Work Text:
It was the fourth-and-a-half round of Daisy Bell in a single morning that finally pushed Zooble out of their room. They knew they were just giving Caine what he wanted or, worse, training him to expect his awful luring tactic to work. But he had been steadily increasing his volume and vibrato with each repeat to a point that could drive even a strong-willed person to the brink of abstraction. Whatever adventure, whatever torture he had concocted was probably preferable. Even when they did drag themself out of bed, he couldn't hear them stirring to pick out parts for the day over his belting. "God, Caine, I'm coming!"
He did stop, but they swore they heard a record scratch muffled by the door. The silence lasted an uncomfortable moment before he squeaked, "Really?"
Zooble ambled to the door and popped in their left hand before cautiously twisting the knob with it. The ringmaster's eyes, unsettlingly huge, were lined up vertically in the crack of the door, not breaking eye contact with Zooble as they recoiled.
"Zooble! Just the space octopus we're all waiting for!" His eyes zipped back into his mouth, which was floating ominously with the rest of his body away from the door. "Come on, you're just in time for adventure!"
"Great." They followed him back to the main room, where, in fact, not all of them were waiting. Pomni sat on the edge of a couch, silently staring at Bubble, who appeared to be sinking through the floor. Gangle was showing a page of her sketchbook to Kinger, who was making positive yet seemingly unrelated remarks that she patiently nodded through. She glanced over at Zooble, greeting them with a wave and a bashful smile. Kinger followed suit.
"Zoobie! There you are," Jax smirked, striding in out of nowhere. "I could hear Caine serenading you from the other side of the circus."
"Of course you could." They turned up to Caine, who was scanning the room from above, eyes squinted so tightly in focus it was comical. "Seriously, why do you do that? Do you really think it's encouraging to me? It's just annoying. To everyone."
He didn't seem to even register that they were talking. "Where's Ragatha?"
"In her room?" Pomni guessed. "She's probably awake, since, you know, the singing…"
"Hm, maybe not. Hey Caine, you should do it again just to be sure!"
"Jax, I swear to god-" Snap. Ragatha zipped in from out of her room, dropping right next to Pomni with a groan. She briefly glanced over, away from Bubble, which gave him enough time to disappear entirely. Aside from the groans, Ragatha looked like she hadn't gotten any sleep, despite not needing it.
"Hey, uh, you good?" she asked.
"Huh? Oh, yeah, sorry. My door was still closed, so I slammed straight into it when I got pulled out, that's all," she said sheepishly. She wiped her face with her hand and put on a smile.
"Really? I mean, you look kinda-"
"Aaaaaalright, adventurers! Who's ready for adventurer-ing?" Not a peep.
"Today, be sure to bring your fireproof armor and extra hair, because you're partaking in a fairy tale! An evil witch with a grudge has locked an innocent princess into a dragon-guarded tower for some reason, and a brave knight will need to rescue her and bring her back to her father! Will there be blood? Death? Romance…? I don't know, I didn't write it! Ha!"
Bubble whispered out, "Plagiarism," from wherever he was.
Zooble had already made up their mind before the spiel was over. "Alright, have fun LARPing. See you all later." They began to sit up.
"Zooble! Wait!" Caine almost shrieked. "Don't you want to at least stay for role casting?"
The answer was no. Plainly, solidly, no. But something about the way Caine asked it seemed almost sinister, like there was a twist he was itching to unveil. They sat back down.
"Kinger, you'll be the king!" he declared, spinning his cane and pointing it at him. A small, plasticky gold crown plopped on his head with a cartoony puff of pink smoke.
"I've never been royalty before," he mused, adjusting it.
"Pomni, you'll be the fearsome dragon! Your job is to burn the knight to a crisp when they get to the tower!" Before she could question it, she was wearing a dragon-head hat, tail, and wings, all of which looked like they came from the clearance rack of a dying Halloween store. "They work, too," he added when she poked at the wings hanging off her arms.
"Ragatha, you're the evil witch!"
"What?!" One poof later, she had the getup of a stereotypical fairy tale witch. The hat was so big it swallowed her head, and she had to pull it back to protest further. "Why me? Why am I the evil one?"
"It's completely arbitrary, my fishy friend! You command the dragon from the tower, where you will torment the princess! Speaking of which…"
For a brief moment, he glanced at Zooble with an unreadable expression. "Gangle! You get to be the damsel in distress!"
