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He sat on the edge of his bed, leg shaking and bouncing as he occasionally glanced at the door. He ran his hand through his hair as he tried to calm himself, although he knew it wouldn't work there was only on thing he needed, one person.
The phone that glowed in his calloused hand, lightning up the dark room, quietly rang at a dauntingly even pace compared to katsuki breathing. The screen he stared at blurring as tears gathered in his eyes. With every ring the urgency for it to stop grew. He just needed him to pick up. Just. pick. up.
When the ringing finally stopped and he noticed the numbers at the top of the screen start counting up, he threw the phone up to his ear calling into it.
"Izuku?" He shouted, heart rate still beating loud in his ear, the tears rolling down his cheek, trying to wipe them away.
"Izuku! are you there?"
No reply.
"Izuku, I need you!" He grew more desperate.
"Kacchan?" The voice echoed from the other end.
He sighed in relief. Finally. He needed to talk to him. He needed izuku to be here.
"Izuku? Thank god! thank god! Izuku!" He voice rang out filling the quiet room. The dark that surrounded him seemingly brightening.
"Ok, izuku, you're coming over right?" He begged, cause that what izuku normally did when katsuki had a nightmare, he came over, always.
"I called you and y-you're coming to see me?"
"Kacchan, Why did you call me?" What? What was he talking about? he always called when he had a nightmare, it was a routine.
"I'm gone, kacchan, I died, i cant come see you."
Realisation hit him like a brick. His heart ached, his soul crushed, the light in in the room faded leaving space for the darkness to crawl back in.
Izuku was gone, and he wasn't coming back.
"You died..." katsuku said, his voice becoming quiet.
"Right." The voice said blanky yet still having that lively spark that Katsuki loved so much, even if it was was hidden behind an abrasive tone, that spark he would never see again.
"Because of shigeraki..." katsuki continued the world around him growing smaller as reality set in.
"Yeah."
"And then...i killed him." Resurfacing memories raged in his mind, the memories that haunted his nightmares, the very nightmare he had called izuku about.
"Its to late. What's done is done" izukus calm voice did nothing to calm the storming sadness that plagued katsuki. He needed izuku. He needed izuku in his arms. He need izuku to be ok, to be standing next to him again, to be at each other's heals, forever.
"No" he retaliated, refusing to believe the world he lived in lacked what he needed most in life.
"You weren't supposed to leave"
"There's nothing I can do kacchan." Katsuki tears continue to pour out.
"Im not real."
"None of this is."
"So what do I do now?" He asked, because he didn't know how.
How to live without izuku. How to live without seeing the messy green hair, the freckles, the mumbling he'd grown to love, the warming laughter or the smarts, the banter, the history.
Because no matter how much time passed, no matter how long ago the war was, no matter how deep underneath the ground izuku was, katsuki would never move on, never know how to live without his constant.
Izuku had been there from the start, seen every stage of katsuki childhood. and now he wouldn't get to see him become the number 1 hero, they wouldn't be hero's together. They wouldn't have their future together.
"Kacchan, It doesnt matter"
How did it not matter? Izuku was katsuki's everything, he loved him. Would love him forever. No matter how the the world changed he would continue to love izuku till his dying breath.
Although that day seemed ages away, he couldn't wait to see izuku again, to hear his voice, to hold him once again, for izuku to be there when he wakes up from a nightmare.
So maybe it didn't matter cause they would see each other again. One way or another. And katsuki would make sure of it.
"Well if it doesn't matter, can I stay on the phone with you atleast?"
He settled to alteast hear izuku voice for as long as possible, cause god knows it's the only voice that could tame katsuki explosive behaviour, that could calm his speading heart.
"Okay" izuku said, in the comforting tone that had helped katsuki throught the darkest of nightmares
katsuki smiled through the tears, the comforting voice echoing in his mind.
"How was your day?" He asked as he stood from his bed walking to the balcony of the dorm, opening the door slowly, leaning into the phone as if to try get closer to the ghost he wished to see.
He stared up into the night sky, it was a clear night, the moon brightening the UA ground, the grounds he spent three years on. the grounds he wouldn't see after graduation in a few months. He wished izuku would be there with him, smiling as always.
The sky seemed peaceful, the stars shimmerd in the sky, they reminded him so much of izukus feckles. Izuku made it look so beautiful, so so beautiful, up there izuku painted the sky with his happiness, with his glowing soul.
"Good" izuku replied, his voice filled with the calming happiness katsuki needed to hear.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah, my day was good" a smile widened across katsuki face as he peered up into the night, this was nice. He wished he could stay like this forever taking to izuku, loving izuku. God that nerd loved to make his life feel so full.
Although life felt indescribable without izuku, the moment he is living in right now. The moments where izuku's voice reaches his ear, he feels at ease. Like the world has faded away around him and it was just katsuki and his lost love. Like it used to be.
But he knew, deep down, i wouldn't last. Because izuku was still gone, still feet deep under dirt, still miles high in the sky, always out of reach. Katsuki knew they wouldnt see eachother again for a long time, doomed forever to only hear izukus whispers in the wind, or see him in a flash of dark green, or into the deep night sky.
One day, maybe they would meet again, hold each other again. But katsuki had to wait, he had to be the best, for izuku.
"I miss you, izuku, I really really miss you."
"But I'll see you again, someday. I promise."
forver and always loving eachother. Forever and always chasing each other.