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"I thought the girl-crazy phase would have started by now," Yuna says to her husband as they sit in bed. David is reading The New Yorker. "He's almost fourteen."
"Maybe he's a late bloomer," David says. "Remember when he started talking and we were worried he might be delayed? The speech therapist said he was just taking his time."
"I suppose." Yuna frowns just a little. "He did ask me how to do the laundry last week. So that's something."
David laughs. "A developmental milestone, I'd call it. Even if it's not one you'd find in Doctor Spock."
"Were you interested in girls at his age?" Yuna turns to David.
He puts the magazine down. "Sweetheart, that was thirty years ago. All I have are vague impressions of rock music, hockey games, and books I wasn't really interested in at the time. I think I had a couple of posters of girls in bikinis. It kind of seems like kids don't have those anymore."
"Maybe it's genetic," Yuna says.
"It probably is." David leans over and kisses her. "I'm sure one of these days we'll be up to our ears in teenage angst and remember this conversation and laugh about it."
"Maybe you should talk to him?"
David considers this. "We'll wait until he starts wearing way too much cologne. That's the sign."
"Oh, is it?"
"I thought everybody knew that," he jokes.
"Maybe we'll get him some for his birthday just in case," Yuna says. "Better cologne than Axe."
David smiles and picks up the magazine again. "Don't worry, it'll be toxic concentrations either way."
"Frankly, I'm almost relieved," Yuna says, with only a hint of doubt in her voice. "I'd rather he be interested in hockey."
"He's always been single-minded," David reassures her. "Hockey is his thing. The rest will come with time."
"Sure." Yuna leans against him. He kisses the top of her head.
"He's fine," he reassures her.
"I just worry." She cuddles closer, puts an arm around him.
"I know," he says.
"He's extraordinary," she says. "I'm afraid that comes with a price."
David hums, thinking. "Maybe this parenting gig should come with a manual that does more than tell you how to keep them alive."
Yuna laughs and then sighs. "We just let him be himself, right? And let him know we're there for him."
"I think that's all we can do," David says. "Anyway, the later the girls start coming around, the happier I'll be. There can be a lot of pressure to get involved in that kind of stuff."
"What, sex?" Yuna asks. She sounds amused. "I don't think we have to worry about that yet."
"No, thank God," David says. "But those locker room conversations can be nasty. A lot of speculation about who's doing what with whom."
"Surely not at this age," Yuna says.
"I hope not," David says.
"I don't think Shane would engage in that kind of talk anyway," Yuna says. "He's nicer than that."
"Yeah." David frowns. "I worry about him trying to play professional hockey if he doesn't toughen up."
"I think he just needs to be himself," Yuna says again. "He has the mentality. He doesn't need the other stuff." She tightens her arm around David. "We're not pushing him too hard, right?"
"We're barely pushing him at all," David reassures her. "We're mostly just trying not to hold him back, and letting him know what he needs to do if this is really what he wants."
"There's time for girls later," Yuna says, a little doubt in her voice, but a little relief too.
"There's always time for girls," David says, and kisses her.
When Shane is fifteen, David tries to talk to him.
"How's everything?" he says, when he picks Shane up after practice.
"Fine," Shane says, because of course that's what he says.
"What did Coach say?"
"He said I have a good chance of making it to the Prospect Cup in a couple of years," Shane says. "And then the draft. But I gotta keep at it. Get a little faster. Work on my backhand."
"Well, that's good," David says. "It's nice to have goals."
"Yeah," Shane says. "We're gonna work on a plan."
"You and your mother love a plan," David says. He waits to see if Shane is going to say anything else, but Shane is quiet in the passenger seat. That's one normal marker of adolescence for their exceptional child. He's always been a little reserved about most things. Hockey usually lights him up though. It's fascinating to watch him try to hone that interest into skills, to turn dreams into sure things. David hopes Shane doesn't lose too much of himself in the process.
"What about school?" David says. "Any new friends? Cute girls in your classes?" It's not subtle, but neither is Shane some of the time. Most of the time, actually.
"What?" Shane says. "No!"
