And sincerely, I will love you dearly

This story has been a trip!
Honestly when I first read your request I had no idea what to write! All your prompts gave me so many ideas and I really just wanted to consolidate as many as I could within this fic! It kind of got out of control and there was definitely so much more I wanted to do with the story and the characters and the setting, but alas, time constraints (which I am terrible with) and this was all I could manage. Regardless, I hope, hope, hope you enjoy what is there and at least get a good read out of it.
For anyone who is interested, the prompts included: Found families, character studies, friends-to-lovers, mutual pining, road trips, accidental meetings (text the wrong number! broke into the wrong apartment! crashed the wrong wedding!), non-linear stories, dystopian universes, five times fics, characters slowly working through feelings & falling in love, fics written through letters/emails/texts... Etc etc. Not all are included in this story, but I've tried to add in as many as I could.
Thank you so much dear recipient for the wonderful prompts, they were so much fun to play with! A huge thanks to the mods for arranging this exchange and for putting up with my terribly late submission. And to all readers, thank you and I hope you enjoy :)

Work Text:

Part 1: Fortune Favors

There is something very fortuitous, Yongguk would say, about accidental meetings. There's something very fishy, is all Himchan would say. They both agree to disagree, and frankly, that's how they get on best.

It's that sort of attitude that is the start of this all. At least that's how Himchan will look back and reflect on it all as.

A text to the wrong person. Yongguk's fault of course. Not that he would agree.

A reply that baffles Himchan.

A curiosity that grows like a tiny flower in an urban jungle roadside: small but persistent. And beautiful of course, in its own wild and indeterminable way.

As Yongguk would say, love flowers in the unlikeliest of places. Then again, he himself fell in love with the likeliest of people - a girl so sweet and tender-hearted and yet somehow to unyielding in her own beliefs that it was impossible to imagine Yongguk choosing anyone other than such a girl - and really, Yongguk should not be one to talk at all.

But we're getting ahead of ourselves. Way, way ahead of ourselves.

This is a story, and so as with all stories, we should start with the beginning.

Where is the beginning you may ask? Well, there are many.

Stories, you see, are circular. So is time. So are circles. So are most doughnuts.

There are many places we could begin. For example, one starting point is a mistakenly sent text: something which Himchan can fervently explain as a mistake 'anyone could have made'. After all, both he and Yongguk change their numbers regularly and Himchan had never been good at remembering a string of digits. It wasn't his fault that it just so happened a one digit difference would make such a world of a difference in who replied.

Or we could start with a boy and a phone that he finds by chance on day. He doesn't recognize the model. To be fair, he doesn't even recognize that it is a phone at all. If we start the story with him, then it begins with him uncovering a box, and inside, the little slip of metal that is unresponsive at first. The boy will take the little slip of metal home with him, and by some fortuitous stroke of luck, he will leave it outside in the sun and it's exactly two days later that he remembers and recovers it, only to find the face of the metal lit up with white and lined with finely printed words of black. And that is the beginning for him.

Alternatively, we could start with Himchan in a darkened room. He sits on his bed, unmade; the curtains are drawn, but the city night lights still seeps in. In his hand is a tiny ring, silver, and embossed with cursive words. He grips it once, tightly, in the palm of his left hand. He brings the fist up to his heart and holds it there for a long, long time, as if somehow he can transfer all the love and all the light and embed it as warmth into the chilly metal.

Or if you would like we could start with the end. The supposed end, at least. It consists of words. A lot of words. Words spoken; words written. Words curled and curved; words spoken in sandpaper rasps and words drenched in despair. It's voices unfamiliar and yet exactly as you imagine. Hold them close, bottle them up tightly, and save them for a lonely, rainy day.

The boy holds the once unfamiliar object to his ear and closes his eyes as he lets the words wash over his senses. The wind ripples; the air smells of dust and sand. There a tear that tracks down his face as the full realization of the wall between the two of them hits him like a bullet to his stomach. It pierces. It bleeds. Despite it all though, he is happy.

So, so, very happy.

Stories are circular. So is time. So are doughnuts.

The point is that really, we could start in any particular place and make a full revolution.

But for the sake of this story, let's start with Himchan at home, in lazy sweatpants and something mindless showing on his laptop. His stomach rumbles and he reaches for his phone atop the table. His typing is lazy, the entry of the temporary phone number even more so.

He barely glances at it before he presses send.

It's the greatest mistake he's about to make.

"What are you frowning at?" Daehyun asks as he pads softly into the room. His voice cracks as he yawns; he rubs blearily at his eyes. They were up till late this morning working; Himchan himself only just woke up a few hours ago and Yongguk, ever the somehow energy inspired human that he is, was long gone before Himchan got out. Probably back to the studio or something.

"This," Himchan says, looking away from the baffling message and proffering the screen towards Daehyun.

Daehyun blinks twice and has to push his thick fold of fringe out of his eyes as he bends down to see Himchan's phone.

"Are you messaging Yongguk-hyung?" he asks, confused as his eyes skim the short text, once, then twice, and then for a third time.

Himchan pulls the phone away from Daehyun and nods. Daehyun straightens, his mouth curved with puzzlement.

"Are you sure you texted the right person?"

Himchan pauses. "Even if i did text the wrong person, who doesn't know about ramyeon?"

Daehyun's lips curve further, the food fanatic in him heavily agreeing. "That's true," he concedes and straightens his fringe. It's still half a mess. He's all soft in his sleep shirt and with his sleep-ruffled hair, washed and unbleached for the first time in months. He looks younger in black. "Well, why don't you just reply this person then?"

Himchan's mouth drops. "Are you serious Daehyunnie? I don't know who's on the other side. For all I know it's some crazy saesang who's going to use the text message to GPS our location and then break into our dorm in the middle of the night and steal all our underwear."

Daehyun raises one eyebrow meaningfully. "Okay first of all, you've been reading way too many fanfics. Don't you dare deny that. Secondly, you're the one who texted this person first, not the other way round. And thirdly, ew. Just ew."

Himchan sticks out his tongue in retaliation. Daehyun reaches over to swat Himchan's shoulder good-naturedly.

"It can't hurt just to text one more time," Daehyun says lightly. "I mean, just text to see what sort of person this um, person, is like. If he or she sounds crazy then block the number and change your sim card and everything. If they sound normal, then cool. That's it."

Himchan still can't help but feel this is a bad idea.

"Or don't do anything," Daehyun suggests, shrugging. He yawns again. "I mean it's only ramyeon. I'm sure people who don't know what ramyeon is exist."

That gets Himchan.

"Anyway," Daehyun yawns again, "I'm going to go shower. I'm meeting up with some friends tonight, so I'll be back late tonight okay."

Himchan looks up belatedly, thoughts still glued to his phone. "Okay," he says absentmindedly. "Take care. Have fun."

"Will do," Daehyun says as he disappears into the bathroom, his voice faint and echoing.

Himchan is left there staring at his phone for a good ten minutes or so.

He mulls over Daehyun's words, Yongguk's possible words of reasons, and his own words of doubt in his mind.

In the bathroom Daehyun is singing. Some pitched English song about love and loss. About opportunities missed. About a telephone call and the sound ringing endlessly in a darkened room.

Maybe it's because of Daehyun's song, or because of the words that Himchan can imagine Yongguk saying, or maybe it's just Himchan's own voice inside his head that urges him to give in to his own curiosity, or maybe it's none of the above at all, but Himchan finds himself turning on his phone and searching for that strange, strange message and typing out one simple reply.

He presses send and puts down his phone.

He feels like he's run a hundred miles with the way his heart is hammering. He presses one hand down on his chest and whispers to himself to "calm down". And then he gets up to go make dinner.

Himchan's message history reads as this:

Himchan 06/04/16 20:28
Buy me some ramyeon on the way home, Bbang.

??? 06/04/16 21:05
What is ramyeon? What is Bbang?

Himchan's 24 hour later reply reads as this:

Himchan 07/04/16 21:33
???

It's not exactly the most masterful of replies, Himchan knows that very well, but, it's something?

HImchan put his phone face down and decides to focus on scavenging food. It's better than focusing on this silly fixation of his, and it's not like Bbang is bringing him home ramyeon anytime soon.

He's halfway through ransacking the second shelf of the fridge when he hears the telltale brri-ing sound of his phone. He pauses, one hand on a bunch of cabbages that Daehyun might have bought on his copious food shopping trips or Yongguk have been given by Tasha, and turns his head towards his phone.

Instantly, he curses himself for having put his phone face down. He puts down the cabbage and gets to his feet. The two-meter distance feels like two miles.

He turns over his phone. The white light flashes. He taps at the screen. 1 message unread, it reads.

Himchan drags a finger over the screen.

??? 07/04/16 21:50
?

Himchan is laughing before he even realizes it. A bark of a laugh more than anything, fueled by surprise rather than genuine amusement.

Is this person copying him? Does he really not know what is ramyeon? Does he not know how to express himself? Actually Himchan doesn't even know if it's a he or she but all the same, Himchan for once is at loss for words.

He takes a moment to process his reply, and then he types.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:10
I'm sorry. You're not Bbang right?

This reply is marginally faster.

??? 07/04/16 22:15
If Bbang is the name of somebody, then no, I am not.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:17
That explains it. Sorry, wrong number then.

??? 07/04/16 22:19
No problem.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:20
Yeah, sorry about that. Your numbers must be similar.

Himchan pauses. Should he ask? Does he dare? He shouldn't, he really shouldn't....oh, but the curiosity!

Himchan 07/04/16 22:20
But do you really not know what ramyeon is?

A pause. A heartbeat. And then two.

??? 07/04/16 22:22
No. Should I?

Himchan 07/04/16 22:23
Yes.

Himchan scolds himself for the hasty reply. He shouldn't be so harsh.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:24
Okay, well, I mean you don't have to. But it's just so common that I'm shocked you don't know what it is. Where are you from?

??? 07/04/16 22:25
I'm from a country known as South Korea.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:26
Seriously?! And you still don't know what ramyeon is?

??? 07/04/16 22:27
No, I don't. What is it?

Himchan 07/04/16 22:28
It's noodles. Like, but um, like instant noodles. They come in packs and you just add water and wait.

??? 07/04/16 22:29
Are they tasty? I've never tried one before.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:30
Haha, i figured. And yeah, they're really good. Especially the spicy ones.

??? 07/04/16 22:31
Where can I get some?

Himchan 07/04/16 22:30
Uh, the closest convenience store will do I guess.

??? 07/04/16 22:31
What's a convenience store?

Himchan pauses at this, a little stunned. Not knowing ramen is one thing; not knowing what a convenience store is a whole other one. Perhaps this person lives in the countryside? Maybe he or she is bound to a hospital where they serve nothing but sickeningly healthy food? Maybe they were one of those fictional children locked away in their own house and raised to be the very best with only healthy salads for breakfast, lunch, and dinner and no access to electronics at all.

Okay, okay, Himchan may or may not be letting his imagination run away with him.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:47
You know, small shops that sell all the basic stuff really cheaply? Like FamilyMart or GS?

??? 07/04/16 22:50
Oh! Yes! I think I saw a place called FamilyMart once.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:51
Oh, good. They should sell some then. Try this brand.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:52
Attached: [image: nong-shim-shin-ramen.jpg]

??? 07/04/16 22:55
Okay. I'll have a look next time I find a store.

Himchan 07/04/16 22:56
Good, good. Let me know what you think of it when you try.

??? 07/04/16 22:57
I will.

It's only as he puts is phone down, the conversation finished, that Himchan stops to reflect on the potential enormity of the situation.

What is he doing? Encouraging further conversation? With a complete and utter - if admittedly endearing - stranger.

For all he knows this could be a fan who might have the best of intentions, just not for Himchan and the others. Alternatively, this could be one of those internet personas, the type that horror stories and warning advertisements are created by and for.

Himchan leans back in his chair and muses.

Is this sensible? He could end the exchange here and now, no damage done yet. But there's an ache in his chest at the thought of such loss.

It's the anonymity, he thinks. For now, they both do not know the other and it's refreshing: talking to someone anew, someone who will not judge him based on who he is or what he is done. Someone, who for the better or worse, interests Himchan.

And as Yongguk always says, curiosity is Himchan's best and worst trait. He takes in a deep breath and looks out the darkened window. The tiny lights of his neighbours look so far away.
Just for a little longer, he promises to himself. Just a little longer and then he'll stop.

His buries his face in his arms and tilts his head so that he can look out the window. For a little moment his hunger is forgotten and if he could see himself, he would see a small smile playing on his face. But he can't see himself and so he continues to smile until he closes his eyes and falls asleep just like that.

Himchan gets a response three days later.

??? 10/04/16 11:21
I tried the rameyon thing.

Himchan 10/04/16 11:42
!!!!

Himchan 10/04/16 11:42
How was it? Did you like it? What do you think about it?

??? 10/04/16 11:52
Um. It was crunchy?

Himchan 10/04/16 11:54
Crunchy?

??? 10/04/16 11:55
Yeah. Sorry, I know you really like it, but um maybe it's an acquired taste?

Himchan 10/04/16 11:56
It's fine if you don't like it, but uh, ramyeon shouldn't be crunchy.

??? 10/04/16 11:57
Um?

Himchan 10/04/16 11:58
Did you perhaps, uh, not put in any water?

??? 10/04/16 11:59
You're supposed to put water in?

Himchan snorts.

"What's up Channie?" Yongguk asks, leaning over his chair's armrest, trying to see the source of Himchan's mirth.

"Nothing, nothing," Himchan waves him off, though he can still feel his cheeks hurting from smiling so hard. He tries to squash away the smile.

"Really?" Yongguk asks rhetorically, one eyebrow raised.

"Yeah," Himchan says, still fighting the smile, "Just this person. They didn't realize they have to put water in ramyeon."

Yongguk's lips twitch. "So they just ate it right out of the packet?

"I think so," Himchan says, trying not to laugh.

"And who exactly is this person?"

Himchan freezes, fingers hovering over the keyboard in mid-reply.

"Himchan?" Yongguk asks mildly.

"Just..."

"Himchan? Yongguk asks again, voice slightly sterner.

Himchan exhales. "It's just this person I texted by accident. We're chatting about ramyeon, that's all. It's okay Yongguk. This person doesn't even know who I am. He or she won't cause a scene with the media."

