Archive of Our Own

A: Activities- What do they like to do with their S/O? How do they spend their free time with them? 

• Dude loves his guns, so he’ll try and teach you how to shoot every once in a while. Maybe even take you down to a shooting range or something.
• Frequent movie dates, always to see some obscenely gory and cheesy action-packed thriller with a bunch of stupid plots and characters. Something like predator, Terminator, house of a thousand corpses, the thing, and die hard are among his favorites.
• He likes to cuddle. He’ll try and act like it's the most repulsive thing in the whole world, but if he gets the chance, he’ll curl up beside you, head on your chest or in your neck, squeezing you tight.
• Takes Champ to the dog park and brings you with him so you both can pet and play with some of the dogs there. he always makes you do the small talk for him.

B:Beauty- what do they admire about their S/O?what do they think is beautiful about them?

• Dude sees you as the only reason to stay in Paradise- he loves you head to toe, inside and out, upside and down, ect ect. His favorite parts are probably your hair (he likes to smell it), and your legs, specifically your calves and thighs.
• He admires your eyes, likes looking into them, sometimes staring so hard and for so long that it begins to unnerve you.

C:Comfort-How would they comfort their S/O when they're feeling down/having a panic attack?

• He's not good at it, but he tries. P3 (yes, yes, I know) canonized that he was 6'8, so I think he would do something like wrap his much larger frame around you, squeezing you hard. Trying to breathe with you, using his voice to bring you back down to earth.
• “In, out. See? In, out. You're doing great.”

D:Dreams- how do they picture their future with their S/O?

• Dude isn't much for dreaming. Ever the nihilist, he probably just thinks about just having you as long as he can before you leave.

E:Equal-Are they the dominant one in the relationship, or are they more passive?

• I know this is about P1 Dude but I'm gonna use P2 as an example- In P2, Dude is pretty submissive to Bitch, doing basically everything she asks. P1 Dude, I think, would be very similar. He would do much of what you asked, wanting to make you happy.

F:Fight- Would they forgive their S/O easily? How are they with fighting?

• Dude, as we know, has something of a short temper. If you get mad at him, I doubt he’ll lay his hands on you, but he’ll be pretty angry. He'll definitely get into it with you, and you’ll go back and forth, sling shit, and eventually, he’ll make you apologize. 
• If he insults you, I feel if you get very upset he’ll force himself to apologize- he’s too stubborn to actually say “I'm sorry’, though; he’ll come up behind you while you're washing dishes or doing something and pull you into his arms, burying his face in your shoulder, holding you close, whispering something into your skin about how pretty you look or how much he loved you. 

G:Gratitude-How grateful are they for you? Are they aware of what their S/O is doing for them?

• He’s very grateful for you. You're the only real reason he stays in Paradise, and he’s shocked that someone like you actually stays with someone like him. He loves you for it, and he's eternally grateful for you.

H:Honesty- do they have secrets they have from you, or do they share everything with you?

• He tries to hide his schizophrenia from you, tries to hide his violent thoughts, but when it gets really bad or he has a breakdown, you do end up finding out. It makes you feel responsible for him, like you need to take care of him. He slowly begins to open up to you, telling you more about his mental health and coming to rely on you, calling you and letting you talk him down from an outburst. 

I:Inspiration- Has their S/O changed them somehow, or the other way around? Have they tried out new things or have you helped them overcome personal problems?

• Dude has opened up to you about his schizophrenia, and he's told you a bit about his violent thoughts. If you stay for long enough and help him through, you could stop him from doing what he does. Assuming demon theory is real, however, you can't stop him from going postal- you might even be the first victim.

J:Jealousy- do they get jealous easily? How do they deal with it?

• in the postal movie, when he learns his wife might be cheating, he kind of just accepts it and kills her.
•  He won't be crazy, won't say things like “no, you can only talk to me”, “no laughing at other people's jokes,” nothing like that. He will get jealous if he thinks your flirting with someone else or if someone else flirts with you, though. For instance, if he hears some guys at his place of work talk about you, he might give them a glance or a glare. 

