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She spun the stem of the daisy between two fingertips.
“This is stupid,” Applejack muttered to herself, tempted to toss the daisy away. But she didn't. She just slumped further back into the tree whose shade she chose to shield her from the Summer sun.
This was the most free time Applejack had had all week. She had completed all her chores for the day, she had just taken the big exam the day before, the preparation for said exam had consumed most of her free time that week. Which left her with nothing to really do for the weekend.
She could go inside, read a book or take a well-deserved nap. But her head craved social interaction. She knew most of her friends were probably free and they'd all be down to do something.
But she, terribly, didn't want to hang out with just any of her friends.
She wanted to see her.
The girl who had been absent from all the gang's usual weekly hangouts because while Applejack may have had a busy week, Rarity's was even more packed.
Two exams scheduled for the same day, with a third right after the weekend, and she was attempting to craft a dozen designs to send to potential schools.
She had only managed to show up to one group hangout and she looked exhausted when she did. Applejack did her best to check in on her when she could, offering to buy her a coffee or carry some of her books on the way to her next class. Rarity accepted the help occasionally, other times declining with a tired yet appreciative smile.
Selfishly, Applejack craved for more. More attention and time that Rarity just didn't have.
Someone would have to be very stupid, which Applejack most certainly was nowhere close to stupid, to not figure out why the cowgirl was so desperate for Rarity's presence.
She liked her. Way too much, more than she should.
It was disrespectful to their friendship, to Rarity's kindness, for Applejack to have fallen for her. As much as Applejack prayed and wished that Rarity's long smiles and the flush in her cheeks when Applejack complimented her meant something more she knew Rarity deserved better.
Deserved so much better than a mess of a girl. She'd be too rough for someone as elegant and precise as Rarity. Another distraction, whose unprocessed grief and issues would bog down Rarity from the path of success and stardom she was so clearly destined for.
No, Applejack made a good friend, not a good girlfriend.
Yet she still made silly wishes before bed. Still cherished every blush and up-turned lip. Had the specific shade of blue in her irises burnt into her vision when she closed her eyes.
Which brought her back to the daisy. That silly notion that maybe, just maybe, she could have Rarity in that way. That maybe she should act on her feelings.
The notion was the fault of her father really. Ever since they found his old journal he filled out in his younger years, she had been combing through it like it was ancient scripture. Finding every detail and story he never got to tell her himself.
While she knew very well how he had asked her mother out, she wasn't aware that he had played a game of “She loves me, she loves me not” to determine whether he'd ask her out at all.
I admit I'm not brave enough to admit what I feel for her. Not on my own, at least. So I'll play a silly game, pick up a daisy and let luck decide whether I should risk it all and ask her. If it lands on she loves me, I go for it. If not, maybe another day. Call me odd for leaving it up to a flower, but I feel better knowing if some small part of the world has my back. Besides, I like my odds.
Her father, just like her, fallen hard for a girl and too scared to make a move. Not without some dumb game. One she was seriously considering partaking in. Somehow.
Because it worked out for her parents, her being here was a testament to that. So maybe she could follow in her father's footsteps. Let some small part of the world back her up. Or reaffirm how horrible of an idea it is.
She sighed, questioning her sanity one last time, before she pinned a petal between two fingers and yanked it off.
“She loves me.”
Then another.
“She loves me not.”
Then another and another.
The number of petals dwindled down further and further. She was getting closer and closer to the answer she dreaded the most.
“She–”
“Applejack?”
Just as she was about to pull the second to last petal, the voice stuck in her head at all times, sharp and polished as glass, broke the tranquility from behind her. Applejack snapped her head around, seeing Rarity in all her glory standing just a few feet away.
“Oh, I'm sorry, darling!” Rarity put a hand over her lips as she hid away an amused smile. “I didn't mean to scare you.”
“You didn't–” Applejack stopped herself, certain she wouldn't be able to explain away her reaction. Or the sudden change of color in her cheeks based on how warm her face felt.