"What?" both of them exclaimed, though the newly appointed princess said it with a trace of excitement. A full period inaccurate ball gown appeared around her, complete with a hoop skirt, petticoat, and light blue satin that almost didn't look as cheap as the others' costumes at a first glance. She gently swiveled to one side and watched the fabric swish, and Zooble noticed the color matched the tears on her tragedy mask. She looked adorable.
"And, last but not least, the honorable knight who needs to rescue her!"
A quick check at who was left was all it took for dread to sweep away any newfound positivity from either of them.
"Jax," he announced. "Your task is to get Gangle out of the tower and back to her kingdom as quickly as possible! And try to keep her in one piece."
His grin widened. "Sure thing, boss." His costume came with a chain mail hood and a sheathed sword fastened to the belt.
"And that's everyone who agreed to go on the adventure today," Caine said, conjuring a portal. "Any last questions?"
"I really don't want to torment anyone, I don't understand why I-"
"How am I supposed to fly exactly-"
"You didn't receive usage rights from the copyright holder-"
"No, thank you-"
"None? Good! Have fun!" And with another snap, it was just Caine and Zooble.
"Are you kidding me? You're making Jax of all people save her?" He just stared at them. Then, a horrible realization struck.
"This is a set-up, isn't it!"
"I did set up this adventure, yes."
"You just put her in danger to make me come along, didn't you!? What the [BOINK!], Caine!"
"Well, the adventure's already started, so there's no way to rearrange roles. You could join in, of course…"
"You know what? Fine! FINE! But when I get back…"
"Wahoo! Congratulations on being a team player, Zooble! You get to be the noble steed!"
And suddenly, they were standing in a vaguely medieval European town, holding a piece of paper, wearing what they could only assume were a horse hat and tail crafted just as carefully as everyone else's costumes.
Jax was already next to them. "Oh, you're here after all." He smiled again. That smile drove them crazy. "What gives?"
Before they could give an answer, for better or for worse, he noticed the sad brown clump lying on their head.
"He made you the horse!?" he howled with laughter.
"Don't even start. I'm not gonna be your horse," they snapped back. They reached up to yank off the terrible hat.
Nothing happened.
"What the-!"
It wouldn't slide off. It wouldn't even pop off, like one of the Zooble Parts. It was just fixed to the top of their head, and it showed no signs of budging. Jax kept laughing at them, harder and harder.
"Man, this is too good." He wiped a tear from his eye. It couldn't have been that funny, they thought, but it also absolutely was. At least to Jax.
He had seemingly been given his own paper, which he crumpled up and tossed behind him as he started down the street. Zooble went to check their own, but a gust of wind tore it away from them before they had gotten past even the first sentence.
"C'mon, horsey, the king's waiting for us!"
The castle wasn't very hard to spot. The town they had spawned into seemed to be just a single street with a castle on one end and a road leading through a field on the other. It was lined with doorless buildings, market stalls, and mannequin NPCs with funny hats. Again with the funny hats. The scenery was physically full, yes, but the more Zooble thought about it, the less things of substance there actually were. Every few buildings, there were giant, obvious signs depicting Caine, more cartoony than usual, pointing aggressively in the direction they were headed. "Don't be crass(le), go to the castle!" they read.
Reaching the king took even less time than they expected, so much so that the length of the journey from the entrance to the throne room totaled less than half a minute. Between Kinger and the throne was a pastel pillow from his fort. His hands were politely intertwined around something, and a mannequin stood next to him, occasionally offering single grapes. His eyes were distant, and he seemed to not even notice the slight cavalry standing in front of him. Jax cleared his throat. "HARK!"
Kinger shouted. Zooble nearly did. The gaggle of mannequins simultaneously stopped in place, a couple falling over.
"Thy majesty, we hath heard of the unfortunate situation of thy daughter," he began, bowing, in a British accent that was somehow not terrible. "We doth intend to return her, if thee could offer us information about her whereabouts."
"Oh, yes," Kinger chirped, reaching next to him for his own paper and dropping several grapes in the process. He scanned one side, flipped it around, scanned the other, flipped it…
"What does it say?"
"Zip it, horses can't talk."
"She's been locked in a tower to the west by a witch who hates me because-"
Jax whipped around immediately. "West, yep, that's where the path leads. See ya."
Zooble sighed. "We'll get her back soon. And safe. Promise." They were reassuring themself just as much as Kinger.
"Thank thee, o brave horse. Safe travels-eth." He saluted to them, dropping the document he was holding, and they awkwardly bowed in return. They turned to leave, but looked back before walking out.