K:Kiss- Are they a good kisser? What was their first kiss like?

• He was a somewhat regular person before shit went down, so I think that he has some experience in kissing. He's not a god, but he's not super bad at it, either. 
• I have a feeling his first kiss was either drunken stupidity or teenage Idiocracy. 

L:Love Confessions- How would they confess to their S/O?

• This one took me a second to think of. He’ll make his stupid little comments and jokes, all very flirtatious and innuendoes. Eventually, you get fed up with them and just stop reacting. To this, he finally asks you out on a date, knowing that if he fucks up now, he loses it forever. When you accept, he's very surprised, but he's also ecstatic. After a few dates, he finally asks you to be his S/O.

M:Marriage- Do they want to get married? 

• He literally has a wife in P2. I think that if he likes you enough, he’ll definitely ask you, maybe even pretty quickly into the relationship.

N:Nicknames- what nicknames do they call their S/O

• Dude wouldn't call you stupid, over the top nick names. Most of the time, they're subtle. In P2 and the movie, he seems to usually call his wife ‘honey’, and in one of his voice lines, he calls her dear when he gets annoyed at her (“actually, dear, I don't think we ever got that divorce”)
• Other than that, he’d call you baby, and sometimes doll or darling.

O:On Cloud Nine- what are they like when they're in love? Is it obvious? How do they express their feelings?

• When Dude's in love, I think he goes out much more instead of staying in the house. He’s not out partying, but he still goes out for walks, actually feeling (somewhat) happy to be out in society. I feel like he's the type to brag about you to his colleagues. 
• “My wife/husband says I look great in this trenchcoat, actually.”
• “At least my wife/husband doesn't cheat on me, Desi.”
• He expresses his feelings in small ways. Not forgetting your rocky road (reference haha funny), snuggling when he gets home, taking Champ out for walks with you, smothering you with kisses, ect.
• He's very physical with his love and affection. He's a man of few words.

P:PDA- Are they upfront about their relationship? Do they brag about their S/O to others? Or are they rather shy to kiss ect. While others are watching? 

• He is upfront about your relationship. He knows what you are to him, and he will say it. Like I said, yeah, he brags about you to coworkers, and anyone who will listen, really. He's definitely not shy about physical affection in public. He is the God of quickies. 

Q:Quirk- some random ability they have that's beneficial in a relationship 

• Dude is pretty big and pretty scary, so whenever there's a prick trying to hit on you (or worse) or any kind of trouble, he can just come up and scare the guy away. 
• His indifference to killing also comes in handy when the guys especially a prick.

R:Romance- How romantic are they? What would they do to make their S/O happy? Cliché or rather creative? 

• He's not the most romantic. He doesn't know much about it, and he's not the best, but he tries his best. To make you happy, he would do a lot of snuggling, obviously, and take you out for movie dates. 
• He might try to flatter you by either writing your name on his gun, bullets, or just by naming a gun after you. 
• If he has leftover money from his paycheck, he’ll get you something like a small stuffed teddy bear or a few roses. He saw it in a movie and thought he would give it a try.
• “I'm home, honey! Got you something. Saw it in a movie, thought you'd like it.”
• “The lady at the counter says these are popular among girlfriends/boyfriends. So, uh… do ya like it?”

S:Support- Are they helping their S/O achieve their goals? Do they believe in them?

• He's very supportive. Says very sweet and stupid words of encouragement.
• “Yeah, that's my *insert whatever job here*!!” 
• “Watch out, Paradise, worlds next best *insert job here* is coming through!”
• He really does love you and tries his best to be as supportive as he can.

T:Thrill- do they try out new things to spice up their relationship, or do they prefer a certain routine? 

• He's postal dude. He doesn't need to ‘spice up your relationship’. Half the time, he comes home covered in blood, spit, piss, and other unrecognizable fluids. If that's not spicy enough for you, idk what will be.
• That being said, I feel like he would like to sometimes take you on errands with him. It's nice to come home to you at the end of every day, but sometimes he likes the company, y'know? 

