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Red is in love with his sister.
Surprisingly, this realization is not nearly as distressing as he thought it would be.
It makes sense. They’re twins, after all; maybe, because they’re so close, it was inevitable his feelings would change. He knows everything about Leaf. Her favorite meal (chicken and veggie dumplings with white rice and curry.) Her favorite color (green, but specifically that rich, deep, slightly blue shade of green.) Her favorite desert (those frozen mochi balls filled with ice cream, the cookies and cream flavored ones.) Her favorite Pokémon (Gengar, with Blastoise as a very close second.)
Her favorite person (him.)
(Maybe that one is just wishful thinking.)
He knows she prefers to sleep on her left side, because her bed is against a wall on the right side, and she doesn’t like to face the wall when she sleeps. He knows she prefers to sleep in comfy, over-sized clothing, because she often takes his old shirts, but he never sees her wearing them out and about. He knows her exercise routine in the early morning, and knows that first, she always stretches her arms up far above her head so the hem of her shirt comes up and reveals her navel (along with the little bit of hair that peeks out over the top of her underwear.)
She prefers tea over coffee (mostly berry and fruit flavored ones.) But, if she has to have it, she likes mocha with a lot of creamer. And when she gets foam on her upper lip or nose, Red’s there to wipe it away with a napkin, and he always gets a sweet smile and a cute thanks, Reddie after he does.
Red is older, by about thirty minutes. This is his excuse for saying he wants to protect her, because he’s older, and it’s his job as her older brother to take care of her. He offers to walk with her places, even though they aren’t far. He offers to fight trainers, even though she can handle them just fine. He offers to take care of errands for her, so she doesn’t have to worry about them, and can focus instead on whatever she was doing before. He offers to carry bags. He offers to pay for things. He gives her first choice in everything.
(He really likes it when she relies on him for things.)
He can’t imagine spending his life with anyone else. He doesn’t want to spend his life with anyone else. He loves her, deeply, and that’s the most comforting thought in the world, to him.
No, the most distressing thing about the whole situation is realizing he will never be able to confess. But that’s okay, so long as they’re together in the end.
So when she announces she and Blue have begun dating, Red doesn’t know what to say. He just returned to the region not even a week ago, and Leaf just...drops this in his lap? He sits completely dumbfounded and absolutely heartbroken in the middle of the cafe, before he realizes he’s supposed to say something in this situation. Maybe, congrats? Maybe, I’m happy for you? Maybe, I hope he treats you well? Maybe, why him? Maybe, why not me?
(He knows the answer to that one.)
“...oh,” he says instead, meekly.
“Oh?” Leaf repeats. “...just...”
“Well – I mean…” Red fumbles, and taps his fingers on the sides of his mug. “I...didn’t know you two were that close. He was kind of awful to you, when we were younger.”
Unlike Red, who never once got into an argument with his twin. Though, he fought with Blue constantly, because he treated Leaf horribly. He treated Red pretty horribly, too, but that didn’t matter as much. Red was always on Leaf’s side. He was always around when she got so heated she started to cry, after Blue left with a smell you later, loser. He always gave her a shoulder to rest her head on, and always let her air her grievances without complaint. Red was always the one she turned to for comfort.
“Sure,” Leaf agrees, “but...well, you know. We were younger. We’re adults, now. He’s changed, you know that. A lot.”
She has a point. Blue’s mellowed out, a lot. He’s much friendlier, though he still likes to give Red a hard time. “I mean, I guess...”
“Turns out he was so aggressive because he didn’t know how to deal with his crush on me,” Leaf laughs. “But, we talked about it over dinner one day. He asked me to give him a chance, to try and redeem himself, and I said okay. I dunno, I...I have a good feeling, you know?”
His stomach drops down below the floor, tunneling all the way down to the center of the earth. He feels his heart shattering in real time. She was serious. This is real. They’re actually dating. It wasn’t just a sick, cruel joke, one where she’d go, oh, gotcha, Red! You really fell for it! No, Leaf and Blue are...really, truly, dating now.
He feels…
Sick.
He wants to disappear.
“So, um…” Red can hear his voice shaking. He clears his throat. “...I...wanted to introduce you, to the team I caught in Galar. If...um, if you’re...if you...want.”
