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The day had been productive, no one stepped out of line in a way that was too unbearable and calm took place within the silent building. Yet the uneasiness the scientist felt could not be ignored any longer. The ache in his body and the tiredness only proved that living in such a stressful environment was terrible for him and his mind.
It seemed like nothing good came out of his brainstorming sessions and it left Xeno feeling empty in a way he never thought he would feel again.
He spent the day making more paper, putting the sort of goo he made out of wood and the herbs that his men had collected in wooden plates over and over, to acquire around 30 sheets. He had made the deckle long ago and it was increasingly obvious it was of primitive nature.
Which is why it's now that Xeno forsakes himself for overlooking making one of better quality when he acquired the necessary equipment.
He guessed that he had better things to do back then, obviously. He finds himself deeply regretting overlooking that as he scratches the end of the paper, the corner right, with his long metallic nails, to pull it out. Now, there he was, left alone to take them out carefully so as to not break them.
With a sigh, he prudently placed the moistened paper on his clean desk, alongside the other two that looked a little rough. He simply couldn't imagine asking help for such a minimal task, especially when his soldiers could be out doing far more enduring and great work with, lets say, the corn farm or repairs around the ever growing castle. Or resting, because workers need to regain their energy to be productive.
After taking a breath, he realized he should better take his own advice. Not out of laziness but more as a way to recalibrate himself. He knew getting lost in thought wasn't great at making his work faster.
Yes, he simply needed a few minutes to get his attention back on track. It is in fact way better to triage what has to be done than to overwork. Xeno sighs, knowing exactly what that does to him. He lived through it when he woke up to this blessing of a new world. The bodily exhaustion he kept experiencing was palatable as long as his mind was fed.
So, sitting at his desk, feeling a little stupid about not doing anything for even only five little minutes, he lets his eyes wander over the paper that he had made. He crossed his legs and rested his elbows on the table while thinking. It isn't his worst work, but he knows he could've done better, Hell, he's built spaceships before. He made a move and pulled the dry paper towards himself.
The tired man slowly reached for his homemade pen, crafted carefully with a feather that Stanley fetched for him. He always wanted to write with something so elegant, but he never had the time to learn, back in the old world. But now, let's say that, even if the colony needs his almost constant supervision, he finds that, late at night, his mind wanders aimlessly without work to do.
That's why, for exactly three weeks ago, he picked up the feather and sharpened it exactly how he learned to do it from the art books he borrowed a few thousand years ago. All so that, now, Xeno could swiftly drip the tip in a little ink container he kept close, and start writing
He made a slow stroke at the top left of the paper to let the ink fall into place, drooping down a little because of the inclined table. Without thinking, he etched his friend's name on the paper.
"Stanley,"
Swirling the feather to gather the black he will use to write aimlessly, the scientist forgets to think as he slowly puts words onto the sheet in front of him.
"My honesty has never wavered when it came to you. My feelings are clear and my heart is open. Therefore, I am writing this letter to you in a feat of loneliness and adoration. I do not believe I've ever attempted writing something quite like this but, oh, I miss you. Even though we have the chance to be in each other's presence every day, I feel empty while you stand near others.
You have this power over me, the one of confidence and vulnerability, and I can only imagine how kind you must be to stand me. I am forever grateful that you are by my side, my ultimate–"
The rapidly scratching ink plume came to a halt and repeatedly tapped the paper, leaving a stupid dot of ink, threatening to smudge and worsen the state of the paper. No, this was all wrong. It wasn't elegantly worded, and he knows it's useless. Stanley will never read it, so it is an immense waste of time. No need to get lost writing down his what, his stupid feelings?
With a sigh, Xeno rested his head in his arms. He uncrossed his legs and let out a big puff of air. He was, in fact, terribly tired. Absolutely exhausted.. For what seemed like a peaceful second of fresh air, Xeno slept, like someone with too much time in front of him.
…
“Stan! Wait up! I'm terribly unfamiliar with this type of terrain. I haven't been before, unlike you. How is it that you seem to have never ending energy?”
“I dunno. But yeah, ‘cause you never bother working out and playing outside, Xe, you're just a little, uh, frail! .” A young Stanley was looking back at him, smiling brightly at his own teasing. Xeno remembers that. It was long ago.