"Just asking," David says, trying to make his voice mild. "You know, if you were interested in a girl, you can tell your mom and me." He glances over at Shane and sees the blank expression that means Shane's upset and he doesn't want anyone to see.
"School's fine," Shane says. "Nobody new."
"What did Coach say about your backhand?" David asks, and that gets Shane talking. David's listening, but not entirely. He's just glad to see that shine in his son's eyes again. He's seen that blank look more and more often when they bring up girls or friends. But Shane's always had teammates. He's always had people to play video games with, if he wants. He gets invited to people's birthday parties. It's fine if he's not the world's most social kid. It's fine if he doesn't want to date. The last conversation they had about the birds and the bees didn't exactly go well. Shane looked like he could barely stand to be in the room. Yuna gave him a book about his changing body and settled for that.
Like they've always said, Shane is single-minded. He's thinking about hockey all the time, so much that he doesn't have the energy for any of the social stuff. He's one of the best junior hockey players in the entire country, if not the world. That's hard work, and it's lonely. Shane has teammates, but he doesn't have equals. Even his closest friends are still mostly his competition. Of course he keeps everyone at arm's length. He's put his whole self into achieving this dream. Dating isn't part of his plan for now. Maybe that's all.
Maybe it's not. But there are worse things in life than being a confirmed bachelor.
Either way, they've learned their lesson a hundred times about talking to Shane about difficult topics before he's ready. David's certainly not going to upset his son while they're trapped in the car.
"You know I love you and I'm proud of you, right, kiddo?" he says. "Prospect Cup or no Prospect Cup."
"Yeah, I know," Shane says.
"And your mom, too."
"Yeah," Shane says, a little impatiently. "I know."
"And you can always talk to us."
"About what?" Shane asks.
"Anything." David drums on the steering wheel as they stop at a red light. "Team stuff. Friend stuff. Dating. Stuff that stressed you out."
Shane snorts. "I'm fine."
"I know you are," David says. "I know you are."
Shane turns sixteen in May. For his birthday, he wants to go to the arcade with a handful of friends.
"No girls," Yuna says. They're sitting in the coffeeshop near the arcade, because they've been informed that parents are the last thing anybody wants at a birthday party. It might be the most normal thing about their son.
"Maybe his girl friends don't like the arcade," David suggests.
"Everybody likes the arcade." Yuna crosses her arms. "You know there aren't any gay players in the MLH."
It's not a non sequitur, even though neither of them have said it before.
"No," David agrees. "There aren't any that I know of."
"I don't want to think about it," Yuna says. "Not because I wouldn't love him just the same. Just because it would make it so, so hard for him. He's already likely to be one of the only players with Asian heritage. You know how rude some of his teammates have been about that over the years. And he still had it better than poor Seo-Jun Kwon. For God's sake, he started trying to go by Sean. Sean Kwon."
"Maybe it's better that he hasn't shown interest in anyone?" David suggests.
"Should we talk to him about it?" Yuna asks.
They both consider this for a long time, sipping on their cooling coffee.
"I think it would upset him," David says eventually.
"Maybe we have to upset him sometimes," Yuna says. "Take some pressure off now so it doesn't build up. He's so strong and he's so capable, but there's only so much anyone can handle."
"It's his birthday," David says. "Besides, what do we do if it is true? Which it might not be."
"I don't know," Yuna admits, which is kind of a first.
David covers her hand with his. "The boy just wants to play hockey. It's all he's ever wanted."
"I know," she says. "I want that for him too."
"Are we going to tell him he shouldn't just in case he gets, I don't know, discriminated against?"
"Hate-crimed?" Yuna suggests.
They finish their coffee in silence.
They don't talk about it later. Shane seems so happy. They don't want to spoil his day. The look on his face when he blows out the candles on his cake reminds them of the way he looked when he was a little boy, without a care in the world.
Shane is going to the Prospect Cup at seventeen. He has a girlfriend. She's not the first girl he's called his girlfriend, but she's the first one they've heard about more than a handful of times. He never brings her over. They don't seem to go on many dates. Trying to get him to talk about her is like pulling teeth. Of course, trying to get him to talk about anything but hockey is like pulling teeth.
