came flowing back into her mind, memories of these chiseled lines like roads paved in a city she called her own, unknown grounds explored through daring paths on those feverish nights.
She remembered it all like it was yesterday.
“It hurt, yes. It hurt more than I could ever describe. But you aren’t to blame for any of it.” Ali whispered, her head laid comfortably upon Seiran’s shoulder. “You went out there to protect me, no? You fought so I didn’t have to, so I didn’t have to risk never returning home. Gosh, aren’t I so weak-”
“No.”
Ali paused, glancing up at Seiran’s visage to find her expression filled with resolve and a hint of anger; the face she wore when scolding someone, and one Ali cherished dearly.
“I didn’t go out there protecting you because you’re weak, that’s not it. I went out there because I treasured you. Whether or not you had the strength to fight, that wasn’t a predicament I could bear having you be in.”
Seiran’s voice was charged with vitriol, a bitter arrow whose tip so effortlessly dodged Ali, and was instead targeted at the unknown. Perhaps it was at the world for putting them in this situation at all, or – more likely – it was back at herself.
“If anything, I’m the-”
She caught a glimpse of Ali’s gaze in the midst of her rambling, a look of affirmation that stopped her dead in her tracks. Seiran could recognize it anywhere, a slight squint accompanied by a warm smile that said “Oh, you…” more resoundingly than any pronunciation could achieve. Simultaneously, as if having sent each other a telepathic signal, the two came to realize the silliness of the debate and started to giggle. The hands clasped gently around the other as they lost themselves in each other’s laughter, reminiscing on the many, many times this conversation took place before. Eventually the noise died. Their hands slid back down by their sides as they turned to face the sea.
“How have you been, though?” Asked Ali with a burning curiosity, her gaze swishing back and forth alongside the sea ahead. Seiran caught sight of the very same wave whose trajectory her partner was following, tracing the very same waters alongside her.
“It’s been… peaceful.” She responded, pondering on her answer for quite a while before affirming it with a nod. “Yes, I think that’s the best way I can describe it.”
“That’s good.” Ali exhaled, her voice softening as if a massive weight had been lifted off her back. Her hands crossed in front of her waist, the left holding onto the right as if awaiting some kind of request - a pose she often struck in Seiran’s presence. “I think after everything, you deserve ‘peaceful’.”
The wave crashed, tipping forward before colliding into another and merging with it. Seiran held her breath, wishing so desperately that she could say what’s on her mind without being self-indulgent.
That to her, there was no greater serenity in the universe than being beside Ali.
“How are the others? Are Totsuki-san and Kagari-san okay?”
“Oh, of course.” Ali nodded as she closed her eyes, the line along her eyelids running like the flick of an artist’s pen. She remembered how it was in the days after it happened, how they came to her room to keep her company on the loneliest nights she’s had to endure. The simple thought of those two brought warmth like a wayward touch, a loving fire in the midst of the chilling darkness.
“They’re as good as ever. They’re official now, actually.”
Seiran’s head swiveled in surprise, as if having heard something incredible despite this outcome being so painfully obvious.
“Huh-? Really? Woah…”
“You had no idea, did you?” Ali joked, raising a finger to her lip to conceal her snorty snicker.
“I… probably should’ve seen it coming. I think they’re great for each other.”
“As do I.”
The pair’s eyes returned to the ocean in front, having long lost the wave they had initially kept track of. Legions of foamy waters rose and feel, heaving and shoving those below while preparing for the inevitable from those above, their rigorous motion rocking the boat back and forth, back and forth.
“...Come to think of it,” Seiran began, placing a hand upon her chin, “we never told them about us, did we?”
This got Ali’s attention, for it was correct. Throughout what limited time the four of them shared, not once did any of them bring up her and Seiran’s not-so-subtle romance; yet perhaps its frankness was the reason behind their oversight: The way they kissed, the way they held hands. The way a simple look could convey so much, and the way one trembled when the other was in peril - it was all so obvious.
“...we didn’t, but I think they get the picture.”
The two stood in agreeing silence, their hands resting freely by their sides. The spunky winds had long since calmed, whisking by their ears to tell them of the ocean’s songs. To share in this silence was one of their dreams together - alone out at sea, free of worries and fears. Their love laid bare to the chorus of the water and an audience of stars. Though this wasn’t the way Ali intended for it to occur, she indulged herself in every last second - she knew Seiran felt the same.
“...Hey, Ali.” Seiran muttered out of the blue.
“Yes?”
“If… you knew how it ended, if you knew we’d get separated like that…” She continued, pondering carefully on the phrasing of her question.