"Wait, what are you supposed to do while we're gone?"
"Why, I don't know! Let me check." He bent down and looked over the paper. Again.
"Let's get a move on, steed!" Jax yelled up from the entrance. His voice was perfectly clear, more evidence of the castle's pathetic scale.
"I'm just supposed to eat grapes, I think," the king finally answered.
"Cool. Have fun with that."
"Oh, and… Ah, they're already gone."
The tower was exactly as small and empty as it needed to be to feel like a prison. Even still, maybe thanks to the window carved out of the stone wall, or the crisp breeze whistling past it, Gangle found it hard to feel trapped. The blank walls and the lone bed briefly reminded her of her first apartment. The only other person in the room was Ragatha. She smiled, wider when she realized she still had her comedy mask on.
"Hi," she waved. "I guess we're roommates today?"
She looked dazed for a moment before she shook it off and waved back. "Hey, Gangle."
"Are… are you ok?"
"Yeah, but… I don't want to be mean to you, is all." She sat down on the floor and smoothed her skirt.
"That's fine. I wasn't expecting you to be." Gangle wandered around the room, stretching her ribbon body up slightly to prevent the dress from dragging on the ground. It didn't take too long to make a full sweep. She found a door that led to nothing and a spot next to it dotted with a white and gray checkerboard pattern, which filled her with the unmistakable urge to draw. She usually had a pencil on her, and conveniently, Ragatha had a piece of paper in her hands. "Hey, could I have that when you're done reading it?"
Her gaze fell to the floor. "I think you'd rather not see it… Caine put in an entire paragraph of things for me to insult you with," she said, forcing a laugh, like it was one of the wackier things he had done.
"What kind of insults? Like, what does it say?"
She looked, glanced, over it again before settling on one. "You— she— 'looks like an underdeveloped cat fetus that barely survived a pasta machine.'"
Gangle surprised them both by laughing. "That's just silly."
"It's more the intent behind it that bothers me. And they get worse."
"Oh." She sat down on the bed, briefly struck with boredom. Ragatha continued.
"I just— I don't know why he's trying to make me bully you. First the stupid sauce thing, now this! I want to be there for you, I really do, but… I just keep messing up. I'm sorry." When she saw Gangle looking at her blankly, she jolted back up and started pulling on a strand of her hair. "I'm sorry! I don't need to- you don't need to listen to me complain, I'll stop talking, I…"
"Ragatha! It's ok."
"Huh?"
She moved closer and fidgeted in place. "I know you mean well. You don't have to be perfect to me all the time. Your support means a lot, but… I don't have to only rely on you, you know? I have Zooble. Pomni's helped me too, even! You can, uh… lay off a little. I'll be fine. And you also don't need to avoid me. I'm happy to just be your regular friend."
Ragatha looked at her. Then she smiled. "You're in a good mood today, aren't you?"
"Yeah. I guess I am!" It was a simple fact, and pointing it out only seemed to heighten it. She didn't know why, but it made her want to daydream out the window.
"…Thank you, Gangle," Ragatha finally said.
"Of course."
The window was big enough that she didn't need to lean over the ledge: she could sit on it. It didn't cross her mind that it could have been a bad idea. In that moment, she just felt like a wistful princess. Her skirt got in the way, but she managed to nestle herself into the corner of the window. The air felt amazing.
Ragatha asked, "Hey, is Pomni down there? She's supposed to be around here somewhere…"
She looked down and saw the jester, flimsy wings flailing in all directions. If she listened closely, she could hear her grunting. "Pomni?"
Pomni looked up. The wind piped up.
Gangle looked down. Suddenly, her comedy mask was falling down.
Pomni jumped up to save it. At last, she caught air, and with a flap of her wings, she was flying. In her surprise, she missed the mask. It smashed on the ground.
Suddenly, Gangle was trapped in a cramped, sad, empty room thirty feet off the ground, by an AI ringmaster who was able to come up with an entire paragraph of insults for her, the only potential ways out a tiny dragon who couldn't fly and her recently knighted relentless tormentor, should he choose to actually follow the story. Which he probably was not going to do.
Suddenly, she just wanted to curl up in a ball and cry.
Zooble couldn't be bothered to talk to Jax as they journeyed through the valley. They were there for one reason and one reason only, and arguing with Jax would only make their mission take longer. He did still prod them a couple times, but he gave up when he realized they weren't going to bite back.