"That's not what I'm worried about," Yongguk says gently. "Media and image aside, there are repercussions of talking to a stranger that you can't even see."

Himchan frowns. "I get it Bbang but I'm twenty-four. I can handle myself."

"Okay, okay," Yongguk relents. "Just be careful okay."

Himchan relaxes. "Sure Bbang. Always am."

Yongguk returns his attention to his computer screen and Himchan looks down to see a flurry of further messages.

??? 10/04/16 12:20
I added water. It still kind of tastes funny.

??? 10/04/16 12:25
How long do I add the water for?

??? 10/04/16 12:28
What are the little packets for? I opened one and it's making me sneeze. It tastes spicy.

??? 10/04/16 12:33
I don't think ramyeon is for me, sorry.

Himchan has to hold back the bubble of laughter that threatens at his lips.

Himchan 10/04/16 12:35
It has to be hot water. And you leave it for about 3-4 minutes.

Himchan 10/04/16 12:36
The little packets are for flavoring. The spicy one is probably the powder that makes the soup taste better. The other one will usually have little vegetables in it.

Himchan 10/04/16 12:37
Also, which type of ramyeon are you using? Cup or packet?

??? 10/04/16 12:38
Cup?

Himchan 10/04/16 12:39
Haha, why do you sound so hesitant.

??? 10/04/16 12:40
This is all very new for me.

??? 10/04/16 12:41
But thank you for being so kind and telling me about all of this.

??? 10/04/16 12:42
Is it okay if I ask your name?

Himchan freezes.

??? 10/04/16 12:43
I feel bad that I don't know your name. I can't keep calling your ramyeon-hyung when I don't even know if you're my hyung or not.

??? 10/04/16 12:44
So yeah, is it okay if I ask?

Himchan licks his lips. His mouth feels all of a sudden incredibly dry. To be fair he should have seen this coming. At some point there would be questions about identity. At some point the game of anonymity would end.

Just because Himchan thought he could keep things this way doesn't mean that's what the person on the other side wants.
His fingers hover over the screen. They feel frozen in place, a statue, a plastic mold, a shell of the person once called Kim Himchan.

Suddenly, his phone vibrates.

??? 10/04/16 12:44
Oh. Sorry. Youngjae-hyung is scolding me. He says before I ask someone else's name I should tell them my own.

??? 10/04/16 12: 45
My name is Jongup. Moon Jongup.

His heart is a pounding symphony. There are so many different type of emotions that Himchan can't even put a name to them all.

Fear of replying. Happiness of knowing. Hesitance of telling. Desire of glimpsing more.

Out of the corner of his eye, Himchan sees Yongguk watching. His eyes are narrowed with careful concern. His mouth is shaped like it wants to say something.

The music notes on the computer screen in front of the both of them dance.

"I'm going out for a bit," Himchan says, voice dry and raspy.

Yongguk dips his head and says nothing. Himchan knows that Yongguk is worried, but trusts him enough. His lack of words is proof of that. He turns his gaze back to his faithful screen and slips his headphones back over his ears.

Out, means the end of the company hallway. It's quiet and uninhabited at this time of the day. The window is perpetually open because there is no air conditioning and the sun above is burning hot. The air smells thick and humid. Himchan loves it.

Himchan rests his arms on the windowsill and sticks his head out. The leaves sway in the afternoon breeze. Himchan stares at his phone and wonders how exactly he should reply.
Is he over-thinking things? Maybe the best thing is to reply simply and from the heart, just as he did last time.

Somewhere in the near distance a bird chirps and a shadow flits over Himchan's hand. A child's laughter rings in the air, a dog barks enthusiastically.

Himchan takes that tiny bit of courage and presses send.

Himchan 10/04/16 13:01
My name Kim Himchan.

He turns off his phone for the rest of the day.

Himchan is part of a three membered music group.

Yongguk is the leader and rapper, Daehyun their vocalist, Himchan in charge of instrumentals and subvocals.

In reality though, they all do a bit of everything. Daehyun can write raps, Himchan has perfect pitch, and Yongguk constructs half of their songs. Sometimes Himchan feels like labels are meaningless, but regardless, the media loves labels.

In the past they were described as fierce because of their debut with harsh instruments and strong vocals, hip hop because of their following comeback, boybandish because of the upbeat poppy song Daehyun penned the summer after, and then volatile because of the series of rock and r&b and ballad that came out one after another thanks to Yongguk and his surge of inspiration.

As a group, they constantly change, and even the media grudgingly admits that they are a frustrating group which seems to defy every label that is plastered on them, and yet they still persist. It seems a human folly that there is the desire to define, and everytime Himchan sees the news and their latest creative title, he snorts.

Yongguk and Daehyun are always gently amused by Himchan's annoyance and Himchan always then finds it even more annoying that they don't share his annoyance.

To the two of them, all that matters is music: creating and expressing for Yongguk, simply singing for Daehyun.

To Himchan, it's more.

Maybe it's because in the very begining when their company decided to sell their group as a boyband, it was an almost unanimous decision to make Himchan the visual even though everyone knew it bothered him. You can guess who was the only one to not agree.

It's not that Himchan doesn't see their point of view... it's just that he has these concerns and worries, little spidery fears of the past.

It took Yongguk a long time and a lot of persuasive meetings to sway their company's mindset on the image of their group, And after that it took even longer to change the public's opinion.

Even now Himchan knows that to many of their fans he is just a pretty addition to the group; that to many, his presence is questionable. But he also knows there are those who understand his contributions, acknowledge and appreciate what he brings to the group. Despite that it is so very difficult to focus on the good.

It's for that reason that Himchan is rather skeptical about meeting new people, particularly those who know him as a boyband member. He can see it in their eyes when at first glance they have made up their minds.

And for that reason Himchan is careful when it comes to cultivating new relationships.

There is his family, Yongguk, Daehyun, a few friends from high school and back home, a scattering of other idols and actors and actresses that share and appreciate and therefore understand Himchan's standings. Then there are his work relations: his boss, the coordinators, the producers that Yongguk like, their manager, the staff at TS. These people Himchan keep at arm's length - polite and reasonable.

But for the rest of the world - fans, certain celebrities, MCs, visiting relations, the everyday stranger on the street - there are definitely those within this range of people that Himchan knows he must always treat with caution.

And then there is Jongup.

Moon Jongup who fits nowhere in Himchan's perfectly segregated categories. He's more than a mere acquaintance but not exactly a friend.

Now that Himchan has told him his name it's only a matter of time to see whether or not his celebrity status affects their tentative exchange.

It's happened before: Himchan revealing his name to someone that had been a simple but sweet acquaintance with the potential to be more. A friend - or so he had though -, someone he had met in the back of a bar when the group was on break and everyone needed a bit of refuel for inspiration.

In the end though he had turned out to be another one of those opportunisitics who, the minute had discovered who Himchan was, had spammed twitter, facebook, and had even tried calling Dispatch.

It's left a bitter aftertaste on Himchan's tongue and he's not eager for things to repeat.

He hopes Jongup will be different. No, he needs Jongup to be different. But still, it's hard to leave it all up to hope when hope is such a whimsical mistress.

There's no avoiding it in the morning though, when the sunlight is so harsh it makes it impossible to fall back into murky, dark dreams.

Himchan reaches stiffly for his phone, flipping it over and drinking in the sign of six unread messages.

Two are from Yongguk. One from Daehyun. One from his manager. The last two have the newly minted name of Moon Jongup.

He reads those first.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 13:12
That's a nice name.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 13:13
Nice to meet you Kim Himchan...hyung?

Almost unconsciously, Himchan feels the tightness in his chest unravel. It's like a spool of thread being attached by a kitten, sharp yet satisfying to feel it come apart.
He doesn't know me, he thinks with almost ferocious joy. He doesn't know me! Or, he alternatively thinks, he doesn't care. The joy grips him like claws, so tight it's almost painful, so sharp it almost draws blood.

Still though, he answers carefully. One can never really know.

Himchan 11/04/16 11:22
That depends I guess. How old are you? I'm 26.

Himchan doesn't expect Jongup to reply immediately, so he takes his time getting out of bed. He walks lightly, unconsciously humming as he brushes his teeth, takes a morning shower, and changes into comfortable clothing.

It's as he grabs his phone on the way out to fetch breakfast that he sees the telltale flashing light. He's swiping at the screen without even thinking twice.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:00
I'm 21.

He has to hide the fever in his fingers, has to hold back the little tingle of happiness.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:10
Ah, okay. I'm your hyung then.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:17
Nice to meet you Himchan hyung :)

Himchan 11/04/16 12:19
Oh! You used an emoji!!!

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:22
Yeah, my friend Junhong suggested I try using one.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:24
Hahaha you didn't know how to use them before?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:25
Nope, sorry. This is the first time I'm using such a machine.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:26
Such a machine? You mean the text system? Or the phone?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:27
Um. Both?

Himchan 11/04/16 12:28
Seriously? You've never used a phone before?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:29
No. They're not very common around here.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:30
Huh. Is that so.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:30
What is it like from where you're from?

Himchan has a fascination with places. He counts himself lucky that as part of his job he gets to travel. He's seen the glorious blue of Busan and the sprawling greens of Jeju. He's been fortunate enough to travel to the little temples of Japan and be surrounded by the bustling city of Hong Kong. Everywhere he goes, Himchan takes photos. He takes them and saves them and files them individually, going through each one on nights when he cannot sleep.
He can only begin to imagine what wonderous place Jongup comes from.

He's a little shocked by Jongup's response.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:31
Um. Empty?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:32
Of people I mean. There's not a lot of people living here.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:33
Not much to do here either. We get some wild animals running around from time to time though.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:34
That sounds peaceful?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:35
Haha, sort of I guess.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:36
You guess?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:37
Well there are always the good things and the bad.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:38
But it's okay. I have Youngjae-hyung and Junhongie. As long as I have them everything will be fine.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:39
You mentioned a Youngjae earlier. Are they your friends?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:40
Yup. We all live together and take care of one another.

Himchan can empathize with that feeling.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:41
What about you? Do you have friends?

Himchan 11/04/16 12:42
I have two very close friends. One is Yongguk, but I call him Bbang. I rely on him for a lot. The second is Daehyun. He's very mischevious, but he's a really good guy.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:44
Oh, is this the Bbang guy you were originally texting about rameyong?

Himchan 11/04/16 12:45
Yes. That's him. And it's ramyeon.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:46
Oh, oops. Sorry.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:47
Haha, no problem. It's a new word to you after all.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:48
What do you normally eat then?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:50
Oh, whatever we can find. Vegetables, meat sometimes, the occasional fish if Youngjae-hyung can get his traps working. And a lot of packaged stuff. That's how I remembered about the Familar Mart place. I never really remembered the name but we get a lot of things from there.

Himchan raises his eyebrow at Jongup's reply. There's so much he wants to correct or inquire further but, well, baby steps.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:52
I see. That sounds like an interesting mix of a lot of things.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:53
But don't you have any restaurants or eateries?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:55
Not really. Not many people live here after all.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:56
Oh. Is it lonely then?

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 12:57
Sometime I guess. But I have Youngjae-hyung and Junhongie, so I count myself lucky enough as it is.

Himchan doesn't even think before he types it out.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:58
You have me as well if you like.

Himchan 11/04/16 12:59
Okay, wait, that sounded a little weird.

Himchan 11/04/16 13:00
What I meant to say is that if you like, I'm always here for you to talk to.

Himchan 13:00
Or something like that?

Himchan throws one arm over his face and sinks deep into his seat. He can feel his cheeks heat. What was he even thinking? Or not thinking, apparently.

It takes what feels like a long time for Jongup to reply. Seconds stretch to minutes. Minutes to unthinkable hours. Himchan mindlessly gets up to rummage around the fridge for something to eat, but his eyes continue to stray back to the phone.

And then it buzzes, and Himchan has it in his hands before he even knows it.

Moon Jongup 11/04/16 13:35
Thank you hyung. I'd appreciate that a lot.

Himchan smiles and puts the phone down more gently.

This time as he makes himself lunch, he finds himself humming. He doesn't notice it, but Daehyun will tell him later that he's got a creepy smile on his face.

The next few months breeze by in a hearty mixture of work, play, and talk.

There are lighthearted conversations like these:

Jongup 28/04/16 11:22
You're tired.

Jongup 28/04/16 11:23
Your last few texts all have errors in them.

Himchan 28/04/16 11:24
Soeery.

Himchan 28/04/16 11:25
I mean sorry. Yeah, you're right, I'm pretty beat.

Jongup 28/04/16 11:35
What happened? It's not even noon yet.

Himchan 11:26
I was out drinking with friends last night. We ended up at someone else's house and I only just got home.

Jongup 28/04/16 11:27
Drinking? Is it fun?

Himchan 28/04/16 11:28
A little I guess. It's more for the social aspect than anything.

Jongup 28/04/16 11:29
Does it taste good?

Himchan 28/04/16 11:30
You probably wouldn't like it.

Jongup 28/04/16 11:31
Describe it to me?

Himchan 28/04/16 11:32
Er. Sharp? Acidic?

Jongup 28/04/16 11:33
Why would you drink acid?

Himchan 28/04/16 11:34
It's was a comparison. It's not actually acid.

Jongup 28/04/16 11:35
But you just said it tastes like acid.

Himchan 28/04/16 11:36
I meant it was sharp like acid. Not exactly acid.

Jongup 28/04/16 11:37
How is it like acid then?

Himchan 28/04/16 11:38
It er, burns?

Jongup 28/04/16 11:39
Are you sure that's safe to drink?!

And then there are conversations like these.

Himchan 17/05/16 04:55
Which would say is a better birthday present, cuff links or a tie?

Jongup 17/05/16 05:14
Er, I have no idea what either of those are.

Himchan 17/05/16 05:16
Haha, really? Cuff links are to pin the cuffs of suits back. A tie is er, tied around the neck. I'm not sure if there's an offical purpose other than to make you look nice.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:18
Well both sound a little too fancy to me...

Himchan 17/05/16 05:19
Hmmm.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:20
But it's not like it's for me. Who's birthday is it anyway?

Himchan 17/05/16 05:22
Daehyun's You remember him?

Jongup 17/05/16 05:23
Of course. The loud one, right?

Himchan 17/05/16 05:24
Haha, yeah, that one. Well yeah, it's his birthday next month and I want to sort out his present before I forget and run out of time like last year.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:25
Good call.