"It's fine," David says. "I had a teammate like Shane in college. Never wanted to talk about anything else. Great guy. Marc LeMaire. We all called him Mary."
"That seems rude," Yuna says.
"Just banter," David says. "You know everybody has a nickname. Shane's probably Holly or Hollzy on most of his teams, that's just how it works."
"Yeah, but Mary," Yuna says. "There are...connotations. It seems a little...discriminatory."
"Oh, nobody thought that," David scoffs. "He had a girlfriend. For a little while, anyway." He thinks about it. "Although I guess we didn't see much of her, and he didn't seem too upset when they broke up."
Yuna hums. "So what happened to your friend?"
David pauses. "I'm not sure. He quit the hockey team junior year. Didn't see as much of him after that." He snaps his fingers. "Wait, there was a piece about him in the college magazine. He moved to the States, I think. Yeah, Vermont, to run a dairy farm with his wife Jamie."
They stare at each other for a long minute.
"His wife Jamie," Yuna says carefully. "In Vermont."
David licks his lips. He clears his throat. "Come to think of it, it might have said partner."
"It seems like there's a lot of locker room talk that might not be palatable to a guy who wasn't interested in girls," Yuna says, her eyes distant. "A lot of accusations. A lot of speculation. A lot of, frankly, homophobic language. On and off the ice."
"We've had this talk before," David says. "There's nothing we can do but wait for him to tell us."
"But couldn't we find him someone else to talk to?" Yuna asks. "Someone he might feel more comfortable with than his parents. I worry about him. He's so close to going pro. That isn't going to be less stressful. There's got to be someone who could at least have a chat with him, in case that's what's going on."
"Right," David says, "all those out professional hockey players we mentioned."
"Well, a therapist," Yuna says. "A sports psychologist, maybe."
"You think he'd open up to a stranger?" David asks. "It didn't go so well when he was little."
"They have training." Yuna gestures at nothing. "They know how to have conversations like this."
"I don't think 'Son, do you think you might be gay?' is going to sound any better to him coming from someone who isn't his parents," David says. "The last time I tried to ask him about something he thought was private, he barely talked to me for a week. He just kept giving me that face."
Yuna sighs. "Yeah. Yeah. All right." She draws herself up. "We'll wait. Anyway, maybe that's not it."
"He's probably just focused on the Prospect Cup," David says.
They leave it at that.
Ilya Rozanov is a pain in the ass. But as soon as she says, "Fuck him right up the butt," Yuna regrets it. It's locker room talk. Yes, she's irritated, but that's no excuse. She didn't have to take it there. But Shane is smiling. He seems amused by her dislike of Rozanov, not bothered by her phrasing. Maybe that means he's not gay, but maybe it just means he's used to hearing stuff like this. David's right. It's ubiquitous.
"He sucks," she declares. Although that sounds a little like locker room talk too, when she thinks about it. She's never really considered the implications of the phrase. Sucks what, exactly, is unclear. Maybe it doesn't sound like that to Shane. She hopes not.
"Okay, Mom, we get it," Shane says. "You hate Rozanov."
"You hate him too," she says. "We all hate Rozanov. Everybody who isn't a Raiders fan hates Rozanov."
"Sure," Shane says. "He's the worst."
"Good player, though," David says.
"That's what's the worst about him," Yuna says. "He's too good. Almost as good as Shane."
"That's good for Shane," David says. "To have an opponent who can actually challenge him."
"Uh, yeah." Shane fidgets with his water glass. "He keeps me on my toes."
"Should I not say stuff like that?" she asks David later. "Am I homophobic?"
He shrugs. "I think it's just a thing people say. Besides, if you were the one fucking Rozanov up the butt, it wouldn't exactly be gay."
"Gross," she says. "Ugh. Yuck." She makes a face. "Why would you say that?"
"Hey, sometimes I get to be the silly one," he tells her. "Not just the numbers guy."
"Okay, this time," she says. They smile at each other.
"You know, I almost met Rozanov when he and Shane did that commercial," she says.