The silence gave them plenty of room to think about Gangle. It could have been worse, they eventually realized. Ragatha won't do anything mean, and Pomni's just supposed to fight Jax. That'll be interesting to watch. Still, couldn't he have been the king? That way, he'd at least be out of the way. Then again, Jax in any sort of position of power…
Their thoughts were interrupted by a lone blank cube in the middle of the road. The second their foot—hoof? Of course the leg they grabbed that morning came with a hoof—made contact with it, it bounced and twitched wildly before flinging itself in one direction and Zooble in the other.
"What was that about?" Jax asked.
"I don't know. It was just there," they groaned as they dragged themself back up. "I'm getting the impression he didn't think this adventure out at all."
"Hey, you're right. Why don't we find some half-finished model or something to mess with? That'll be fun."
"No, thank you. If the adventure's short by design, why would I want to make it longer?"
"You're boring. This would have better if you weren't here." He crossed his arms behind his head. "Why are you here, anyway?"
"Because I don't trust you to rescue Gangle. That's it."
"Seriously? Come on, we're friends! She'd be fine. Besides, when did the two of you get so chummy?"
"No, she wouldn't be."
Jax scoffed. Something in Zooble snapped.
"You think I don't notice you terrorizing her? Every chance you get to make her feel small and worthless, you take it. Every time she's happy about something, if you can rip it away from her, you do. Stop telling yourself she likes you. She's terrified of you."
They kept walking. Jax stopped.
"You don't know that. You don't know anything about us." They turned around. "You've only cared about her for what, a week?"
"You never cared about her and you know it."
He was seething. Hurt. Somehow, happy. He settled on that. He grinned.
"Because you're just the pinnacle of caring," he muttered, almost smugly. They didn't respond.
Gangle found herself pushing her pencil in circles against the floorboards until the tip snapped. She hoped in vain that eventually an idea, any idea would take form instead of another ellipse. Alas, her mind was too busy agonizing over the idea of being rescued by Jax to be particularly creative. If everything went how it was supposed to, she'd have to go all the way back to the castle town with him. Alone.
Maybe he'd insist on going on some long, drawn-out side quest and ditch her in the middle of the woods. Maybe he'd complain about her walking too slow and drag her all the way there. He'd definitely hold her rescue against her, even back at the circus. At least she didn't have to worry about awkward silence. He'd absolutely spend every other sentence, at least, talking about her, mocking her: for being a loser, for having already broken her mask before any actual fighting had happened, for getting cast as the damsel in distress because it's not like she's capable of doing anything on her own, anyway—
Thwack.
It had taken ages, but Pomni had finally managed to fly up to the window. She didn't quite make it through the window; at least, not gracefully. All the (mostly failed) attempts at flying had left her arms feeling like noodles, but she slammed her hands on the ledge and hoisted herself up with all her might. Luckily, Ragatha noticed her and pulled her in the rest of the way with Gangle's help. As soon as she was in, she collapsed and heaved out what little breath she hadn't lost yet, alongside a few sparks that startled her back up.
"Are you ok?" Ragatha asked.
She coughed. "…why didn't he tell me how to fly? Why doesn't the stupid information sheet say anything about how to fly? Why did he make flying this hard in the first place?"
"I think he just didn't plan this adventure out very well." Gangle eyed the textureless spot on the wall. She had attempted to scribble over it, but the graphite hadn't stuck.
"You can say that again," Ragatha muttered. "Anyway, since we're all up here now, do you guys wanna do something while we wait for Jax to get here?"
The princess shrunk into herself. Pomni was still winded. Neither responded at first, but eventually the latter tried, "Charades?"
"What happens if you guys beat him?" Gangle wondered out loud.
"I don't know. I get the feeling that Caine doesn't either."
"I guess we'll see, right? I don't exactly trust my dragoning skills to be able to do it, though…"
"We can try! I'm supposed to command you, so I'll help as much as I can." Suddenly, she became aware of the good-guys-side member in the room with them. "Oh, I'm sorry! It's probably weird to talk about stopping you from getting saved while you're still here, isn't it?"
"It's fine. I think I'd maybe prefer it if you did win, actually."
The villains glanced at each other. "It's because of Jax, isn't it?" Ragatha asked. She slowly nodded.
"Well, we'll try our best, then," Pomni promised.