Himchan 17/05/16 05:26
But yeah, not sure what to get. Thought I'd ask you for advice.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:27
Oh. That's nice to hear, but well, I guess it depends on what Daehyun normally likes.

Himchan 17/05/16 05:28
Er. A lot of things?

Jongup 17/05/16 05:29
Well what comes first to mind when you think of him?

Himchan 17/05/16 05:30
Food.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:31
And?

Himchan 17/05/16 05:32
Er. Seafood?

Jongup 17/05/16 05:33
....

Himchan 17/05/16 05:34
No, I'm serious. All he does is eat.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:35
He must have hobbies.

Himchan 17/05/16 05:36
Eating.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:37
....

Himchan 17/05/16 05:38
I'm serious.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:40
Well, buy him food then.

Himchan 17/05/16 05:41
You can't buy someone food for their birthday!!!

Jongup 17/05/16 05:42
Why not?

Himchan 17/05/16 05:43
It doesn't last.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:44
But he'll like it, won't he?

Himchan 17/05/16 05:45
Yeah but he'll consume it by the end of the day.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:55
So?

Himchan 17/05/16 05:56
So! So he won't remember it! It won't be a meaningful present.

Jongup 17/05/16 05:57
If he enjoys it, isn't it meaningful enough?

Himchan 17/05/16 05:58
Yeah....but....

Jongup 17/05/16 05:59
You could buy him fake food. Like paint him a picture of food. Or make him a model of food. That would last right?

Himchan 17/05/16 06:00
Yeah...but... that totally defeats the point.

Jongup 17/05/16 06:01
I'm so confused. You just said you needed something long lasting to be meaningful.

Himchan 17/05/16 06:02
Yeah but... having food that you can't eat is more like torture.

Jongup 17/05/16 06:03
I give up.

Jongup 17/05/16 06:04
I'm going to bed.

Jongup 17/05/16 06:05
Good luck present hunting.

And slowly as May passes and their company informs them that they want some sort of comeback before the end of the summer, conversations like these happen:

Jongup 20/06/16 01 03:14
You've been busy lately.

Himchan 20/06/16 03:16
Yeah, sorry. I didn't mean to lose track of time. I've just been working a lot lately.

Himchan 20/06/16 03:18
Wait. What time is it? Why are you still awake?

Jongup 20/06/16 03:19
It's really early in the morning. I was up late working.

Himchan 20/06/16 03:20
On?

Jongup 20/06/16 03:21
Maps.

Himchan 20/06/16 03:22
Maps?

Jongup 20/06/16 03:23
Yeah, I'm helping Youngjae-hyung map out the area. He thinks it'll be easier to have a more detailed map than the current ones. For the forests and rivers and stuff.

Himchan 20/06/16 03:24
Oh. That sounds interesting. Send me a pic when you're done?

Jongup 20/06/16 03:25
Okay.

Jongup 20/06/16 03:26
What about you? What are you doing so late/early this morning.

Himchan 20/06/16 03:27
Music.

Jongup 20/06/16 03:28
Music?

Himchan 20/06/16 03:29
Yeah. I never told you, did I? I make music for a living.

Jongup 20/06/16 03:30
Really? That's so cool! What sort of music?

And so Himchan begins sharing short snippets of their music with Jongup. It's something he thinks Yongguk would disapprove of and Daehyun wholesomely approve of, but there's a tingle in his hands and a tightness in his chest and Himchan thinks, what is so wrong with wanting to share music with his friend.
And then he stops. And pauses. And thinks it again, slowly but savouringly.

Jongup is my friend.

And he smiles.

It's by mid-July that the single and it's extra two songs are done. Daehyun's birthday is done and dusted (and Himchan ended up buying him mini Japanese DIY candy and cheesecake kits that takes him hours of perfection to complete and seconds of satisfaction to consume) and Yongguk is at peace with the music they're going to put out, so the three of them decide to get some downtime before the ensuing promotions and slew of general tiredness.

Yongguk visits his siblings, Daehyun goes busking with friends, Himchan takes the chance to go home.

His mother's eyes sparkle when she opens the door and she coos over how handsome he's become. His father is on a business trip and his sister held up with work, so dinner is just the two of them that night.

"You look happier," his mother comments out of the blue as Himchan is filling his cheeks with copious amounts of lettuce and meat.

"W-what?" he mumbles and nearly chokes.

A stern look from his mother makes him swallow fully before he speaks again.

"What do you mean eomma?"

"I mean you look brighter these days. Happier."

"I wasn't before?" Himchan asks archly.

His mother gives him that motherly look, the kind that says, of course not, mother knows best.

"Not as happy as you are now," she reiterates. "I know you were upset for a while after that tussle with your company and all those problems with your fans."

"That was over a year ago eomma," Himchan bemoans.

His mother raises an eyebrow. "But still, I know it upset the three of you, not being able to make music as you normally would."

"But we can now," Himchan stresses. "It's fine."

"I know it's fine now," his mother says placidly. "But there's something else, isn't there? Something is making you happier than before and it's not music. I can tell."

Himchan blinks.

"It's er," he starts and fails.

"It's what's?" his mother asks, unrelenting.

Himchan swallows and pushes the rice in his bowl around with his chopsticks. "It's not much. It's just things are going well. Our new album will be good, the company is treating us well, Yongguk and Daehyun are more than I could ask for..."

"And...?"

Himchan caves. "And I met someone."

His mother brightens instantly. "Who?"

"Eomma!" Himchan complains. "It's not like that! He's just a friend."

"He huh?" his mother smiles conspiratorally.

"Eomma! Seriously!"

"Okay, okay," his mother smiles, though there's still that gleam in her eyes. "So tell me about him."

"There's nothing to tell eomma," Himchan says shortly and stuffs more rice into his mouth.

"Oh but there must be if he makes you so happy."

"He's just a friend," Himchan reminds her.

"So? Friends can make you happy as well right?"

Himchan frowns, feeling like he's walking some terribly rickety plank and below are not sharks but his mother waiting with open arms. Somehow that image is much, much scarier.

"Look we just talk a lot. He's younger than me but he's pretty mature."

"Is he good looking?" his mother asks coyly.

"Eomma!"

"What?" she shrugs. "Can't a mother ask?"

"Eomma," Himchan sighs. Then caves. "I don't know," he admits.

"You don't know?"

"I've never met him in person. We only talk through texts."

Now his mother is worried. Her brow furrows. She tips her head, her greying locks falling to one side.

"Is this one of those internet relationships?" she asks and Himchan can see how the direction this conversation is taking.

"I'm an adult eomma," he says sternly as he puts down his chopsticks. "I can take care of myself. We started talking by accident but he's a nice guy and it's not like we're going to meet up or anything. It's purely whimsical talk, that's all, okay?"

His mother still looks unsettled, but she nods.

"I'm just worried," she admits.

"About?" Himchan prompts her as he picks up his chopsticks again.

"He makes you happy," she says softly, her own food forgotten. "And to people who make you happy, you tend to put them on high pedestals. I'm afraid you think you can control yourself, but in the mire of happiness people forget a lot of things. And I feel like if it continues that way you're going to get hurt when reality does not meet the expectations that you have been dreaming of."

"I don't expect anything," Himchan says firmly. "All we have is a simple friendship that stays on the phone. And that's all it's going to be."

"Okay," his mother conceeds. "As long as you are careful."

Himchan smiles. "Of course eomma," he says. A mother's care is always this two pronged beast, half love, half over bearing care. But it's his mother and she has all the right in the world to worry excessively over him. He reaches over the table to take her hand, squeezes it gently.

"I promise," he says and fiercely hopes he won't prove her wrong.

Come end August it's back to work. Their single was enough to fend off things for now but the company has impressed on them firmly that there must be a mini album, or even better, a full album, before winter and all the christmassy nonsense begins.

The three of them lock themselves away in the studio with copious amounts of coffee and red bull and instant ramyeon. Night and day begin to blur as they spend their time vigoriously reviewing every beat, every note, every transition.

The songs are mostly done, pulled from their ever well-piled stock, but it's a question of selecting the right ones that will fit solidly together as an album, developing a concept, and then polishing the bare bones into a fully fleshed creature.

It's fast and furious and Himchan loves and hates every moment.

Jongup is his voice of sanity amidst all the craziness.

Jongup 22/08/16 01:22
When did you last sleep?

Himchan 22/08/16 01:25
Er. Yesterday?

Jongup 22/08/16 01:26
Yesterday what time?

Himchan 22/08/16 01:27
Yesterday... or the day before?

Jongup 22/08/16 01:28
Go sleep. I can tell you're exhausted. That clip you sent me sounds weird.

Himchan 22/08/16 01:29
Werd???? Wrd how?

Himchan 22/08/16 01:30
I mean weird how?

Jongup 22/08/16 01:31
I don't know. I'm no musician. It just sounds weird to me. Like the notes clash. And the transition is uh... choppy?

Himchan 22/08/16 01:33
Urgh. I've been working on this part all day. It's the last bit I need to get done before the song is finished.

Jongup 22/08/16 01:34
Sleep on it. That's what Junhong says you should do.

Himchan 22/08/16 01:35
Do all your friends know what we talk about?

Jongup 22/08/16 01:36
Of course. They're my best friends. My family.

Himchan 22/08/16 01:37
What about the rest of your family. Do you have any siblings?

Jongup 22/08/16 01:40
I don't know. They all died before I had a chance to remember.

Himchan is exhausted and running and fumes, but those words are stronger than any caffeine. All of a sudden he is frighteningly awake.

Himchan 22/08/16 01:45
I'm sorry.

He doesn't quite know what else to say. He's not really acquainted in dealing with death.

Jongup 22/08/16 01:47
It's okay. It's not like I remember them.

Himchan 22/08/16 01:49
But still. You must miss them.

Jongup 22/08/16 01:50
A little?

Jongup 22/08/16 01:51
I guess what I miss more is losing the possibility of having them.

Himchan 22/08/16 01:52
I can only imagine. I'm so sorry.

Jongup 22/08/16 01:53
Like I said, it's fine. I have Youngjae-hyung and Junhong remember :)

Himchan 22/08/16 01:54
Of course. How could I ever forget ;)

Himchan 22/08/16 01:55
But who raised you then?

Jongup 22/08/16 01:56
A bunch of people.

Jongup 22/08/16 01:57
There were a bunch of us who lost our families. We were all raised together by some adults. Youngjae and Junhong are like me.

Himchan 22/08/16 01:58
And what happened to those people now? You never talk about them.

Jongup 22/08/16 01:59
I don't know. They're gone now.

Himchan 22/08/16 02:00
Gone?

Jongup 22/08/16 02:02
There was an incident. Only Youngjae, Junhong and I managed to get away.

Himchan 22/08/16 02:03
I'm so, so sorry.

Jongup 22/08/16 02:04
Haha, it's okay. You don't need to apologize.

Himchan 22/08/16 02:05
Yeah but i've been so insensitive. Complaining about my mom, my sister, problems with my music.

Jongup 22/08/16 02:06
And why shouldn't you? Problems aren't comparable. It's not like my problems are worse than yours and therefore you shouldn't complain. We all have the right to complain and be heard. And I like to talking to you. I like listening and trying to help you.

Himchan 22/08/16 02:08
Yeah, but what about you? I should have asked earlier. Can I help in any way?

Jongup 22/08/16 02:10
It's okay. I'm okay. I have Youngjae and Junhong after all. I'm not alone.

Himchan 22/08/16 02:11
Yeah but...

Jongup 22/08/16 02:12
You're helping me already by talking with me. You've given me your friendship right?

Himchan swallows at that.

Jongup 22/08/16 02:13
I mean, we are friends right?

Jongup 22/08/16 02:14
I'm not just assuming things am I?

Himchan's reply is feverishly fast.

Himchan 22/08/16 02:15
No! Of course not! We're definitely friends.

Himchan 02/08/16 02:16
Unconventional friends, but definitely friends if that's what you want to be.

Jongup 22/08/16 02:17
Yup, that's exactly what I want :))))

Jongup 22/08/16 02:18
Thank you

Jongup 22/08/16 02:19
Now go sleep.

Jongup 22/08/16 02:20
You can send me the finished song tomorrow. I know it'll be perfect.

Himchan 22/08/16 02:21
Okay, okay.

And then one more text before he sleeps.

Himchan 22/08/16 02:30
Thank you. For everything.

Mid-September is their comeback, their first fully fledged one since April when they had been exhausted and stressed and wanting nothing more than a month of sleep. Which they had gotten. At a price of a half a year before of relentless comebacks and singles and touring and signing. Three months was generous by their industry's standard.

Comeback is tiring but Himchan is hesitant about sharing that with Jongup after his recent revelation.

"What's wrong hyung?" Daehyun asks between yawns as he sits the dressing table waiting for his dye job to be finished. Himchan sits in the chair next to him staring at the black screen of his phone.

"Hm?"

"You've been staring at your phone for the past hour. Something happen with Jongup?"

Himchan winces.

Daehyun gives him a sideways smirk. "Don't deny it, he's the only person you text these days. So? What's up?"

Himchan sighs. Daehyun is almost as bad as his mother sometimes.

"Jongup told me the other day that he's never known his parents or family. They died just after he was born."

It's Daehyun's turn to wince. "Ouch." For Daehyun who almost worships his parents who raised him and supported his dreams despite their financial hardships. "And?"

"I don't know how to talk to him anymore. I feel like all my complaints pale in comparison."

Daehyun twists his mouth. "Did you tell him this?"

"Sort of?"

"Sort of as in?"

"Well i asked if my rants bothered him."

"And what did he say."

"He said they didn't. And that complaints shouldn't be compared. And that we're all entitled to our own."

Daehyun raises an eyebrow. "So isn't that it. He's fine with you being as you usually are."

"Yeah but what if he's just saying that, to be, you know, polite?"

Daehyun snorts. "Yongguk-hyung is right. You do overthink everything."

Himchan frowns. "So?'

Daehyun smiles."So you need to lighten up. I know it's not easy, but what sort of person is Jongup? Is he judgemental? Is he really going to hate you for being you?"

"I..." Himchan licks his lips. "I don't think so."

"Then," Daehyun says with a smug smile as he settles down into his chair, eyeing the hairdresser coming back in the corner of the mirror, "What do you have to lose?"