"How do you almost meet somebody?" David asks.
"He was on the elevator," she says. "It stopped on my floor. But he was going up and I was going down, so I didn't get a chance to introduce myself."
"Just as well," David says. "I don't think most, what, 19, 20 year olds are interesting in meeting their rivals' parents."
"I was just trying to be polite," Yuna says.
"I see we've abandoned that strategy," David teases.
"Fifty goals," Yuna mutters. "His rookie season. Who says things like that?"
"I guess Ilya Rozanov does." David jostles her gently. "It's good for Shane to have someone to push him that isn't us."
"I guess so." Yuna sighs. "Okay. I'll try to be nicer about him."
"I don't think you have to be nice," David says. "Just don't offer to fuck him up the butt."
Yuna groans. "Please stop saying that."
David raises his hands, all innocence. "You said it first."
"Well, that's the last time," she says. "Next time he pisses me off, I'll say...fuck him in the ear."
"That's the spirit," David says.
"Anyway, it's not like Shane would be dating Ilya Rozanov even if he were gay," she says.
"Can you imagine?" David murmurs.
"The whole league would riot," Yuna says. "He might be handsome, but he's not Shane's type."
"And what do we think Shane's type is?"
"Anyone else," Yuna says firmly.
"I don't know why you thought the Swedish princess line would work," David says. "We talked about this."
"Well, he didn't seem excited about a prince, either," Yuna says. "Maybe he's just one of those people who isn't romantic. Married to the job."
"Maybe we should talk to him about it," David says. "But I don't know. He seemed stressed already."
"When will we see him?" Yuna asks. "At the cottage? He'll just put on his blank face and say he needs to go to the gym and run back to his place. Should we get in a fight over Christmas?"
"Maybe it wouldn't be a fight," David says. "If you were Shane and you were gay, don't you think you'd be a little relieved that your family knew?"
"Not if I were trying to keep it secret," Yuna tells him. "You know what he says when people ask him about being Asian-Canadian. He doesn't think about that stuff, or at least he doesn't want to talk about it. You think this is going to be better?"
"I don't know," David says. "It's our first time being parents of an adult, remember? And we only have the one kid. Our sample size for what normal behavior includes isn't that big. Also, our son isn't that normal, all things considered."
"Maybe I should call my sister and ask her advice," Yuna says. "Although Kenji's engaged to a girl, so I don't know what kind of help she'd be."
"My cousin Ruth is a lesbian," David offers. "I could call her. Although she's a mechanic, so I think there's a little more acceptance there."
"Very helpful." Yuna sighs. "He would have had a girlfriend by now if he weren't gay. Right?"
"Probably," David says. "But maybe he had a secret girlfriend and didn't tell us. Or a whole harem, like Ilya Rozanov."
"You're not funny," Yuna tells him, staring daggers.
"Guess I won't go into standup comedy," David says.
"We'll know when the moment is right," Yuna says. "Won't we? He's our son. We'll know."
David nods. "Of course we will."
"And we'll do the right thing, and say the right things, and he won't be angry or hate us," Yuna murmurs, like it's some kind of prayer. The prayer of all parents, maybe.
All David can do is put his arms around her.
David doesn't even know how to begin to process what he saw. Shane, obviously, kissing a man. Being kissed by a man. Being touched in a frankly familiar way by a man. All of that is fine, if surprising, but the man in question appeared to be Ilya Rozanov, which is kind of not fine, for a variety of reasons.
"Did you find your charger?" Yuna asks as he walks through the door. He holds up the charger in silence. "Are you okay?"
"There was a deer on the road," David says, as if that's an answer. And there was a deer, but it leapt away before he was anywhere close to it, flourishing its white tail. He sits on the couch and contemplates everything he knows about Ilya Rozanov, which isn't actually very much. He's Russian. He's Shane's age almost exactly. They were rookies together, and played each other in the Prospect Cup twice before that. He's played for Boston since he was drafted, just like Shane has played for Montreal. There are news stories about him every now and again, pictures of him at events with women. David doesn't even think he's been in a photo with Shane that wasn't a hockey event. The draft. Rookie of the Year, when Shane won. The time they presented that award together. A few other awards ceremonies when they were both nominated. Some of the All Stars stuff.