“You're alright, sugar cube,” she muttered instead. Rarity stifled a giggle before stepping up to the cowgirl and taking a seat next to her. “What are you doing here, anyways? Don't you got an exam to study for?”
“I'll have you know I've studied plenty already and I have tomorrow to freshen up on the materials beforehand.”
“Your designs?”
“Mostly done too. I did most of the heavy-lifting during the school week so my weekend would be free.”
“Oh, so why are you here then?”
“To hang out with you, darling, why else?” Rarity shrugged off her question with a flippant wave. “I went to your house to ask about you coming along to go shopping and perhaps get some shakes at the diner. Your brother answered the door and told me you'd be out here, so… here I am.”
Rarity ended her answer with a nervous laugh, her hand rubbing the back of her neck. Applejack didn't respond, turning back to the flower perched between her fingers.
“So, are you gonna finish the game?”
Applejack shot back to see an expecting grin on Rarity's face.
“Oh please, darling, it wasn't like you were being quiet. You were playing on whether your crush likes you or not.”
Applejack felt her cheeks get much warmer. She pulled the rim of her hat down, turning away. Then Rarity put a hand on her knee and she felt like she could combust.
“Applejack, I don't mean to make fun of you.”
“I know you're not, but…” Applejack still kept her flushed face turned slightly away from Rarity.
“Wait,” Rarity's voice softened. “It's not just the game is it? You're doing what your father did.”
Applejack turned back to Rarity. She'd honestly forgotten she had told the girl about her father playing the same game and his own twist on it. Though she shouldn't be surprised, she told Rarity almost everything. The fact she remembered so quickly, because she had listened and cared enough to remember. She gave a slow nod to answer.
“Well, go on and finish the game. See whether or not you're gonna tell her.”
With that last bit of encouragement from Rarity, Applejack sighed and pulled off a petal.
“She loves me not.”
Then finally, the last petal was plucked away.
“She loves me.” She let the last petal float silently to the ground. She huffed, tossing the flower aside. Rarity clapped her hands together, face beaming with joy. Yet, Applejack swore she saw a bit of hesitancy in the edges of her face.
“Oooo, you gotta call her now!” Rarity squealed. Applejack's eyes widened with terror.
“No, I can't!”
Rarity’s smile faltered. She eyed the cowgirl up and down with disbelief.
“Why can't you? Wasn't the whole point to tell her how you feel if you end on ‘she loves me’?”
“Well, yeah, that's how my pa did it but… I don't think that's such a good idea.”
“It's a great idea, darling,” Rarity insisted, yet Applejack could still sense reluctance tugging at her. God, did Rarity know she was the cowgirl’s crush? Was she wanting Applejack to confess so she could let her down over a silly game, over something unserious.
No, Rarity wouldn't be so cruel. She was just being supportive, that was all.
“I'm certain whoever it is likes you too.”
“I really doubt that.”
“Oh, stop with that rubbish, Applejack.” Rarity scorned. “You're amazing and quite a charm to look at. I severely doubt that there isn't a line of people who'd love to be with you. Statistically, your crush is bound to be one of them.”
Applejack rolled her eyes. She hugged her knees to her chest, trying to shrink herself down. Like she could just disappear.
“I… it's not that simple.”
She felt a touch, feather-light, on her shoulder. She turned to see Rarity and her smile disarmed every wall she tried to build up.
“Then tell me why it's complicated. I know I'm coming off brash but… I just want to help you be happy, darling. So please, talk to me.”
She could tell her that holding her hand, seeing her smile first thing every day, calling her in the dead of night, and even now, the way she could read Applejack like an open book made her so happy and Rarity could make her even happier if she just loved the cowgirl the same way Applejack loved her.
But that wasn't realistic.