Himchan 17/09/16 18:47
I dyed my hair.

Jongup 17/09/16 18:55
Oh!!! What color?

Himchan 17/09/16 18:57
Attached: [image.jpg]

Jongup 17/09/16 18:59
You're blonde!!!!!

Himchan grins.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:00
You also nice eyes.

Himchan bursts out laughing.

Himchan 17/09/16 19:02
This is the first time you've seen my face, isn't it.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:04
Yeah, it is.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:05
It's nice.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:06
Being able to finally see the person on the other side.

Himchan 17/09/16 19:07
Yeah?

Himchan licks his lips. Does he dare?

Himchan 17/09/16 19:09
So what about me? Do I get to see the person on the other side of the phone as well?

There's a long stretch of silence after that, long enough for Himchan to worry. And then-

Jongup 17/09/16 19:15
Attached: [image.jpg]

Himchan blinks twice.

The boy looking back at him in the tiny phone screen is all sharp angles: nose, mouth, eyes, most of all, cheeks. His hair is dark and flops just above his eyes. The ends are ragged and unevenly cut but at least it stays out of his eyes which are sharply slanted, but have a soft quality to the irises. And his lips.

Himchan has to pinch himself to concentrate.

The shot only shows Jongup from chest up, but Himchan can see the broadness to his shoulders and the slope of muscles. He could be a model if he wanted to. An unconventional one perhaps, but he has the features that in the hands of a good photographer and coordinator, could make stunning shots.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:18
Sorry it took me so long. I know you told me how to send photos, but doing it for real was trickier than I thought it would be.

Himchan 17/09/16 19:20
It's okay. Thanks for sending. I was only joking.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:21
It's okay. I meant to send one anyway.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:22
It wouldn't be fair elsewise.

Himchan fills his heart swelling. Sure it's a little hasty to think he can know someone from simply the exchange of words, but he swears that Jongup is the sweetest person he's ever met and by sweet he means kind and fair and genuine. Sure there's Bbang who is possibly the most charitable and caring person he knows in person, but Jongup is different. He's more.... innocent? More....innately worried about Himchan's well-being?

Himchan 17/09/16 19:25
Well thank you anyway. You didn't have to.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:26
But you sent me a photo first?

Himchan 17/09/16 19:27
Haha yeah. That was a little unusual of me to do but I'm glad I did.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:28
Unusual? Why? You have a nice face.

Himchan bursts out laughing so hard that tears come to his eyes. He wipes at them, shoulders still shaking.

Himchan 17/09/16 19:30
Haha thanks, but that's not it. I guess I'm just not comfortable with sending pictures for the first time to someone, to like strangers you know?

Himchan 17/09/16 19:31
Ah, wait, let me rephrase that. Like you're not a stranger, but I guess we don't really know each other that well?

Himchan 17/09/16 19:32
Okay sorry, I'm re-reading this and it's coming out all wrong.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:33
It's okay.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:34
I get what you're saying. And it's okay.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:35
You're right. We're not really strangers but I guess it's not like we know each other well enough to be that honest of friends just yet.

Himchan bites his lips. How did the light-hearted conversation go so wrong so quickly. He knows he's been worrying about this for the past few days, but he definitely did not mean to spill his secrets like this.

And now what will Jongup think of him?

In fact what does Jongup think? About the two of them and their strange relations.

It's not that strange in this day and age for two people to talk anonymously over some electronic device but for Himchan to be this invested in how Jongup feels and reacts to his own words and feelings? Maybe he's getting a little too deep into this.

And then, a reply.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:36
But we could change that.

Himchan halts.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:37
All we have to do is share more, right?

A smile stretches, so wide it hurts.

Himchan 17/09/16 19:39
Why are you always so right.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:40
Because I'm awesome ;)

Himchan 17/09/16 19:41
Haha, don't get ahead of yourself kid.

Jongup 17/09/16 19:42
I'm not that much younger than you!

Himchan 17/09/16 19:43
Young enough :p

Jongup 17/09/16 19:44
Hmp :(

"What are you smiling so stupidly at your phone for hyung?" Daehyun comments as he walks into the room and flops down onto Himchan's bed.

"Probably talking with Jongup again," Yongguk says neutrally as he trails in after Daehyun. He holds up a hefty looking plastic bag of boxes. "We bought home dinner if that's okay with you."

Himchan's stomach suddenly growls and he realizes he hasn't eaten since morning.

"I picked!" Daehyun grins excitedly, his newly dyed hair a fanned mess against the sheets. "This is our last meal before we start promotions, so, yeah, we got a feast!"

"Last one there has to take out trash," Yongguk smirks as he ducks out of the door.

"Not me!" Daehyun yelps and bolts to his feet.

Himchan grins after the two of them. He doesn't particularly want to take out of the trash but knowing Yongguk that's just a light hearted threat.

He taps at his screen and sends Jongup one last photo before he follows after the other two into the kitchen.

It's a selca of Himchan pointing at Yongguk and Daehyun carrying the food. He draws a little arrows at both of them and writes their name. He presses send and smiles hard when Jongup sends back a text with a plethora of smiley faces.

"Hurry up hyung!" Daehyun yells and Himchan yells something noncommittal back at him.

He takes a moment to stare at Jongup's simple, but wonderful message.

He doesn't think he's felt this happy in years. So happy, he might burst. But he doesn't dare. This happiness - it's all his.

Once they establish a new level to their relationship, it becomes easier for Himchan to talk about himself.

Jongup for one has never been shy about revealing information. He tells Himchan about the two guys he grew up with: Youngjae who takes care of Jongup and Junhong, and who is serious but well-meaning, and Junhong who in the past two years overshot Junhong like a beanstalk and even though is the youngest, acts far more mature than his age at times.

Sometimes Jongup tells Himchan about what's it's like where he's from, how quiet and barren of people it is like. Jongup rarely talks about his family though, and about the people who raised him.

Himchan on the other hand tells Jongup about Yongguk and Daehyun of course. About how he trusts Yongguk with his life and how he loves Daehyun to bits. About how he is always in awe of their passion for their craft and how it always makes him strive to do as well as they do. Slowly, he slips in the fact that he is an idol.

Somehow though, Jongup does not seem to care about this fact one bit.

Jongup 03/10/16 07:00
That means you're a performer right?

Himchan 03/10/16 07:02
Something like that.

Jongup 03/10/16 07:03
I'm impressed hyung! That's not an easy job, right?

Himchan 03/10/16 07:05
At times.

Jongup 03/10/16 07:06
When i was little I wanted to be a dancer.

Himchan 03/10/16 07:07
What happened?

Jongup 03/10/16 07:09
Stuff. Time. A lot of things I guess.

Jongup 03/10/16 07:10
It's still a hobby though.

Himchan 03/10/16 07:11
I'm sorry to hear that.

Jongup 03/10/16 07:12
We all have things we don't get. In exchange, there are other things that we do.

Jongup 03/10/16 07:15
I mean, you have things like that as well, right?

Himchan has to take a moment before he can type out a reply.

Himchan 03/10/16 07:18
I guess I do.

Himchan 03/10/16 07:19
I mean I have music. i have Daehyun. I have Yongguk.

Jongup 03/10/16 07:20
What don't you have?

Himchan swallows before he presses send.

Himchan 03/10/16 07:21
Love, I guess.

For as long as Himchan has remembered, he has never fallen in love.

Sure he loves his mother, his father, his school friends, and now his closest partners in crime, but he has never experienced the kind of love they sing about in songs.
Part of the reason, he thinks, is because he's afraid to open up.

He thinks that if he cracks open the exterior of the idol and unearths the yolk of the simple essence that is Kim Himchan, there won't be much to impress anyone.
It's a little silly and a lot to do with self-confidence, but Himchan can't help himself.

It makes for difficulty with writing love songs.

Yongguk, Himchan knows, has had a scattering of girlfriends in the past. Daehyun had a few crushes, but nothing solid. Both however have been submerged enough to write about it and make it sound genuine. Anything Himchan writes comes out sounding cheesy and awkward.

It's why Yongguk writes most of their lyrics and why Himchan sticks to the instruments. It's easier to make a saxophone sound sexy rather than a five worded sentence.
Jongup however doesn't seem to think any less of him.

Jongup 03/10/16 08:00
I'm sorry hyung. I must've upset you.

Himchan 03/10/16 08:04
Nah, it's just a little thing that nags at me sometimes.

Himchan 03/10/16 08:05
When you asked about what I don't have, that's all that I can really think of.

Himchan 03/10/16 08:06
But it's a small thing. I'm sure one day I'll find it. I've just got to be patient.

Jongup 03/10/16 08:07
That's the way to think hyung!

Jongup 03/10/16 08:08
In the meanwhile, you have me!

Himchan can't help but smile. Jongup really does bring out the best in him.

Himchan 03/10/16 08:10
Haha thanks Jonguppie. You're the best.

Jongup 03/10/16 08:11
You know it :D

It's a tiny thought, a seed that is planted the day after that conversation.

It's a little desire. A kind of curiosity. A wonder, of what it would be like to meet Jongup.

Jongup is just so sweet, so wonderful, a balm to the emotional mess inside of Himchan that he aches to meet Jongup.

He sits there at his table, having just finished dinner alone, something that happens from time to time when Yongguk heads out with his siblings and Daehyun with his countless number of friends and Himchan stays behind, just a little too exhausted sometimes to play nice with others. It's all good, except sometimes he wonders what it would be like with Jongup there.
It's so strange. He's gone from being so wary of talking to this stranger on the other end of a phone to geniunely wanting to meet him, and whilst it turned out okay last time, he's not so sure following his desire so simply is such a good thing.

"Why not?" Daehyun asks, eyes wide with his inability to understand. Daehyun has always been an implusive creature of desire. When he's hungry, he eats; when he's tired, he sleeps. When he wants something, there's nothing he'll let stop him.

"I'm worried," Himchan admits over dinner in some noisy BBQ restaurant that Daehyun had chosen. "We've always had this barrier between the two of us. We've always had the ability to cut things of if need be. If we meet, we won't have that anymore."

"Is it really a question of 'we'?" Daehyun asks, cheeks bulging with meat.

"What do you mean by that?" Himchan blinks.

Daeyun swallows. "Well I can't speak for Jongup, but aren't you the one who really wants to keep things at arm's length? I mean, isn't this all just you trying to protect yourself?"

"Huh?" Himchan stares, affronted.

"Isn't it?" Daehyun repeats, taking a sip of shochu to wash down the ridiculous amount of food he has just swallowed. "You're scared it's going to happen like last time, or maybe another time that I don't know about, and I get that you're being cautious - it's good! - but like, I look at you and all I see you doing is hurting yourself."

"What do you mean by that?" Himchan balks.

"I mean, look at you," Daehyun points with his chopsticks to the grill, the shochu, the stack of plates in the corner. "You're treating me to food - something that you never do - and you're asking me for advice - also something you never do."

"I treat you to food!" Himchan yelps, then looks away a little guiltily. "Sometimes."

Daehyun raises an eyebrow.

"Okay, maybe not as much as Bbang does."

"Damn right."

"Oh be quiet."

Daehyun grins, victorious, and shovels freshly grilled meat into his mouth.

"But look,' he says after swallowing. "I'm being serious. The way I see it is that you don't want to meet up with him because you're worried he might be strange in person, or that he might go weird when he realized what an idol actually means. And yeah, that could be bad."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence," Himchan says, rolling his eyes.

"But!" Daehyun interrupts loudly, chopsticks held aloft inspirationally, "But he makes you happy."

Himchan splutters his shochu all over the grill stove which splutters and issues steam.

"He what?"

"He makes you happy," Daehyun shrugs. "We can all see it, Yongguk and I. We see you smiling because of him, and if that's not a good sign then I don't know what would be."

"But Daehyun, we're talking about me meeting someone who I've never even seen in person before."

"So?" Daehyun gives him a piercing look, the food forgotten for once. "Sometimes you've just got to take a leap of faith, right?"

Himchan looks down at his food. That is easier said than done.

"For what it's worth hyung," Daehyun says, his voice uncharacteristically solemn, enough so that Himchan looks up at straight at his piercing gaze, "I think you should meet up with him."
Himchan lets out a tiny sigh.

"For what it's worth Daehyun," he says in return. "Yeah, I think I might."

Daehyun's face cracks into a broad grin. "Right on hyung," he cheers, slapping the table hard. "To celebrate, let's order another round of meat!"

"Oi, I'm the one paying!" Himchan objects, but as Daehyun flags down the waitress and rattles off a list of things they'd like the order, Himchan can't help but shake his head and smile.

"If you're ordering, add on another bottle," he grumbles good-naturedly.

Daehyun's grin only grows bigger.

It's that night, when they both get back to the apartment, not quite drunk but still buzzed enough that liquid courage runs through his veins, it's then that Himchan takes that courage and sends the text.

Himchan 06/10/16 01:33
Hey. I know this is sudden, but like, do you want to meet up?

He presses send and then collapses fully clothed onto his bed. He's asleep within seconds.

There is no reply for days. It makes Himchan wonder if maybe he's been even more insensitive than he thought he was.

All this time Himchan has been worried what meeting up with Jongup would mean for him that he never stop to think what meeting up would mean for Jongup.

Despite everything that Jongup has willingly told him, there is a lot Himchan still does not know about Jongup. Where does he really live? How did his parents die? What happened to those that then raised him alongside with Youngjae and Junhong? What does Jongup even do for a living?

And then one day out of the blue, on a quiet, lazy day when promotions have ended and they're given a two week's break to do as they please, it's then that his phone makes a sound.

Himchan doesn't expect it to be Jongup. He hasn't for days. So he doesn't reply immediately. Instead he continues to scroll through the catelogue of winter clothing that he's wondering if his mother and father would like. It's only when he realizes that Yongguk was going to text him about dinner plans that he picks up his phone and checks the unread message.

Jongup 11/10/16 18:05
Okay.

Just like that, Himchan's heart takes a little stumble.

Jongup is agreeing. Sure he took a few days, but he said yes.

Himchan's fingers fumble over the screen.

Himchan 11/10/16 18:10
Really?

Jongup 11/10/16 18:12
Yeah. I mean, I've been kind of wanting to meet up as well.

Himchan 11/10/16 18:14
What was stopping you?

Jongup 11/10/16 18:16
I don't know. I was a little scared. About meeting you in person, if that makes sense.