“Ya can’t even catch up and I'm the one carrying the rocket! I can’t believe you've never gone hiking before. Now come on, get some exercise in and maybe one day a girl'l compliment ya!”
“Okay, alright! Shut it you—”
…
In the quiet room, the door opened with a heavy sound. The man who came in was pulling off his suit’s flight cover. It was Stanley, and he was complaining pretty loudly about the dangling strings on the piece of equipment and how annoying they seemed to be. He pulled it off his head and threw it carelessly on the food, just outside the door so as to not “contaminate” Xeno’s precious bureau. Note that his hair curled back around his face just as beautifully as when he had arrived.
But Xeno wasn't listening. He was asleep peacefully, out dreaming about a better life, back when he and Stanley were young and full of joy. Stanley couldn't know, all he saw was his friends furrowed brows and little frown.
For a second, or maybe more, Stanley looked at the self-proclaimed dictator who was curled up like a small kitten on his desk. The soldier had to admit, it was nice knowing the guy could get a little sleep. He must've been real tired this time. What to fall asleep in his lab and all.
…
“Xeno. Xe, I need to tell you something. And, it’s important. Uhh, could you meet me at that one café near the airport? You can even bring me back up after like you said ya wanted to.”
The audio quality was frankly awful, but it was the best the two friends could get to have a chance at talking to each other while Stanley was deployed. And this time, it wasn't any place near where the scientist could visit the soldier without disrupting his work.
“The one who recently opened? I see you did your research. You wanted to treat me to good coffee and needed an excuse or is there something worth my time?” Xeno was getting anxious. Important talks? They never did that. Why would Stan need to tell him anything and why would it have to wait till they saw each other? Too many questions, concentrate!
“Yeah, it’s nothing bad honestly! Just needed to tell you something. Shit, I gotta run but, hey, text me when you get to the place, I'll find you when I get out. You’ll get to show me that new car you said was “elegant” and I’ll judge them driving skill. Plus, I gotta see if the smile on your face is 'cause you finally got yourself a nice girl!” The fool even had the audacity to put the elegance in air quotes! But Xeno does find it funny, especially since his younger face was definitely scowling in despair. He couldn't see it, it was like he was reliving it in first person.
The call had been cut short. Now, he was left staring at his own reflection on his black phone screen, alone in his apartment.
…
At the same time, a loud chair emitted a screeching noise that resonated through Xeno’s laboratory. The tired man shot up right and looked around, looking dishevelled and very surprised. His cheeks were red from burying his face in his arms, the rough texture of his coat leaving marks that made him look a little too silly for an all powerful ruler.
Stanley let out a chuckle and let the heavy chair he had grabbed fall back so he could take a seat.
“Mornin’, princess.” laughed out the sniper with a weird look. Xeno couldn't decipher it. Was it judgement? No, it looked a little too much like amusement. It was adoration.
“Kah! What in your right mind could’ve ever given you the thought of barging in my office so stupidly?!” he exclaimed with the tone of a man with authority, even though he still looked a little thrown off balance. He quickly ran his hand through his hair, trying to fix his pompadour in case anyone else decided to show up.
“Come on, you really ought to get out of your little hole. You've been caged up in here for what, three days now? We all sorta even miss your grumpy ass!” Lies, Stanley really did miss him. It was obvious, he was babbling way too much.
“I’ll come down, just let me–” and that's when Xeno realized that he was on top of his epiphany of a letter that he wrote in a spontaneous and insane tirade of boredness. Big mistakes, falling asleep here. His arms were hiding it, but if he moved, the sniper's trained eye would surely catch it. The font doesn't look half as professional as what he usually prefers to write in and use to order his subordinates, so the blond will surely notice that it’s not the usual boring papers!
“..get my thoughts rearranged and I will be free. Also, you can absolutely leave while I collect my things.”
“What is it?” his Stan had the audacity to ask.
“Nothing. I do not know what ever you could be referring to.” After a short pause of prolonged eye contact, he added, “Why?”
“Move. I know you're hiding something.” Stanley said with a knowing look. Knowing what exactly, the scientist couldn't be sure.
“I don't know what you're talking about.” It was then that Xeno made his fatal mistake. He gave a quick glance downwards to make sure his arms were still hiding the mess he had created earlier.