Despite how slow time seemed to get after the argument, they eventually made it to a bridge, and quickly, no less. A giant, walleyed troll stood in the middle of it, overly detailed water gurgled under it, and the tower rested just beyond the forest behind it. They got closer and closer to the troll, but it just stood there. Zooble was starting to think it was a statue before Jax finally reached out and poked it.
"Hey, I'm standin' here!" it barked with a forced New York accent. That was it.
"Um, can you let us through? We're trying to rescue a princess here," they shouted, to no avail.
"Move it, dirtface!" Jax poked it again, and it stirred back to life.
"To get past me, you gotta solve my riddles three! Number one:"
Jax tapped it a third time, but it only managed a single "what".
"Ugh, this is gonna take forever!" he groaned.
Zooble sighed. "Do we have to shake it?"
Somehow, that reminded him of something. "One sec," he muttered, and he ran off in the other direction.
"Hey! Where the hell are you going?"
They went to follow him, and ended up meeting him on top of a small hill. Jax was holding the box from earlier. "Jeez, relax! I had an idea. I forgot you think I'm an untrustable monster."
"Jax, that's not-"
"Hold on, I think I can see him from here." He lifted the box, aimed, and threw it directly at the troll at full force. Just as before, the models clipped together and scrambled into each other before the troll flew straight into the lagging stream.
"That actually worked?"
"See? You should trust me more often, Zoobie."
"Forget I said anything."
The villains spent the rest of their downtime prepping for the fight. Pomni decided against burning more energy on flying practice, but she did work on breathing fire out the window. Ragatha pored over the document she spawned in with, specifically the ideas for dragon commands it listed.
"'Pull up and taxi north'? 'Move stage left and do donuts'? What is this?"
"I think you can just ignore those," she responded. "What else does it say?"
"There's a few taunts, but they aren't exactly coherent, either. Even if they were, I don't think I'd use any of them."
"I mean, since you're playing a villain, you might as well," she shrugged.
"I know. I just don't really want to resort to petty insults. It feels too low."
"You could try cackling at him?" Gangle suggested.
She opened her mouth and let out an evil laugh so sad, it came off more like an evil cry. "Oh, that was awful."
Pomni thought for a moment. "How about… remember the softball adventure from a couple days ago?" She nodded. "Channel evil Ragatha."
She considered it, inhaled, and, surprising everyone, released a perfect broomstick-riding, black-cat-owning, pointy-hat-wearing witch cackle. A second passed, the shock wore off, and she earned two thumbs up from Pomni.
Then, right on cue, a voice rang into the room. "Hey, witch! Where's your dragon? We're gonna steal your princess!"
Wait. We?
The three of them crowded into the window. There, standing next to a particularly smug-looking Jax was a particularly pissed-looking Zooble. Gangle felt her face light up. For just a moment, she felt like a normal fairy tale princess looking at her knight in shining armor. Except, she realized after a second, she was looking at the horse.
"Alright, let's go. Ragatha, do the laugh thing again!" Pomni nearly jumped out the window, noticed how much distance was between her and the ground, and climbed down slightly before jumping into wobbly flight. Ragatha cackled again, but her voice shook just a little more than the first time.
"You'll never save her, you, uh, awful knight!" She felt pathetic. Jax smirked.
He drew his sword, disappointed to discover it was made of foam. It was then that Zooble realized they didn't have anything to fight with. Whatever. That's not what I'm trying to do here, anyway.
Pomni descended to just above Jax's head before she gave up and landed. She looked around, briefly thrown off by Zooble's presence. "Come on, dragon, you gonna burn me alive or something?"
"Oh, yeah!" She took a deep breath and spewed out a stream of flames. Jax himself was just out of range, but by the time the stream fizzled to a sputter, half of his sword was missing.
"Well, shoot." He looked over the newly created shortsword, saw that the edge was still on fire and tossed it to the ground. "Guess I'll just have to beat you up, then!"
For a second, Zooble was so happy to see Gangle that they forgot about the tall order that very literally stood in front of them. The moment of relief was nice, but it didn't give them any clue of how to get into the tower. The window looked like the only opening, but climbing thirty feet of bricks directly in front of a dragon just seemed like a great way to get scorched. They darted around a couple times, trying to find a way up past the fist-and-fire fight, when they saw Gangle looking back into the room before pointing wildly in the same direction. When the other three seemed sufficiently distracted, they snuck around to the other side. Right at the same height as the window, a cartoony medieval door swung open.