“...would you still have run with me in the rain that day?”
Ali felt as if she was teleported right back. The ash-gray sky, her already-soaked clothes, a thick, murky scent permeating the air. The storm had long since warned of its arrival, yet two wayward souls were foolish enough to have overstayed their welcome outdoors. Ali could easily recall the view from beneath that arch: the curious, loving look she received from the taller girl’s gaze. She bore a ponytail as rigid as her resolve - still maintaining its shape despite the water that threatened to drag it down. Her soft cheeks were glistening with raindrops, accentuating their already-plump rosiness like the skin of a succulent fruit. Ali remembered having to fight the devil in her ear, resisting every primal urge to hold her head and plant a kiss on those luscious lips. The two of them immediately knew what the other was thinking and ran, bolting like their very lives depended on it. The storm pummelled them, soaking every nook and crevice of their bodies until their clothes bogged them down like anchors, yet not even the cruelty of mother nature could deter them. That day, for the first time in forever, they felt alive.
She didn’t have to search very long for her answer.
“Without a doubt. Even if I knew how much it would hurt, I wouldn’t even slow my footsteps.” Ali responded, her hand held close to her heart.
“I wouldn’t trade our time together for anything else in the world, Seiran.”
Seiran glanced down, her hands crossed behind her back as she snuck a smile. Never before did she think she could feel guilt and relief at the same time.
“After I lost you,” Ali continued after a pause, her eyes open once more to the stars, “I didn’t know what to do with myself. It felt as if a part of me had been taken with you. My dreams for us vanished, and my life felt aimless. It was as if… I was drifting alone in a boundless ocean.”
Her words flowed like a river out her lips, a steady stream from the depths of her heart. Streams and waves that had been welled up inside for so long finally had a destination, rinsing Ali’s’ weathered soul on their way out.
“I was lost for so long, clinging onto my memories of you, reminiscing on the days I had you by my side. I even considered if there was a way to change fate, a way to make it so you didn’t leave class that day.”
Seiran’s eyes fixed on Ali, her smile having faded yet her heart free of pain. She refused to wallow in her guilt, for she knew this wasn’t a complaint nor a cry for help - these were her lover’s raw feelings, prostrate before her very eyes. She knew the only right thing to do was to listen in respect. As Ali entered her usual quiet trance, Seiran pressed her shoulder against hers, curious to hear the rest.
“What about now…? Do you still feel the same?”
Ali pondered for a while, wondering what answer would best reflect her feelings. To be in love is a maddening thing, for a lover is but a strange mirror, a crystal-clear reflection that bestows you with new shapes and definitions, offers you a new perspective to view yourself from. At the end of each day, when the two tumbled in bed hand-in-hand, Ali felt shaped anew. Yet with that reflection now shattered, what could possibly still remain?
“...I don’t know. I’m not sure if I’ve found where I want to go, but…”
No choice but to pick up the pieces, and forge something spectacular.
“...I think I’m ready to take my first right step.”
That, more than anything, brought a sense of closure for Seiran. She exhaled with blissful peace as she turned her gaze back forward, her shoulder still pressed comfortably against Ali’s.
“You never thought too much of yourself, Ali… but you’re stronger than you could ever imagine. I don’t think I’ll ever stop admiring that.”
A smile of relief stretched across Ali’s face, a fluctuation in her breaths indicating how flustered she still got at such a lovely compliment.
“Thank you, Seiran.”
The two were finally able to find peace within one another, yet this ecstatic moment was fleeting. After what felt like mere seconds since their conversation ended, a blotch of orange began creeping up over the horizon, inking the water’s surface with its glowing while sharing its warmth with the dark sky. The boundless canvas overhead bore a mystifying palette, large corners still remaining colorless whilst the space near the orange’s epicenter took on a refreshing blue. Bells began tolling off in the distance, the empty space populated by hushed chatter and joyous laughter. Though none of it was visible to the two seafarers, they knew full well what the commotion meant.
The ebb and flow of life, the coming of a brand new day.
“They’re waiting for you now, Ali.” Nodded Seiran, ready to see her partner back off to the world. “Find your way, I know you can do it.”
Yet Ali bore no response.
“...Ali?”
Unbeknownst to Seiran, the girl’s hand had crept up on hers. She held it firmly as their fingers laced, the warmth of their palms bracing each other for the last time. The gossamer gold strands of Ali’s hair veiled over her face, draping over her eyes and only leaving her bittersweet smile.
“...Yes, Seiran. I'll be off soon, just…”
“...let me be lost a little while longer.”