Himchan 11/10/16 18:17
It does. I feel it as well. But, I want to meet, so that worry matters less?

Jongup 11/10/16 18:18
Haha, I get what you mean. I feel it as well.

Jongup 11/10/16 18:19
I guess we're more alike than we realized.

Jongup 11/10/16 18:20
So yeah, shall we meet?

Himchan is smiling so hard, it hurts.

Himchan 11/10/16 18:21
Yeah. Let's.

They agree to meet in three day's time at noon. Figuring out the location is trickier than first planned because Jongup doesn't have the official map.

Himchan sends him photos of Seoul, and then when Jongup doesn't recognize the roads or the marked buildings, he starts sending him photos of the outskirting provinces.

Eventually they hit gold and agree to meet at this interspace between Seoul and the area that Jongup seems to be from - Seongnam-si.

It makes Himchan all the more surprised to hear that Jongup is from there because of its close proximity to Seoul, and yet somehow Jongup still knows very little of the everyday Seoulite life.

Still, those are all questions for when they meet up.

They pick a little motorway stop, one that has a remarkably unremarkable statue built overlooking the river that Himchan only knows about because his parents had driven him there one day when he was ten and told him the little legend abut it. Something about meetings and exchanges and forever-ness or something. What matters is that Jongup recognizes the statue's distinctive figure of eight design and is able to get there.

And then, there's nothing left to do but to wait. And that makes Himchan incredibly restless.

"Are you sure this is a good idea," Yongguk says when he finds Himchan picking out his clothes for the fourth time that night. He leans against the doorframe, arms crossed, brow furrowed.

"Why not Bbang?" Himchan hums as he compares a pink shirt to a black and white striped one. He goes with the latter.

"You know why Channie," Yongguk says seriously.

It's his tone that gets Himchan to look over and put the shirt down.

Yongguk, for all intents and purposes, never set out to their group's leader. It was another facet of the boyband group image that their company was so intent on cultivating that was the only reason Yongguk conceeded to being leader. But it's at times like these that Himchan is reminded that deep inside, Yongguk is a born leader and not just a leader in name.

"I'm being careful Bbang," he says softly, turning to look Yongguk in the eye.

"But you're still meeting up with him." Not a question. Just a look of disapproval.

"He's my friend."

"One that you've never met in person."

"And that's why we're changing it."

"You know the stories Channie," Yongguk says darkly. "I just don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't. I'll be careful. The first sign he's strange, I'll be out of there. I'm driving."

Yongguk exhales. "I can't change your mind, can I?"

"Probably not," Himchan admits. He feels guilty that he's making Bbang worry but he wants this so bad, wants to solidify this friendship, wants to know Jongup more.

"Can I at least tag along with you?"

"You have that meeting with that producer on that day," Himchan frowns.

Yongguk frowns in turn. "Can you change the day you're meeting up on?"

"Bbang," Himchan says warningly.

Yongguk sighs. "Will you at least message me when you guys meet up? Tell me that everything's okay?"

Himchan pads over and nudges Yongguk lightly on the shoulder. "Of couse," he says and Yongguk's expression softens.

"I'm sorry," Yongguk murmurs as he drops his head onto Himchan's shoulder. "I just worry a lot. You're family to me, you know."

Himchan's heart swells. "I know," he says and lets Yongguk stay there.

To Yongguk, family is sacred, and this declaration is something that Himchan sears into his heart.

"Be safe," Yongguk says.

"I will," Himchan promises, but despite it all, his traitorous heart still beats wildly at the thought of finally meeting Jongup.

Finally, it whispers in morse heart code. Finally, the day is here.

Himchan wakes early on the day they are to meet. Yongguk has left already for his meeting and Daehyun has gone home for the week, so the house is Himchan's and he takes his time.
He showers, forces down a light breakfast, and dresses in his pre-picked clothes.

He makes sure not to forget anything as he locks the front door and leaves.

Himchan 14/10/16 09:01
Leaving now. See you soon :)

Uppie 14/10/16 09:05
Yup. See you soon hyung!

The drive goes by quickly. Partly is it's because of excitement, partly because Himchan has always enjoyed driving and the serenity it brings him.
Soon enough he's at the meeting stop, half an hour ahead of time.

He takes the time to hunt down the closest washroom and freshen up. Breakfast was meager so he snacks on a fruitbar whilst waiting and then when it's quarter to, texts Jongup.

Himchan 14/10/16 11:45
I'm here already. Let me know when you arrive.

Uppie 14/10/16 11:50
Nearly there. Sorry hyung!

Himchan 14/10/16 11:52
No worries. Take your time. Get here safely.

Uppie 14/10/16 11:54
It's okay. I'm almost here now. Just coming around the bend of the road.

Himchan cranes his neck searching. There are a few people about: a couple with a child, two girls in their late teens, a boy alone, sitting at the edge of the parking lot. Himchan squints at him, but he's not Jongup. Not unless Jongup suddenly got red hair and grew a massive beard.
Himchan glances down at his phone and watches as the minutes tick past. Still nothing.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:05
I'm in front of the big statue. The one that looks like a figure of eight. Can you see me?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:07
No, I can't. Sorry hyung.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:08
Where are you?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:09
Um. In front of the statue as well?

Himchan looks about him. As far as he can see, he can't see anyone close by and definitely no one looking like Jongup. Not unless he's going to pull off the beard and a wig and yell, surprise hyung!

Still, the red head does not move so Himchan returns his gaze to his phone.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:11
Huh. Really? I can't see you either.

Uppie 14/10/16 12:12
Um, well I'm standing by the foot of the statue. Overlooking the river. You?

Himchan 14/10/16 12:13
Well.... me too...

Uppie 14/10/16 12:14
Eh?

Himchan 14/10/16 12:15
Let me take a picture of my surroundings. Just to check we've got the right statue and all.

Uppie 14/10/16 12:16
Okay, good idea.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:18
Attached: [image.jpg]

The image that Himchan sends is first of the statue, a good ten feet tall twisting figure of eight, built out of granite and marble all melded together. It has a solid rectangular base and grass grows in small tufts about it.

Himchan takes the photo from an angle, so that the wooden beams behind him can be seen, and beyond that, a glimpse of the white-washed waters of the river that leads all the way upwards to Seoul.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:19
Well?

Jongup's reply is not exactly inspiring.

Uppie 14/10/16 12:21
Um.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:22
?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:23
It's the same statue but...

Himchan 14/10/16 12:24
But what?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:25
Um, well. I'll send you a picture as well.

Uppie 14/10/16 12:27
Attached: [image.jpg]

Himchan clicks at the photo and falls into silence as the full image loads.

The photo Jongup has sent is of the exact same statue and the exactly same location. The only difference is well, a markedly huge different.

His statue is a figure of eight, granite and marble wrought, except it is weathered beyond belief.

The tip of the eight has a huge chunk missing, and the remainder of the stone is covered is moss and cracks that split it almost into half. Slashes of spray paint are graffitied across one side, and the remainder of the image? The fence is splintered, like some giant beast has stormed right through, and the river behind is nonexistent.

It's exactly the same statue in exactly the same place, but with completely different features. Like those puzzles of two images side by side and you have to spot the five things different, only there are a hundred things different here and Himchan doesn't even know where to begin.

Uppie 14/10/16 12:30
Do you see what I mean?

Himchan 14/10/16 12:32
I do. It's....the same statue, but why does yours look so damaged?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:33
There's definitely only one version of this statue, right?

Himchan 14/10/16 12:35
Right....

At least as far as he knows. But how many statues have the same fence and the same pedestal and the same river?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:36
Then?

Himchan 14/10/16 12:38
Then, I don't know. We're definitely in the same region right? South Korea, near Seoul.

Uppie 14/10/16 12:39
Yup. I'm 90% certain of that.

Himchan laughs despite of the situation.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:40
Haha, what happened to the other 10%

Uppie 14/10/16 12:41
It used to be 100%. It decreased two seconds ago.

Himchan sobers up.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:42
Definitely the same day as well, right?

Himchan 14/10/16 12:43
14th of September. Noon.

Uppie 14/10/16 12:44
Yup. 14th of September, 2079. 1200 hours on the dot. Or well, 12:44 now since we've been talking for so long.

Himchan skims that over and is about to reply: Yeah, okay. This is really strange- and then it hits him.

He re-reads the text. And then reads it once again.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:47
Wait. One moment. Jongup. What year did you just say?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:48
?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:49
2079 of course.

Himchan blinks, rubs at both eyes, pinches and slaps his cheek for good cause. Out of the corner of his eye he sees red head/beard staring at him. He ignored him.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:51
2079?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:52
Yeah? Why?

Himchan 14/10/16 12:53
Are you pulling my leg? 2079?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:55
Pulling your leg? Definitely not. I'd have to be there to do that. Which I'm not. But I'm definitely certain of the year. We may not have newspapers around anymore but we keep track of the date pretty carefully.

Himchan 14/10/16 12:56
You don't have newspapers?

Uppie 14/10/16 12:57
Of course not. Who would make them?

Himchan 14/10/16 12:58
Why wouldn't there be anyone making newspapers? Or at least news in general. I mean you still have clocks and the internet right?

Uppie 14/10/16 13:00
Why would we have the internet?

Himchan 14/10/16 13:01
Huh?

Uppie 14/10/16 13:02
I mean we definitely have clocks and watches, but the internet? Newspapers? Why would we need them anymore? We have more important things to worry about.

Himchan 14/10/16 13:04
I'm sorry Jongup. You've lost me.

Uppie 14/10/16 13:05
?

Uppie 14/10/16 13:06
Now I'm confused as well. Where have I lost you?

Himchan 14/10/16 13:07
From, like, the beginning. 2079? No newspapers? More important things to worry about?

Uppie 14/10/16 13:09
Well yeah, of course. Don't you?

Himchan 14/10/16 13:10
Why? What happened?

Uppie 14/10/16 13:11
Huh? What happened? What are talking about hyung? Don't you know what I'm talking about?

Himchan 14/10/16 13:12
No I don't! That's why I'm asking.

Uppie 14/10/16 13:14
I'm talking about the Collapse. You know? 2059. The Collapse of the world. Earthquakes and tsunamis and general destruction of humanity.

Himchan 14/10/16 13:15
I'm sorry...the WHAT? That took place when????

Uppie 14/10/16 13:16
Well it was before I was born so I don't really know what happened, but the adults told us everything and it's pretty plain to see all the destruction everywhere.

Uppie 14/10/16 13:18
How do you not know this hyung? Everyone knows aboutt this. It's why our world is destroyed. It's why there's few people left. It's why wer're all struggling to survive.

Himchan 14/10/16 13:20
You're not joking right? This isn't a joke right?

Uppie 14/10/16 13:21
Hyung, you're really confusing me now. Why would I joke about the deaths of over 6 billion people?

Himchan pinches himself one more time. Nope, he's awake. And only one way to find out if this is some elaborate prank or not.

Himchan 14/10/16 13:23
Take some pictures of your surrounding Jongup.

Himchan 14/10/16 13:24
Please.

Himchan sends Jongup a series of photos of his own surroundings: the lush trees, the half filled car park, the unspoiled view of the river, the small food stalls open on the side where the couple feeds their child and the two girls share a tiny feast.

It takes a very long eight minutes before he gets a reply.

Uppie13:32
Attached: [image.jpg]

Mouth dry, Himchan opens the files.

In a series of hastily taken photographs, Himchan now sees what exactly Jongup is talking about.

The statue is the same weathered and broken mess, but around it is where the true destruction lies.

The trees are bare, most felled, the edges sharp and splintered, enough to pierce through a heart. The carpark unlike Himchan's own, is abandoned. Not of cars though, for there are several, scattered and smashed and nothing more than metal pieces thrown about. Most notable though is the long, long rip in the ground. It's vicious and deep and it tears the tarmac completely apart. it's as if some titan came down and scooped out the earth, leaving behind an old, unhealing wound.

And in the background is the sky and the sea.

The sea is grey, like oil.

The sky is red and yellow and purple, like a fading bruise.

Himchan feels his throat tighten. He swallows involuntarily.

Uppie 14/10/16 13:40
Why do our photos look so different.

Uppie 14/10/16 13:41
Hyung?

Himchan's fingers are stiff as he tries to type out his reply. The shaking does not help.

Himchan 14/10/16 13:43
Jongup. Don't be scared okay. This isn't a joke and I don't know how this is happening but....

Himchan 14/10/16 13:45
You said today is the 14th of September 2079, right?

Uppie 14/10/16 13:46
Right.

Himchan 14/10/16 13:47
Yeah well it's also the 14th of September over here, but....

Himchan 14/10/16 13:49
But it's 2016 over here for me.

And if this isn't some elaborate joke, then Himchan truly has no idea what is happening right now.

Part II : Cue the Collapse

For as long as Jongup can remember, the world has been in ruins.

He was born just four years after The Collapse, and so he's grown up with a strange mix of having seen this destroyed world but having heard about a very different one.

The world Before, he's told, was an extremely efficient one. It ran on technology and clean energy and had vehicles to take you from one place to another, or public transport if you couldn't drive. There were smooth roads for cars and pavements for people and sidewalks for drones and automated vehicles to deliver packages or parcels to your doorstep.
Jongup is told that the world was largely at peace. Decades before had been an era of violence, with war and crime and people fleeing from country to country. Eventually it had been too much and drastic action had been taken and strict measures placed down and over time the world began to turn into a more positive place.

And it was then that the Collapse had occurred.

More often than not, Jongup wonders what life would have been like if the Collapse had not happened. He wonders what it would be like to stroll down a perfectly paved street and to not have to look downwards constantly to avoid tripping. He wonders what it would be like to enter one of their buildings cooled with aircon and have mirrors, uncracked, to dance in front of. Most of all he wonders what it would be like to have people: masses and masses of people, enough to sweep Jongup off his feet.

It's not that Jongup is lonely or wishes for more people, but it's just that sometimes he wonders, and as Youngjae always says, he always he lets his imagination run away with him.
Finding the phone was an accident.

Jongup had been out scouting with Youngjae and Junhong in the city centre when he had come across the remains of a semi caved-in building. Once upon a time it had probably been a grand steel and white construction; now it was rubble and metal shards splayed across the floor.