It really had no reason to be there, Gangle thought, since it didn't go to anything, and the plot only really called for one opening to the tower. A lone stair poked out from the bottom, so maybe it used to lead to a full staircase. Either way, it definitely was convenient. "Do you think you can climb up?" she called down.
It only took a couple attempts for them to come to a verdict. "Doubt it. Is there anything in there that could be useful?"
"We have one bed, one piece of paper and one pencil. With a broken tip."
"Great." So they were still at square one.
"The bed has a blanket, maybe I could rip it up and tie it into a rope?"
"You can try?" She nodded and went back inside, but came out only a few seconds later.
"Never mind, it's basically plastic."
"I could try to get that cube back and launch myself— wait, no, I don't want to do that." Gangle just looked confused. "I'll tell you on the way back."
A cackle from the other side of the tower, loud, clear, and evil, broke through their brainstorming session. "Wait a second, was that Ragatha?"
"Yeah, it was," Gangle answered, and she felt herself swell with pride a little. "It was my suggestion. Pomni helped her."
While they racked their mind for a solution, Gangle suddenly had an idea. Not just an idea, but the face of someone who just realized the perfect solution had been right in front of them the entire time. She kneeled, slipped her arm through the tiny gap between the stair and the wall, wrapped it around and kicked off.
"Hang on, you're not jumping, are you?" Zooble shouted in disbelief. Instinctively, they jumped closer to the wall, arms outstretched, prepared to catch the princess.
She didn't jump. Instead, the helix of her torso stretched out and reached down until she was just about her own height above the ground. It was a little horrifying, but mesmerizing at the same time. Once she was sure she couldn't go any further, she called out a warning and let go of the stair. Zooble reached to catch her; it was like trying to catch a loose ribbon, because it sort of was, but they managed. Just as they carefully set her back down, her body sprang back to form, jerking her head back and forth in the process.
"You ok?"
"Yeah, just a little dizzy. I didn't exactly think of that being a possibility…" She clutched her mask for a moment to stabilize it and shut her eyes. "That didn't look too weird, did it?"
"Uh… yeah, a little," they admitted. "Don't worry. It was actually pretty cool."
The first thing she saw when she opened them again was Zooble smiling at the ground next to them softly. Maybe even shyly— for them, at least. And then their gaze shifted to her. All of a sudden, she wanted to bury her face in her arms. "You didn't even need my help, did you?"
"Huh? I-I mean, you still had to catch me!"
"Fair," they shrugged. They backed themself against the wall and started slinking around to the front to survey the battlefield.
"Besides, I… kinda just like being around you," she couldn't stop herself from adding. Their eyes widened. And nearly got singed. A blast of fire missed them by a hair, and they jumped back.
"We should probably think about making a run for it."
Gangle stepped forward and poked her head over them to get a look for herself. "Ragatha probably won't say anything if she sees us. I think she feels bad for me."
"So, we just have to watch for Jax and Pomni?" She nodded. "Guess we won't have to wait too much longer, then. They seem really into it for some reason."
A few moments later, the battle shouts that the tower had been muffling started to slip out from the other side. They gently pulled on her hand. "Alright, let's go!"
And they made a break for it. Ragatha caught a glimpse of them, but just as suspected, she just smiled and waved them out. Gangle had to take smaller, lighter steps on account of the hoop skirt, but the dragon was still facing away from them, even when the duel migrated back to the front. Jax, on the other hand, wasn't, and he saw them. Right before they could disappear into the woods. And of course, he couldn't help but open his huge mouth.
"Hey, Zooble! Where are you going? Aren't we supposed to be a team?"
And then, all three enemy eyes were on them. "[BOINK!]."
Pomni took one look at Ragatha, one look at them, and one last look at Jax before she shoved him aside and took off at the others.
The forest definitely looked denser from afar, but there were enough clusters of trees and rocks scattered around to create a significant amount of crashing and tripping hazards, doubly so for a toybox thing with only one actual foot and a spiral of ribbons wearing a ball gown. Still, they weren't completely unmatched with Pomni, whose flying stamina had improved but agility had not. By the time the newly troll-less troll bridge was in their sights, they still were a ways ahead of her, but their lead was dwindling.
"Hold on, I need— I need a second," Gangle wheezed.
"Can it wait for Pomni to get stuck in a tree or something?" Zooble shot back. They glanced back over their shoulder, only to slow down themself a second later. "She's slowing down, actually. Never mind."