“Saw that, now c’mon Xe, just tell. Are you trying your hand at drawing? I swear I won't judge”
Since the curious man was so close, he had managed to get a look at the paper and immediately spotted his name.
“You're writing? To me. Why?” he said with a raised eyebrow. It was almost as if he was genuinely wondering. He couldn't be, for if Xeno was sure of one thing, is that what he did never truly interested his other half. Still, Xeno had no other choice but to utter a weak answer.
“I was tired, way too tired in a definite matter obviously, for it took me not long to start writing a sort of letter, which seems to be addressed to your person.” With every word he said, the one talking gave looks of disdain at his hands, the poor paper and the man who was currently towering over him with interest. He continued with more anxious flourish, waving his hands while explaining fast, not truly making sense.
“And also, I found myself bored. Maybe I even have a fever, which would be the logical reason for my inelegantly worded sentences I put on this poor paper, and also these dreams!”
“What dreams?”
“...”
“??”
“Is that really all you got from my message? Oh yes, Stan, I've been having these dreams, full of souvenirs of when we were younger. It's strange and feels inadequate. As if I was out having a better time while sleeping peacefully and you were risking your life fighting crocodiles in the harsh nature!”
…
After 2 months of absence, all Stan did was call from his army barrack, saying he was getting back to Boston. It was all it took to get Xeno to melt. He was getting to see Stanley first, before his family, before his friends and just, before anyone else.
Waiting at the airport had never been something Xeno was particularly fond of, but he would survive if it meant bringing Stanley home. And have the strong soldier all to himself. They could catch up.
He was glad he had something to occupy his thoughts with as he waited, since he could simply look at the passing people and let his mind wander.
He was really getting lost in thoughts of calculations and other things that Stan would qualify as "nerdy", when he heard a loud sound to his right. Over every other loud talk and announcements, all of the blinding lights and terrible smells, he heard him.
He was left waiting for only a little while because when he turned around slightly to look at the entrance, he saw the one he was here for. Stanley came through a passage of people as if in a rush.
He was looking around, panting softly, definitely trying to find his friend.
Xeno gave a little wave to indicate that he was there already.
“Xeno! There you are.” Stanley was running up to the Xeno, the same way an excited puppy would run up to its owner.
“Man, I missed you."
At the sight of him, the words Xeno said will forever be stuck between them both but, he whispered a small “Oh, Stan, how I’ve missed you, too."
Said at the comically same time. They laughed and Xeno noted that Stanley stood slightly closer to him.
“Well, Stan. I see you are doing good.” Xeno gave him a once-over, having to look up to admire the soldier's face. “And still so full of energy.” he continued with a soft smile. It was nice being close again.
After a little while of driving though many crowded roads, they got to the small restaurant where they would be spending time together. Xeno couldn't believe it, it was almost as if he was overly charged, he could almost see the electrons bouncing off him, in a metaphorical way obviously.
The cafe wasn't silent but it was clean and had a calm feeling inside. Xeno led them to sit at a small round table in the back near the window. That way, they could be alone, together in their own world.
“I'm glad we made it, I hope this place sells good coffee, you look like you need one. Rough night?”
"You could say that"
As he was sitting down, Stanley felt surprisingly anxious. He didn't get it, he had no reason to feel fearful of Xeno, so why were his palms sweating? He’s only felt this type of way in the army, when his finger was on the trigger.
They started to talk a bit about how they were doing and what Stanley's time away went like. Did Xeno take care of himself? Does the soldier's body hurt? Are they both equally tired? Then, after Xeno put down his cup, Stanley opened his mouth to tell what he had been waiting to say.
"Xeno, when I was gone, did you find–"
At that moment, Xeno knew that the only thing that could come of out of his friend's mouth was something that would hurt him. He was asking again, asking the same question. He had to move. He did without even thinking.
“Hey, what are you–”
“Don’t worry too much about it” was all Xeno could answer as he quickly put his hand on the table and bent to kiss Stanley. He had gotten around the table with a fast beating heart, and now he was pressing his lips in an instistent manner on his friend's. The press of their lips was a little awkward, but when Stanley's breath hitched, he moved his head a little to make space to grab the other man's face. It felt like acceptance.