“She's a friend. A good friend. And I dou- I know she doesn't feel the same for me.” Applejack buried her head into her knees. “And even if she does, somehow, I'm not good enough to be a good girlfriend for her. She deserves perfection and I'm far from that.”
“Applejack…” Rarity's hand squeezed her shoulder. “Darling, look at me.”
Her hand slid under Applejack's chin and tilted her back up to face her. Applejack could feel the tears burning at the corner of her eyes.
“You're selling yourself so short, darling.”
Applejack closed her eyes, trying to will her tears away.
“Hmm,” Rarity hummed to herself, clearly dissatisfied that Applejack couldn't listen to her. Even though she really wanted to. Really wanted to believe.
“Alright then, if you won't listen to reason, then perhaps you'll listen to some small part of the world instead.”
“It's just a game, Rarity,” she tried to object, opening her eyes to see… a daisy. Held delicately in Rarity's hand.
“A game whose rules you should follow. Here, I'll show you.” Rarity plucked a petal off, making sure to draw out the motion before letting the petal fall to the ground.
“She loves me.”
“Rarity–”
“If I land on ‘she loves me’, I'll tell my crush how I feel. If I can play the game, then so can you.”
“You gotta…”
This was torture. Rarity had a crush and that damn flower could make everything so much worse. She might have to watch Rarity confess to another girl.
“She loves me not.”
“Rarity, please stop.”
“She loves me.”
Rarity just kept going, pulling each petal with measured grace, ignoring Applejack's desperation.
“She loves me not.”
“Rarity!”
Rarity's fingers pinched the last petal.
And pulled.
“She loves me.”
The petal fell slower than the others.
Applejack stared down at it. Like just looking at it would set it ablaze for what it had done. For what Rarity had done.
“Alright then, looks like I gotta tell her how I feel.”
“Rarity, you really don't have to.”
“You and I both know it's not just a game. You would never say something like that about your parents. So when I do this, I'm serious about it and you should be too.”
Rarity's voice was stern, starling Applejack back a bit. She huffed, giving up. Rarity won. She was gonna confess to some other girl, God, maybe even one of their friends. She couldn't possibly tell her about her feelings for her after that.
She could lie, say it was one of their other friends and then pray one of them would be willing to lie for Applejack and pretend to let her down easy.
“So, when are you gonna tell her?”
“Right now, darling.”
Oh God, she didn't even have time to prepare. She expected to see Rarity pull her phone out, dial up a number and she could get the one-sided confession. Hear her tell someone else how much she loved her. She turned her head away squeezing her eyes shut. Maybe Applejack could pretend for a second that she was talking to her.
“I love you.”
Yep, exactly like that. Except, she hadn't heard a phone ringing. She looked back up. There was no phone. Rarity was looking at her.
Directly at her.
“Sugar cube, what are you doing?”
“Confessing. Was I not clear enough?”
“Rarity–”
“I love you, Applejack.”
Applejack wondered if the world had flipped upside down for a second. Maybe her ears had blown out and she was hearing funny.
Because Rarity just said she loved her.
“Rarity, you…”
“Yes, I love you. Darling, I…” Rarity reached a hand out, only to hesitate. She slipped her hand back to the grass as she continued. “You're my dearest friend and I know that's how you've always seen me but I've always felt so much more.”
“Why did you never–”
“Say anything?” Rarity interrupted. “Because I didn't want to risk hurting our friendship. But… seeing you beat yourself up, think that you shouldn't open your heart to this girl you love. The only thing worse than keeping my feelings trapped inside is seeing you hide away yours because you think you're not good enough to be loved. So I'm telling you this so that maybe you can be brave enough to call the girl you love right now and tell her how you feel. So that you can know that I'm not just making things up when I say that you are someone that is loved.”
“Rarity, I–”
“Oh hush, darling. I don't mind that you don't feel the same. Really, I… I want you to be happy, that's all I care about. As your friend, as someone who loves you, please, call her. Don't wait any longer.”