U:Understanding- how good do they know their partner? Are they empathetic? 

• Complicated question when it comes to Dude. He's empathetic towards you, and he does love you, but he has off and funny ways of showing it sometimes. He's not the most outwardly expressional person, but inwardly, he loves you more than the definition can allow. He knows you, but he doesn't really show it- however, every once in a while, he will get you something you said you liked once and he’ll get you a lot of it. For example:
• “Dude, why are there three packs of oranges on the counter?” “You said you liked ‘em about 3 weeks ago. Store was doing a sale so I thought I’d get some for you.” 

V: Value - How important is the relationship to them? What is its worth in comparison to other things in their life?

• Dude doesn't have much else in life, so you’re pretty damn high up there. Your relationship is worth more than gold- it's hard to find someone who will put up with someone like him.

W:Wildcard- a random fluff headcannon

• It's your birthday. Unfortunately, due to your boss being a prick and the fact that your special day lands on a weekday this year, you’re forced to go into work, spending half the day slaving away at your job. You finally get home and find it quiet. Too quiet. You creep silently through the halls, the only sound to accompany you the sound of the blood rushing in your ears and your heart beating fast out of your chest. You hear a sudden bang come from the kitchen. Steeling yourself, you step over to the door, pushing it open gently.
• The kitchen is a mess. Flower and sugar on every countertop. A crudely made banner with “Happy birthday, Y/N” scrawled in what looks like half-dried sharpie. And sitting at the counter, with a small but well-made and sloppily decorated cake in front of him, is Dude, a cheap party hat on his head. He smiles at you.
• “Happy birthday. Made this for you, eat it before I cry. Spent hours on it.”
• He also put Champ in a little tu-tu for your birthday. Champ didn't have enough brain cells to hate it, but he would have.

X: XOXO- Are they affectionate?

• Yes. Defiant yes.
• Dude’s love language is definitely physical touch. No matter what, wether inside, out in public, or half-asleep, he's got his hands on you.
• Examples: Arms wrapped around your waist while your doing dishes, tracing patterns on your thigh while waiting for your food at Cock Asian, hand in your hair while your snuggling in bed.
• Dude comes home late one night and snuggles up with you, your back to his chest, pulling you close to him. He wraps his trenchcoat around you and gently cards his hands through your hair until you fully fall asleep.

Y:Yearning- How do they cope when they miss their S/O?

• Oh, you're not leaving his sight. Work trip? Where, when, and when are you getting back? Less than a day into the trip, you hear a knock at your hotel room door and see Dude standing there, very wilted and crushed flowers in hand, smiling at you. 
• Need to see your family? He's coming over, even if they don't approve of him.
• When you're at work and he can't see you, he’s probably out doing his errands or killing people, but when he's not, he either cuddles up with Champ and watches mindless TV to try and drown out his thoughts, or lays in bed, cuddling your pillow or shirt, tracing his fingers gently down the fabric, imagining youre still in his arms.

Z:Zeal- are they willing to go to great lengths for their relationship? If so, what kind?

• Well, if he's also falling out of love with you, no. He’ll let it happen. He’ll break it off with you, go your separate ways, nothing crazy.
• However, if he still loves you and you try to leave… no you aren't. I can see a possible stalking situation, perhaps even a kidnapping situation, but what I find most likely is that he just wont acknowledge it. You'll be chilling at home and he’ll walk in, say “hey, honey,” and then flop onto the couch and start watching TV. If youre doing something at the counter then he’ll come up behind you and force you back against him, his arms around your waist, holding you tightly.
• If you leave him fully, force him to get out, get a restraining order, or just stick up to him, he's gonna spend his time listening to middle-aged divorced dad rock songs (someday by Nickelback, better than me by hinder, etc etc) and pouting.
• If you cheat on him then he's gonna kill you. Period.