Xeno didn't want to hear Stanley ask if he had found the girl of his dreams ever again. He had missed him too much to suffer this hypocrisy. They had always been close, closer than any friends ever could be. How could his Stan be so dense? As to not realize, realize that his love didn't lie with girls, or any other man. Just with him.
The exchange felt good, it was sweet but bitter, both because of the coffee Xeno had been drinking and also, the feeling slowly growing in him. Didn't he just do something wrong? Why wasn't Stan pulling away? And why did he feel this way, so natural about staring his best friend in the eyes like this.
And then Stanley broke apart, shock evident on his features, hand almost touching Xeno's face. Then, in an instant, he gave the most beautiful and blinding smile that the scientist had ever seen.
…
"Soo, what type of dreams? Im real curious."
"No matter. But if you insist, I had dreamt of a few of our first times, like when we had gone on that mountain to see the stars, or when you came back from your long deployment and I, well.." Xeno came to a halt with a look of little worry. He felt his cheeks redden, for some reason, this was embarrassing to him. "I kissed you."
“So when we had first kiss? Well I do know I used to think about it quite a lot, too.” Stanley stuttered out. Then after a strange blink, he answered. “Yeah, well I remember. It was a real sweet moment. I felt like I was spinning ‘round when you got up and kissed me”
“Like dancing?”, the scientist curiously wondered out loud. He could feel his cheeks heating up just thinking about how truthful his Stan sounded.
Stan gets up and reaches a hand towards the man slouching on his desk.
“I” he said, hiding a shy smile, “want a repeat performance, to see if you remember it as well.”
He was grinning and moved forward to raise Xeno into an upright position. And Xeno let him. What, will Stanley try to make him dance? Or kiss him? He wouldn't mind any of those, it could help him relax, he hold faith in his Stanley.
"You sure are something.." was all that he could say as his body was manipulated into an appropriate position for a slow dance, forced to press up against the soldier. The sound of his breathing was too loud. Unwanted attention all over him, he felt the blond's eyes all over him.
“You know, you don't seem that mad anymore” murmured Stanley, softly swaying to the sound of their own footsteps as music.
Nothing else mattered in that moment, except their hearts who beat in tune with one another. A single soul dwelling in two bodies, a smarter man once said. Now, Xeno could only qualify themselves as soulmates, needing their other half to function properly.
It was obvious, with how Stanley was staring into his own black eyes, crushing him like how the shining stars always do.
“Did you have good dreams?”, Stanley then asked playfully.
In every way, every universe and all other possibilities of outcomes that could've ever happened between each other, this one was the best one, the one Xeno never had imagined could be real, his life. He will never complain about what was offered to him. He had accepted his role as leader, but if only the path where he and his knight could live without worry existed, he might have opted for it. All to assure that his Stan, his strongest soldier, could continue on without worry.
“I love you, Stan.” replied Xeno.
But all that thinking leads nowhere. And here he is, now in the present time, sharing his body in a graceful dance with the only one who truly completes him.
Stanley didn't falter, he kept moving his feet.
Then, balancing Xeno while leading him around the room, he brought them both, with an elegant flourish, to a halt. Dropping the white haired man to fold into a bow, he dipped Xeno and held his adoring eyes wide open, as if finding himself somewhat surprised at action.
As they held each other, Xeno’s body was heavy and he felt as if couldn't quite understand what he was feeling. The blond had turned his head to avoid the scientist's stare. Xeno saw how he was trembling slightly, it confused him.
“Stan? What are you doing?” Are you okay?
“I don't know.” I love you.
“I know,” whispered Xeno while leaning back in the soldier's strong grasp, “I love you.”
Reaching up to grab a hold on Stanley’s shoulders, Xeno pushed himself up off his toes to bring his mouth to the other. He knew his Stan was very agreeable because he's being pliant, more than usual.
Xeno is honest. He starts off slow, with his arms around his lover's neck, lips close to Stan’s but not touching. His teasing meant the kiss would not be repeated unless the sniper did something. Body and mind giving itself up for his knight, he lets himself move, languidly feeling up the strong body holding him.
Then, with a voice full of love, Stanley's body going and swaying to the imaginary tune, he says “I missed you” and reaches up to lock lips with the one who reached for his heart.