Rarity's smile was filled with pain but also sincerity. She was really willing to do what Applejack feared. To watch the girl she loves confess her feelings to someone else.
Except, she didn't know…
Applejack smiled, letting her legs slide flat to the ground. She pulled her phone from her pocket, facing Rarity the whole time.
“Alright, I'll do it, Rarity. For you. For me.”
She dialed the number of her deepest love and hit the call button.
Everything stayed silent. For a bit too long.
“Is she not picking up?” Rarity inquired innocently, still doing her best to hide away any regrets. Applejack chuckled, putting her phone to the side.
“I'm sorry, I'm guessing you left your phone in your car.”
“What? My phone? Why–” Her eyes widened as Applejack brought her hand up to cup her cheek . Her mouth opened slowly, some semblance of words trying to get out. Applejack decided to speak up first.
“Rarity Belle.” She felt her heart rattle against her ribcage. “I love you.”
Applejack spoke the words she had feared to say for months with more ease than she ever imagined possible. But if Rarity was brave enough to say it, then so was she.
“Applejack…”
Rarity whispered her name like a prayer. Applejack kept her eyes locked with hers, not willing to look away ever again.
“Applejack,” Rarity uttered her name again, a hint of annoyance behind it this time. “If you're waiting for permission to kiss me, please, go ahead and kis–MMPH!”
Applejack sprung forward, colliding her lips against Rarity's with months of compressed emotion and desire behind it. Rarity was caught off guard only a moment before her composure returned, her lips pressing back. Her own hand found Applejack's waist, pulling her even closer. Applejack felt the girl's other hand around the back of her neck.
Rarity wanted to keep her there, probably forever. And Applejack would if it wasn't for the fact she had to breathe. She pushed Rarity's hand aside and pulled back, gasping for breath. She caught Rarity doing the same, the corners of her mouth uplifted in genuine glee as she sucked in deep breaths.
“I told you,” she huffed out.
“Told me what?” Applejack scoffed back.
“That whoever you had a crush on definitely liked you back, darling.”
“Huh, I guess you were right then, sugar cube.” Applejack swooped in and dropped a peck on Rarity's cheek, taking immense satisfaction in seeing her bright skin flush a deep cherry-red. That was until Rarity lunged forward, knocking Applejack onto her back, as she kissed her again. Deeper, messier than their first. She felt Rarity's tongue swipe over her lips before she retreated, hovering above the cowgirl with a smug grin.
“Now, as much as I would love to do that all day with you.” She stood up, extending a hand to the knocked-down Applejack. Applejack took it, being lifted onto her feet. “I still would like to go out today.”
“Still up for a hangout?”
“Oh, it's not a hangout anymore, darling,” Rarity corrected as she dusted off loose grass from Applejack's back. “It's a date.”
Now Applejack felt her face warm again.
“A date?”
“Is there a problem with that?” Rarity asked with both playful sarcasm and a tinge of genuine concern.
“No, not at all, sugar cube. I'd love to go on a date with ya.”
“Good, then come along. We have many things to do now that we're dating!”
“Are those things just the same things we always do but we just call each other our girlfriend.” Applejack shook her head.
“Exactly, darling!”
Applejack laughed, unsure if she had ever seen Rarity more excited and energetic in her life. She was nearly rivaling Pinkie Pie's level of energy.
She followed her girlfriend, God, what a delight to call Rarity that, back to her car. They passed their house along the way, Big Mac catching them from the window. At that point, Applejack laced her hand around Rarity's, giving a quick nod to Big Mac. Her brother smiled knowingly and waved from behind the window.
As she got into Rarity's car, she brought her hand to rest on the girl's thigh as she began to drive. Rarity seemed to struggle to keep her eyes on the road, always wanting to stare at the cowgirl with that azure intensity.
Applejack tried to stop smiling but it was an impossibility. She had been so wrong today and Rarity was right.
Her father was right.
Some small part of the world really did have her back.