They stayed at a jogging pace, but Gangle fell to a walk before coming to a halt. She grabbed a low hanging branch to hold herself up, only to let go immediately when it had the same texture as a microfiber towel. It was when she looked at it closer to investigate that she noticed something pressed against the tree: a piece of paper, just like the ones everyone else had been given.
"Hey, um, is this yours?"
Zooble had gotten a few meters in front of her, but they swiftly circled back when they realized. "Sorry, I forgot about the dress—"
It was, in fact, theirs, carried back to them by the wind by complete happenstance. With the ambience of flapping wings pounding behind them, they read it. At last, they learned what magical horse ability they got that Caine didn't tell them about. Probably, that Caine didn't want to tell them about, knowing it would raise their outrage at him even more. God, they were so close to being able to explode on him. They were so close to the end. They just had to do something incredibly stupid first.
They sighed. It wouldn't be the first time.
"Jax still isn't anywhere near us, right?" Gangle nodded.
And so, out of the woods burst a princess on the back of a pink and yellow horse with the brain of a human, closely followed by a tiny fire breathing jester in a dragon costume.
They galloped across the bridge, no time to stop and look at the troll bobbing down the river. Gangle, whose arms desperately wrapped around them, did see it, but the image barely sunk in over the euphoria of what she imagined flying felt like. Pomni, the actual flying one, nearly fell out of the sky when she saw what was happening with her targets, but she caught up quickly. The journey through the field zipped by, but the pressure of being chased made each second excruciating, even though it was just Pomni.
"Why the hell is she so serious about chasing us?"
"I guess she just got riled up or something?"
The whole way, she kept lurching forward, diving for them and falling back, occasionally sending jets of fire their way and laughing like it was the most fun she'd had in years. Zooble barely registered they were getting anywhere close to the end until they heard the clomp of hoof against cobblestone instead of dirt. All of their adrenaline turned to plain relief in an instant.
As a fun horse bonus, they didn't need to turn their head at all to see Pomni get a net swung over her head the second she crossed into the town. They couldn't be sure, but they thought they saw a wave of self awareness wash over her face, too. She looked slightly horrified. Then again, she usually did.
Even though she hadn't been the one running, Gangle took a moment after dismounting to catch her breath. "That was amazing! Definitely weird, but…" She trailed off and shook her head.
"Good to know. Hey, could you…?"
Echoing what they had done with the hat to transform in the first place, she lightly tapped them on the nose. Poof— back to normal, though disoriented by the disappearance of half their legs and field of vision.
The blare of a trumpet brought them back. A procession of royal mannequins marched down the street and surrounded them as the rest of the town erupted in applause all at once. From behind the crowd, Kinger shimmied to the action through a storm of confetti.
"You're back! My daughter is saved!" he cheered so proudly that Gangle almost forgot they weren't related. She didn't think twice when he went in for a hug, even though it didn't have the normal comforting effect with his lack of arms.
When he pulled away, he saw Pomni being herded away to the castle. Her eyes bounced in every direction before landing on Gangle and Zooble. "I am so sorry, I don't know why I was chasing you guys so aggressively, I don't know what got into me—"
"And you captured the dragon, too!" he remarked. He whispered a quick "good job" to her to soften her mortified expression. Then he turned to the same mannequin that had been holding the grapes earlier. "Looks like we don't need to declare that war, then!"
"What."
The same mannequin handed him something, and he spun back to Zooble. "For your bravery, here's two keys to the city, for you and your horse!" They looked like they were designed for babies to chew on, with the addition of Caine's face molded into the tops."Were there two of you?"
"We sort of… left the other one behind…" they admitted, tucking a hand behind their head.
"Hm. Oh well," he shrugged. He handed the extra to Pomni, who was still netted.
Soon, the confetti settled and the trumpeters finished the loop they had been playing. "Is it over?" Gangle asked, to no one in particular. Sure enough, a portal popped open in front of them.
"I feel bad leaving Jax and Ragatha at the tower," Pomni admitted, crouching to escape the NPC that had caught her.
"I get it, but we don't really have time to go all the way back there. Besides, shouldn't Caine be able to just bring them back?" Zooble responded. "Let's just go."
"Hmm…"
His opponent was relentless. Every plan he had pulled had been thrown back at him. Every scheme he had planted had been dug up, chewed and swallowed. Even the plays that did work only seemed to make his foe stronger. He had tried everything he knew how to try, and he felt his artificial mind spinning to come up with just one more thing, anything that could possibly help him get unstuck. The answer was in his hand somewhere, and he just had to find it.