Jongup had been careful as he entered, the thick soles of his boots absorbing and crushing glass underfoot, rolling over the small stones that had worn down over time, and leaving soft imprint that would be wiped away by the tinier tracks of mice and insects and other rodents by nightfall.

Youngjae had been a few meters away outside; Junhong scouring around the back. Today was a day for searching for supplies, not for food, and so Jongup had been looking for anything that might be useful: batteries, preserved food, knives, you name it.

What he found instead was a small, silver box, so small he had almost missed it if he hadn't tripped over it, half-buried under rubble and years of dirt as it was.

He had paused to uncover it, brushing aside the dirt with the palm of his gloves to make our words - a logo perhaps? - but they were unrecognizable to Jongup and so he moved on.
What mattered was the contents. He had slipped off the lid and pushed aside the layers of velvety foam, half disintegrated with time, and in the very middle of it all was a sleek, black object that fitted snugly into the palm of his hand.

He lifted it, half curious, half apprehensive.

It had a black rectangle that took up roughly ninety percent of one side. Small buttons ran up and down the slim sides, and there were small dips at the back and at the bottom of the object.

He had tapped at the screen, pressed all the buttons on the side, turned it upside down and right way round and it did absolutely nothing.
He was completely baffled by the object.

Then, "Jongup!" Youngjae had called. "You still in there?"

"Yes hyung!" he had replied, and a few heartbeats later, there was a scuffling sound and then a shadow draping across the floor as Youngjae entered.

"Did you find anything?"

Jongup had shaken him head. "Nothing useful."

Youngjae's eyes then landed on the object. "What is that?"

"I don't know," Jongup said truthfully. "I found it, but it doesn't seem to do anything."

Youngjae had held out a hand and Jongup dropped it there. He had watched as Youngjae had slowly inspected the object, from top to bottom, then front to back.

"I think it's a mobile," he said slowly.

"A what?

"A mobile phone. They were really big in the Before."

Youngjae had handed the phone back to Jongup. "And what do they do?" he had asked, staring at the object that now had a name.

"I read it in a book once. They say they were used for communication, for talking to one another over long distances."

Jongup stared at it in wonder. To talk to another person, no matter where they were, what sort of magic was this?

"How do I make it work?" he had asked Youngjae, their technology expert.

"It needs to be charged," Youngjae said with a shrug. "How? I don't know. There doesn't seem to be a power socket that a lot of the electronics around here have, or maybe there is and we just don't know which one it is."

The disappointment on Jongup's face must have shown, because Youngjae had leaned in and nudged him gently in the shoulder.

"It'll be nightfall if we don't leave soon, and we've still got another three buildings to check. Why don't we mark this building on the map and take the phone home. We can come back another day to check again if you want."

Jongup had brightened. "Okay," he agreed, and that had been the start.

The following was quite simple. Jongup is by nature, a forgetful person. And what simply had occurred was that he had taken the phone back to their base with the rest of their haul and had set it aside from the rest of the goods that they would all process and sort through at a later time. And then, quite simply, Jongup forgot about the phone.

It was by a complete stroke of luck that Jongup left the phone on the windowsill where come the next day, the sun would creep in and cover the upper half of the phone where a small silver chip was embedded.

This chip was a solar panel device and thanks to Jongup's fortune, it would slowly begin to charge until the harsh light of the afternoon sun.

And two days later Jongup would return from a hunting trip with Junhong, and he would uncover the phone by accident and remember with a start.

He would hastily pick it up and brush away at the dust that had built there. And as his fingertips swipe over the screen, the phone will light up, bright white and then with fine, black words.
And it is then that he will make his first contact with the man he will come to know as Kim Himchan.

Kim Himchan is a complicated person. That's how Jongup will best sum him up as.

He is a multitude of emotions and dreams and desires, all haphazardly packed into one person. His very being fascinates Jongup, not because he is a new person and a new "face" to learn - though perhaps that might be part of it - but because everything he says and everything he does surprises Jongup.

For example, he is a musician but he will rarely talk about music. Part of it is likely due his constant need for perfection that causes his anxiety to share something that is not 100% perfect. However when he does relent and send small snippets to Jongup, he can tell there is love and care and devotion in every note and he knows music is dear to Himchan's heart.
Then there is his family. Himchan clearly loves his mother but he rarely talks about his father and sister. Jongup knows he loves them too, but there are complications that seal his mouth shut.

And a recurrent theme that always mystifies Jongup is Himchan's constant battle with his image.

Jongup has never been the kind of person to care about how he looks. He can wake up in the morning scruffy and unwashed and roll out of bed then minute Youngjae yells that they're leaving.

Himchan, on the other hand, is the kind of person who spends hours trying to pick out something that looks decisively casual and like a five minute pick. It's an art that Jongup has learnt to appreciate from the plethora of attached images of Himchan asking for Jongup's opinion.

The more they talk, the more Jongup finds himself thinking about Himchan even when they are not conversing. And the more Youngjae and Junhong become intrigued.

"How can you even talk to someone you've never met in person?" Junhong asks bluntly one night, not meaning anything harsh, but Junhong has never been once to mince his words and curiosity does not smoothen the glass edges any less.

Jongup shrugs. "Why does it matter?"

"Well," Junhong pulls a face, "Isn't part of knowing someone, meeting them?"

"Is it?" Jongup says noncommittedly. "I don't feel like I know Himchan-hyung any less because I've never met him."

"But you've never met him, so you wouldn't know," Junhong points out.

"True," Jongup agrees easily, "but for now I don't mind."

"Aren't you the least bit curious though?" Junhong pries.

Jongup makes a soft sound to buy for time.

The truth is that he is curious. Who wouldn't be? He's been talking back and forth with Himchan for at least a good four months by now and it would be a lie to say that Jongup hasn't wondered what Himchan would look like in person. Is he tall? Is he as fine-boned as he looks from his just his head shot? Does he walk straight and with confidence? Or does he slouch at the shoulders like all too-tall people tend to do?

The problem is that he only knows bits and pieces of Himchan's life and when you have half of the story in your hands, you'll go to the ends of the earth just to find the rest of it.

"You do, don't you!" Junhong crows. He rolls over on their joined mattresses gleefully, his too long frame hitting the cracked wall and the dusty floor and making all sorts of rattling sounds.

"Okay, maybe I do a little," Jongup admits and that sends Junhong into further sounds of triumph.

Youngjae pads in, one eyebrow raised. "What's going on?" he asks in a voice that tries to be stern, but is placed on a face like Youngjae's and therefore fails.

"We're talking about Himchan," Junhong says easily.

Jongup slaps him on the shoulder and Junhong rolls to dodge.

"The guy on the phone," Youngjae says simply.

"That one," Junhong chirps.

"What about him?"

"We were talking about knowing the face beyond the phone. Jongup says he's cool not meeting Himchan ever, but I said it's a little strange."

"It is," Youngjae says affably much to Jongup's disapproval, "But it would also be strange meeting up with Himchan wouldn't it?"

Jongup frowns.

"I'm just saying," Youngjae shrugs, "Himchan may be nice and all over the phone, but who knows what he would be like in person. I just want you to be careful, okay?"

Jongup softens. "Okay hyung," he says with a dip of his head.

"Good," Youngjae says, his expression undefinable for a moment. He leans with his back to the grey stone wall and crosses his arms. "We're family okay," he says softly. "And we protect one another. We make sure we watch out for one another. We're all we have left, so don't squander that, okay?"

"Of course," Junhong who unlesss has a particular goal, is always deeply satisfied with what he has.

"Of course," Jongup whose eyes have always strayed that little bit further follows, his voice softer, and perhaps, a little less convinced.

And that's why when Himchan sends that singular text, asking if Jongup would like to meet, Jongup knows he cannot tell any of them.

The night before the meeting, Jongup packs his things quietly. He turns in early knowing Youngjae and Junhong will say nothing because they too turn in early when there's nothing to do and no point burning precious candle light.

He leaves at the crack of dawn with a backpack slung over his shoulders and a note on the food table where he knows they'll find it. He can only hope they don't worry too much.

The place they arranged to meet at is not far but by foot it's a good three hour's trek.

Jongup takes a shortcut through the thick of the forest, making sure to avoid the huge craters and canyons that the earthquakes of the Collapse have ripped right into the ground. They're easy to avoid thanks to Youngjae's ingenious idea of mapping out the area, a lengthy but worthwhile process.

The Collapse, some say, are mankind's fault. That we took too much from the planet and in turn the planet took from us. Others say that it was simply bad luck, that a series of natural catastrophies went off one by one and it was pure misfortunate that it was this generation that had to face the brunt of the destruction.

Either way, it's enough to impress upon Jongup just how small humanity is in the face of nature.

He sees it in the Rips everywhere, majestic and repulsive in their wake. They divide the land with their shredded tears and high walls of crumbled earth and simultaneously draws and repulses Jongup. The dark depths that Jongup can look into and shudder, knowing that if he fell he might simply die just falling.

Then there's the water, poisoned and stagnant, some of them dangerous to even come close to. Trees have been felled, buildings toppled, wild creatures unleashed. Here and there vegetation creeps, slowly reclaiming what was once its own.

It's a beautiful and frightening process for Jongup to watch and he often finds himself bewitched one moment and the next, revolted. This is beauty built upon death.

He wonders what Himchan thinks of this all, and then wonders just what sort of place does Himchan live in that lets him make music and worry about the way he appears to others and then Jongup cuts himself off.

All of this he will discover when they meet.

All the questions of love and loss and music and mania, all of it he'll finally be able to ask the one person who has become his quiet confident these past few months. And Jongup has many questions.

If Himchan is complicated on the outside, Jongup is complicated on the in. He is very at peace with his family and his every day life, but it's when he begins to look further into himself that he begins to question things.

For example, love.

How does one fall in love?

How does one know they are falling in love?

How does one tell that they are falling in love with the right person?

He's asked Youngjae and Junhong their opinions.

Youngjae is practical and thinks that love will come when it comes. There is no forcing it and there is no point dewlling on it. For now there are more important things to worry about: food, water, shelter, defense. In their ruined world, mankind is their greatest and weakest link.

Junhong is equally unhelpful, though Jongup can tell he at least tried. He thinks that love is something you make, that you shape it and you form it and it won't be perfect but you'll continue to mould it until it gets as close as it can be.

When Jongup asks Himchan what is the one thing he feels he is missing and Himchan replies 'love, I guess', Jongup thinks that maybe the two of them are more alike than he first thought.
For all their best intentions, Youngjae and Junhong are very different people to Jongup. Youngjae is practical and swallows information down the way Junhong swallows food to feed his thin and wiry frame but everything must have a purpose. Junhong is sharp and fleet-footed, but also very single minded when it comes to a task. It means he is the best at being focused and fulfilling something but terrible when it comes to answering Jongup’s never-ending questions.

And then there is Himchan, someone who indulges in banter and will happily go astray with any conversation. Himchan, who wonders about love and worries about loss. Someone, for the first time in Jongup’s short existence thinks a little like him.

It's thrilling and frightening and Jongup can't stop looking at his watch and hoping for the seconds to tick by faster, and then, Himchan sends the message.

Himchanie-hyung! 14/10/79 13:51
This is going to sound crazy but...

Himchanie-hyung! 14/10/79 13:52
But I think you and I are somehow in different time eras.

Jongup 14/10/79 13:55
But how can that be!

Himchanie-hyung! 14/10/79 13:56
I don't know either, but it's the only explanation I have.

Himchanie-hyung! 14/10/79 13:57
Unless this is some elaborate prank, which I think we've established it's not.

Jongup 14/10/79 13:59
It's not. It's definitely not.

Himchanie-hyung! 14/10/79 14:00
Then?

Jongup 14/10/79 14:01
Then?

Himchanie-hyung! 14/10/79 14:02
Then you and I. It seems like we won't be able to meet.

And just like that, Jongup feels something splinter in his soul.

Himchan calls Jongup.

Despite both possessing the ability to, this is their very first phone call in their six months of conversation.

"I'm sorry," is the first thing Himchan says. His voice is wonderfully deep and gravelly, like the wash of a wash over smoothened river stones.

"Don't be," Jongup croaks back. He winces at how pitched his voice sounds, out of tune compared to Himchan's controlled voice. He hates that this is how they first hear each other’s voices.

"Hey," Himchan says, softly reassuring, "It's okay."

"It's not," Jongup whispers, knowing his voice is the edge of tumbling over, the fall as far as one of the Rips.

"It will be fine," Himchan says.

"But," Jongup's voice catches, "I wanted to meet you," he cracks.

"Shh," Himchan soothes, "I know, I know. I.... I wanted to meet you as well."

"But now we can't."

"No," Himchan's voice deepens. "It doesn't seem like it's possible."

"And it's really true?" Jongup whispers, his voice catches on bristles and thorns. He drags it and it tears, bleeds, shreds. "You're from 2016."

"I am. And you're from 2079."

"That's like sixty years apart! How is that even possible?"

"I don't know," Himchan says quietly, almost a little stiffly. "I..."

"What?"

"I still wish this was all just a joke," he admits, almost grudgingly.

"I..."

"Can you just tell me it's all just a joke so I can laugh this off and go home?" Himchan says, half laughing.

"Hyung..." Jongup whispers.

"Humor me Jongup?" He sounds almost desperate.

"I can't," Jongup says wretchedly, very uncharacteristic for him, and ends the call.

Where were you!" is the first thing Jongup hears as he slinks back into their home, a slipshod mantle of metal beams and wooden planks formed around the skeleton of a standing concrete. Once upon a time it was probably a room or a small warehouse; now it's the only place they have to call home.

Youngjae sits at their roughly cut wooden table, eyes flashing as Jongup enters. He rises to his feet and Jongup tries his best not to flinch.

"I'm- sorry," Jongup bites back as Junhong flies in and attacks him with a monkey-like hug, all limbs and furious love.

"How could you just leave us with a note hyung!" he mumbles into the sweaty fabric of Jongup's shirt.

"I didn't think you'd let me go," he says honestly.

"Of course we wouldn't!" Youngjae hisses. "So many things could have happened to you! What if the quakes started up while you were out? What if those wild boar herds from the North decided to start migrate earlier this year. What if something happened to you and we weren't there to help!”

“I’m sorry!” Jongup raises his voice, and then quietens. “I’m sorry...I just... I just had to go.”

Youngjae’s anger receeds. His shoulders drop; his eyes soften. “Was it worth it?” he asks.