It’s a stupid, desperate attempt to change the conversation. He doesn’t want to dwell on this, anymore. He doesn’t want to think about how Leaf will permanently be out of reach. He doesn’t want to think about how Blue is getting everything Red’s ever wanted, and can never have.
“Red,” she says, and he can hear the confusion in her tone.
Leaf reaches across the table and gently covers his trembling hand with her smaller, steady one. Her nails are painted her favorite shade of green, but the polish is chipping. She has a bandage wrapped around one of her knuckles. When did that happen? And he wasn’t here to help her? Did Blue wash and dress it? Did he get her sweet smile and cute thanks?
(Did he press a kiss on top, and let his lips linger for just a moment too long?)
“What’s…?” Leaf tries to search his eyes, but he tears them away to stare steadfast at his fingers wrapped around his rapidly-cooling mug of coffee. She drops her voice to a whisper. “Red,” she says again, gently, and he shuts his eyes tight. There’s a lump in his throat he can’t get rid of. “What’s wrong? Are you worried about Blue? Because if he steps out of line, I promise you, I’ll beat his ass.”
But she shouldn’t have to do that, because Red is supposed to be the one to protect and take care of her; she’s his little sister. Actually, forget that – she shouldn’t have to do that, period, because she simply deserves better. Red would never step out of line, because Leaf deserves the world, and then some. “Are, um…” His words stick in his chest. “It...I mean, are we still…”
Leaf makes a sad little noise, one that sounds like an, oh. She squeezes his hand. “I’m not abandoning you, Red. We’ll still meet up and hang out, don’t worry. All the time.”
“You won’t be too...busy?”
“No, of course not. I’ll always make time for you.” She brings her hand up, still holding onto his, and brushes her knuckles against his cheek, wiping a tear away. She smells like lotion. Vanilla and rose petals – her favorite. He keeps her hand pressed to his face, relishing in her touch. “Is that what you’re so afraid of? That we won’t spend time together, anymore?”
He simply nods, because he can’t say much more than that, even though there is much more to be said, and Leaf hums softly, a little lilt of thoughtfulness. Her voice has always been musical; like Starly song, to his ears. Their hands fall to rest on the table again, still clasped. Her thumb rubs circles in the back of his. He tries to commit the feeling to memory, because it probably won’t be happening ever again, not now. All these little ministrations of affection will become reserved for Blue, and Blue alone.
“You don’t need to worry about that,” she says. “No one will ever replace you in my life. Especially not Blue. You know that.”
“You...promise?” He doesn’t know what he’d do if the answer isn’t yes.
But, to his relief, Leaf nods quickly and without hesitation, her bangs flopping in her face cutely. She gives him that sweet smile, the one he hopes is just for him, and no one else. “I promise,” she swears. “I promise. I mean, who else can I count on no matter what?”
No one.
Red manages a smile, and Leaf’s grows in return. Her lips curl up more, her eyes pinch in the corners, and she tilts her head just slightly to the side, the way it always does when she’s happy. She gives his hand one final squeeze before letting go. Tucking her hair behind her ear, she lifts her mug of sweet mocha to her lips, taking a few sips before placing it back on the table.
Red grabs a napkin, and wipes away the foam that got stuck on the tip of her button nose.
“Thanks, Reddie,” she says, and Red’s heart skips a beat. “Now, what were you saying about Galar? Your team?”
He nods, and she leans forward on the table, resting her elbows on top, and plants her chin on top of her laced fingers. She has stars in her eyes, just thinking about what sorts of Pokémon he caught on his trip. And as he tells her, she gets even more invested, interrupting him every so often with her enthusiastic questions about this or that.
Leaf asks all the questions he expects her to ask, because she always asks about certain things whenever he goes off to other regions. Her mind is just like his – curious, investigative, always searching for more. And, like always, she says, maybe next time, I’ll come with.
And Red, like always, answers, as genuinely and honestly as he can, I’d love that.
Maybe Leaf and Blue will break up. Maybe Blue will slip up. Maybe he’ll be the perfect boyfriend. Maybe Leaf will realize she doesn’t really like him that way. Maybe she’ll realize she’s always loved him. Maybe they’ll last forever. Maybe they’ll get married, or maybe they won’t. As long as she’s happy, Red can live with it.
It doesn’t matter that every time he thinks about it, he wants to rip his heart out of his chest.