Finally, he slammed down a card on the table. Specifically, a flashcard depicting a bee with an arrow highlighting its thorax. "Go fish, Bubble!"
Before Bubble could pick up a card—or just mess up the table, which was always a possibility—, a portal appeared below their floating coffee table and dispensed the adventurers. Their costumes had disappeared somewhere in between each end, much to Zooble's delight.
Caine practically threw his cards behind him. "Welcome back, my delicious little butter cakes! How was it?" Before any of them could answer, honestly or otherwise, he noticed a problem. "Wait a second! You're missing some! Bubble?"
Bubble didn't even touch the portal. He parked himself just next to it and stuck his tongue through. A minute later, he floated back and pulled out a very confused Ragatha and a very disturbed Jax. "Fishing gone!"
Zooble got straight to the point. "So, you put Gangle in danger just to make me go on a stupid adventure?"
"Now, hold on," Caine sputtered. "I don't know what you're talking about! I promise you, everyone had a perfectly equal chance of being put in danger! Like I said, the roles were picked completely at random while I was giving them out!"
"Everyone? So Kinger being the king was just a funny coincidence, then?"
He looked to one side, then the other. "Yes?"
"Wait a second," Ragatha thought and said at the same time. "If you were picking in the moment, how come my information sheet had my name on it?"
"All that time, I was worried, and… was I really just bait?" Gangle almost whimpered.
"OK, well," Caine started. And then he immediately stopped. "Come on, you at least had a little fun, right?"
Crickets. Rather, one cricket, which Bubble promptly ate.
Ragatha just shook her head.
Jax was the first to speak. "Unfortunately, I got stuck with a traveling buddy who hates the stuff. I did get to beat the crap out of Pomni, though, so I guess it wasn't all bad."
"You were about to lose and you know it," she snapped, but returned a tiny, smug smile.
"It was fine when they showed up, but…" Gangle added, motioning to Zooble. Then she shook her head, somewhere between a "no" and a shudder.
Caine turned to them, eyes huge, wet, and pathetic. The anger on their face stayed rock solid.
"Forget it. I'm going to my room. Don't you dare start singing again."
It was the second knock that cued to Zooble who was actually at the door. They were painting aimlessly on the face of a block. "Door's unlocked."
Just as they suspected, it was Gangle. "Hi, um…"
They set down their work and turned to her. "You can sit down, if you want." She did, on the bench at the foot of their bed.
"I just wanted to say, thanks for going on the adventure for me. I know it sucked, but… it means a lot."
"Don't worry about it. I'm still pissed that Caine tricked me into going, but I think I would have regretted staying back. I just don't want to see Jax hurt you any more than he already has." She gently smiled. When she didn't say anything else, they picked up a round brush and got back to painting.
"Anyway, that was it. Thank you for rescuing me, Zooble."
"Hey, that was still pretty much all you!"
She paused. "I'm not just talking about the adventure today." Their face softened. They stopped again, to give her their full attention.
"After Kaufmo stopped talking to me, or anyone, really, I started feeling… really alone. Ragatha was nice to me, but she never really helped. Kinger is, well, Kinger. And Jax is Jax. So since you started talking to me… It's been really nice."
"That makes me happy to hear." They put their things back a second time, got up from their spot on the floor and sat down next to her. There wasn't as much space between them as they were expecting, but they didn't really mind. "I'm glad we've gotten to know each other more. Things have been better for me, too. Just in general." They glanced around the room, catching their reflection in the mirror for a moment, but without the usual sharp feeling of wrongness that came with it. "I guess it's just nice to have something new to be happy about. Friendship, what a concept!"
She laughed, and her eyes fell to a stain on their hand. "Is that paint?"
"Oh, yeah. I asked Caine for it a couple weeks ago while you all were on an adventure. He kind of gives me whatever I ask for now. One of the only perks of being Caine's obsession."
"Could you maybe ask him for my dress from today?" They both laughed at that.
"We'll see. I'm sort of trying to avoid him, but god knows that never lasts."
"Well, in the meantime, could I paint with you? I'm a little rusty, but I think it would be fun to try!"
"Sure," they nodded as they came to their feet. They had given up on the hoof. "Go grab some paper or something. I'll get you started." Gangle practically skipped to her room.
As they squirted paint onto a flat arm piece they never planned to use, they looked at their own doodle again. It was almost abstract, really, but in that moment, they realized what it actually was that they had pulled out of their subconscious. A horse. God damn it.