Jongup draws a sharp breath; Junhong hugs him tighter. He can feel the swell of tears surging.

It’s been a long, long time since he has last felt like crying.

“What happened?” Youngjae asks, the worry and the fear over, and now the brotherly part of him emerges, the kind that Jongup has always been able to consult. “Did you meet him?”

“No,” Jongup whispers. “No I didn’t.”

Once Youngjae and Junhong realize just how torn up Jongup is, they sit him down and ply him with warm tea, and then they talk.

Jongup tells them everything he’s discovered, and to their credit, they don’t reject his story outright. He can see the puzzlement, the disbelief, in their eyes, but they let him talk it out, and only when he is finished do they speak.

“I think you should stop talking to him,” Youngjae says seriously, his hands cupped about a small metal mug they had unearthed in a store two streets down.

Jongup draws a sharp breath.

“I agree with him hyung,” Junhong adds soberly. He’s wrapped in three layers of fuzzy blankets they found in a mostly raided discount store north of the city. “I mean...I know you wanted to meet him but now that you’ve found out you’ll never be able to meet him...isn’t it better to just end things here?”

“But just because we can’t meet doesn’t mean we can’t still talk!” Jongup protests.

“But hyung,” Junhong gives him this sad, little look, “you went looking for him,” he says softly. “You wanted to meet him. That means you’ll never be able to settle for just talking to him.”

“You don’t know that-”

“And do you?” Youngjae interjects, all well meaning but still prickly edges that makes Jongup flinch. “Do you know that you’ll be able to be satisfied with just messaging and talking with Himchan from now on?”

“I...”

Words fail him.

Can he just go back to simply exchanging words with Himchan? Can he put behind the fact that they will never meet and he will never be able to ask the questions he knows he can only ask in person? Can he pretend that this divide of time does not exist?

“I...”

Youngjae stands.

“Think about it Jongup,” he says sagely. “I know you want to be friends with this guy but in the long run isn’t he just going to hurt you more?”

Jongup draws a sharp breath.

“That was harsh I know,” Youngjae says, eyes glittering, “but remember, we’re your family and we worry about you. Please don’t ever forget that everything we say or do, we mean with the best of intentions.”

“I...I know that hyung,” Jongup says quietly.

Youngjae softens. “I know you do Uppie,” he says gently, “but I also know just how happy this guy made you.”

“I just...” Jongup breathes, “I just wanted thought we could be friends.”

Youngjae puts down his cup and gets up, slipping around the table and dragging his stool so that he can sidle in next to Jongup and sling one arm around his shoulder.

“We love you,” he whispers and hugs Jongup furiously.

Junhong gets up to join the cuddle fest. “I’m sorry hyung,” is all he says, and when the tears begin their silent track down Jongup’s cheeks, no one says anything, but Youngjae begins to sing, soft and soothing, and Jongup tries to find the convinction in himself to let Himchan go.

It’s not that easy.

For one, Himchan keeps calling him.

His phone log is littered with Himchanie-hyung! and his message history is filled with texts.

Himchanie-hyung! 20/10/16 04:18
Hey. Talk to me.

Himchanie-hyung! 20/10/16 05:04
I know it’s not an easy thing to come to terms with, but don’t ignore me. Let’s talk about this.

Himchanie-hyung! 21/10/16 17:44
Are you okay? How are you handling things?

Himchanie-hyung! 21/10/16 19:02
At least reply to me. Let me know if you’re okay.

Himchanie-hyung! 22/10/16 06:02
We don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.

Himchanie-hyung! 22/10/16 06:03
We can go back to what we were before.

Himchanie-hyung! 23/10/16 22:50
Hey Jonguppie. How are you doing?

Himchanie-hyung! 23/10/16 22:53
Talk to me please?

Himchanie-hyung! 23/10/16 22:56
I miss you you know

It takes Jongup exactly a week to make up his mind.

It’s not exactly an easy decision but it most definitely is a decision from his heart.

He sits on the roof of their base and watches the bleeding sunset. In his lap is the phone, soaking up the last rays of sunlight. As the sun sinks, Jongup swipes a finger across the screen and watches it spark into life.

There is only one contact number in the list and he stares at the name for a fraction of the second before gathering tiny sparks of courage and pressing call.

The phone seems to ring for an age, the call tone echoing and echoing across the empty skyscape of fallen buildings and crumbling skies. Jongup almost gives up hope when there’s a click like the shifting of cogs and a voice, deep with sleep, speaks.

“Hello?” Himchan mumbles.

For a second, Jongup is speechless. It took him this long to come to a decision and now all of a sudden the words have departed from him. Admittedly to begin with he has never been very good at expressing himself vocally, but this is Himchan, someone he has always been comfortable with telling anything and everything.

“Jongup?” Himchan goes in that rumbly tone of his and unconsciously as if he is in front of him, Jongup straightens and swallows.

“Hyung-” he says quickly, tripping over his words and ends up coughing.

On the other end of the line, Himchan laughs: a wonderful, rich yet lighthearted sound that has Jongup’s heart aching.

“Hyung?” Jongup tries again.

He hears Himchan trying to calm himself down on the other side. “Yes Jongup?” he says, still sounding there are tears of amusement in the corners of his eyes.

Jongup takes a breath of courage. “I wanted to talk,” he says and congratulates himself privately when his voice does not waver.

Himchan’s next words are quieter. “Yes Jongup?”

“About us.”

Almost impossibly, Himchan’s voice gets even softer. “Okay,” he says gently. “What about us?”

“I want us to stay friends,” Jongup says, his fingers tightening about the phone as if he can physically maintain their ties. “I want us to keep talking.”

“So do I Jonguppie,” Himchan says gently.

“But I want to meet you hyung,” Jongup whispers fiercely.

Himchan’s voice drops. “So do I Jonguppie.”

“But we can’t.”

“No,” Himchan says without inflection in his voice. “No we can’t.”

Jongup can feel something wet on his cheeks. He doesn’t dare touch it to make it real. “It’s so cruel isn’t it? You’re my first friend you know hyung? I mean I don’t count Youngjae and Junhongie because they’re family. So really, you were my first friend and yet we’re not allowed to meet. How is that fair?”

“Shh,” Himchan soothes, “Just because we can’t meet doesn’t mean it has to be the end of things. Haven’t we always said that we have an unconventional friendship. Just because we can’t meet doesn’t mean we can’t stay friends.”

“Yeah, but there was so much I wanted to ask you.”

“And we can still do that,” Himchan promises.

“But some things need to be said in person.”

“We’ll figure something out,” Himchan says. “We can try doing video calls. Or we can do more phone calls. I’ll send you pictures so you know what I look like and I’ll always be here for you to talk to me at any point of the day.”

“But it still won’t be the same,” Jongup whispers, his voice cracking and his head dipping. His eyes are blurring now and the sun is almost gone, a deep set grey blue setting into the sky. There are no stars in the sky.

“No it won’t,” Himchan says softly, “but it’ll be our special relationship yeah?”

Jongup blinks. “Our special relationship?”

“Yeah. Why don’t you think of it like this? A long distance friendship where we can’t meet, but we’ll stay in contact much more because of it. How does that sound? We can pretend that it’s not that we can’t meet, but that it’s too difficult but we still try.”

“What’s the point of that hyung?”

Jongup can almost see Himchan shrugging on the other end. “Possibly nothing, but I have a lot of friends who are in the acting business and they tell me that sometimes to make something a reality you’ve just got to fake it until you make it.”

“But there’s absolutely no way we can meet,” Jongup says. “We live in different timelines, not different countries hyung.”

“So?” Himchan says lightly. “Don’t give up Uppie. Never give up.”

Jongup tilts his head upwards. “Do you really think we might meet someday hyung?” he asks so quietly it’s like he’s fearful of voicing it.

“I don’t know Uppie,” Himchan says easily. “But I hope for it. And that’s what counts.”

And so begins the next three months of whimsical and wonderful conversations.

Now that they realize the divide in their worlds, they spend a lot of time talking about the differences between the two.

Himchan describes his world as beautifully chaotic, a life full of busy schedules and crazy nights out and always, music. True to the stories Seoul in 2016 is filled with smooth pavements and high speed cars. There are taxis and glittering walkways and streams in the middle of cities where you can spend lazy afternoons at. Here and there will be stores selling just about anything and of course there is always music whether it be blasting from speakers overhead shops or some band or group playing in the streets.

It makes Jongup sigh and wish to get just a glimpse of such a place.

Himchan humors him by taking photos of just about anything. It becomes a habit of his to send Jongup several photos a day and Jongup adores it and the peephole into another world it chances him.

In turn Jongup does the same. Himchan’s reaction of course is far from wonderment. He is understandably horrified.

After all, this is the future of his world sixty years on.

“You live in this place?” is the first words Himchan utter after Jongup sends him the photos of the crumbled city, of the Rips, of the bleeding sky.

“Yes.”

“And you’ve never known any other,” Himchan murmurs, more to himself than to Jongup. “Don’t you ever feel like it’s unfair?”

“I do,” Jongup admits. Even more so lately as he learns about Himchan’s culturally rich planet. But he knows it comes with its own drawbacks: the public pressures, the lack of freedom, the hefty need for gold. In his world the sky and the sea is quite literally the limit. Jongup is free to go where he likes, free to live with who he likes. All he has to do is survive and get there. “But it’s all I’m going to get, so I try to love what I can.”

“But it’s all I’m going to get, so I try to love what I can.”

By love Jongup means his family, Youngjae and Junhong, and the closeness that this world grants them. Himchan tells him about his sister and his father and how competitiveness and disobedience drove a wedge between them. For Jongup who grew up relying on Youngjae’s guidance and Junhong’s support, he can’t think of anything coming between the three of them.

Except possibly his continued exchanges with Himchan which Youngjae still disapproves and Junhong cautions.

Even then there are too few of them in the world to simply abandon one another.

There is also beauty in destruction. Jongup stares deep into the Rips and appreciates just how small he and yet just how alive he is, how lucky he is to be one of the 15% that has survived the Collapse. Or more like how lucky it was that his parents survived, and how they protected him so that he could live to see another day.

There are the wild animals that Jongup sees roaming the recuperating forests and rivers: the deers with their ink-jet eyes and their skittish movements, the boars with their thick tusks that could tear life-threatening gashes into Jongup’s stomach with just a swing of their heads, the gleaming red and blue fish that somehow can survive the acidic levels of the purpling streams, the small jewel-like beetles that crawl through the buildings during the day and cluster in tight balls by night.

Jongup knows there is both beauty and ugliness in both their worlds. There are things he loves and could never be parted from in his own world of 79, but all the same he yearns to step into Himchan’s world, if only just to get a glimpse of how different it all is.

Jongup is out on a hunt with Junhong and Youngjae when they stumble upon two dead bodies. They’re nothing but skeletons clothed in decaying cloth. And yet there are defining characteristics about the two: a mop of long, black hair, a jacket, jeans, shoes that match. And their hands, the long, ivory bones of their fragile fingers are intertwined.

“In life and death huh,” Junhong comments as the three of them stare at the couple.

The legs of the skeletons are crushed by a fallen wall. The guy - as Jongup assumes from the clothing - is draped over the female. In life and in death is and apt description as Jongup notes the gleam of silver dangling at the end of their fourth fingers.

“It was a ritual for marriage,” Youngjae explains when Jongup points it out. “Eternity and all that. In life and death and sickness and health.”

Not that anyone does that these days.

Jongup tells Himchan about the rings.

“Yeah, it’s very common here,” he tells Jongup that night when they talk. “You’re supposed to wear it on your fourth finger, the left hand. If you see someone wearing a ring it means they’re married and well, yeah, you don’t make a move on such people.”

“But why rings?” Jongup asks, ever-curious.

“I don’t really know. It’s easy to wear? It’s circular, and all those metaphors for eternity and stuff. It’s elegant?”

“It looks nice,” Jongup muses.

Himchan laughs. “Yeah? You like rings?”

“Not rings in particular I guess,” Jongup says with a duck of his head, “but like, the idea. Of promises, and eternity, and... it’s nice.”

Himchan chuckles. “I’d buy you a ring,” he says so softly Jongup almost misses it.

“Huh?”

Himchan does not back off. “If we could meet I’d buy you a ring.”

“Why?”

“Because you deserve something like that,” Himchan says lightly. “You deserve promises and forever.”

“Are you saying you’d marry me?” Jongup asks, bluntly because he is confused.

Himchan bursts out laughing. “Not like that,” he chortles, “I mean I wouldn’t mind marrying you, but it’s more like I want to give you something. Because I think you deserve one, and because we’re friends.”

“Oh,” Jongup’s mouth rounds. He’s not sure what to think. That Himchan wants to give him something, or that he now has an image of foreverness with Himchan. Both light a fire in his chest and he’s not sure what exactly that means for him.

It’s from that moment onwards that Jongup begins imagining a life with Himchan.

It’s awful and torturing and absolutely wonderful all at once.

Jongup imagines walking down a sidewalk with Himchan, talking simply of nothing but food or last night’s games or the latest antic of a friend’s photo on the internet. He pictures having a home with Himchan in it, of waking up to the sound of Himchan’s voice and falling asleep to the image of those soft eyes and sharp lips. Most dangerously he imagines what it would be like to kiss Himchan.

And when he starts thinking of that, he knows that he may or may not be falling in love with a man who he will never be able to meet. And he thinks, this is what the breaking of the heart is like: glass shattering, Rips engorging, blood and flesh being torn into tiny scraps of shuddering veins and arteries.

Love, Jongup thinks, is unlike any of the stories he has heard.

It hurts. And it consumes. But Jongup thinks he wouldn’t ever let it go.

Jongup is the one who calls Himchan that night.

“How do you know if you’re in love?” he asks, right off the bat.

Himchan is silent for a moment.

“I don’t know. There’s no one way to tell,” he ends up saying.

“How strange.”

“Why are you asking?”

Jongup sighs and stares out at the setting sun. It’s become a habit of his to sit out here on the roof of their base and watch the sun set as they talk. “You know how I said I was going to ask you something when we met?”

“Yeah?”

“It was this. I wanted to ask you how to tell if you were in love.”

Himchan chuckles. “You could have just asked me over the phone.”

“I thought it was something best asked in person,” Jongup says seriously.

“Yeah, I guess so, but I guess it’s fine in speech as well. Text is harder to phrase, that’s all.”