Now that he thinks about it, it seems a little purposeful.
Ilya Rozanov. Touching — groping — his son. And Shane clearly welcoming it. His body language more open and happy than David has seen in a long time.
It's not like they haven't been waiting for this conversation. Last year, Yuna bought a garland of little Pride flags, just in case. They're prepared for Shane to tell them he's gay. But it's a whole different story if he's involved with the guy who's been his biggest rival since they were kids. It changes the narrative. It puts barriers in their path, raises questions about their performance against each other. David knows his son is scrupulously honest, especially when it comes to hockey. But the internet likes to cause drama, and so do hockey fans. He's seen them turn on stars they loved for things that seemed like lesser offenses, not that being gay is offensive.
He's almost relieved when he hears Shane's car coming up the driveway. Almost. Yuna looks over at him.
"I thought he was doing a silent retreat?"
"Maybe he has something to talk about," David says.
"That's ominous," Yuna says, and then Shane is getting out of the car, and through the windows, they can see Ilya Rozanov following him.
Yuna cries when the boys leave, but she isn't sad. She's happy. She's so, so happy. She's terrified too, for her son and his boyfriend (his boyfriend!), but God, it's such a fucking relief to finally know. The air between them is clear. She looked into her son's eyes and she held him close and she apologized for letting him struggle alone. It doesn't matter if she wanted to help. They thought they were doing their best as parents, and maybe they were, and they still failed their child on some level. Maybe that's what parenting is: trying, failing, getting up, and making amends.
Her baby boy is in love. And he's loved: that's crucial too. When she first saw Ilya, she didn't know what to think. He still seemed like the wise-cracking asshole the league loves to hate. But then Shane started to melt down at the table, and the way Ilya checked in with him was so exactly what Shane needed that it's clear they know each other much better than she would have ever expected. Ilya even kissed Shane, right there in front of them, and the way it made Shane's shoulders relax was nothing short of a miracle.
She suspects that Ilya Rozanov will be her son-in-law one day.
It's scary, knowing the long road the boys have ahead of them. But she believes they can handle it. Maybe they don't have a plan yet beyond keeping their relationship secret, but that doesn't mean Yuna can't outline some ideas, just in case.
"He was afraid to tell me," she says to David as she preps for dinner. It isn't for hours, but she wants something to do. She's full of energy, some blend of nerves and joy and relief and guilt. The essence of parenting.
"In fairness, last week you told me that if Ilya Rozanov had no haters, you were dead, so that was probably most of the reason," he jokes. "Sweetheart, I don't think it was the gay thing. I think it was their specific situation. Shane knows you would never want him to hide who he is. Not from us."
"I hope he does," she says.
David wraps his arms around her. "He knows," he assures her.
"Maybe that was its own kind of pressure," Yuna muses.
"Maybe so," David says. "But even if we fucked up, we didn't ruin anything. Shane's still speaking to us. We'll do better. And I'm still not sure this was the wrong way to go about it. I mean, aside from walking in on their private moment."
"This does explain their chemistry at the All Star Game," she says, leaning against her husband. "And Rozanov — Ilya — visiting Shane at the hospital. And the way he just kind of stood there after Shane got hit. The way he bolted from the room when Scott Hunter kissed his boyfriend after the Cup win."
"Summer before their rookie season," David muses. "When would they even have seen each other? Do you think they were texting or something?"
"Well, they did that commercial together," Yuna says, and then freezes. "Oh my God."
"What?"
"When I saw Ilya in the elevator," Yuna says. "Do you think he was going to meet Shane?"
They share a silence that's somewhere between astonished and horrified.
"You know what, I think there's only so much I need to know," David says. "Lesson learned."
"Agreed," Yuna says. "They're going to be okay, right?"
"They're going to be amazing," David says. "And we're gonna be behind them every step of the way."
"Damn right we are," Yuna says. "But we'll text before we come over."
"We absolutely will," David says fervently.