“So do you know? How to tell if you’re in love? Have you ever fallen in love?” Jongup is aware these are prying questions but he knows Himchan will answer whatever he is comfortable with and save the discomfort for another time.

“No, I don’t think so,” Himchan admits.

“Never?” Jongup says, disbelieving.

“Never,” Himchan echoes.

“Why not?”

“I don’t know. I just never felt like I met someone who I’d want to spend the rest of my life with, that’s all.”

“Is that how you tell?” Jongup asks, always, always curious.

“For me I guess?” Himchan says, though he sounds rather unsure. “I mean I’ve never fallen in love. Bbang says love to him is comfort and the people he falls in love with are people who make him feel at peace. Daehyun is the opposite, he says he feels love with the people who raise him up and make him feel alive. For me I don’t know? I guess it’d be the person who completes me, who feels like the other half to a missing puzzle piece....as abstrast as that sounds.”

“Mm I get it. I mean, I still don’t really understand but... I get what you mean by completeness.”

“So do you think it’s love? What you feel for this person?” Himchan asks, genuinely curious.

Jongup leans back and stares at the darkening sky. He thinks he can make out a single bright star just to the left.

“I don’t know,” Jongup says softly. He reaches up with his spare hand and curves it, as if he could slip it about someone’s face.

“Who is this person? Someone I know?”

“Yes,” Jongup says, always honest to fault.

“Youngjae? Junhong?”

“No,” Jongup says, shaking his head even though he knows Himchan cannot see. “They’re family. I don’t think I could ever see them as anything else.”

“Then? Who else?”

Jongup smiles, a curve shaped like the moon. Himchan is so wonderfully obtuse sometimes, he thinks. Another factor that he saves and adds to the pile of reasons why he adores Himchan.

“You,” he says so simply and closes his eyes, pictures Himchan on the back of his lids. “I think I love you, that’s who.”

Part III - And then there was us.

Life has a way of constantly surprising you. Himchan knows that better than anyone else.

He was surprised when he scored the coveted scholarship, surprised when it infuriated his father instead of pleasing it; he was surprised when he found himself becoming an idol of all things and not the professional janggyu player, even more so when it became clear he could make a successful career path here; most of all though, he is surprised by Jongup’s declaration of love when neither of the two know truly what love is.

It takes him a day or so to digest it.

“What did he say?” Yongguk asks as he pads into the studio where Himchan has holed himself up in all day, a feat not normal to him.

“What did who say what?”

Yongguk rolls his eyes good-naturedly. “Jongup of course,” he rumbles. “Who else these days has the capacity to get you so out of things.”

“My mom?” Himchan suggests.

“Never,” Yongguk declares. “She straightens you out if anything.”

Himchan snorts at that.

“So?” Yongguk prods as he drops down into the opposite chair, spinning slightly.

Himchan leans back into his, pose thoughtful.

“Jongup told me last night that he thinks he is in love with me.”

To his credit Yongguk just blinks and sinks further into his chair.

“What?” Himchan asks, jerking his chin at Yongguk.

Yongguk shrugs. “I guess I saw this coming,” is all he says.

“For real?

“Well it’s clear that Jongup is infatuated with you. Not to mention in the sort of environment he grew up in, it’s not like he has much chance to experience love, so it’s only expected he fixated on the person he grew closest to.”

It’s a sobering through that Jongup has confessed purely because Himchan is the easiest option and his face shows it, because Yongguk then says, “but that doesn’t mean it’s not genuine.”

Himchan sighs and spins one full revolution in the chair. “What should I do?”

“What can you do?” Yongguk says, shrugging. “You two live in different worlds. Even if you decided to pursue this relationship, it’s not like you could ever meet, and maintaining and friendship long distance is one, a romance a very, very different one.”

“I know,” Himchan murmurs.

“Then tell him that,” Yongguk says, leaning back until the chair creaks in protest. “Unless...” he bolts up straight and looks Himchan sternly in the eye. “Unless don’t tell me, you like him too.”

Yongguk sees it immediately, the flash of guilt in Himchan’s eyes, the light and the dark all at once.

“Channie!”

“I don’t like him per say!” Himchan yelps defensively. “It’s just...” he exhales. “He’s endearing okay? It’s fun talking to him and I always feel better after our conversations. He makes me feel happy and comfortable and I... I don’t know. I know it won’t work but I kind of just...wish there was a way.”

“Himchan,” Yongguk says sternly. “You know it won’t.”

“I know!” Himchan bites back. “I know...” he says again, deflated this time. “I know it won’t.”

“As long as you know,” Yongguk says and Himchan knows the conversation is over. Yongguk isn’t there to control his life; he just worries that’s all. Daehyun too, but Daehyun has never been as good with confrontations as Yongguk is.

“I know,” Himchan says with a sigh and Yongguk dips his head.

“I’m sorry,” he rumbles, the words deep in his chest. “I know you really liked him.”

Himchan closes his eyes and thinks yeah, he does. He really likes Jongup. And the more he thinks about shutting a potentisl romance down, the more he feels his heart constrict.

Likewise, Jongup thinks that even if this love - or this thing is deciding to call love - will never come to fruitation, it is not something he can let go of so easily.

“But why do you still want to keep it going?” Junhong asks, blinking. He truly cannot understand Jongup’s decision to continue talking with Himchan even after he decides this is love and their love will forever be kept at arm’s - or in this case, a world’s - length apart.

“It’s special, this feeling,” Jongup says with a shrug. “And I don’t want to lose it.”

They’re sitting out the front of the base in front of a small campfire. They’re grilling boar meat from a kill earlier that day and Youngjae is inside preparing the meat whilst Junhong and Jongup set up the fire.

“Doesn’t it hurt though, that you’ll never get to meet?” Junhong asks as he prods the glowing embers.

“It does,” Jongup says easily.

“Then?”

“But it hurts more to think about never talking to Himchan-hyung again,” Jongup says as he prods one particularly large chunk that sparks and sends tiny flames showering into the night.
Junhong gives him this worried look, the kind people give when you start coughing and hacking and they’re afraid you’ve caught some sort of deadly bug.

“It’s not that bad Junhongie,” Jongup says affectionally, scooting over on one long plank to press up against his wiry dongsaeng.

“But hyung, you’re going to love someone you’ll never be able to meet.”

“I know Junhong,” Jongup says, frightfully calm, a surprise to even himself. “I know, but I don’t mind.”

“I’m afraid for you hyung,” Junhong confesses.

Jongup smiles and nudges him. “Thanks. But it’s not all bad. It’s not going to change much from what it is. Plus, all I did was tell Himchan-hyung I like him. I have no idea what he’s going to do. He might just say no and keep things as friends. I don’t know.”

Junhong’s expression is still dark; his face is shadowed by the growing fire. “Take care of yourself hyung. I know finding someone you like is important, but you know the stories. It takes two for love to work, and when there’s two, there’s always the possibility to be hurt.”

Something twists in Jongup’s stomach. An ill-wanted truth?

A lot of things take two and Jongup is not sure if he can handle Himchan’s rejection. He takes a deep breath and tries to put it aside as Youngjae comes over bearing a tray of skewered meat.

“What’s with the two of you?” he asks as he places it down and eyes them both and the sombre mood.

“Nothing,” the two of them chime together.

“Really?” Youngjae says, one eyebrow rising.

“It’s fine hyung,” Jongup says and forces a smile.

“If you say so,” Youngjae shrugs.

Jongup nods and is grateful when Youngjae steers the conversation towards something lighter as they roast the meat. He knows what he’s persisting with Himchan is not something that is going to end like those fairy tale books the adults who raised them read when they were little. There is no prince and princess and a kiss that leads to happily ever after.
There is just Himchan and Jongup and a hundred or so years between them. And no kiss will cure that. If they could even make a kiss work in the first place.

Jongup shoves it out of his mind for the rest of the night but when he dreams, it’s all about Himchan.

Himchan sends Jongup a message.

Himchan 04/01/17 03:00
Hey. Jongup. Do you remember the statue? The one where we tried to meet up at?

Uppie 04/01/17 07:04
Yeah, I do.

Himchan 04/01/17 08:02
Do you think you could go back there one more time?

Uppie 04/01/17 08:05
Yeah.

Himchan 04/01/17 09:00
Can I get you to go there tomorrow? At noon?

Uppie 04/01/17 09:34
Okay. Anything for you hyung.

Uppie 04/01/17 09:36
Do I get to know why?

Himchan 04/01/17 09:50
Just humor me?

There’s a long silence before he gets a reply.

Then,

Uppie 04/01/17 10:44
Okay hyung. Got it.

For better or worse, Himchan decides it’s time to settle things.

He chooses to go back to that rest stop because it’s an easy and defined landmark for the both of them. He arrives there an hour before the scheduled time and heads to the statue.
The rest stop is empty today, likely because of the chilling weather and grey skies overhead.

Himchan crouches and begins to search for the perfect spot. Only when he does, does he check his watch and call Jongup.

“Hey,” he says the minute the line connects.

“Hey hyung,” Jongup chirps.

“Are you there?”

“I am. Just arrived. What do you want me to do?”

“This is going to be a little bit of trial and error, but can I get you to go round to the back of the statue. I need you to take a photo of the area so I can see what it looks like on your side.”

“Okay,” Jongup says easily and sends him the photos.

The shapes and size of the base are similar, if a little more damaged in Jongup’s photo. Himchan nods in approval and then tells Jongup he’ll hang up and call him back in five minutes.
In those five minutes Himchan goes to his car and removes a sleek black box. It’s small, the size of his palm from fingertip to base, and it’s locked with a three digit pin code.

He opens it to double check the contents: another tiny velvet box. The contents of those, he checks with extra care, running a finger over the silver band and tracing the engraved words there. Then carefully he closes both and locks the box, takes it to the small slip of the stone, and buries it there.

Then he calls Jongup.

“Hyung?”

“The stone area. The one in the third photo. Can you check that area now?”

Jongup is clearly mystified but does as Himchan requests. Himchan can hear him kneel, the phone squashed between his shoulder and his cheek, and he hears Jongup grunt as he starts to shift something heavy.

Then, a noise of discovery.

“There’s a box there hyung!”

Himchan holds his breath. “Is it in one piece?”

“One moment hyung. Let me pull it out.”

There’s a shuffling sound and then Jongup is saying, “Yeah hyung. It’s a little damaged but it seems in one piece. I can’t open it though. There’s a code.”

“Yup. Key in 2, 1, 16.”

A moment of quiet as Jongup does as instructed. There's a clicking sound, audible enough for even Himchan.

“There’s a smaller box inside hyung,” Jongup reports.

Himchan crosses his fingers.

“Open it please Uppie.”

“Of course hyung.”

Silence. Silence. And then. A soft gasp.

“Hyung?” Jongup whispers. “What is this?”

“Is it in one piece?” Himchan asks, half fearful.

He gets an alert of a photo and he pulls away his phone momentarily to check it. A smile curves over his face, broad and brilliant.

He places the phone back to his ear.

“I said didn’t I? That I wanted to buy you one. Because you deserved it.”

“Yeah, but, hyung...” There are tears in Jongup’s words.

“I have a matching ring with me,” Himchan says, reaching into his pocket and drawing out a similar velvet box. Inside is a silver ring with their initials engraved in the inner side and the wordcircles, always.

Himchan runs a thumb over the wonderful indents.

“You got me a ring,” Jongup whispers fiercely.

“I did,” Himchan smiles.

“Does this mean?”

“It means yes, I like you too,” Himchan says softly.

“But we can’t-”

“We can’t be together no, not the conventional way. But I want you to know that if you want, I can be all yours. We may only be able to talk and text and see each other from a distance, but to me that’s enough. And if it’s enough for you then the ring is yours.”

Himchan hears Jongup sniff.

“It’s enough hyung,” he croaks. “It’s more than enough.”

Himchan closes his eyes and clasps the ring tightly in his hand. Buying the ring was one of the hardest choices he had to make. The ring is more than a marriage icon, it’s a promise, one that crosses not just borders but worlds, and it’s no easy promise to keep.

“I want you to know that anytime you think you fall in love with someone from your world I want you to throw away this ring and choose them,” Himchan tells him.

“I won’t,” Jongup says fiercely.

“I want you to have a real relationship if you can.”

“Ours is real,” Jongup argues.

“But you will never be able to touch me,” Himchan points out gently.

“So?” Jongup bites back.

“You’ll never see me face to face.”

“I know.”

“I’ll never be able to kiss or hug you. I’ll never be able to give you the true love you deserve.”

“I know. And I’m okay with that hyung.”

“Are you sure?” Himchan presses. “You can step out of this at any time.”

“I’m certain. 110% certain,” Jongup says fiercely. “I’ve never been more certain. You make me happy hyung. Talking to you makes me feel complete and I feel like I could talk to you forever.”

Himchan knows there’s a foolish grin dancing on his face. He feels the first few kisses of rain falling down but he can’t find it in himself to get up and leave.

“I’ll make you happy,” he promises.

On the other side of the phone Jongup smiles and slides the ring onto his fourth finger. “I know you will hyung,” he says and looks up to see the bruised sky turning dark, not with night for once but with rain.

Rain here is not much cleaner than the river water, but it is slightly less polluted and so Jongup turns up his face and holds open one hand, welcoming in the rain.

“Even if we can’t touch, even if we can’t see,” Himchan whispers like a mantra, “even then I will love you and make you happy.” He slides his own ring onto his finger.

“I know you will hyung,” Jongup says with smile. He closes his eyes and imagines Himchan standing in front of him, darkly handsome and clothes damp with rain and clinging to his frame. The rain picks up its pace.

“And even if time passes and things change, I promise to love you no matter what,” Himchan finishes as the rain grows heavier.

“I know you will,” Jongup whispers as the heavens open above, soaking him completely. If he imagines just that little bit harder he thinks he can feel Himchan’s hands on his hips and his lips against his own.

Their meeting may have been a complete and utter mistake, but it’s one that neither of them will ever regret.

“I think I might love you Moon Jongup,” Himchan says softly.

“I think I might love you as well Himchan-hyung,” Jongup says with a smile.

“Now and forever,” Himchan whispers.

“Now and forever,” Jongup echoes.

The rain falls; their rings gleam. Now and forever it whispers.

And so the circle continues.

The end. Or the beginning. You decide.

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